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How can this even be possible, I need some serious answers


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:17 AM   #1
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Exclamation How can this even be possible, I need some serious answers

Hello everybody, okay so this is complicated as hell but hear me out and some help would be greatly appreciated because I am annoyed and upset right now.

I met this chick half a year ago, we were best friends from may to mid November when we decided to date because we had an amazing connection and everything was perfect. We dated for 2 weeks and then she split it off because she said I was way too affectionate. The whole time I have known her she would always bring up her ex somehow in conversation. At that very moment I knew she had feelings for her ex. I thought nothing of it and tried to be the better boyfriend.

I guess no matter what I did, it did not matter and I believe that was a big factor in why she lost interest fast in me. Everyone said i was perfect for her and her ex was the biggest ******* piece of **** alive according to all her friends and she also said it too. Why she wanted him back i have no clue. 2 weeks after our split I found out she goes on a date with her ex because apparently he has changed. He begged for her back and apologized for everything in the past.

I know this is all a smoke screen because he has been an ******* and manipulator all his life and made her feel like crap in the relationship and after the relationship. He would bash her so hard even after they broke up. Anyhow she admitted she has feelings for him finally so then I knew like this was all messed up. We agreed to be friends and I was cool with that because our relationship was super short, it hurt but didn't hurt as much as it could have because it was so short.

We went to Montreal this past weekend with friends and we were staying there for about 3 nights. The first night her and I went to a show together and we had an amazing time and she told me I had so much fun with you. That same night I was lying down and she was caressing my hair and eventually asked if I wanted to sleep with her and cuddle with her. We cuddled and hung out and I did not push for anything because in her state of mind that would not be healthy for both of us.

The day after we took an afternoon nap where we would cuddle again and just hangout. No kissing and that same night we went to another show and it was just her and I again and she kept telling me how much fun she has with me only out of all her friends. All her friends are telling her not to be friends with me because what she is doing is wrong and leading me on. I asked her do you have feelings for me and she said she is confused and does not know. We came back from Montreal and I found out she went to her ex's place and slept there.

Last night we had a 3 hour conversation on the phone because I basically told her like what are we. You cuddled with me and you said I was amazing and you never have fun with anyone else but me and basically gave me all these mixed signals. She said she does not know, she said she obviously has feelings for her ex still and she then said oh he really is not that bad now that I realized it. This is typical "rose colored glasses" because she knows what he has done and what he will do but she is looking at only the positive things and the smokescreen he is putting up to get her back.

I also asked her why did we not workout exactly, and obviously her ex was a big factor and she said it was not you at all. I know you were very affectionate and i did not like that but it was not that. I then asked her what was it and she said I wanted to be with you and like you and date you but "Something was missing". That hurt to hear but even after the fact she still held on to me. She keeps telling me she wants me so bad in her life no matter what. I said I am cool with being in your life.

Basically I am predicting it, and so are her friends and this ex of hers will break up with her again or they will split because he is crazy. She wants me to be there and out of her mouth she said no one treats me or talks to me like I do to her. She opened up about her life that no one knows about including her ex. She wants to know why I like her so much, she wants to hear me explain to her why I think she is so amazing. She is engaged in that and loves it when I make her feel good, and that seems to be the case with everything when I talk to her.

What do i do now? I can't have her not in my life, I went through a bad break up a year ago but this was no where near the extent and length. My first one was 6 years and I got cheated on. This is really no where near it, it obviously hurts a little but is easy to move on and get over it and remain her best friend. Now the important question, do I stick around for when her boyfriend breaks up with her and try rekindle what we have. Should I keep being who I am with her and be that guy she loves all the time that is fun energetic and talks to her which she loves. I am apparently like no one else not even her closest friends care as much as I do and she said that which is important to her because she has anxiety and depression.

I need just a tad of guidance because I am cool with being friends with her and if she ever drops out of her relationship I would certainly love to be with her and I can guarantee she would transition into me because of the way she is around me and talks about me.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:27 AM   #2
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You sound needy, clingy and desperate. Females do not find any of these traits attractive. Cut ties and move on.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:33 AM   #3
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You're the doormat whenever she needs someone to lean on.

The woman is clearly dysfunctional in that she desires a relationship that is abusive. If anything you'll always be in a situation that keeps you sitting on the fence because you're a crutch, rather than a guy she's truly interested in. Also, women find men who behave this way unattractive.

