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Break Up after abortion


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 8th February 2018, 8:18 PM   #1
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Break Up after abortion

I am still in shock about what happened to me last week. I had an abortion at the beginning of this year that I didn’t want from the start.

My now ex-boyfriend put some pressure on me to get the procedure done ASAP, and I didn’t even have time to decide if I would prepare the surgery or the medical.

After the abortion, I slipped into the worst depression of my life. Cried a lot, had anxiety, panic attacks, I feel regret and guilt.

I was seven weeks pregnant with twins, and when I saw them on the ultrasound, my heart broke into a billion pieces.
My boyfriend hasn’t been supportive in a way I would have needed him. He got impatient when I cried or needed reassurance.
I wasn't the best version of myself and there were definitely moments where I didn't treat him fairly, was emotional or over reacted.

Long story short: 4 days ago he broke up all of the sudden after leaving me a letter the day before about how much he loves me.

I am in complete shock. I don’t know how to deal with this abortion aftermath by myself. I don’t recognize him anymore. That caring and sweet person I fell in love with, is completely gone.

How should I move on?

He has already texted me a few times now that he still cares and wanted to drop off a note for me but I told him to not to go in my apartment. He also said he is just starting to get the space he needs and his soul requires???
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:26 PM   #2
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Was birth control discussed prior to having sex?? If so, did you discuss why it failed??
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:31 PM   #3
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Was birth control discussed prior to having sex?? If so, did you discuss why it failed??
I am not sure they would know the reason it failed.
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:35 PM   #4
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I was on the pill but it failed. What happened happened. I don't see a point in losing more sleep over wondering why.

Last edited by Lenila1992; 8th February 2018 at 8:37 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:41 PM   #5
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I am not sure they would know the reason it failed.
I have a "working theory" that he blames her for getting pregnant, that he feels she did something wrong.

Sometimes, guys (me included) think that the pill is 100% and if the woman gets pregnant, its her fault for putting him in that situation. He may also think she got pregnant on purpose to "hook him in" and force a marriage or commitment that he wasn't ready for.

It happened to me many years ago... The woman I was dating stopped taking her pill and didn't tell me, because she wanted to hook me in. Possibly to force me to marry her or live with her or some other "fairy tail" crap in her head. I said all the right things to convince her to get an abortion. I promised the sun, the moon and the stars. I paid for the entire abortion and when I dropped her off after the procedure. I told her I hated her for lying to me and she would never see me again. Then I drove off and never looked back.
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:48 PM   #6
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well , thats not what happened.. I still dont know how I got pregnant. I threw up a lot before that happened and I assume that the dosage wasn't high enough to protect me anymore.

He stayed with me 3 weeks after the abortion though.. it is very confusing to me. Especially him reaching out to me now again saying he still cares.
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:52 PM   #7
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well , thats not what happened.. I still dont know how I got pregnant. I threw up a lot before that happened and I assume that the dosage wasn't high enough to protect me anymore.

He stayed with me 3 weeks after the abortion though.. it is very confusing to me. Especially him reaching out to me now again saying he still cares.
OK... Sorry... it was just a working theory. I was trying to explain his actions based on my experiences.

At this point, I'll bow out and let others offer an opinion that better suits the scenario. I don't know why he did what he did.

Again, I am sorry for your pain and your situation.

Get well soon.
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:00 PM   #8
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Thank you Lemming, I appreciate your response and I can see where you are coming from. Im sorry you had to experience that and I know we women can do crazy things some time. In my case however, I think I am not the crazy one.
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:51 PM   #9
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I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I was wondering how old you are and how long you too were together? beside texting, have you too being able to talk?
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:24 AM   #10
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I am 26 years old, he is 31.
He said he will stay away for a while so that he can "heal" which is silly to me because his response to my grief was " those fcking things weren't even alive".. so no. We were not able to talk.
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Old 9th February 2018, 11:08 AM   #11
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He sounds pretty horrible actually. Maybe in the long term you are much better off without him
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Old 9th February 2018, 11:50 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Lenila1992 View Post
How should I move on?

He has already texted me a few times now that he still cares and wanted to drop off a note for me but I told him to not to go in my apartment. He also said he is just starting to get the space he needs and his soul requires???
Hey Lenila,

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. It was tough to read honestly and I can see why you feel broken. How do you move on? First block that prick before he can do any more harm to you. He soul needs space? Are you kidding me? I can't believe he broke up with you after all of this. I can understand his actions if you got pregnant deceitfully but under no other circumstance is this fair. You'll do a lot better without him so don't delay the blocking.

How is your relationship with your parents? If you're on good terms, I strongly suggest you tell them everything. If you're not comfortable going to your parents then do you have any close friends who can support you? Whatever it is, please talk to the important people in your life and DO NOT attempt to recover on your own. It's going to take time to heal but with the right people around, it'll happen a lot faster.
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:14 PM   #13
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He sounds like a selfish POS to me. First he can't be there for his children and then he can't be there for you in your time of loss of them.

I don't know why he changed or if he even changed but it has nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with him. He's showing you who he is.

I hope you feel better soon.
xo
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:25 PM   #14
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thank you so much for your response.

I am still trying to make sense of his behavior. Some of my friends think that maybe he didn't love me in the first place and when we found out Im pregnant he just ran away the first chance he got.

Maybe he is in denial stage and not processing whats happening at all. I really have no idea but it would give me some peace knowing that he is hurting too right now. I know I won't have that peace..

Not im grieving the loss of my twins as well as the loss of him. Plus in December my grandpa passed away.
He truly left me alone in my darkest time.
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Old 9th February 2018, 2:11 PM   #15
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You were forced into a difficult choice & you took swift action at his insistence without thinking about what you wanted. Then he dumped you. Personally I see him as a coward -- unwilling to face the consequences of his sexual actions or what he pressured you into emotionally.

You are better off without him in your life but somehow you have to find a way to make peace with your other choice. I suggest therapy because this is too big & you were not ready to deal with any of this on your own.
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