Tweety00 Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 (edited) I'm (21) so confused and bewildered after a break up with my boyfriend (27) of nearly a year. He broke up with me yesterday after an argument. The story behind the argument infuriates me even more. Kind of long but please read. It started with last week when my boyfriend asked could he borrow money from me. I'm a poor college student so I needed the money back Sunday evening for Monday to travel to college. It was only a small sum of money so I agreed because he said I would be the best girlfriend ever if I lent him the money and he begged me. He said he would pay me back on Sunday and he promised he would take me to dinner to make up for it because we didn't see each other for awhile and he never takes me out. So that was fine. Sunday comes around and I text him that morning to say are we still going to dinner and I need the money for college this evening. He saw it and didn't reply. Evening comes around I text him again to say can he let me know because I do really need the money for college. He replied "don't start this sh*t now" I was extremely hurt by this I said what do you mean. He then said he will give me money later on sometime but we're not going to dinner anymore because he doesn't want to and he can't afford it anyway because he spent all his money on drinking in the pub and bills. And I'm annoying him now he will get me something for valentines when he is paid (which will be never cause he always says that to get out of buying me anything). I said I got him a valentines present then he said "oh well sorry". At this point I'm really hurt and annoyed, I did mess up and call him selfish and mean because he is always breaking his promises to me and the way he spoke to me was really callous. He eventually met me that evening to give me half the money. He literally just handed the money to me and walked away. Nothing else I said thanks. We never ended up going to dinner or even doing anything. Even more hurtful he ended up going to the pub that night after saying he couldn't afford to take me out or pay all my money back. I know this because he text me at 12.30am to meet to chat. I said no it's too late I have college tomorrow. He replied "grand I'll just leave it at that. I was willing to actually have a proper conversation about everything but fine". The next day I sent him a pic of a valentines card as joke to show him I'd be happy with something cheap even. He didn't answer that day at all. The next day I text to say "are we done for real?" And he replied yes. I said that means you don't love me. He replied "ok fine whatever" He was so cold He wants to be single not in the mood for a relationship with anyone it's too much hassle (what?!?!) I'm hassle because I expected him to keep to his promise for once when he knew it meant a lot for him to show his love. I felt discarded and not valued with the way he spoke to me. . The baffling part for me was only last week he was telling me he "loves the bones of me" "doesn't want to lose me" "loves me more than anyone" "needs me and needs to be with me" "you don't even realise how much I love you" and it goes on. He goes from love to callous and mean so fast I don't know what way is up. He asked me last week to get more serious by moving in with him at the end of this month. Like what the hell. I'm in a daze. It seems he goes through cycles of being really nice then acting like I'm worse than the dirt on his shoe. He'd make everything feel like my fault and like I'm crazy. I feel crazy. It feels like he has no empathy and couldn't care less. Is this normal?? Do people go through phases of loving someone then days later wanting nothing to do with them. Is it my fault? I haven't stopped crying today I really loved this man. Help Edited February 13, 2018 by Tweety00 Link to post Share on other sites
babysacay Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 I'm sorry you're hurting. This does not sound like a healthy relationship...you deserve much better. He sounds emotionally immature at best and emotionally abusive at worst. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 No, this is not normal. When you love someone, you always love them. The way he has treated you is in no way love. I am sorry you are hurting. Please focus on yourself and your worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tweety00 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 I'm sorry you're hurting. This does not sound like a healthy relationship...you deserve much better. He sounds emotionally immature at best and emotionally abusive at worst. I've been crying the whole day today. I just don't understand why he doesn't seem to care and have any empathy if he loved me so much. Can you lose feelings like that in a few days? Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 It sounds like he only "loved" you when he needed something. This isn't love. Please dry your tears, dear. This guy ain't worth it. Go be fabulous you, and forget this loser. While you're at it, delete and block him from everything. Do NOT allow him access to treat you like dirt again. He may say lovely words at times, when he wants something (sex, money, sex...) but his actions say something completely different. Spend Valentine's day doing something nice for yourself, and please take back your self respect and do NOT give this POS a V's Day gift/card. Sending hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tweety00 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 No, this is not normal. When you love someone, you always love them. The way he has treated you is in no way love. I am sorry you are hurting. Please focus on yourself and your worth. He has to meet me one last time to return the rest of the money and I asked him does he want the valentines present he said no he doesn't want it and I can dump it if I want :( Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 I felt discarded and not valued with the way he spoke to me. I don't think YOU value yourself. This man treats you horribly and you reward him niceties/gifts. You blame yourself for hurting his feelings because he is truly mean and selfish? There is something wrong with this picture. TDo people go through phases of loving someone then days later wanting nothing to do with them. Is it my fault? I haven't stopped crying today I really loved this man. Help The fact that you are asking is indicative how warped your belief of what love is -- no, people that love you don't drop you and pick you up when it suits them. Relationships like yours are emotionally and mentally abusive. This is why you can't even tell up from down. I don't think you love this man. You're just dependent on him to make you feel whole. