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Want male perspective: would you revisit cities that are special to last relationship


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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:26 PM   #1
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Want male perspective: would you revisit cities that are special to last relationship

Ex fiance travelled to cities that were special to us, presumably with his new girlfriend. What is wrong with him?

I personally find this insensitive. Even though it's none of my business anymore, I'm upset because I take this as a sign of disrespect to the past we shared. The world isn't short of amazing places to visit. I can understand if the breakup was a decade ago, or he was there for business. But no, he went there for vacation!!! I would like to hear some male perspectives on this.

We broke up two and half years ago. We were each other's first love, together for nearly 4 years, engaged, he ended the engagement a month before the wedding. we were both immature. We all moved on, are in new serious relationships, and haven't talked since the breakup. His sister and I chat occasionally, she sends me greeting now and then. Some days, I resent him for what he did; some days, I wanted to tell him I'm sorry for what I did. But I never bothered to reach out, I am happy where I am, don't want to open the old wounds.

I found out that he travelled to City A during Thanksgiving and City B during Christmas. City A was our first international trip together. It was his gift for my graduation. City B was part of our last trip (honeymoon, we broke up after the trip). I don't know the details of his new trips, they are notification feeds from a travel app. I honestly don't know how to 'unbundle' our contacts in that app. I don't use the app much so it wasn't a problem til now.

City B is a capitol of a major European country, so he might be flying in and going somewhere else from there. However, city A is a popular tourist destination that has no other attraction near by. I might be overthinking this whole thing now that I'm writing these thoughts down. Since both cities are far away and can be pricey, doesn't the memory of us bother him?!

Even though I have no intention of getting back with ex fiance, I acknowledge the importance of that relationship, for its good and bad impact. To me going there again 2years after the breakup means he is emotionally indifferent. I couldn't revisit those places even though I had very fond memories of them. It was too much to be reminded of. After all, we are not just any ex boyfriend or girlfriend, we were first love, we fought so hard for the relationship to work. I just couldn't get over the fact that he can calmly walk those streets, especially with another woman.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:40 PM   #2
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You’re concerned where your ex from 2 and a half years ago chooses to travel to? Really?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:51 PM   #3
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Yes, I would. I did it in the Champagne region with my most recent ex after taking another one there. We went in 2013, had an awful break up that I struggled with and then went back with the next one in 2016

We even went to the same restaurants.

If enough time has passed then you'll barely think about the ex abd when you do, it won't be tinged with sadness. I wouldn't take a current girlfriend to somewhere I went with an ex if I wasn't truly over them as I'd either be challenging myself leaving potential for upset or I'd spend the time quietly reminiscing which would not be fair on either myself or a current girlfriend
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:58 PM   #4
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Yes, I would. If I enjoyed a place, I would not want the visitation of that place to suddenly be out of the question just because my former lover cannot come with me. While part of me may fondly remember the times shared, the rest of me has to move on with my life.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:59 PM   #5
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Entire cities in Europe that are popular tourist destinations are out of bounds to your ex just because you happen to have gone there with your ex once upon a time. You need to get over your ex and get over yourself.

There could be a gazillion reasons unrelated to your why your ex went there with his new gf. Everything from it was a decent deal, to it's a place he's already a little familiar with to his new gf wants to go there.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:21 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by TheElephant View Post
If enough time has passed then you'll barely think about the ex abd when you do, it won't be tinged with sadness. I wouldn't take a current girlfriend to somewhere I went with an ex if I wasn't truly over them as I'd either be challenging myself leaving potential for upset or I'd spend the time quietly reminiscing which would not be fair on either myself or a current girlfriend
I assume the fact that he's going there or taking her there is that he's truly over our relationship. I moved on, fell in love with someone else, but I still feel sadness whenever I see things that remind me of that relationship, so I avoid the situation at all cost. My female friends believe us girls tend to be more sentimental. Guys don't attached meaning to things like we do. I'm just curious if that's the case or he is truly over the past like your situation. Maybe two years was enough for him to completely get over. That sent some chills down my spin.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:41 PM   #7
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Yes, of course, if I liked the place itself, regardless of who I'd been there with before. Or maybe having some familiarity with a place makes it easier to get more out of a second visit.


Anyway, a former relationship would have no impact on me choosing to revisit a place. Any sentiment would be for the person I'd been with, not the place, and most likely I'd be wanting to move on from an ex.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:51 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by ly399 View Post
I assume the fact that he's going there or taking her there is that he's truly over our relationship.
Well, I certainly hope he is after that amount of time. It would be unhealthy for him not to be, don't you think?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 5:22 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by ly399 View Post
I assume the fact that he's going there or taking her there is that he's truly over our relationship. I moved on, fell in love with someone else, but I still feel sadness whenever I see things that remind me of that relationship, so I avoid the situation at all cost. My female friends believe us girls tend to be more sentimental. Guys don't attached meaning to things like we do. I'm just curious if that's the case or he is truly over the past like your situation. Maybe two years was enough for him to completely get over. That sent some chills down my spin.
I think if the guy was going to the same restaurants and same hotels and hotel rooms -- then that would be weird. But a city is a city.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:29 PM   #10
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What if his new girlfriend wants to go? How absurd would that sound? "Hey, let's go to Zurich this summer!" "I can't, I went there with my ex three years ago."

You are entitled to your memories, but they're hardly sacred, and you can't control how he feels about them. One of the best moments of a breakup is realizing you can still go to your favorite bar/restaurant/whatever and love it just as much as you used to. Expecting an ex to cordon off anything, much less whole portions of the world in your honor, is completely preposterous.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:06 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by lana-banana View Post
Expecting an ex to cordon off anything, much less whole portions of the world in your honor, is completely preposterous.
That made me laugh!
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:23 PM   #12
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Such activities wouldn't bother me. Been awhile but I recall my exW mentioning in passing after we got divorced going back to Fan Fair (the national country music festival) a few times, something we had some wonderful memories of while married. At the time I thought more power to her. It was a lot of fun. I hope she took her new guy. I went myself for a few years after either camping with friends or staying downtown by myself. Heck I coulda run into her and her BF. No biggie. Life goes on.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:24 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by ly399 View Post
Ex fiance travelled to cities that were special to us, presumably with his new girlfriend. What is wrong with him?

I personally find this insensitive. Even though it's none of my business anymore, I'm upset because I take this as a sign of disrespect to the past we shared. The world isn't short of amazing places to visit. I can understand if the breakup was a decade ago, or he was there for business. But no, he went there for vacation!!! I would like to hear some male perspectives on this.<snip>
He is not disrespectful to you. He can go where he wants to. I am single and I have revisited at least two places I had been to with my ex.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 2nd January 2018 at 10:25 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote
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