9 months break, ex calls me out of the blue...

[bastiam]

After seven years of relationship she decides she no longer wants to be with me. Last couple of month before we broke up thing got a little colder, but the last year, at least for me was ok, I finally decided to ask her to marry me (did not happened, she broke it two moths before I was going to propose).

 

As I was saying thing got a little odd between us, I was sensing things don't go in a happy direction, so one day, a week before Ester I was sitting with her on the bed and asked her where she wants to go for holiday (I was hoping to consolidate the last months of coldness with this trip), but she said she wants to brake it off... We did not talk to much about it then, next day she starts packing (we ware living together for the last 6 years), I tried to talked to her but she was very convinced, I did try to make her stay or at least don't move out, did try to talk and maybe stop her from living... I left the house because when I see her living it breaks my heart (its not the first time she wanted to leave me, but always came back or I brought her back somehow). The only thing that she said to me in a angry way was that i don't attract her, that stopped me from trying and left the house letting her pack, when i was going back home I was just in time to get my keys from her.

 

For the next week we did not talk at all, then one day, I came early morning at her, she was still sleeping, she wake up with me on her corner of her bed, she looked surprised but not in a good way. I talked to her a little bit but she acted mean and said a lot of mean thing like she is bored, she cannot have fun with me, I act like a old man stuff like this. I left and came back with a few clothes, she asked for them. I tried to talk to her in the presents of her mom, because she told me that she and her mother took some calming pills because of the stress I caused by going to her house. I wanted to talk to her with her mom because I wanted to calm thing down and explain my intentions and apologize for the stress I caused.

 

For the next 3 days I did not talk to her at all, but she text me if we could meet for a smoke, I called her and met with her. We smoked two cigars and talk she was more clear and said work is better and she is more relaxed so I stole a kiss or two from her and left with a good vibe. After 3 days with no talking I called her for my chance of smoking a cigar with her, was my time to miss her, but she refused to come and that was last time she answered my calls. I desperately tried to talk to her, and text her with no answer. A weak later she had to come to my house because she had some work related stuff to get from me, we talked I talked about my intentions of getting married and kids and relationship goals, love, how much she means to me and stuff, again overall good vibes, hugs, a little kiss, good vibes. After this again no response back for text for nothing, I did not call her anymore, I hated calling without an answer. After two weeks I asked if we could meet, I wanted to show her how much I've changed for the better, she came at my house we talked again good vibes, she came near me she took my hand we hugged, I took her on the bed and she immediately falls a sleep in my arms for 40 minuets, she woke up somehow panicked grabs a picture from the fridge and the coffee machine and goes home, I asked her if she is leaving the same like before she came, same psychical orientation like before she talked to me, she said no and kissed my neck.

 

After this encounter she did not respond to my texts we did not talked for three weeks or so, I continued texting her telling her my goals, how much I want to mature and change my life, trying to convince her, I asked her if we could meet, she said yes, she said we could go eat, and we did but this time she was cold, detached and this time I could not get good vibes at all she said she will never get back together with me and stuff like this, the only thing was that from the restaurant to the car we hold hands and she kissed me when she got in to the car. After a few weeks one saturday I missed her so much, I asked if she want to go in a road trip with me, she responded very cold and said a lot of ugly thing. From that moment I stopped all contact for exactly one month when she contacted all my friends and me. Telling my friends she wants to come back to me and a lot of beautiful stuff "I can't imagine the father of my kids not being him" "I'm coming back i want a family". She called we talk 40 mins about how we are and she stopped again , after a few says i text her whut's up... no response, she left me again... we exchanged some text ending up on her same thing, she does not want to be with me apologizing for contacting me and ravishing me with calls and texts. No contact again for three weeks I asked a friend of mine to talk to her for clearing all her stuff from my apartment, I left her the keys at a neighbor and she came alone and picked up all her stuff (a friend of hers said she stood on the corner of the bed crying for 45 min on the phone not saying a thing to this fried of ours). After this in like three weeks I go one day at her house unannounced, she was very surprised to see me, she was shaking with emotion, we end up going in to the park and talk and try to make things work. She said she was missing me like she "called for me to come" she was unhappy, we started dating again everything was going so smooth, we dated for a week, friday she said she want to go camping for the weekend with me and some friends, but from friday she started to act weird again, we talked she said she does not feel same as me, but we can still try make things work. The weekend was a roller coaster of emotions for me because I was getting mixed emotions, when we started to pack to go home things got serious she said she cannot do this anymore and its better we broke it off. I got tired of the same discussion all over again and I said she can do whatever she wants, I am tired, after we picked up the tent and got on the road I said lets pull the car and talk, we talked she said I always mix her emotions and confuse her... for a brief moment she said she rushed again by wanting to brake up like 20 min. ago... but we broke it off again she said we will go and talk again tomorrow in the park. That moment never came she calls me a day after tomorrow and she is serious about breaking up, she said I could ask anything to get closure. Its going to be 3 moths now from that call with no contact. A few friends of ours told me that she is ok, she seems happy and normal...