Find your self-respect and dignity and move on.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:33 AM   #4
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I would not stick around. It's quite obvious she has zero respect for you and you are her little emotional play thing while her head can't decide what she wants to do. You sticking around like a puppy dog is not going to change that. I would not be surprised if you move on and she sees you found someone else, she will find your sexy and try to win back if she likes you that way.

What's your age range of your two?

I don't get this sleeping in same bed and cuddling thing that keeps going on. Why are adult young people cuddling in same bed like 12 year olds?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:36 AM   #5
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You not going to like this but you are what's known as the good backup guy. You are wasting your time with this gal.

Move on. Ignore everything she said to you cause frankly, she doesn't know what the hell she wants but she does want you to be there to stroke her ego and tell her how fantastic she is etc.

I'll break all contact with her and tell her to contact you once she knows what she wants and when she is serious but in all honesty.. I won't take her back.

She's is one of those dramatic gal that likes to go out with losers and arse and then complain about how her life is bad.. how she never meets anyone nice and then sit there soaking up all the sympathy and 'you are so pretty and fantastic and any guy will be lucky to have you'.

Move on.. as I always write.. You have one life to live.. Live it happy and with someone who deserve you.. Don't ever be a backup of number two..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:38 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by andrewimecs View Post
What do i do now? I can't have her not in my life, I went through a bad break up a year ago but this was no where near the extent and length. My first one was 6 years and I got cheated on. This is really no where near it, it obviously hurts a little but is easy to move on and get over it and remain her best friend. Now the important question, do I stick around for when her boyfriend breaks up with her and try rekindle what we have. Should I keep being who I am with her and be that guy she loves all the time that is fun energetic and talks to her which she loves. I am apparently like no one else not even her closest friends care as much as I do and she said that which is important to her because she has anxiety and depression.

I need just a tad of guidance because I am cool with being friends with her and if she ever drops out of her relationship I would certainly love to be with her and I can guarantee she would transition into me because of the way she is around me and talks about me.
Game over, dude.

That all she needs to know. And trust me, even if you never said that to her, she knows it.

At this point, you're not even a backup plan. Your attractiveness to her is like a cousin, a brother, or a lamp.

The only shot (and it's a hell of a long one) with her is to disappear. Go away. You sound extremely needy and clingy and that is the death nail with women...
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:39 AM   #7
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No you cannot be her friend because it would not be healthy for you. You feed her ego when her ex knocks it down so of course she enjoys spending time with you. She uses you like a teddy bear. You should have went for sex with her long ago but now you are in the friend zone. Stop kissing her a-- and show her you are a strong man by telling her you don't need more friends and walk away. You can't make her love you just like her ex can't make her stop loving him. When she said something was missing she meant she doesn't feel passion or sexual chemistry with you. There are lot's of girls out there and good luck in your search for the right one.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:44 AM   #8
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Give yourself space. If you can't be just friends without more, than that is something you need to think about. I know this guy he is so wonderful great, sweet and kind to me, he really likes me and always wanted to date me. I was just never attracted to him in that way. So I told him that I wanted to stay best friends instead of date because in reality I never wanted to ruin or lose him as a friend with the possibility of dating. We are still awesome friends to this day and I really do care about him, but I know he deserves someone who will fulfill all of his wants and needs. I would move on and not try to date her again if I was you.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:50 AM   #9
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andrewimecs,
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you were on a hiding to nothing with this girl from the get go.

She wasn't over her ex.

She wasn't ready for a relationship with you or anyone else.


Quote:
Now the important question, do I stick around for when her boyfriend breaks up with her and try rekindle what we have.
No, no and NO again.
Please get some self-respect.
Don't you think you deserve better than some other guys cast-offs?

She's using you as a nice comfy pillow when things get tough - don't be the fallback guy.

Quote:
What do i do now? I can't have her not in my life,
Yes you can. You had a life before she came on the scene and you'll have one after she's gone.

Walk away and do it NOW - you are only setting yourself up for heartbreak if you carry on associating with her.

You deserve better than this, so you need to be available when it comes along.

Good luck x
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:11 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Arieswoman View Post
andrewimecs,
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you were on a hiding to nothing with this girl from the get go.

