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Should i cancel the roses?


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I've been going out with a woman for the last year. I love her very much, and both of us have discussed marriage, kids ect.

 

She broke up with me out of nowhere last week, no warning or anything. We hadn't been arguing or had any tension between us, we had just had sex 10 hours before. Just texted me "I can't continue out relationship" and that's it.

 

I ordered her flowers for Valentines day 3 weeks ago, before all this happened. Including a poem I wrote for her in the card.

 

SHOULD i CANCEL THEM? Or just cross my fingers and hope she's swept off her feet?

 

Extra info: We had a brief split 7 months ago, but that was only for a few days.

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yeah, cancel them...it will look like begging even though that wouldn't be your intention

 

She isn't interested, why ? who knows.. maybe she went back to her ex.. picked some other guy or just can't be in a relationship right now.. they all spell it isn't going to work out.

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Have you attempted to talk with her since she sent her text? Do you know why she has suddenly decided that it will not work...

 

No, outside of a comment she made on my FB post, she and I haven't spoken. I don't know, and honestly I don't want to know. Anything she says will be hurtful.

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Seven months ago she broke up with you because she couldn't deal with your weed smoking. Nothing is *out of the blue*, if you are still smoking that's what happened.

 

Cancel the roses.

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Seven months ago she broke up with you because she couldn't deal with your weed smoking. Nothing is *out of the blue*, if you are still smoking that's what happened.

 

She and I came to an understanding after I got an Rx, she hadn't spoken a word about it in months

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In light of the new evidence I think Gaeta is right, it was your weed smoking.. sorry...

 

The stage was set with the last breakup and you didn't listen to the signs that this one was coming.

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In light of the new evidence I think Gaeta is right, it was your weed smoking.. sorry...

 

The stage was set with the last breakup and you didn't listen to the signs that this one was coming.

 

There were NO signs. I went through all of out texts, FB interactions, ect. She had been getting even more affectionate in the last 3 months in particular. The day before she had made a reference to what kind of wedding planner she wants.

 

Now, I'm not ruling that out as a possibility. But if that's the case, she's kept that to herself.

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No, outside of a comment she made on my FB post, she and I haven't spoken. I don't know, and honestly I don't want to know. Anything she says will be hurtful.

 

Well then, you cancel them.

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SHOULD i CANCEL THEM? Or just cross my fingers and hope she's swept off her feet?

 

Do you really expect someone who dumped you like that is going to be swept off her feet by roses on Valentine's Day?

 

Definitely cancel them.

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She and I came to an understanding after I got an Rx, she hadn't spoken a word about it in months

 

Apparently she thought she could live with this *understanding* but as time went by, and there were more talks about wedding, she realized she cannot marry (and raise children) with a man that has a weed addiction.

 

Why would she have said anything further? she had said enough already she had broken up with you over it. I don't know the details of your understanding but apparently it involves you still smoking. If you still smoke it's because you cannot stop and you cannot stop for her.

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Apparently she thought she could live with this *understanding* but as time went by, and there were more talks about wedding, she realized she cannot marry (and raise children) with a man that has a weed addiction.

 

Why would she have said anything further? she had said enough already she had broken up with you over it. I don't know the details of your understanding but apparently it involves you still smoking. If you still smoke it's because you cannot stop and you cannot stop for her.

 

I have had problems with nausea and erratic sleep my entire life. When I was 8 I had to miss a month of school because I was so sick with my stomach issues (which run in my family). The only other thing that helps me is an Rx made for cancer and HIV patients which makes me too drowsy and incoherent to work. ---> If you have diabetes are you an addict for using insulin? If you have bipolar, are you an addict for taking a psychiatric drug? If you have AIDS, are you an addict for taking AZT everyday?

 

From her own admission: If she didn't smell it, she wouldn't know. From her own admission, she couldn't give a specific reason as to why marijuana is bad. Why would I stop doing something that helps me so much, when she can't even give me a reason why??? Why should I have to choose between missing work and excruciating pain???

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She doesn't have to give a specific reason for not liking the weed smoking. You don't have to stop smoking. She can choose to not be with someone who smokes. Find someone who doesn't mind it. I'll add my vote for canceling the roses.

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From her own admission: If she didn't smell it, she wouldn't know. From her own admission, she couldn't give a specific reason as to why marijuana is bad. Why would I stop doing something that helps me so much, when she can't even give me a reason why??? Why should I have to choose between missing work and excruciating pain???

 

You don't have to. You just need to find a partner who doesn't take issue with it.

 

Just as it's your prerogative to use marijuana, it's her prerogative to not be with someone who does. You can beat this dead horse and stomp your feet over being right, or you can accept that this incompatibility made the relationship untenable.

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Cancel the roses. But whether it's the weed or not, you two have a much bigger long-term problem: you both refuse to communicate. She breaks up with you suddenly with no explanation after a year. You let her and are too scared of what she might have to say to even talk to her about it. How could you get married without the ability to mutually talk and resolve conflict? That seems like an issue deeper than any medical marijuana problem.

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Just as it's your prerogative to use marijuana, it's her prerogative to not be with someone who does. You can beat this dead horse and stomp your feet over being right, or you can accept that this incompatibility made the relationship untenable.

 

Normally I would see that. I've had relationships fail because my ex was ultra-religious or didn't want to have children, as the big things that bring about the end, but that's the only thing she and I ever had a bad word between us about. 4 years before I met her I wrote a description of what I want in the perfect partner, she ticked literally every box.

 

 

Part of this thread is why there is so much misinformation about marijuana. It would be one thing to say "she's not being logical" but saying "that's her prerogative" takes a whole different tone. That implies that breaking up with someone because they do something beneficial to their health is anything short of selfish...especially when that act has no affect on you whatsoever.

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Cancel the roses. But whether it's the weed or not, you two have a much bigger long-term problem: you both refuse to communicate. She breaks up with you suddenly with no explanation after a year. You let her and are too scared of what she might have to say to even talk to her about it. How could you get married without the ability to mutually talk and resolve conflict? That seems like an issue deeper than any medical marijuana problem.

 

That's a FANTASTIC point. TBH of all the possibilities of why she broke up with me, marijuana is lower down on the list. It's not in her nature to have a problem with something and not say anything about it. She would at least say "I can't live with your drugs" or something to that effect.

 

True, when she text me "I can't continue with the relationship" I only replied "OK, goodbye", because if she has started dating someone else, I don't want to know about it. This breakup has caused me enough heartache already...and part of me knows that there is a definite possibility of her coming back [not guaranteed], it would be far easier to get back together with her in ignorance.

 

extra info: She lost her job last month and has been depressed and worried about money. Not only for herself, but because she is supporting her parents and occasionally has to help out her brother who is poor and has 2 kids. When she's depressed she tends to be less patient.

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So, you would get back with her? Without knowing if there was someone else?

 

That's a deep question: On the one hand, I do love her very much and want her back badly.

 

On the other, is ignorance always blissful?

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I've been going out with a woman for the last year. I love her very much, and both of us have discussed marriage, kids ect.

 

She broke up with me out of nowhere last week, no warning or anything. We hadn't been arguing or had any tension between us, we had just had sex 10 hours before. Just texted me "I can't continue out relationship" and that's it.

 

I ordered her flowers for Valentines day 3 weeks ago, before all this happened. Including a poem I wrote for her in the card.

 

SHOULD i CANCEL THEM? Or just cross my fingers and hope she's swept off her feet?

 

Extra info: We had a brief split 7 months ago, but that was only for a few days.

 

Dude, she dumped you by text after a one year relationship.

Cancel the flowers. .

Or have them sent to your mom instead...

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