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Ran into a very nervous Ex for the first time in over a year


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Happened to run into my ex last night walking on the street. This was the first time we were face to face or even talked by voice in over a year since our break up. She was extremely nervous the whole time we talked for 30+ mins on the street. Her hands were shaking the entire time we talked and half the time she had her head down and turned to the side, could barley look me in the eyes and I had to keep teasing her to stop being so nervous. This was surprising since it was her that kinda started the break up and she also thwarted any attempts to meet up after I first broke the NC rule (which was my idea) after 9 months and after that, despite at first going right back to our 2-3k character texts back and forth she stopped texting me any time I brought up possibly getting back together again.

 

We had a weird break up which in most part was due to differences in groups of friends and other minor stuff which should have never got in the way. Last thing she said to me via text a month ago was that a big part of her still would like to get back together but she has to work on herself, I really think it's due to what her friends perception would be. She kept saying she's not good getting her emotions out each time I tried to calm her down. The ball has totally been in her court imo but she didn't certainly act that way, it should have been me acting that way. I was actually surprised at myself since I am usually not very talkative and usually shy with my feelings and wasn't nervous especially since I had waited for this moment for a very long time.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Awkward situations make some people nervous, and running into an ex is an awkard situation. Heck, I hate even running into casual acquaintances in the grocery store with no warning. It's just how I am. If I ran into my ex? Well, I'd walk the other way lol. I always look for his truck at the grocery store to make sure he isn't there!

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So how did this 30 minute conversation go? What was the conclusion?

 

Not so good apparently, I sent her flowers a few days later just to say how great it was to see her again and I enjoyed talking to her. I never got a response back yet and it's been 5 days.

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She probably felt put on the spot and really didn't want to be there. Sending the flowers was a bit over the top, too. She's obviously not interested. Pay attention to actions, not words.

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She probably felt put on the spot and really didn't want to be there. Sending the flowers was a bit over the top, too. She's obviously not interested. Pay attention to actions, not words.

 

 

Yeah you're probably right, I only sent her the flowers being that we talked for a good 8-9 months all the time before we dated and she briefly dated one guy and even went back with her ex during that time too. After we eventually winded up dating for awhile she told me how all that time she had hoped to one day be with me. Then during the last text she said a lot of her would like to get back together but she's not in a good place (it's really she's concerned how her friends will see it imo) and isn't seeing anyone and plans on keeping it that way. Normally I would give her time but she is 36 1/2 years old and I'm 42 it's really not like we have much time left to really waste.

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Yeah you're probably right, I only sent her the flowers being that we talked for a good 8-9 months all the time before we dated and she briefly dated one guy and even went back with her ex during that time too. After we eventually winded up dating for awhile she told me how all that time she had hoped to one day be with me. Then during the last text she said a lot of her would like to get back together but she's not in a good place (it's really she's concerned how her friends will see it imo) and isn't seeing anyone and plans on keeping it that way. Normally I would give her time but she is 36 1/2 years old and I'm 42 it's really not like we have much time left to really waste.

 

Something to remember, and mind you I remind myself of all this stuff as well, is that she's not necessarily saying what she means, or being completely forthcoming. When there's another guy in the picture there's a lot going on. She may even say there's not, but I don't trust women I'm not dating at all. They're not going to be totally honest with their personal lives. I would not contact her period, and be very careful with your replies. She needs to do the legwork, SHE broke up in the first place.

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Why do her friends have a negative perception of you?

 

It just sounds to me as though she was uncomfortable and didn't really want to talk. I would leave it be now.

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I'll add too;that you really don't know what's going on with her on a personal level. She could be depressed,anxiety,addiction,Anything...It has been a year afterall.

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Why do her friends have a negative perception of you?

 

It just sounds to me as though she was uncomfortable and didn't really want to talk. I would leave it be now.

 

Long story short, we both live in Philadelphia. I'm from the area, she is not. She got into yoga a few years before I first met her and after ending her previous 7 yr relationship she became more friendly with them since all her Friends before were her exs friends. They are all the hipster liberal types and she really isn't and often told me she keeps certain things from them or they won't like her any more (having more republican type leanings, certain personality traits etc). She not only had everything in common with me but also my friends, she is a major sports nut (like could tell you a pitchers current era off the top of her head), she was more herself around my group than her own, the few times I seen her around her group. I'm sure I didn't fit the mold of who they would like her to be with.

 

She started to get a lot of heat from various friends for her often anti Hillary posts on FB (even though she never mentioned she was votibg for Trump) not to mention co workers were treating her bad for posts political and otheR things which in sure they were telling her it was because of me. She has an identity crisis in all actually and really don't know who she wants to be from what everyone I told the story of our break up says.

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I'll add too;that you really don't know what's going on with her on a personal level. She could be depressed,anxiety,addiction,Anything...It has been a year afterall.

 

She always had a lot going on so you're right on that account, aside from the addiction part. The times we talked briefly over the last few months she stated so and told me she isn't emotionally available to be in a relationship right now.

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She always had a lot going on so you're right on that account, aside from the addiction part. The times we talked briefly over the last few months she stated so and told me she isn't emotionally available to be in a relationship right now.

