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Saddest story ever told she dumped me again and I am in pain Ė


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 6th February 2018, 9:17 PM   #16
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If I do communicate

Quote:
Originally Posted by CantTakeMySmile View Post
Why not communicate and find out?
Whatís the point.
If I do communicate again, I will appear needy and pathetic.
She has a bad memory. My last conversation with her called out the
Possibility that she was with him before the break. She claimed they became
More than friends a week ago which was after the break.

More than friends means what? For her I think it means more than just a kiss.
I think it means they have been intimate.
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Old 6th February 2018, 9:53 PM   #17
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You were in a rebound relationship.

Block everything and go your own way.

You'll be fine long term if you hold NC
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Old 6th February 2018, 9:56 PM   #18
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Is it healthy at this time to reflect on the good times?

Everything reminds me of her, I feel better remembering these thoughts in a good light instead of being angry.

Is it not healthy to think about her at least for a few days?
Is it smarter not to think about her and try to block those thoughts?
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Old 6th February 2018, 11:04 PM   #19
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Whatís in her mind?

After things settle down with this new person. Whether itís a good or bad relationship, what does she think of me?


She was deeply in love with me a year ago and I told her not to be.
She now knows that I actually did develop strong feelings over time which I revealed on Friday during our call.

I wonder? I know if things are going well with the new person, Iíd be the last thing on her mind. I think either he or she will dump, I just know it. If itís him itís because it was a player move, if itís her, itíd be something disgusting that he does.
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Old 7th February 2018, 1:34 AM   #20
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You don't think you would take her back? She is not girlfriend materiel? Am i missing something? Why would she take YOU back. You clearly are not bf materiel. You offered her nothing and so she is returning the favor. You jerked her around, cheated on her and have the nerve to superior yourself if she touched another guy. WTF. YOU CHEATED ON HER. (But not full intimacy...ok)

Honestly, the best thing is for you to continue to be a pompous ass. She will find her forever, wether it be this guy or the next. You dont love her and never did, so what do you need support for?

Do you even read what you write? You don't paint a good picture of yourself.

The mirror is your truth. She did nothing wrong. You treated her badly and another man stepped up to the plate and she left you. You deserve what you have...nothing.

Last edited by Cullenbohannon; 7th February 2018 at 1:51 AM..
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Old 7th February 2018, 4:09 AM   #21
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Dear ex,

Dear ex,
I hope you find happiness. I do love you. I appoligize that I did not say I love you ever, it was immature of me. I love you.

You are a wonderful, beautiful woman who deserved much more than I gave. Timing was not right for me in the beginning fresh off my divorce to take on a full time girlfriend. To me, being in a committed relationship means completely giving yourself, your attention and love and I was not ready for that. Remember, I made a pact to be single for at least two years? Well we stretched our on an and off relationship to almost what will be 2 years next month 3-12-2018.

I feel I have missed an opportunity to have been with an amazing woman. Giving my entire self to you as you very well have deserved. I was fantasizing about this over the holidays but did not tell you. My fantasy was that I would sort of "pop the question" not to be married but to profess my feelings for you, it was to be very dramatic and wonderful. I'm sorry. This is my loss and it is an immeasurable loss. Being there when you need a soulmate to steer you, confide in or comfort you in times of trouble, to hold you when you are sad, to love you.

I messed up big time.

They say you dont know what you have until its gone and that rings so true for me. Losing a Lover and a best friend in one shot is devastating.

I purposley sabatoged the relationship with behaviour that I knew was unattractive to women. I acted cold at times, brought up negative things all the time, did not treat you special, I did not take you on
special dates, all on purpose so you could ween off of me, I wanted to protect your heart so you could move on gracefully. But now I realize that instead of protecting you, I weakend your spirit and
impacted your self-estem. Now I feel like I was a coward. I am sorry. I cannot forgive myself for this.

I took you for granted. I'm sorry.

Somehow along he way I developed deep feelings for you. I miss the compainionship. I miss your precense. I miss your laugh.
I miss your strength and vulnerability. I miss your nerdiness and bluntness. I miss your bad memory. I miss giving you a tender healing kiss.
I miss your quirkiness. I miss your sense of humor. I miss your quotes. I miss my best friend.

This is a letter you will never see but just so you know. You were right, I did discover how wonderful you were and I blew my chance to to be with an amazing beautiful woman.

I will love you always,
Me

Last edited by Lostsoulseeking; 7th February 2018 at 4:13 AM..
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Old 7th February 2018, 4:21 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cullenbohannon View Post
You don't think you would take her back? She is not girlfriend materiel? Am i missing something? Why would she take YOU back. You clearly are not bf materiel. You offered her nothing and so she is returning the favor. You jerked her around, cheated on her and have the nerve to superior yourself if she touched another guy. WTF. YOU CHEATED ON HER. (But not full intimacy...ok)

Honestly, the best thing is for you to continue to be a pompous ass. She will find her forever, wether it be this guy or the next. You dont love her and never did, so what do you need support for?

Do you even read what you write? You don't paint a good picture of yourself.

The mirror is your truth. She did nothing wrong. You treated her badly and another man stepped up to the plate and she left you. You deserve what you have...nothing.
This happened during break#2. She went off with another person, she said she was pursuing a relationship with him. He was not even fully divorced but they had full intimacy during a few week period. During this time of the break is when I met the other person. The ex came back in the middle of me dating the other person. I broke it off with the other person soon after that.

See, we never had any agreements to commitment. It was all about trust in each other that we wold keep each other informed of what was next, it was a mutual respectful silent agreement to protect each others hearts.
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Old 7th February 2018, 11:57 AM   #23
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Women CHASE men passionately at the beginning of relationships.

Men CHASE women passionately at the end of relationships.
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Old 7th February 2018, 5:23 PM   #24
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Iím not chasing

There has only been one phone call and she was driving to work.
I texted her Friday night 10:30pm asking her to call me when she has a few minutes to chat. She is always up at that time.
She did not call me until the next day 10:15am.

It was goodbye by phone which also sucks. I closed the door not her.
I told her that I did not wish to witness my replacement in progress on Facebook and that I unfriended her for my own health. I told not to contact me again and to respect that. This was 5 days ago. I miss her presence.

At some point down the road she will remember that I had strong feelings for
her and she will remember falling in love with me and will reach out.

I wonít be waiting around for that.

I have too many things I must address within myself, with my kids, with my dreams and purpose.

The anger is dying down as I speak to friends. She was confused and I was a big part of making her confused.

Iím concerned for her health. The new guy is a local musician and
he will probably hurt her. Iím concerned since he may have been with many groupies that he may be carrying something.

I wonít be there for her when all that goes down.
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Old 7th February 2018, 7:06 PM   #25
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Coming out of the fog

I am in and out of flight response due to my situation.

I have had other stressors going on simultaneously over the last 3 weeks, all which acumulated and presented themselves around the same time.

The universe is testing my strength. I wonít lie down, I will rise from the ashes.
This is a wake up call.

I will refocus daily, and take steps toward my dreams.
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Old 7th February 2018, 7:13 PM   #26
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I may be okay with our last exchange

I thought maybe we should meet and talk. Mostly due to me making many assumptions and I wanted to let her know that I loved her and I was sorry for hurting her. I want her to thrive without me and that she deserves a great life.

But then I thought about it.

That meeting will only bring me more pain and prolong it.

She already has the so called power knowing that I was heavily impacted.
No more games, I rather she have the power
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Old 7th February 2018, 9:21 PM   #27
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Please chime in. Would you send this letter?

Dear ex,
I hope you find happiness. I do love you. I appoligize that I did not say I love you ever, it was immature of me. I love you.

You are a wonderful, beautiful woman who deserved much more than I gave. Timing was not right for me in the beginning fresh off my divorce to take on a full time girlfriend. To me, being in a committed relationship means completely giving yourself, your attention and love and I was not ready for that. Remember, I made a pact to be single for at least two years? Well we stretched our on an and off relationship to almost what will be 2 years next month 3-12-2018.

I feel I have missed an opportunity to have been with an amazing woman. Giving my entire self to you as you very well have deserved. I was fantasizing about this over the holidays but did not tell you. My fantasy was that I would sort of "pop the question" not to be married but to profess my feelings for you, it was to be very dramatic and wonderful. I'm sorry. This is my loss and it is an immeasurable loss. Being there when you need a soulmate to steer you, confide in or comfort you in times of trouble, to hold you when you are sad, to love you.

I messed up big time.

They say you dont know what you have until its gone and that rings so true for me. Losing a Lover and a best friend in one shot is devastating.

I purposley sabatoged the relationship with behaviour that I knew was unattractive to women. I acted cold at times, brought up negative things all the time, did not treat you special, I did not take you on
special dates, all on purpose so you could ween off of me, I wanted to protect your heart so you could move on gracefully. But now I realize that instead of protecting you, I weakend your spirit and
impacted your self-estem. Now I feel like I was a coward. I am sorry. I cannot forgive myself for this.

I took you for granted. I'm sorry.

Somehow along he way I developed deep feelings for you. I miss the compainionship. I miss your precense. I miss your laugh.
I miss your strength and vulnerability. I miss your nerdiness and bluntness. I miss your bad memory. I miss giving you a tender healing kiss.
I miss your quirkiness. I miss your sense of humor. I miss your quotes. I miss my best friend.

This is a letter you will never see but just so you know. You were right, I did discover how wonderful you were and I blew my chance to to be with an amazing beautiful woman.

I will love you always,
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Old 7th February 2018, 9:45 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacemaker1 View Post
Hi LostSoulSearching,
I am sorry for what you are going through. I know that it is painful. But wallowing in this grief might not help you in the end. The only thing I can give you is to encourage you to take care of yourself first. If she has really moved on and you are stuck thinking about her, it is not going to help you. If I were you I would try my best to enjoy life, meet new people and be physically, spiritually and emotionally healthy. Have you ever considered seeking some professional counseling even from a local pastor? If someone new comes along and you are a great and fun person to be around with, maybe you'll end up in a healthier relationship.
Thank you for your reply. I am working out every day and eating right and plan
to work on my dreams and purpose. I’ve been talking with friends, getting others perspectives. A friend today suggested that I should give her a break because she was confused. I’m sure she thought I was seeing other women.
That is entirely my fault.

Once after we had a talk, she asked if I was going to date others. I said I plan to but not at this time. She asked well what if I go off. My reply was I really have no right to say you cannot, but please I don’t want to know about it and please keep me protected from Health risks. Be open and honest.

So it’s all on me. I don’t deserve pity, I deserve this pain.

Last edited by Lostsoulseeking; 7th February 2018 at 9:49 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 3:44 AM   #29
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I am wondering - can someone who has experience chime in?

Will she think of me in a negative or positive light?

Will she freak out again like the last break and try and contact
me as the backup plan even though I said specifically not to do that?

I think Iím gonna go buy a nice outfit and get out this weekend as a completey single guy for the first time since forever to see what the universe has in store for me.

Iím an attractive man, late forties but even the twenty somethings
find me attractive. The other person I went out with for a few weeks was mid thirties. She told that she was shocked and was sure I was younger than her. I am 15 years older. The ex is mid fourties.
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:58 AM   #30
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Woke up in pain, can anyone offer support?

Woke up angry and sad.

I was blindsided by my best friend, then my best friend had no shame posting
the courtship publicly on Facebook.

This is so out of character for her based on her past and how compassionate she is to others.

I donít think it was fully planned out by her, like women typically do. I think it just happened and she just dealt with it in her own way.

My guess is she was with this guy the night before the pictures in the woods.
She did not want to confront me about it, hence two days later she asks to take a step back at the end of our conversation where I was asking about her kid.
She lied to me and said it was just her and the pets and did not want to have a detailed breakup discussion because of what happened two days before.

This would explain why she did not want to have a full on breakup talk that day.

Sheís the type of person who would think things through and consider all involved and the discussions which have to take place. She would not knowingly do this if she knew Iíd be out of her life forever. She counted on me being plan B.

My pain comes mostly in the way this went down.

Iím am angry she did this to me. I am sad knowing that she had no regards for my heart and she was my best friend.

I never want to see her for the rest of my life.
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