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Why do people lie about their breakup reasonings?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 8th February 2018, 9:12 PM   #31
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I find it interesting how much "importance" people place on "words" instead of actions. This is a lesson for anyone who is dating... do not fall for the fancy words - the western world throws the word "love" around too easily. It doesn't actually MEAN what you think it means.

Love is an action - it's a consistent set of actions over a consistent period of TIME. Often takes YEARS to build and often involves going through tough, stressful, emotionally vulnerable times with that person - that's LOVE.

Someone telling you they love you and want to spend the rest of their life with you within first few months of dating is riding on the "infatuation train" - it's not really "love". It's the - I feel infatuated RIGHT NOW so I will throw poetry at you because that's what my feelings tell me to do (for now). Forever is a different story.

Do not confuse infatuation with love. Infatuation can last up to 2 years. If your relationship can endure after that, THEN perhaps real love will develop.

Relationships are not easy for a reason :P
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:37 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by DevastatedJDC View Post
Their lies during breaking up are just a continuation of their lies and dishonesty in the relationship. They care so little about the person they're breaking up with that they don't even think that person deserves the truth. Most dumpers are breaking up for selfish reasons and they know if they were honest, they would look bad --- and they don't ever want to be seen for who they truly are, so they continue to lie.

You can't say this as a blanket statement.

Sure, they are breaking up for a selfish reason. They don't want to be with you anymore more. They want to go down a different path. Call it selfish if you want but it is what it is.

As for lying, let's see... I can tell you a story about a time I dumped someone.

Should I have told him that I simply started to lose respect for him? That the initial glow had worn off I be started to see him in a different light. That while he was super hot, he was also kinda dumb and I couldn't take it any more?

That when I started to pull back he got super clingy. That when I started to be not so nice, he turned into a door mat and I lost the last thread of respect I had for him?

Did I tell him "it's not you, it's me" because I didn't care about hurting his feelings?

No, I told him that because I didn't want to hurt him. I told him that because he hadn't changed, my feelings had. Really he had done nothing wrong, we just weren't a match that was going to make it for the long haul.

Now, I have never made up a story about moving away etc. I always used the "it's not you, it's me" because that's the truth, MY feelings changed.

The last one I did tell the truth, that I had met someone else. I am sure that sucked, and it was hard for me to be truthful, but it was what it was (and I married that "someone else" so no regrets).
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Sorry for all of the typos! On a cell phone that thinks it is smarter than me
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:39 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by Vyliss View Post
I find it interesting how much "importance" people place on "words" instead of actions. This is a lesson for anyone who is dating... do not fall for the fancy words - the western world throws the word "love" around too easily. It doesn't actually MEAN what you think it means.

Love is an action - it's a consistent set of actions over a consistent period of TIME. Often takes YEARS to build and often involves going through tough, stressful, emotionally vulnerable times with that person - that's LOVE.

Someone telling you they love you and want to spend the rest of their life with you within first few months of dating is riding on the "infatuation train" - it's not really "love". It's the - I feel infatuated RIGHT NOW so I will throw poetry at you because that's what my feelings tell me to do (for now). Forever is a different story.

Do not confuse infatuation with love. Infatuation can last up to 2 years. If your relationship can endure after that, THEN perhaps real love will develop.

Relationships are not easy for a reason :P

It's unfortunate that I had to learn this the hard way! Is the infatuation directly correlated to the honeymoon phase? Meaning the newness of the relationship wears off and therefore the persons interest/feelings possibly have as well? I think a big factor to this failed relationship was also we didn't have a strong foundation or much of a foundation at all before jumping into a relationship. Curious as to why he rushed into another relationship right after though?
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:43 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
You can't say this as a blanket statement.

Sure, they are breaking up for a selfish reason. They don't want to be with you anymore more. They want to go down a different path. Call it selfish if you want but it is what it is.

As for lying, let's see... I can tell you a story about a time I dumped someone.