 

BS. That's the easy way out instead of telling you straight up she's not interested in you at all. When women dump, they're done, unless it was a situation where they truly loved the guy but he was really screwing up somewhere and left them no choice, like he cheated, addictions, whatever. Most of the time women dump because they lose attraction, and once that's gone you can kiss them goodbye forever.

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BS. That's the easy way out instead of telling you straight up she's not interested in you at all. When women dump, they're done, unless it was a situation where they truly loved the guy but he was really screwing up somewhere and left them no choice, like he cheated, addictions, whatever. Most of the time women dump because they lose attraction, and once that's gone you can kiss them goodbye forever.

 

It was more so me that did the dumping in the end. The last day when we took a few days break to talk things out in person after an argument over text there seemed to be a stalemate on some stupid issues. I told her we were just gonna have to break up and this kind of shocked her, we are both stubborn and I think she thought I was going to cave in. We then kind hashed over some what if scenarios then when we just talked afterwards and i mevtioned how we couldn't be friends or even talk to each other anymore this really shocked her and she claimed she is confused and perhaps she just needs some time. I was a idiot I'll admit and figured she would come crawling back (should have known better knowing how long it took me to even get her to go on a date with me all those months) and even when we said our final goodbye she asked a few times if it would be ok if she calls or texts me in a few weeks and I flat out told her no, that was it, no contact at all for 9 months till I finally texted her.

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If I'm being honest she acted guilty like she had remorse seeing you.

The reason why I say this is because I had an ex that cheated on me and any time she would run into me in public she would get nervous and flighty.

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If I'm being honest she acted guilty like she had remorse seeing you.

The reason why I say this is because I had an ex that cheated on me and any time she would run into me in public she would get nervous and flighty.

 

Probably so, there was no cheating involved with either of us but in previous texts I point blank asked her if she thought in the end it was a good idea to break up and if she thought about how things could have been if we stayed together etc and she never responded back. She has told me, much to my surprise, that a lot of things aren't going good and she might leave the city, when I seen her she mevtioned how she might move to CA now which considering she basically choose the thoughts and opinions of her friends and co workers and her yoga practice (which I learned is more like a cult) over mine. If she has remores as I said earlier we are both stubborn and she won't admit that.

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Probably so, there was no cheating involved with either of us but in previous texts I point blank asked her if she thought in the end it was a good idea to break up and if she thought about how things could have been if we stayed together etc and she never responded back. She has told me, much to my surprise, that a lot of things aren't going good and she might leave the city, when I seen her she mevtioned how she might move to CA now which considering she basically choose the thoughts and opinions of her friends and co workers and her yoga practice (which I learned is more like a cult) over mine. If she has remores as I said earlier we are both stubborn and she won't admit that.

 

This is the same sort of thing I dealt with with my ex. She has all the hallmarks of a BPD woman, and her lack of identity led to her being easily influenced by others.

 

I remember one time she blurted out something negative about me and our living situation, essentially chastising me because I required her to pay a small amount towards the monthly power, internet, etc. I was aghast, as I had provided her the least expensive living situation she'd ever had.

 

I dug a little deeper into this comment, and what she eventually told me was that a woman she had spent a brief period of time talking with the week before had made a negative comment about it, because she was a stay at home mom all her life and her husband was the sole income earner. This woman was a grandmother and never knew anything different.

 

So, my gf applied this to our situation, even though it didn't even remotely resemble our relationship or arrangement, and I was all of a sudden "the bad guy." Most women would be absolutely THRILLED with what I provided her.

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This is the same sort of thing I dealt with with my ex. She has all the hallmarks of a BPD woman, and her lack of identity led to her being easily influenced by others.

 

I remember one time she blurted out something negative about me and our living situation, essentially chastising me because I required her to pay a small amount towards the monthly power, internet, etc. I was aghast, as I had provided her the least expensive living situation she'd ever had.

 

I dug a little deeper into this comment, and what she eventually told me was that a woman she had spent a brief period of time talking with the week before had made a negative comment about it, because she was a stay at home mom all her life and her husband was the sole income earner. This woman was a grandmother and never knew anything different.

 

So, my gf applied this to our situation, even though it didn't even remotely resemble our relationship or arrangement, and I was all of a sudden "the bad guy." Most women would be absolutely THRILLED with what I provided her.

 

Same situation with me, she is 36 and still can't decide who she wants to be, she really didn't want to face the hard truth that she was really herself around me since that didn't tow the line of the people around her.

 

She tried to mention a few of my so called flaws and took jabs at my friends as if hers were better and "educated" meanwhile her friends are all like yoga instructors or just scraping by, not exactly setting the world on fire, while my friends are cardiologist, accountants, real estate agents, stock brokers, some are self made millionaires.

 

I wonder if she ever will realize she made a mistake and if so it will probably be too late, an ex of mine from 6 years ago actually called me a few days ago, she eventually realized she messed up to but she is now 41, too late in life now. I really don't know what to do regarding the recent one, it's been over 2 weeks and no response or acknowledgment of the flowers I sent her.

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