 

Its been 7 moths from the moment she left my apartment and 3 from last contact. I don't have any closure, I cannot get past this, I want to get over it because I don't think she will ever come back, and if she does want its because she is unhappy not because she loves me. Can you please explain from a different opinion the situation. I am still hurt inside, I still cry, I want some closure please review this brake up story and shoot some opinion. Thank you in advance, sorry for the long post.

 

Update :

Last week on my birthday, our name anniversary, at 9 am she texted me a simple "happy birthday", I responded back with a "thank you and happy birthday to you to", she immediately texted me back "thank you". Later that week a friend of mine, boyfriend of my ex best friend, called on me asking how am I doing, and asked if me and my ex talked lately, I said no... I told him I received the birthday text. He told me that the girls talked and my ex said she misses me, we ware best friends and misses talking to me, yesterday I visited my friend, the one who called me last week, he told me that the girls talked about 3 weeks ago and my ex misses me and she is like "I don't know what I want", my friend told them that he thinks that I am okay, and my ex lost me, and I don't care anymore. I hope this doesn't hurt my chances.

How should I interpret my ex gestures, she did not reached out, the text, its a simple births day wish is she trying to reach out? In the last 7 months she said she misses me 3 or 4 times. I think missing some one its not the same thing as wanting to be with them. My friend thinks she is in a relationship, he said he will find out if this is true. Today I am going to a party with this two friends of ours, what should I be like, surely the subject will come out. I don't know what to tell my ex friend. Every time she came back I drove her away with being to friendly and to in love with her to out front with my feelings. Now I understand the power of NC, I was relatively ok before this "contact" happened, now I am thinking to much again, again my hopes appeared and I don't know what to do and what is going on...

 

Update :

I was wright... she was dating someone, and its a high school colleague of mine, same class, I can't call him my friend but he was in my house a couple of times...

They did not know each other, they met at a festival this summer. They are in a relation ship, I don't know maybe 3-4 months now, and before Christmass they moved together. I was hurt hearing the news. He is an ok guy, but I don't think he is so special, and neither my friends, based on how he was 8 years ago. My ex closes friend told me she is forcing to act natural, and she is not as happy as she wants to seem. Our common friends don't tell me much about her because they know I get emotional on the subject so I don't know the real reason why she is down with the morale, I really don't know if I have any part in her being sad, but they said she is thinking of me.

 

For the new years eve some friends of ours came in our town, a former couple boy and girl, they are no longer together but they came on the same plane. I picked the up both from the airport. The girls staid with my ex the boy staid at my place. On the 29th of December my ex called me out of the blue, I tried to be evasive and kept it brief, she sensed this and said she will talk to me another time when I am less busy and we hanged up. 5 second later she calls me again and asked me directly if we could meet up for a smoke tomorrow, I said I don't know I will think about it. And 20 mins later I texted her with a more friendly and funny approach that we could meet up tomorrow. The next day she texted me if I want to go for a walk in the park. We ended up going for a walk, we talked general stuff like work and plans for the future with the jobs and stuff like this. We did not talked about relation ship nothing absolutely nothing even close to our situation, it was like 2 old friends going out for a walk, nothing emotional, not even close to touching the breakup or relation ship subject. I had some of her stuff to give her back but it was my initiative she did not asked for them. After the walk she texted me she wanted to stay more with me but she had some prep to do for, and if I want we could meet up after the new years eve. We exchanged some text later that day, friendly massages, she called once but I did not picked up the phone because I did not heard the phone ringing and I texted back and she told me she wanted to know if i could borrow a old cellphone for our friend who stays at her. On the now years eve she texted me Happy births day! :* I replied saying i am in the same spot she called me 3 days ago, she laughed and wished the I have a good year... and so far that was it.

 

I am some how confused, I don't know how to judge her actions. I don't expect to much from this. Its hard for me because I still love her, I felt so comfortable talking and hanging out with her, but its hard to know she is in another relationship and I don't quite understand her, and what she wants. It's becouse she misses me? Wants to get back with me? Wants to be friends? She is bored or unhappy or just curious? She is feeling guilt? I don't know and based on the past post break up experience she will stop contacting me again. I think she satisfied her ego again, gathering some power to push foreword for a new life breaking our bond a little more. I don't know, we will see, I will let her contact me, I will not initiate.

 

I came here for the expert advice, and I beg you to be straight foreword with the opinion. How do you judge this action? Did I managed correctly? My approach of not getting in to "emotional" discussion was a good decision? Do I acted week ? What do you recommend I do if she contacts me again, and what to do if she does not? Please I need some advice, it could be my, our last chance I don't want to f**k up again. What is the best mind set i need to take, what do I have to do to and act to maybe attract her again, this was the main part that stud for her breaking up with me. Thank you...