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I feel like I can't wait for him to decide anymore


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 9th February 2018, 6:31 AM   #1
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I feel like I can't wait for him to decide anymore

We've been together for 2 years. A week ago he decided that he wanted to break up with me because he wants to be alone, wasn't happy in general, though he never told me that before. He was thinking about breaking up a month ago, but decided to give our relationship another try. He told me this after breaking up. So his decision wasn't made in a day. He also told me that he does not know if he loves me. After breaking up I asked him if he's sure he won't change his mind. He said that he doesn't know. I asked him several times to not give me hope. But he would say that there always is hope. We went no contact to give him space and think about us. It was my decision to wait for him. After almost 3 days of NC I caved in and texted him and of course he told me that 2 days is not enough to know if he made a mistake or not. I told him that it's hard for me to wait and he felt pressured. We talked and decided that he would think about wether he made a right choice by breaking up or not for up to a month. But everyday it gets worse, I jus want to text him that I don't want to wait anymore, it's hurting me. What are the chances that he will change his mind? So little... Deep in my heart I still hope. But I feel it's just pathetic. What do I do?

Edit: few words

Last edited by Brigituxsclt; 9th February 2018 at 6:37 AM..
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Old 9th February 2018, 6:38 AM   #2
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Hes keeping you as a backup whilst he enjoys being single.
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Old 9th February 2018, 6:47 AM   #3
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Brigituxsclt,
please read what you wrote;

Quote:
A week ago he decided that he wanted to break up with me because he wants to be alone, wasn't happy in general,
Quote:
He also told me that he does not know if he loves me.
Ask yourself if these are the actions of a guy who really wants to be with you?

Get some self-respect and stop allowing this guy to treat you as Plan B. Stop allowing him to put you on the back-burner for a later date - whenever that may be
Stop allowing him to play with your feelings on his timescale.

Yes, I know it hurts but he's disrespecting you bigtime.

Tell him you're done with his shilly-shallying about and that you deserve better - then go and make that happen.
You start by blocking, deleting and going NC with this selfish excuse for a man.

Yes it will hurt, but no more than what you're going through at the moment.

Your self-respect is more important that being some guy's back-up plan, isn't it?
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Old 9th February 2018, 7:21 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post
He’s keeping you as a backup whilst he enjoys being single.
This. He is test driving other people and keeping you in reserve in case they don't work out.

You should NEVER let anyone treat you as a backup plan.

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Originally Posted by Brigituxsclt View Post
I jus want to text him that I don't want to wait anymore, it's hurting me
This is exactly what you should do. Tell him he has 24 hours to make a decision. If he still can't decide then you should tell him you won't be messed around any more and you won't be contacting him again. And even if he does decide he wants to stay with you, you will need to keep a very close eye on him because chances are he will just be giving you lip service and won't be 100% committed to the relationship.
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Old 9th February 2018, 7:37 AM   #5
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But it has only been a week since breakup. Do you think it's enough time to decide?
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Old 9th February 2018, 7:53 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brigituxsclt View Post
But it has only been a week since breakup. Do you think it's enough time to decide?
Decide? He's broken up with you. That is what he has decided to do. That means he's ended the relationship -- he does not want to be with you. What he's doing is keeping you on the sidelines in case his transition to singledom doesn't work so well.

Look, when someone tells you they don't love you anymore and they don't want to be with, pick up your self-respect and walk away.
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Old 9th February 2018, 8:24 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Brigituxsclt View Post
But it has only been a week since breakup. Do you think it's enough time to decide?
OP, he already did.

He ended the relationship. That is his decision. I understand it's hard and it hurts. He didn't ask you to wait for him though, and he likely told you he will think about it for a month because he sees you're not accepting the choice he already made and doesn't know how else to tell you it's over.

