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Dumped by a narcissist man?


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Please can anyone help me, I've been seeing a guy fairly serious for 4 months when all of a sudden over 2 weeks he started being distant and horrible to me, then I found him on a dating site. So the following morning (3 weeks ago) I rang him, he always answers but this day he didn't, my gut feeling told me to get rid so I sent him a goodbye text and that I had seen him on this site. He never replied and I haven't heard from him since. He is still on this dating site as if nothing has happened, I have a feeling because I dumped him then that gives him the right to do this, but I feel I've been completely hoodwinked I had no choice. I went No Contact straight away so it looks like I've disappeared, I feel such a fool and I'm so confused and carrying all this pain and grief whilst he's fine?

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You already had plenty of reason to ditch him in the first place. The fact that he didn't even bother to respond in any way and it's been 3 weeks just confirms that you made the right choice. He sounds like he has a complete lack of respect and compassion for others.

 

Stick with NC and once you're over the pain you can congratulate yourself that you got rid of this guy after a relatively short period of time. Better that than waste years on him!

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I'm just confused as I feel he dumped me not the other way around. I just can't seem to settle. I could kick myself for what I've let him done.

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I'm just confused as I feel he dumped me not the other way around. I just can't seem to settle. I could kick myself for what I've let him done.

 

 

Whatsapp,

 

Before I give you a full reply, just wondering why you think that he is a Narcissist?

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No no, you got it wrong. YOU are fine, he is not.

 

He didn't swindle you for money, or leave you pregnant. You are fine. Whatever pain you feel is self-inflicted.

 

Are you normally a proud and competitive person at work? That kind of personality suffers more in situations like this because the pride is hurt yet you have no control over another's actions.

 

You CAN be fine, and happy, if you choose to be.

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Whatsapp,

 

Before I give you a full reply, just wondering why you think that he is a Narcissist?

 

The thing has he warned me, my own fault I know but I couldn't see it.

 

He still lives at home with his mother even though he's in his 50s no empathy he loves himself and likes to call himself The Prince, self-centred and arrogant. Admits to having his mum and sister run around after him, always fantasizing about work and telling me stories like he's the leading part and never asks me how I am or what I've been doing, I was mentally drained but he was like a drug to me? Constant texts and phone calls up to 15 some days and now nothing, the stories were now 3 times over. He told me joking that none of his relationships last longer than 3 months and he couldn't understand how we had never had an argument as we get on so well, then this?

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And he also told me that all these crazy women text and ring him at night wanting him back so he turns his phone off. This is why I've completely gone NC to stand my ground, but it's eating away at me.

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And he also told me that all these crazy women text and ring him at night wanting him back so he turns his phone off. This is why I've completely gone NC to stand my ground, but it's eating away at me.

 

 

A while ago whilst we were in bed he said jokingly "I can see us just being really good friends" My reply was "No way"

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The guy doesn't sound like he really wants a relationship anyway. It sounds like he just hangs with women until he gets bored and then chooses another. He loves what he's doing, living with his mom and still acting like a teenager. It's good you're finished with him or vice versa.

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The guy doesn't sound like he really wants a relationship anyway. It sounds like he just hangs with women until he gets bored and then chooses another. He loves what he's doing, living with his mom and still acting like a teenager. It's good you're finished with him or vice versa.

 

I hope he doesn't try to come back :(

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The thing has he warned me, my own fault I know but I couldn't see it.

 

He still lives at home with his mother even though he's in his 50s no empathy he loves himself and likes to call himself The Prince, self-centred and arrogant. Admits to having his mum and sister run around after him, always fantasizing about work and telling me stories like he's the leading part and never asks me how I am or what I've been doing, I was mentally drained but he was like a drug to me? Constant texts and phone calls up to 15 some days and now nothing, the stories were now 3 times over. He told me joking that none of his relationships last longer than 3 months and he couldn't understand how we had never had an argument as we get on so well, then this?

 

Oh my gosh..I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you.

 

The term is Love Bombed. Google it.

This guy "Love Bombed" you.

 

They generally swoop in and take advantage of someone who is in a weakened state. For example, after a break-up

 

These guys have a very acute 6th sense..they know how to choose a victim.

Have you taken some time to think about why his manipulations were successful?

 

As hard as this might be, try to turn your thoughts inward and focus on self-care. It's actually an opportunity to grow.

 

And whatever you do...do not contact him.

If you see him in public...ignore him.

 

It will only feed his non-existent ego.

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I hope he doesn't try to come back :(

 

Doubtful that he will. There are plenty of other victims to keep him amused.

He is all about power. Don't let him have it over you!

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Luckily he lives 20 miles away, I can assure you NC on my half is permanent, the thing is I'm a strong independent woman with far more than he has, this is why he liked me I was different than the others and he "had a good feeling about us" he texted me one night.

