xZShootZx Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) Back in March, I had made a post about my ex cheating on me and dumped. It was my first girlfriend, so it was a difficult, traumatizing time and impacted me so much. If you wish to read the whole scenario of how it went down, it's right here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/618040-my-girlfriend-cheated-me-dumped-me To make a long story short since it's long, my ex that I dated from November 2016 to March 2017 (whom was an alcoholic, had Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, etc) cheated on me with her abusive, best friend (broke her phone at the bar when we originally were just talking as friends which led to her getting arrested even when it was his fault, beaten her sometimes, snooped through her phone, slept around with other girls, etc) whom she had FwB for 5 years until we met. I had given her the ultimatum between who she has to kick out of her life since I could no longer trust my ex with her best friend. She dumped me, then starting sleeping with one of our co-workers three weeks after she dumped me (the guy was married too, plus with a kid). I had left my job out of the blue since I was not going to heal if I was constantly around my ex. Everyone at my job starting talking s*** about my ex, from asking her "what did you do to him?" to calling her stuff like a unreliable, dirty whore, etc. I never told my co-workers about it since me and my ex worked together, so I'm not sure if they knew what was going on between us but I avoided telling anyone to avoid more drama and rumors. My ex's best friend who also worked with us, even called my ex a dirty whore and that she didn't deserve a great guy like me who was always there for her, supported her, never left her side even after the cheating, treated her really well unlike her past relationships with guys, etc. Back in May, she had contacted me to see how I was doing (not sure why especially after how things ended with us since they were not on good terms, but she tried to act like nothing happened between us.) She told me she still had affections for me and misses me, but has affections for the married guy and she wanted to pull the whole "let's be friends". She told me the guy divorced his wife (it wasn't the first time he cheated on his wife though so I guess she was the "lucky" ticket I suppose). I had told her off by pretty much saying she doesn't deserve my friendship after cheating on me multiple times, lying about numerous things such as saying "I love you", leading me on for 2 months when I originally thought she cheated on me in February when she originally did in December, and overall, just breaking my trust in her. She also compared me to her best friend and the co-worker guy saying how I'm "just like them" which I told her that I never called her a bitch/whore, never laid a finger on her, broke her phone, got her arrested, snooped through her phone, or gone as far as trashing her room (which the co-worker guy did according to what she told me, and for a stupid reason). I had blocked her number, blocked her through every social media I had her on, and since then, I haven't talked to her, or heard from her. Fast forward to now, like 8 months in NC and she really has been on my mind way too much lately. It doesn't help that around this time last year is when we first started talking, hooking up and seeing each other. I don't understand why I still miss her. Everywhere I read everyone says they got over their cheating ex like 5-6 months or even less and it makes me worried that I never will. Plus those relationships are always like 2-3 years and mine was short. Not to mention, I miss her so much. I understand the relationship was toxic as hell and she destroyed my trust, but I can't help but really miss her, especially now. I wouldn't say I'm in love with her anymore, but I do believe there still are some feelings left for her, and I just miss her so much. It only hurts me to think that she probably doesn't even miss me, think about me, or probably doesn't even regret what she did to me. I know someone like that isn't worth the heartache/tears, but the fact that she was my first kiss, my first time, my first girlfriend, and my first love just really depresses me. A lot of things still remind me of her and certain TV shows and songs I used to watch/listen with her I can no longer do cause it just brings back to many memories. I can't evasive how much I really miss her, and it's like why should I after the **** she put me through? A lot of people told me that they do believe she did have feelings for me and she did not go into the relationship with intentions on cheating on me and that it's just something that happened and got worse on her part of course. People always tell me that it's not my fault, it's her loss that she threw away everything you were offering to her and that one day she'll regret it and realize that you were such a great guy, especially to someone like her who has had bad, abusive relationships in the past and she f***ed up big time. There were times in the relationship where she has said that she never wanted to lose someone like me in her life and that I am the sweetest guy she's ever met. I never really understood how those statements helped though, especially when she probably doesn't even miss me, think about me, or regret what she did. I really don't know what to do at this point anymore. I really do miss her, and part of me still wishes that we will reconcile and things will go back to the way they used to be before **** the fan, but it's like I just can't help but feel "guilty" that it's my fault she cheated, she was stressed, she drank more, etc. Edited November 29, 2017 by xZShootZx Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 It's been a long time, and at this point I think you're only going to move on by finding another woman who treats you respectfully. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xZShootZx Posted November 29, 2017 Author Share Posted November 29, 2017 It's been a long time, and at this point I think you're only going to move on by finding another woman who treats you respectfully. So the only way to stop thinking about my ex is by finding someone else even when I'm not ready to start dating again cause I can't stop thinking about my ex still? I kinda lost all hope then tbh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BG1 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Have you made changes in your life and within you to be happy by yourself? Try to remember how you were before meeting your ex. Clearly after a break up there is a lot to take in but its a good opportunity to look what went wrong and avoid certain kind of dynamics and people in your life. I would let someone back again in my life after how she dealt with you. If she did that, what would stop her again from doing so. Find hobbies, make new friendships, go to the gym/exercise, start journaling, etc... I still miss my ex, I know mostly because of what we have not her, but the more you leave this person behind the closer you will be to meet the right person or someone better for you. You are doing solid NC, right? Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 So the only way to stop thinking about my ex is by finding someone else even when I'm not ready to start dating again cause I can't stop thinking about my ex still? I kinda lost all hope then tbh Don't try to manufacture another relationship. There's not a shortcut to getting out of the suck... you're just going to have to embrace it and plow through it. may take a few weeks to a few years... who knows. There are no magic words, except leave the ex alone. You'll stumble around and make mistakes to try to ease the pain, we all do, but in the end, time is the only answer. Give it up to something bigger than yourself and let it go. Release any and all attachments to outcomes. Embrace the suck and give it time. It'll pass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 There is absolutely no time limit on getting over a broken heart. None. If there were they would bottle it and sell it. Stop looking at the time it takes and just keep doing you. FWIW a loooong time ago I was in a relationship with a Borderline for 8 months and it took me almost two years to get her out of my system. You're normal. Link to post Share on other sites
JellyTot Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I still think about the two exes I loved and feel sadness that they didn't love me back. I've been NC for 9 years with one of them and 20 years with the other. I loved them both very deeply and don't think I will ever truly stop loving them. I just have to put it aside and get on with my life because those relationships are very clearly over. I don't agree with people who say the love you felt goes away after enough time has passed. You just come to accept that little hole in your heart as part of who you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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