I don't mean to be harsh. But when a guy tells you he doesn't think he loves you, it's already done.
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Old 9th February 2018, 8:28 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brigituxsclt View Post
But it has only been a week since breakup. Do you think it's enough time to decide?
You said he was thinking of breaking up a month ago but decided to give it another try. Well, he did give it another try for a month and decided he doesn't want it. So it's been a month and a week.

Sorry but he's made his decision. Otherwise he wouldn't have broken up with you. People don't end 2 year relationships on a whim without thinking about it. They think and think and think and make a decision before they even mention it to their partner at all. By the time the partner hears about it, the decision is already made.
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Old 9th February 2018, 9:35 AM   #9
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He's decided. You just wont accept his decision. At this point its an addiction you need to break. Its not easy, but you need to. Relationships arent about one person, its about both. You cant make it work on your own. Hes making it plain its done.
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:29 AM   #10
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Good Lord.

This guy is trying to let you down easy. You didn't hear a word of what he said and the real meaning behind those words.

I've done this myself. You want out of a relationship for whatever reason and know your partner doesn't want it or isn't expecting it so you construct some pathetic story about wanting to be alone and 'find myself' and decide to give your partner something to cling to like "hope' so the news doesn't completely destroy them.

But the reality is, there isn't any hope. It's O.V.E.R.

The sooner you learn to face that truth, mourn and then move on the better.
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Old 9th February 2018, 9:55 PM   #11
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So, here's the problem. You were blind sided in a 2 year relationship, which means he wasn't communicating at all, or you weren't listening. I've been in the former situation, so let's assume it is that. Do you have any inkling why he's unhappy? Is it actually with you and incompatibilities or is it because he has issues and has withdrawn?

Either way, you can't fix this right now. He has to either figure out that he made a mistake, or he didn't. But let's focus on YOU. You deserve a partner with the maturity to tell you when something is wrong and tries to work through it, not who thinks about it on his own and blind sides you with a decision. So stop waiting on him for an answer. Tell him, he can take as much time as he needs but you're going to focus on yourself and do your own thing, and if he rethinks things and wants to slowly work through it with you, you'll be open to talking with him about it if you're still available. Keep it really, really short, don't say anything more.

This only works if it's honest. Don't say it if you don't mean it. But I think it would help you to mean it so you can focus on yourself and what you want without his noise. Then, if he does come back, YOU get to decide if you even want him back. Don't wait on him now when he's already out the door and checked out, handled it kind of disrespectfully relative to the length of the relationship, and when it's making you unhappy to feel in limbo.

Good luck. I don't think he'll change his mind right now, and if he does in the future, I think you may feel differently about him after you've had some space, time, and perspective. Because a good long-term partner doesn't blind side you.
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Old 9th February 2018, 9:59 PM   #12
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OP,

Quote:
You deserve a partner with the maturity to tell you when something is wrong and tries to work through it, not who thinks about it on his own and blind sides you with a decision.
Take this on board ^^^ please....
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Old 10th February 2018, 3:19 PM   #13
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Don't wait...move on. Find someone better
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Old 10th February 2018, 8:04 PM   #14
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My ex girlfriend said the exact same and all the above posters are correct.
Don't do what i did and allow yourself to be treated as a back up option while you wait for him to "find himself " and figure out whether "he loves you or not". You deserve better. I know that it's easy to tell yourself that you can convince him that he does love you and that you two are great together but he made the decision to leave and call it quits, let him deal with the consequences. You need to use this time to move on with your life. Do what's best for you, not what's best for him or the relationship ( which is now in the past anyway). And in most cases like this, what's best for you is to now focus on yourself.
Think about it, in the chance that he does say he realises that he loves you, why would you still want to be with him? He's already discarded you once and just seen you as an option.
After hearing about the events of my break up, my ex's own brother gave me the advice of never treating someone as a priority while they treat me as an option and I swear I'm going to remember that mantra forever. You should too.
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Old 10th February 2018, 8:19 PM   #15
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I'm sorry, there's nothing in any of his words to indicate that waiting for him would be a wise decision on your part.
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