 

The thing is I didn't even fancy him in the beginning, I should have followed my gut instinct, I had sleepless nights tossing and turning thinking about some of the things he said and I told him and he took them on board and asked how could he improve himself? Last few weeks he stopped swearing, maybe this was for the new woman in his life whilst he was getting rid of me?

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I feel he's not done with me yet, and that worries me as it's my gut telling me :(

 

It isn't a matter of "he's not done with you yet". You have to be done with him. You aren't helpless.

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How can I find strength, some days I'm great other days I'm angry and hurt. There is nowhere he can find me all numbers and social media blocked?

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A while ago whilst we were in bed he said jokingly "I can see us just being really good friends" My reply was "No way"

 

Keep this statement he made in your mind. He will never want more than this. It's good you are at the anger stage as it pushes you forward to protect yourself from further abuse and heal.

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Luckily he lives 20 miles away, I can assure you NC on my half is permanent, the thing is I'm a strong independent woman with far more than he has, this is why he liked me I was different than the others and he "had a good feeling about us" he texted me one night.

 

The thing is I didn't even fancy him in the beginning, I should have followed my gut instinct, I had sleepless nights tossing and turning thinking about some of the things he said and I told him and he took them on board and asked how could he improve himself? Last few weeks he stopped swearing, maybe this was for the new woman in his life whilst he was getting rid of me?

 

Here's the kicker...

These guys are attracted to very capable, intelligent, successful women.

 

Why? Because these men are 100% empty on the inside.

Preying on someone of this caliber fills them with what they are lacking.

 

Why are these women susceptible to this?

Often these women (possibly you?) are over achievers and very successful.

And can be from families where they were never accepted for who they truly are....unconditionally loved.

They were accepted only if their behavior aligned with strict requirements.

So conditionally accepted for their actions vs being accepted unconditionally loved for who they are as a person.

 

In the real world this translates into a very successful, beautiful women whose motivation is to succeed.

What is she actually ad unknowingly doing?

Proving to everyone that she is worthy.

 

These men can smell this a mile away.

And it may not be you...so I hope you've taken no offense.

But if any of this does resonate....Please take some time to ponder this.

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How can I find strength, some days I'm great other days I'm angry and hurt. There is nowhere he can find me all numbers and social media blocked?

 

 

Great job! This guy underestimated you strength! Some women are never able to put a block on the numbers.

 

You do not need to find the strength...you already have it! If only other women would respond as well as you are...

 

You are grieving. Even thogh he isn't worth it...the emotions you are describe are those of grief.

 

Ask yourself...do you have any unresolved grief in you life?

Death in the family, a neglectful parent.....

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You were right to follow your first mind and dump him. Of course he is allowed to seek other women after being dumped so why question why he's on a dating site? Let him be someone else's problem.

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I feel he's not done with me yet, and that worries me as it's my gut telling me :(

 

 

You are afraid because you have no control over this situation.

This is 100% natural.

Treat this fear like an intruder. Tell it that is has no place in you mind.

Seriously...say this out loud whenever you feel this way.

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It doesn't hurt to talk to a therapist. At some point the problem is you, not him. He is insignificant, many men are worse than him, could have been another guy. But when you can't cope, it's you.

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I feel for you. I am in a similar situation. Men like that want the best of both worlds.

 

 

I totally understand the emotional swings - feeling fine, hurt, anger, etc.

 

 

I too am a strong, independent woman. I am enjoying life alone, don't want a relationship, and that bothers him.

 

 

 

Good luck.

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It doesn't hurt to talk to a therapist. At some point the problem is you, not him. He is insignificant, many men are worse than him, could have been another guy. But when you can't cope, it's you.

 

Hi Maggie,

 

While I do agree that we are all a mirror of our relationships...given the little that we know...saying that she is the "problem" might be a bit harsh.

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Here's the kicker...

These guys are attracted to very capable, intelligent, successful women.

 

Why? Because these men are 100% empty on the inside.

Preying on someone of this caliber fills them with what they are lacking.

 

Why are these women susceptible to this?

Often these women (possibly you?) are over achievers and very successful.

And can be from families where they were never accepted for who they truly are....unconditionally loved.

They were accepted only if their behavior aligned with strict requirements.

So conditionally accepted for their actions vs being accepted unconditionally loved for who they are as a person.

 

In the real world this translates into a very successful, beautiful women whose motivation is to succeed.

What is she actually ad unknowingly doing?

Proving to everyone that she is worthy.

 

These men can smell this a mile away.

And it may not be you...so I hope you've taken no offense.

But if any of this does resonate....Please take some time to ponder this.

 

Soshy you are 100% correct on this.

 

He couldn't believe how cool I am and that he's never met any woman like me, he always went on about how bad HIS childhood was and my reply that hit a nerve was that I came back with "Well at least YOU were loved" Don't get me wrong, I went for nothing and had a lovely home but I was bought up with grandparents and mum all living together as mum was 16 when she had me and went off the rails, so I was a kinda burden. I think I was forgotten about when I was 11 as I could fend for myself and I also went off the rails :(

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