Should I have told him that I simply started to lose respect for him? That the initial glow had worn off I be started to see him in a different light. That while he was super hot, he was also kinda dumb and I couldn't take it any more?

That when I started to pull back he got super clingy. That when I started to be not so nice, he turned into a door mat and I lost the last thread of respect I had for him?

Did I tell him "it's not you, it's me" because I didn't care about hurting his feelings?

No, I told him that because I didn't want to hurt him. I told him that because he hadn't changed, my feelings had. Really he had done nothing wrong, we just weren't a match that was going to make it for the long haul.

Now, I have never made up a story about moving away etc. I always used the "it's not you, it's me" because that's the truth, MY feelings changed.

The last one I did tell the truth, that I had met someone else. I am sure that sucked, and it was hard for me to be truthful, but it was what it was (and I married that "someone else" so no regrets).

Do you think if it wasn't a deal breaker per se of him being dumb you would have tried to talk through things? I think at least from my experience when I sensed him pulling away I get insecure so I cling on a bit more but when he declared all of that love and future talk throughout the relationship and just didn't even want to try to make it work it has me really confused.
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:56 PM   #35
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Well, my situation is different as I never talked long futures with any boyfriends (only my husband), and only two have ever heard "I love you". My high school BF who dumped me when he went to college, and my husband who I am still with.

So no future faking or love bombing, just not totally truthful about why I was done.

As for trying to work it out - in that case, he wasn't going to magically get smarter, so that was out. Other cases? It just became clear we weren't meat to be, and my feelings for them were not strong enough to want to work it out.

As for clinging when someone pulls away, I understand why it happens.... But to me, it makes them lose their dignity, and my respect for them.

When I have been pulled back from, I took the hint and licked my wounds. I am too proud to grovel or chase.
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:03 PM   #36
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Curious as to why he rushed into another relationship right after though?


Since he did this with you, I would think it to be expected he would do it again.


I wouldn't focus on who he is with now. I think it is more important that he chose not to be with you. What/who he does now can not be your concern. And luckily, it doesn't matter.
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:18 PM   #37
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Curious as to why he rushed into another relationship right after though?


Since he did this with you, I would think it to be expected he would do it again.


I wouldn't focus on who he is with now. I think it is more important that he chose not to be with you. What/who he does now can not be your concern. And luckily, it doesn't matter.
Meaning this is likely a pattern with him?

You're right there. It's been hard up until recently to do so as my ego kept thinking he only did this to me kind of thing.
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:21 PM   #38
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I don't know if it is a pattern. But since he did it with you, I wouldn't think it to be odd that he would do it again.
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:44 PM   #39
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Well, my situation is different as I never talked long futures with any boyfriends (only my husband), and only two have ever heard "I love you". My high school BF who dumped me when he went to college, and my husband who I am still with.

So no future faking or love bombing, just not totally truthful about why I was done.

As for trying to work it out - in that case, he wasn't going to magically get smarter, so that was out. Other cases? It just became clear we weren't meat to be, and my feelings for them were not strong enough to want to work it out.

As for clinging when someone pulls away, I understand why it happens.... But to me, it makes them lose their dignity, and my respect for them.

When I have been pulled back from, I took the hint and licked my wounds. I am too proud to grovel or chase.
Just depends whats going on in your life. If someone leaves you just after a death in your family or things of a similar, its natural that your probably going to find the breakup harder to handle.

I've been dumped by some girls I liked a lot and got over it quick and other times when it stung for a lot longer. Looking back now, I see it was more to do with what was going on in other aspects of my life.
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:49 PM   #40
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I don't know if it is a pattern. But since he did it with you, I wouldn't think it to be odd that he would do it again.
It's crazy to me. I've never personally seen someone get into relationships that quickly back to back with little to no time to reflect, learn from and just overall be able to be whole by yourself. I definitely want to take this time to really process/learn from my mistakes and be happy by myself again before I become involved with someone else.
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Old 9th February 2018, 2:05 PM   #41
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It's crazy to me. I've never personally seen someone get into relationships that quickly back to back with little to no time to reflect, learn from and just overall be able to be whole by yourself. I definitely want to take this time to really process/learn from my mistakes and be happy by myself again before I become involved with someone else.


