LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

Do I even deserve my new boyfriend? Feeling so guilty.


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree22Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd January 2018, 12:58 PM   #16
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZayKayWill View Post
It honestly sounds to me like you still have some lingering feelings for the ex. Why did you end it if you don't mind me asking?
I don't think I do, or at least if I do it's nothing compared to how strongly I used to feel. I ended it because I no longer saw a future with him. In the last months of our relationship I was very unhappy. Once we broke up he did try to get me back on multiple occasions, and I rejected them. I tried to get him back once as well but then realized it was a mistake and decided to go no contact.
annalu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2018, 1:06 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Phoenix AZ
Posts: 683
Quote:
Originally Posted by annalu View Post
I don't think I do, or at least if I do it's nothing compared to how strongly I used to feel. I ended it because I no longer saw a future with him. In the last months of our relationship I was very unhappy. Once we broke up he did try to get me back on multiple occasions, and I rejected them. I tried to get him back once as well but then realized it was a mistake and decided to go no contact.
Hmm. It just doesn't make sense to me that instead of being happy for him instead you feel some sadness about him having another girlfriend and moving on. Usually that means deep down you're hoping things will rekindle in the future, but if you say otherwise then I'll take your word for it...
__________________
One man's honest is another's disrespectful.
ZayKayWill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2018, 2:20 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 835
Quote:
Originally Posted by annalu View Post
I met him previously through my best friend, but we did not start dating until 8-9 months after my ex.
You mentioned that you tried to get him back in the past. How long after the breakup was that?

I'm turning over ground to see if the seed was planted deep enough with the new guy. The feelings you are feeling are somewhat normal, but the fact you admit that you feel guilty toward the new guy for feeling the way you do indicates that there are some unresolved feelings regarding the ex. Depending on how deep those feeling are toward the ex, you may run up against the "truth bubbling up" as they say and realize that the new guy may have been something to deflect your feelings that still remained for your ex.
frigginlost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2018, 3:09 PM   #19
Established Member
 
BC1980's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 7,503
Can you quietly unfollow your mutual friends on social media? With FB, you can remain friends but unfollow a person, so you don't see what they post unless you search for their profile. Otherwise, I would suggest you minimize the time you spend on social media.

As to feeling guilty, I understand why you would feel that way, but I don't think it's really a logical way to feel. Of course, our emotions aren't logical, but what I mean is that it's normal to have some feelings for an ex. Social media can play tricks on you though, and it's very unhealthy to spend a lot of time on social media. As you can see, social media is the reason you feel the way you do. Remove social media from the equation, and everything changes.
BC1980 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2018, 3:49 PM   #20
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by frigginlost View Post
You mentioned that you tried to get him back in the past. How long after the breakup was that?

I'm turning over ground to see if the seed was planted deep enough with the new guy. The feelings you are feeling are somewhat normal, but the fact you admit that you feel guilty toward the new guy for feeling the way you do indicates that there are some unresolved feelings regarding the ex. Depending on how deep those feeling are toward the ex, you may run up against the "truth bubbling up" as they say and realize that the new guy may have been something to deflect your feelings that still remained for your ex.
It was about 3 weeks after the breakup. I can see your point in saying that I have some unresolved feelings towards my ex, but I'm starting to think that I only get upset about it because his new GF was a friend of mine previously.
annalu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2018, 4:04 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 835
Quote:
Originally Posted by annalu View Post
It was about 3 weeks after the breakup. I can see your point in saying that I have some unresolved feelings towards my ex, but I'm starting to think that I only get upset about it because his new GF was a friend of mine previously.
Okay now we are getting somewhere. :-)

Yes it would sting because she was a friend of yours, but if you were truly over your ex it really wouldn't matter to you. There are some lingering feelings there. Jealousy is a pathway from anger which is a pathway from caring.

The good news is that you recognize that your guilt toward your current boyfriend is troubling and it tells me that you are not yet 100% invested though you want to be.

Now the dirty work starts on your part. You can either remove any and all indications of your ex and focus completely on what you have now, or you can ride the waves of what you are feeling and remain somewhat attached to him through social media etc. It's not an easy ride.

What I would do if I were you is do some reflecting within yourself to see where you truly are within yourself. What you are feeling is somewhat normal, but you are still invested emotionally with your ex and that may cause an issue or two in the future...
frigginlost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2018, 4:25 PM   #22
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by frigginlost View Post
Okay now we are getting somewhere. :-)

Yes it would sting because she was a friend of yours, but if you were truly over your ex it really wouldn't matter to you. There are some lingering feelings there. Jealousy is a pathway from anger which is a pathway from caring.

The good news is that you recognize that your guilt toward your current boyfriend is troubling and it tells me that you are not yet 100% invested though you want to be.

Now the dirty work starts on your part. You can either remove any and all indications of your ex and focus completely on what you have now, or you can ride the waves of what you are feeling and remain somewhat attached to him through social media etc. It's not an easy ride.

What I would do if I were you is do some reflecting within yourself to see where you truly are within yourself. What you are feeling is somewhat normal, but you are still invested emotionally with your ex and that may cause an issue or two in the future...
Your comment about wanting to be 100% invested but not being able to definitely hit the nail on the head. I am very happy in my current relationship and am willing to do whatever it takes to forget the past and be completely in the moment.

I think I will do my best to stay off social media for now. My ex also approaches me frequently when we are out at the same club, so I will probably stop going out as well. With the holidays it's been difficult since we go to the same parties with mutual friends.
annalu is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Losing attraction to boyfriend after he got sick: feeling guilty :( belle_athletic General Relationship Discussion 13 16th June 2017 9:02 AM
Feeling like I don't deserve anything. rockmanmegaman Coping 4 2nd June 2014 4:12 PM
I cheated on my boyfriend and not feeling guilty Wkp Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 7 5th August 2013 12:14 PM
Feeling that you don't deserve love? Nikki Sahagin Coping 5 17th July 2010 11:13 AM
Not guilty--lied and feeling guilty for lying. (LONG POST) basscatcher Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 191 14th April 2006 8:56 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:20 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.