realfriends Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Hello all, As the fireworks echo out my bedroom window ringing in 2018, I find myself heartbroken for the second time in my life. Before we get to the full story, let's talk about my past and what has brought me here. For those who don't know, I was on LS a few years ago after my first heart break. A 5 year relationship that ended with her cheating on me was quite a first breakup. Therapy, writing, moral support, tears, No contact and lots of time was what helped me get over that part of my life. For those who are wondering, after how many years it has been, I still have not contacted her and she has not reached out to me. The only time she ever comes up in my brain is in dreams. Let's get to the new "heartbreak". After a year+ of not dating, I found someone and just like that we started dating. This one is completely different (which is good) and things were great again. 2.0 years go by at the university and she moved off to Texas for a new job(full support on my end), and we decided to keep the relationship going. We've had many talks and have come to this understanding that due to my current situation and field, there is no way I could guarantee that I would end up in Texas when I was done, however I was still fully committed to her. However, understandably on her end, this wasn't enough and eventually decided to end it. Now this is the first mutual breakup that I'm going through and it's so much different than the first. I didn't cry when it happened, and I am experienced in how to start my healing unlike last time. I've also told her about NC so she's fully aware. I am just having a little bit of trouble coping and would like some of this communities support. Losing a lover of 2.5 years is tough and not having anyone I can share with is even harder. Well, I guess let's let 2018 be the year of healing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Where are your friends and family? It's odd you bring up the ex from years ago. That should be irrelevant now. Live in today and be happy for 2018! Link to post Share on other sites
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 This is shockingly similar to my story, which has brought me comfort. I got out of my second ever relationship yesterday. It was mutual, with the premise being the same as well (just too hard to carry on in the current situation). My first relationship (which brought me here) was also similar, being a toxic relationship that ended with lies and cheating and many months of heartbreak and change. What's weird is that this relationship was so much better and I still care about her very much, but even in the early hours of the breakup I've been able to bring myself a bit of peace and positivity, something unimaginable at the some point during my last breakup. For the first time in my life I feel I'm at a place where I don't have to chase, I can be confident that I will one day be okay because I know I will. You know that too, I can tell by your post. I'm beginning to learn there aren't any rules to this (other than NC of course). Take things at your own pace. It's okay to be sad, jealous, angry, etc. You can have those feelings while also having the feeling of knowing it's for the best for both of you. Just because of the way my last relationship ended, I think of breakups as having to be hostile, but they really don't. We can be okay knowing that we are losing a huge part of our life, no matter how much it hurts, because we know the feeling of triumph. It's hard after being in a LTR to separate yourself from the relationship again and remembering that no matter what, you are never defined by a relationship. You are still an individual and will eventually be fine on your own, even if it seems impossible now. I'm going to do a lot of writing on here again. I forgot how much talking about things and writing them out helps me think more logically. I'm hoping to get to an even better place than I was when I began the relationship. Read your old posts. I found that a lot of the "I'll never find anyone who truly understands me" thoughts I was having then I'm having now. 2018 will be a year of healing, and by next New Years Eve you'll think back nostalgically on your year and feel as if you've never been happier. Link to post Share on other sites
Akashsingh Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 You are a grown up guy. So far you have done everything right. Now go no contact until she cant take it any more. Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 You are a grown up guy. So far you have done everything right. Now go no contact until she cant take it any more. Until she can’t take what any more? Link to post Share on other sites
Akashsingh Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Until she can’t take what any more? pain of missing him. Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 pain of missing him. Why are you assuming she is going to miss him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author realfriends Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 This is shockingly similar to my story, which has brought me comfort. I got out of my second ever relationship yesterday. It was mutual, with the premise being the same as well (just too hard to carry on in the current situation). My first relationship (which brought me here) was also similar, being a toxic relationship that ended with lies and cheating and many months of heartbreak and change. What's weird is that this relationship was so much better and I still care about her very much, but even in the early hours of the breakup I've been able to bring myself a bit of peace and positivity, something unimaginable at the some point during my last breakup. For the first time in my life I feel I'm at a place where I don't have to chase, I can be confident that I will one day be okay because I know I will. You know that too, I can tell by your post. I'm beginning to learn there aren't any rules to this (other than NC of course). Take things at your own pace. It's okay to be sad, jealous, angry, etc. You can have those feelings while also having the feeling of knowing it's for the best for both of you. Just because of the way my last relationship ended, I think of breakups as having to be hostile, but they really don't. We can be okay knowing that we are losing a huge part of our life, no matter how much it hurts, because we know the feeling of triumph. It's hard after being in a LTR to separate yourself from the relationship again and remembering that no matter what, you are never defined by a relationship. You are still an individual and will eventually be fine on your own, even if it seems impossible now. I'm going to do a lot of writing on here again. I forgot how much talking about things and writing them out helps me think more logically. I'm hoping to get to an even better place than I was when I began the relationship. Read your old posts. I found that a lot of the "I'll never find anyone who truly understands me" thoughts I was having then I'm having now. 2018 will be a year of healing, and by next New Years Eve you'll think back nostalgically on your year and feel as if you've never been happier. This. This is what I needed to hear. Writing brought me at ease during the first breakup and I think I will join you and say I will also be on here quite frequently. Its always comforting to hear that someone is going through the same sort of problems. Thank you for your comforting words of wisdom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author realfriends Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 You are a grown up guy. So far you have done everything right. Now go no contact until she cant take it any more. NC, NC, NC. I truly believe in this. Phone blocked. Texts erased. Facebook blocked. Snapchat blocked. Just need to get in my phone and get rid of all of the pictures and then I will have completed what needs to be done to help me start healing. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
salem mark Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 move on, forget her Link to post Share on other sites
Author realfriends Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 move on, forget her If only it was that easy. If it was, LS wouldn't exist. Thanks though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmy3858 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 If only it was that easy. If it was, LS wouldn't exist. Thanks though. Agreed on that one Link to post Share on other sites
Author realfriends Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 I must say, day two has been much harder than day one. Ive finally just bursted all of the emotions I've kept inside for the last two days and I know I will have more bad days. I know that the road to recovery is not as straight forward as some make it out to seem and I know this from experience this time and that comforts me. There will be more bad days than good days to start and over time that will start to change. I know that this is a long road to complete recovery and I'm glad to be going back to work at the university where I will have a busy mind. I also know that nights and mornings will naturally be the worst and I will accept that. I have to make my way through grievance and that eventually I will get to acceptance. Its part of the risk of love, that you have to accept the risk of losing it all. Thanks again for those who read and for those who help. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts