Lacey49 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 I have been dating a man since October. We grew very close. He is 52 and never married before, never had kids. I was married and have kids. He talks about his childhood abandonment issues constantly whenever I wanted to know more about how he was feeling/thinking. I also have my own issues after a turbulent divorce but its been a few years and I've done a lot of counseling and took time off from relationships in general. Last night we had an argument over something stupid. He ended things abruptly, wouldn't take my call or answer texts. Just told me I'm "too complicated." He also has told me I'm wonderful and he is in love with me. I know I'm complicated. But I'm also very loving and faithful. I'm just stunned and hurt...feel like I've been kicked in the chest. I know he has commitment issues...I'm the second longest relationship he has had (at 52) and its only been 6 months. His other long time gf dumped him after 3 years without a promise of marriage. I feel he was looking for a reason to get rid of me and yet it hurts because I felt we had this incredible chemistry I've not felt before. I don't know how to get through this. I'm so tired and sad. I know I just need to take it a day at a time and not contact him...his message was clear enough, I don't desire to look desperate or foolish. Its just so hard to cold turkey...to go from intimacy and talking every night to nothing. Its like my heart has been ripped apart. Help. Link to post Share on other sites
Msday91 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Hey my boyfriend and I also broke up due to my ‘complicated ‘ circumstances too. It sucks I know but I just think if we can’t handle hurdles as a couple what future did we really have 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IReallyLovePuppies Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Move on. He doesn't deserve you.. One man's 'complication' is another man's privilege.. You'll find someone else more deserving of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 He is 52 and never married before, never had kids. Same situation for me. I've been with my present girlfriend for 6 years. I told her on our second date (I was 46 at the time), that I'd never been married and that I would NEVER get married. If that was a "deal breaker" (for her) that I understand. He is 52 and never been married. In my opinion, he is NOT the marrying type (based on the 3 year relationship breakup you mentioned). If he wanted to try marriage, he probably would have attempted it earlier in life. What was the argument about?? If you don't want to be specific, can you provide some general info?? Was it about long range plans or commitment?? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Guess something that happened hit a nerve with him. He may just have trouble keeping it going. Don't blame yourself. He decided you weren't right for each other. Doesn't mean you're not right for lots of other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
inmyownworld Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Read about attachment theory. He is likely avoidant (never married, no kids). Avoidance usually stems from childhood abandonment. It's likely you are not too complicated, but it's his reason to create space between you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 I'm so sorry... Unfortunately, you can have great chemistry but without consistency, commitment, honesty, intimacy, loyalty, trust, emotional stability, etc... well, you just can't build a healthy long term relationship. I wish you well as you heal from this experience. I hope you find the love you want someday... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
maxi105 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) hi lacey, just chipping in with the advice already on here and everyone is saying stuff that can help so hope you can make the best of what people are saying. its tough im sure, but I also agree with folks here that you are better off without him...plus if he is breaking off with you over something really trivial and stupid - and then is ghosting you at the age of 52!!!!!!!! he really needs to look himself over!!!! that itself is something of a sign im afraid about the way that this man operates; and will do so again if you get in any deeper with him. what happens if something you do upsets him in the future if you get him back and the situation is more serious? you cant solve things with other people if you are not prepared to even talk about it! give your heart to someone who desearves it. you sound more serious in your want for this relationship than he does, although being single may not nessesarilly mean he doenst want a relationship by now if he hasn't had one, some people are just not that lucky that's all, but it might also be that he is so particular in his views/manner that people are also left feeling tired and drained by his behaviours. but unless he comes back to you within the next week or 2 (no later than that) and will give you reasons as to why he dropped you, an apology that he means to go forward and offers some kind of reassurance and stability for you that you can trust and believe that he wants to start again with you then bin him. its a new year, there are going to be LOADS of guys out there looking to meet a fun, nice gals like yourself. also valentines day and the spring is coming. keep the god values you have and use your qualities to go meet someone who can bring some fun in to your world (and who you can actually talk to), no matter how much you are hurting right now or how much you love or miss him, if he cant or wont talk to you when you need it your relationship is not that good for you!). work on getting your shine back and when you've got it, go out there and let the world see your glow....trust me, you'll wonder what you ever saw in this man when you start to find your real glow again. its only a few months since you've really been together; so in a way he wont have got his emotional hooks into your heart as he might have done had it been a long term relationship. its sad that you thought he was the one, but it seems to be he isn't. and doesn't even have the maturity or decency to talk things over. go and find your real soulmate or at least just being around potential suitors who are good for your spirit even just in a fun environment where nothing happens like a night out in a room full of fun people, it will pep you up and then you can start again when you realise what you have to offer again and you can show it as a single person not a tired/sapped energy but as a lively person ready for a new beginning. think spring, think sunshine and think new starts. good wishes, maxi Edited January 17, 2018 by maxi105 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lacey49 Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 Same situation for me. I've been with my present girlfriend for 6 years. I told her on our second date (I was 46 at the time), that I'd never been married and that I would NEVER get married. If that was a "deal breaker" (for her) that I understand. He is 52 and never been married. In my opinion, he is NOT the marrying type (based on the 3 year relationship breakup you mentioned). If he wanted to try marriage, he probably would have attempted it earlier in life. What was the argument about?? If you don't want to be specific, can you provide some general info?? Was it about long range plans or commitment?? I should clarify: I had a long term marriage and I have kids. I have no real desire to marry again, but I would like a solid relationship in my life. The argument started out by me offering to pay for an upcoming weekend away, to which he took offense. I said that he always gets the dinner tab and I wanted to contribute to the relationship as well. He then said I should split the dinner tabs, which I find ridiculous. We are both established in our careers. I don't mind picking up the check, and I give him gifts and cook for him, but I'm not going to sit there and split a dinner check at this age. I offer to pick up the tab frequently, but he always grabs the check. Stupid stuff really. Confusing. It just went down hill from there. We've gotten to the "I love you phase" and were spending quite a bit of time together..so maybe that is when he usually exits? I just hurt like hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 I should clarify: I had a long term marriage and I have kids. I have no real desire to marry again, but I would like a solid relationship in my life. The argument started out by me offering to pay for an upcoming weekend away, to which he took offense. I said that he always gets the dinner tab and I wanted to contribute to the relationship as well. He then said I should split the dinner tabs, which I find ridiculous. We are both established in our careers. I don't mind picking up the check, and I give him gifts and cook for him, but I'm not going to sit there and split a dinner check at this age. I offer to pick up the tab frequently, but he always grabs the check. Stupid stuff really. Confusing. It just went down hill from there. We've gotten to the "I love you phase" and were spending quite a bit of time together..so maybe that is when he usually exits? I just hurt like hell. I apologize, I think I misunderstood your origin post. Maybe he was looking for an "out" and the true situation is not about the money or the trip or picking up the check at dinner. Did something change?? Did you disclose some new information about yourself, recently?? I just get the feeling he wanted out and he doesn't want to disclose the reason "why". You may have to accept that. I'm sorry you are hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
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