LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

Break Up after abortion


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree42Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 9th February 2018, 2:26 PM   #16
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 28
I started seeing a therapist and it is helping a lot.
However, it also feels good to talk here to "normal" people who use words like cowards etc. because I feel like thats what I need to hear.

I need someone who is brutally honest to me about how his actions make him seem because I still am blind. I still hope that loving and caring person comes back.
I am literally still in shock.

How did he turn into this person? I remember me cramping at night after taking the second abortion pill ( it didn't work the first time) and he asked me to be quiet be cause he had to get up at 5.
Then he texts me he needs space so his soul can heal after telling me to get it together because the "fcking babies weren't alive yet " anyways.
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

Last edited by Lenila1992; 9th February 2018 at 2:32 PM..
Lenila1992 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 2:35 PM   #17
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 28,514
I don't think the "loving caring person" you feel for will ever be back. Your situation brought out his true character & it was sorely lacking. Even if that is the part of himself he doesn't like, a part he tries to keep hidden, he let it out & now he may be embarrassed because you saw him at his worst. However, you now know it's in there & you bent your will to him.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 2:42 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 495
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lenila1992 View Post
I started seeing a therapist and it is helping a lot.
However, it also feels good to talk here to "normal" people who use words like cowards etc. because I feel like thats what I need to hear.

I need someone who is brutally honest to me about how his actions make him seem because I still am blind. I still hope that loving and caring person comes back.
I am literally still in shock.

How did he turn into this person? I remember me cramping at night after taking the second abortion pill ( it didn't work the first time) and he asked me to be quiet be cause he had to get up at 5.
Then he texts me he needs space so his soul can heal after telling me to get it together because the "fcking babies weren't alive yet " anyways.
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?


Are you saying you would take this ass back?
CantTakeMySmile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 3:06 PM   #19
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 28
I know I shouldn't. Right now it still hurts so bad and I am still refusing to believe that this are his true colors. This is why I reached out to you call. I need someone to undo the brainwash he has done. Rationally I know he is toxic and has no good intentions. He does not care about the pain Im going through.
Lenila1992 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 3:38 PM   #20
Established Member
 
BluesPower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3,059
No you should not...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lenila1992 View Post
I know I shouldn't. Right now it still hurts so bad and I am still refusing to believe that this are his true colors. This is why I reached out to you call. I need someone to undo the brainwash he has done. Rationally I know he is toxic and has no good intentions. He does not care about the pain Im going through.
No you should not... ever take him back.

Listen, when you are in a "real", loving relationship, you are there for each other, through good times and bad.

If you guys had, together, decided on the A, that is one thing. It would still be painful for you, which is one the reasons not to do it.

But at least you would have been there for each other.

Now this guy has shown his true colors and those are a huge red flag.

Don't ever take him back, and don't date guys like him. It will bring you nothing but heart ache.
BluesPower is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 3:41 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 8,811
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lenila1992 View Post
How did he turn into this person?

I remember me cramping at night after taking the second abortion pill ( it didn't work the first time) and he asked me to be quiet be cause he had to get up at 5.

Then he texts me he needs space so his soul can heal after telling me to get it together because the "fcking babies weren't alive yet " anyways.
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
He didn't turn into this person. He's always been this person. In times of strife and difficulty is when you see a person's true nature. He has shown you his core, who he truly is.

And that's the guy you want to go back to? The guy who tells you to be quiet while you are suffering the pain of going through an abortion because he needs his sleep? The guy who tells you his pain is far more important and you just need to get over losing your unborn babies.

You don't need anyone to talk you out of the fantasy that is your douchebag boyfriend. It's pretty glaring and a really big slap in the face. It should be enough to wake you up.
__________________
One regret, my dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough ~ Hafiz
Zahara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 3:55 PM   #22
S2B
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 4,014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lenila1992 View Post
I know I shouldn't. Right now it still hurts so bad and I am still refusing to believe that this are his true colors. This is why I reached out to you call. I need someone to undo the brainwash he has done. Rationally I know he is toxic and has no good intentions. He does not care about the pain Im going through.
This is true. He's not capable of thinking beyond himself (selfish).

He's not supportive, understanding, nurturing and compassionate when you're in need.

Honestly, it's better you know his character (or lack of rather) now - so that you can make better choices in a life partner than what he offers.

He's just not capable.

You need more. That's totally understandable. You're just not a good match.
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 4:02 PM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 182
Like what Zahara said. The going got a tough (for a VERY short period of time, considering), and he showed his true, selfish colors. Heís awful. Iím sorry youíre hurting and for what you are going through. But he is beneath you.

I heard a quote once, and I wish I could find it because I think it was apt for this situation and my effort to get it across isnít going to do it justice, and might not even make much sense at all....