She wasn't over her ex.

She wasn't ready for a relationship with you or anyone else.




No, no and NO again.
Please get some self-respect.
Don't you think you deserve better than some other guys cast-offs?

She's using you as a nice comfy pillow when things get tough - don't be the fallback guy.



Yes you can. You had a life before she came on the scene and you'll have one after she's gone.

Walk away and do it NOW - you are only setting yourself up for heartbreak if you carry on associating with her.

You deserve better than this, so you need to be available when it comes along.

Good luck x
Personally I understand and agree with you, but personally it sucks but it does not hurt as much now that I got proper closure. With everything that happened I got over her wanting me or not. I was just thinking of possible scenarios. To be quite honest it would not hurt me to be her best friend because I love her like that right now. So basically instead of pursuing it any further relationship wise I am just going to focus on being her friend which I really do not mind. It was a 2 week relationship, it was short and hurt a little of course but not as much as it could have. So it would be a savage move to cut her out if I respect her and like her for who she is especially as friends. I am not going to stop myself from seeking other girls of course but I can seek other girls and be her friend.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:13 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Spractor View Post
Give yourself space. If you can't be just friends without more, than that is something you need to think about. I know this guy he is so wonderful great, sweet and kind to me, he really likes me and always wanted to date me. I was just never attracted to him in that way. So I told him that I wanted to stay best friends instead of date because in reality I never wanted to ruin or lose him as a friend with the possibility of dating. We are still awesome friends to this day and I really do care about him, but I know he deserves someone who will fulfill all of his wants and needs. I would move on and not try to date her again if I was you.
That is my ultimate goal in the end. I love her so much as a friend because we just mesh as friends so well. I am very content on being with her as a best friend. I would not want to lose that relationship because deep down i think she is amazing.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:20 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by frigginlost View Post
Game over, dude.

That all she needs to know. And trust me, even if you never said that to her, she knows it.

At this point, you're not even a backup plan. Your attractiveness to her is like a cousin, a brother, or a lamp.

The only shot (and it's a hell of a long one) with her is to disappear. Go away. You sound extremely needy and clingy and that is the death nail with women...
To be honest I do not care if I am a backup plan or not. I want her as a best friend. I can be content with having her. It was so much worse in the past for me and this is nothing compared to what I experienced. I love her as best friend and her giving me closure helped a lot and made me realize I can be happy with friendship. Of course at the beginning it will be a little tough but I can pull through no problem.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:21 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by IReallyLovePuppies View Post
You not going to like this but you are what's known as the good backup guy. You are wasting your time with this gal.

Move on. Ignore everything she said to you cause frankly, she doesn't know what the hell she wants but she does want you to be there to stroke her ego and tell her how fantastic she is etc.

I'll break all contact with her and tell her to contact you once she knows what she wants and when she is serious but in all honesty.. I won't take her back.

She's is one of those dramatic gal that likes to go out with losers and arse and then complain about how her life is bad.. how she never meets anyone nice and then sit there soaking up all the sympathy and 'you are so pretty and fantastic and any guy will be lucky to have you'.

Move on.. as I always write.. You have one life to live.. Live it happy and with someone who deserve you.. Don't ever be a backup of number two..
What if I do not want to be a backup anymore but just her best friend?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:22 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by andrewimecs View Post
To be honest I do not care if I am a backup plan or not. I want her as a best friend. I can be content with having her. It was so much worse in the past for me and this is nothing compared to what I experienced. I love her as best friend and her giving me closure helped a lot and made me realize I can be happy with friendship. Of course at the beginning it will be a little tough but I can pull through no problem.
Possibly one of the most beta things Iíve ever read. You need to stop man youíre going to embarrass yourself. Her bad ex is having sex with her whilst you, the nice guy, plays the role of emotional tampon.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:27 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by andrewimecs View Post
What if I do not want to be a backup anymore but just her best friend?
In your mind you want to be her best friend. But in reality you want to be there so if she breaks up with her BF, she will come to you. But that will never happed because you don't do it for her. She will just move on and find another guy that does it for her.

So your only option is to be willing to be there as a little comfort toy for her to use and do with what she wants. That is not a best friendship relationship. Thats a one sided relationship where one person is getting all the benefits and other other is just there hanging on to nothing.
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