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tweety00 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 It sounds like he only "loved" you when he needed something. This isn't love. Please dry your tears, dear. This guy ain't worth it. Go be fabulous you, and forget this loser. While you're at it, delete and block him from everything. Do NOT allow him access to treat you like dirt again. He may say lovely words at times, when he wants something (sex, money, sex...) but his actions say something completely different. Spend Valentine's day doing something nice for yourself, and please take back your self respect and do NOT give this POS a V's Day gift/card. Sending hugs! I already bought him a gift for valentines and he has to meet me to give me the rest of the money back, I asked him does he want the present he said no he doesn't want it I can dump it if I want Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 He has to meet me one last time to return the rest of the money and I asked him does he want the valentines present he said no he doesn't want it and I can dump it if I want :( Forget the money. Stop texting him. Don't reward him for disrespecting you. Save your money for yourself. He does not deserve your kindness. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 I already bought him a gift for valentines and he has to meet me to give me the rest of the money back, I asked him does he want the present he said no he doesn't want it I can dump it if I want After the way he treated you, you asked him if he wanted you to give him a present? WHAT??!?! I can't believe you would ask him that. Forget the money. And forget him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tweety00 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 After the way he treated you, you asked him if he wanted you to give him a present? WHAT??!?! I can't believe you would ask him that. Forget the money. And forget him. Yeah I probably shouldn't of asked. I only asked because he already knew I bought it. I haven't spoken to him since and my friend will collect the money for me. So I don't have to see him Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 The guy sounds like an irresponsible,broke, drunk.. Next! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tweety00 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 The guy sounds like an irresponsible,broke, drunk.. Next! Yeah he is an alcoholic. He went to the pub every single night without fail! Link to post Share on other sites
babysacay Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 I agree with the rest of the posters. Don't allow him back into your life. I called things off yesterday with someone I was interested in because he was sending me mixed signals and refusing to be exclusive after 4 months. I'm not going to allow someone to keep taking me for granted. Be strong. We're here for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Yeah he is an alcoholic. He went to the pub every single night without fail! Dear..run for your life! My most recent exgf was an alcoholic and it's a nightmare! Hell my drinking got out of control just trying to deal with her crap. Run!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tweety00 Posted February 14, 2018 Author Share Posted February 14, 2018 Dear..run for your life! My most recent exgf was an alcoholic and it's a nightmare! Hell my drinking got out of control just trying to deal with her crap. Run!! I woke up to a text from him this motning. I have blocked him on all social media but he text my phone. The text said "I'm sorry. I'm a c*nt all I do is treat you like sh*t and I don't even no why because I love the f*cking bones of you. I love you more than life itself but I'm a bad person I'm no good. I've lost every woman in my life because of this and I don't wanna lose you too. I have a problem with drink and you will never understand how it feels to love someone but choose a drink instead of them. I'm obsessed with you but I can't get away from drink" So I haven't answered that text but he's right he does treat me like sh*t Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Anyone can say anything. Words mean nothing unless actions back them up. His actions dont back up his words. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 I woke up to a text from him this motning. I have blocked him on all social media but he text my phone. The text said "I'm sorry. I'm a c*nt all I do is treat you like sh*t and I don't even no why because I love the f*cking bones of you. I love you more than life itself but I'm a bad person I'm no good. I've lost every woman in my life because of this and I don't wanna lose you too. I have a problem with drink and you will never understand how it feels to love someone but choose a drink instead of them. I'm obsessed with you but I can't get away from drink" So I haven't answered that text but he's right he does treat me like sh*t Alchy's are master manipulators. Run! He's correct in that he's a "c*nt and treats you like sh*t." But,he's trying the pity manipulation tactic here. he doesn't care about you. All he cares about is himself and his next drink. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 I've been crying the whole day today. I just don't understand why he doesn't seem to care and have any empathy if he loved me so much. Can you lose feelings like that in a few days? Girl, because he doesn't love you. He can't lose feelings he didn't genuinely have to begin with. You need to stop scraping the bottom of the barrel where you found this clown and aim a lot higher. He is manipulative and gross. Don't bother replying to his childish text. That is just yet another trick up his sleeve to manipulate you into doing what he wants. This is not love. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Girl, because he doesn't love you. He can't lose feelings he didn't genuinely have to begin with. You need to stop scraping the bottom of the barrel where you found this clown and aim a lot higher. He is manipulative and gross. Don't bother replying to his childish text. That is just yet another trick up his sleeve to manipulate you into doing what he wants. This is not love. So glad you didn't respond Best thing you can do! he is a loser Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 So glad you didn't respond Best thing you can do! he is a loser you haven't blocked his number????? Link to post Share on other sites
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