I guess, for me, it depends on how long I have dated someone, and how serious I felt it was. I dated someone about 18 months and though we had fun together, when we broke up, I wasn't sad. I didn't feel I need to process anything really. I was just ready to move on. So, for me, if the feelings don't actually run deep, I don't really need to reflect.




Then he was stalking my tweets until I blocked him and now he doesn't even go on it anymore.


Just curious, how do you know this?
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Old 9th February 2018, 2:21 PM   #42
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I guess, for me, it depends on how long I have dated someone, and how serious I felt it was. I dated someone about 18 months and though we had fun together, when we broke up, I wasn't sad. I didn't feel I need to process anything really. I was just ready to move on. So, for me, if the feelings don't actually run deep, I don't really need to reflect.




Then he was stalking my tweets until I blocked him and now he doesn't even go on it anymore.


Just curious, how do you know this?

Interesting. I guess it wasn't that serious to him as much as he claimed and said it was. This is what makes me believe he was never very sincere. I was dating him just two weeks into knowing him and official on fb just after a month of knowing him and he is doing it again.

As for the tweets. I know this because he originally created his account on my phone so I somehow still get his notifications on my phone even though I'm logged into mine. It says 20+ notifications still.

Last edited by Ta222; 9th February 2018 at 2:24 PM..
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Old 9th February 2018, 2:30 PM   #43
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Interesting. I guess it wasn't that serious to him as much as he claimed and said it was. This is what makes me believe he was never very sincere. I was dating him just two weeks into knowing him and official on fb just after a month of knowing him and he is doing it again.

As for the tweets. I know this because he originally created his account on my phone so I somehow still get his notifications on my phone even though I'm logged into mine. It says 20+ notifications still.


Well, I wouldn't put much meaning behind the "facebook" status. I don't think that really means too much. He doesn't seem very sincere. But, you never know... maybe he THINKS he IS sincere. Maybe he just moves on quickly. Maybe he has a short attend span.


All you can probably know is he is not your problem anymore. Be glad now then years from now!
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:05 PM   #44
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Well, I wouldn't put much meaning behind the "facebook" status. I don't think that really means too much. He doesn't seem very sincere. But, you never know... maybe he THINKS he IS sincere. Maybe he just moves on quickly. Maybe he has a short attend span.


All you can probably know is he is not your problem anymore. Be glad now then years from now!
He probably does think he is being sincere and he probably does have a short attention span. The whole thing just kind of weirds me out now. He involved himself in every aspect of my life quickly and to now see him do it again..yes you're right I'm glad it happened now rather than years later. For him to discard me from his life the way he did says a lot. I guess I shouldn't expect so much from someone who still never told me he was ever married before and that is with someone new while I still have my stuff at their place. Lol
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:39 PM   #45
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I thought that all at first yes. He actually never told me he was married himself I found out through Facebook on his exes page. He only ever told me ex. As for the feelings maybe I'm naive but for someone to insist on meeting your family after two weeks and telling you they want to have kids with you after a few months and saying he wants to spend his life with you to just nothing makes me question the sincerity to begin with because it was so easy for him to walk away and date someone else so fast. Then for his breakup reasonings he said he is moving and doesn't want me to move for him like he did for his ex so initially I believed it until I see him get in a relationship asap. He had a dinner with me after the fact and I asked him if that was the true reason and he said yes and was acting like he was concerned and told me to call him if I ever need him etc etc but now deleted me off everything. Initially I wanted to believe hey maybe he really isn't ready but the later actions make me question it. It's hard for me because I just don't understand. He also told me he had no interest in dating for awhile.


What do you hope to accomplish by "proving" he wasn't sincere with you?


He's gone, moved on. If he comes slithering back a few months from now....you know what to do.


Focus on yourself and why you let someone trick you with such insincere intentions.


Take care
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