But it was kind of like...If you found out you stepped in dog crap, what would you do? Youíd wipe it off the bottom of your shoe and keep on walking. Heís the dog crap in this situation.
Veronica73 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 6:05 PM   #24
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 28
Thank you guys so much for your answers I really appreciate it.
Its good to hear that its not all my fault because that is what he said. He made me feel horrible for crying or having emotional breakdowns. There were situations where I was crying in front of him and we would fight and I said please just give me a hug and show me that you love me and he couldn't do that.
Lenila1992 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 6:13 PM   #25
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 8
I'm so sorry. I had an abortion when I was younger also and it really is hard. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is unable to support you but it sounds like he does still love you but he is also dealing with this loss in his own way. I'm sure he is feeling the pain of this as well. Maybe you both just need to grieve in your own way and see if you still have something after your better. Do you have anyone else to talk to about this? Maybe seek counseling? if can't afford one, churches usually have a Pastoral Counselor that could probably meet with you for free. I know it hurts, but you will get through this. Don't quit and keep hope.
NHope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 6:15 PM   #26
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 28,514
All your fault? OMG no! You didn't get pregnant alone. He had a lot to do with that.

Morality aside, an abortion is still a medical procedure. If he can't hug & comfort the woman he allegedly cares enough about to have sex with he is an uncaring jerk. For him to fail to recognize that emotional toll this particular medical procedure took on you makes him . . .well let's just say that if I expressed my distaste I'd get kicked off LS.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 6:40 PM   #27
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by NHope View Post
I'm so sorry. I had an abortion when I was younger also and it really is hard. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is unable to support you but it sounds like he does still love you but he is also dealing with this loss in his own way. I'm sure he is feeling the pain of this as well. Maybe you both just need to grieve in your own way and see if you still have something after your better. Do you have anyone else to talk to about this? Maybe seek counseling? if can't afford one, churches usually have a Pastoral Counselor that could probably meet with you for free. I know it hurts, but you will get through this. Don't quit and keep hope.
It is painful to hold on to someone like him. Isn't it emotional abuse what he has done? I do not think that he is grieving at all. Isn't it the whole point of a relationship to be there when things get hard and not to just check out?

Can I hear other opinions on that please?
Lenila1992 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 8:06 PM   #28
S2B
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 4,014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lenila1992 View Post
Thank you guys so much for your answers I really appreciate it.
Its good to hear that its not all my fault because that is what he said. He made me feel horrible for crying or having emotional breakdowns. There were situations where I was crying in front of him and we would fight and I said please just give me a hug and show me that you love me and he couldn't do that.
Because he's not a man.

He is to blame - if HE didn't wear a condom.

He bailed when you needed him though - and that shows you enough to know he's not a good match.
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 8:34 PM   #29
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 8,811
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lenila1992 View Post
It is painful to hold on to someone like him. Isn't it emotional abuse what he has done? I do not think that he is grieving at all. Isn't it the whole point of a relationship to be there when things get hard and not to just check out?

Can I hear other opinions on that please?
Of course he's not grieving. He wanted nothing to do with you or the pregnancy. If anything, he's relieved. All that nonsense about his soul is him playing the victim card hoping you'll feel guilty and blame yourself.

When someone loves and cares for you, they're there through the good and bad. This clown couldn't even give you a hug to comfort you. Even when in physical pain, he turned his back on you and chose to sleep!

You have to start believing that you deserve better. Seems like you can't see that for yourself. Don't settle just because you need someone.
Zahara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 10:58 PM   #30
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 54
Lenia,

I wanted to write to you because I had the same situation with my ex lover... we were the same age... itís been over a year since we had the procedure and have broken up now for good over 6 months ago...

I also broke up with my ex 3 weeks after the procedure. Not because I didnít love her anymore but because I was suffering really bad from the whole situation and I was really scared of the same situation happening again. I never wanted her or myself to have to go through with that ever again... After we broke up she had two one night stands with 2 guys to get revenge on me for abandoning her... and then we finally got back together...

Things were never really the same after no matter how hard we tried..,

So what Iím saying to you, think about how he is possibly feeling... after the abortion everyone always focuses on the woman and rightly so but everyone forgets the guilt and pain and horrible depression that the guy is going through as well.

From experience I can say that he is pushing you away because he doesnít want to put his pain on you aswell and is probably doing his best to try and be strong for you even though it doesnít feel that way...
Thingsfallapart is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Break up, abortion and STD all in one week honey85 Breaks and Breaking Up 15 22nd July 2015 5:51 PM
Abortion and break up Ln512 Breaks and Breaking Up 1 18th January 2015 1:44 PM
Break up pending post abortion confused1983 Breaks and Breaking Up 4 15th March 2011 2:48 PM
abortion is causing my marriage to break vtmisc Separation and Divorce 18 11th March 2006 1:53 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:39 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.