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Ex Dumper Angry I am trying to move on?!


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My ex broke up with me around 2-3 months ago after 6 years together. I tried to win her back but with no luck so went no contact a few weeks back. Why is she now asking me how I am and when I give her a short answer "I'm good thanks, hope you are also" - she replies "sorry to txt you I can see you want to move on, bye" ---

 

Does this mean she misses me and wants me back or what?

 

I want her back but dont know how to respond to that. Just weeks ago I was asking for another chance and she didnt do anything about it.

Edited by outlandish
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There's nothing here to indicate that she misses you and wants you back. More likely, she was wondering how you're doing. Your cool reply reminded her that you want NC in order to heal, so she backed off.

 

If she wants you back, she'd start with something like "do you think we can try again?" or "I miss you and want you back"

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Leave it at that..from her reply nothing indicates if she misses you or wants to get back together. Dont reply, let her do all the work..If she wants you she will do something about it

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Do you miss her and want to go back to her?

 

why did you guys break up?

 

Yes I miss her and yes I want her back. BUT, I have already asked her numerous times to try again and told her I love her and miss her but that seemed to have no effect and give her strength/power to keep doing what she is doing. I decided to change things up a bit after reading about NC and how it could possibly make her miss me. Now she is the one reaching out I dont know if it would be a good idea to put all my cards on the table as she may just go cold again. My thinking is that if I dont reply it will make her realise if she wants me or not.

 

We broker up for no big reason, she just put all her stress onto me and made it seem like I was the cause. Now shes left and is probably realising I did everything for her and the grass is not greener she may be having regrets.

 

I want her back but dont want to blow it by coming on too strong when that didnt get her back just weeks ago.

 

Maybe she was literally just asking if I am ok but to be honest why follow it up with "I can see you want to move on" if that was the case, you would just say "good to hear" or something along those lines.

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Leave it at that..from her reply nothing indicates if she misses you or wants to get back together. Dont reply, let her do all the work..If she wants you she will do something about it

 

Agreed although my fear is that in not replying she will think that I have moved on and have no interest.

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I have already asked her numerous times to try again and told her I love her and miss her but that seemed to have no effect and give her strength/power to keep doing what she is doing.

 

You have your answer.

 

Sometimes dumpers tug at the leash to see if you're still there. Don't be a crutch for her as she moves on.

 

If she wants to be with you, she has to bring a different message to the table.

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My interpretation is she is "testing the waters" so to speak, from what you wrote of her. She clearly wants to open communication lines with you. The fact that she replied back to you "oh i can see you want to move on", to me, means she was hoping you were not moving on and open to talking. She is not just checking to see how you are doing.

 

She may have dumped you because she was hurt by you in some way. When you tried to win her back she may not have felt it was a good idea to get back together at that time. But she may really care about you. If you are open to getting back to together and think it may be worth it and things can work out text her something like. "I'm glad you texted it is nice to hear from you and I've been thinking about you. May I know what prompted you to reach out?" And then take it from there. Maybe that will open her up a bit to talking.

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I dont know dude something fishy is going on here. She breaks up with you for no apparent reason, you try to get back she ignores and now this. She is playing games here, i would definitely question her real motives..

 

are you sure there isn't another guy in the picture?? i mean you guys been broken up for 3 months or so. What shes been doing during these times...? dating? fooling around??

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My interpretation is she is "testing the waters" so to speak, from what you wrote of her. She clearly wants to open communication lines with you. The fact that she replied back to you "oh i can see you want to move on", to me, means she was hoping you were not moving on and open to talking. She is not just checking to see how you are doing.

 

She may have dumped you because she was hurt by you in some way. When you tried to win her back she may not have felt it was a good idea to get back together at that time. But she may really care about you. If you are open to getting back to together and think it may be worth it and things can work out text her something like. "I'm glad you texted it is nice to hear from you and I've been thinking about you. May I know what prompted you to reach out?" And then take it from there. Maybe that will open her up a bit to talking.

 

NO shes the dumper, therefore she hurt him and its SHE who needs to open up the line of communication...its up to OP what he wants to do

 

id simply block her ass in anyway and let her eat nothing but SILENCE

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I dont know dude something fishy is going on here. She breaks up with you for no apparent reason, you try to get back she ignores and now this. She is playing games here, i would definitely question her real motives..

 

are you sure there isn't another guy in the picture?? i mean you guys been broken up for 3 months or so. What shes been doing during these times...? dating? fooling around??

 

I agree with the fact that I shouldnt have to keep reaching out to her and asking her back when she dumped me, blocked me from her phone, unblocks me when she feels like calling, made me out to be the grim reaper when I was nothing but nice - I reckon the penny is dropping since my NC.

 

Yes, she's probably seeing loads of guys and to be honest it is what it is because nobody will treat her as good as I did, with so much patience and understanding. They will use her for sex. One phone call we had lats week eluded to the fact in her opinion that "it is so hard to meet someone because all guys want is sex". So, if she has been used and abused and kept me hanging what is to say this situation will change if I dont make stand. The irony being I am scared she will be gone for good if I dont let her know again and again how I feel - almost like she wants me to "fight" for her.

 

At the same time I dont want to regret never messaging her back but at the same time I dont want to give the impression the doormat is still there.

 

My mistake was being too nice.

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Stay with what you wrote. Have some patience but ask yourself this..Do you want to be with someone who is going to break up with you to **** around and come back when she finds out that other guys arent really what YOU have been giving her?? If you were to get back with her, can you trust her again that she wont break up with you again and leave you all by yourself??

 

Theres too many factors here to take into consideration. Dont jump into anything yet, sit with this forawhile and let things play itself out.

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My mistake was being too nice.

 

 

Being kind to another human being is not a mistake, being kind to someone who doesn't deserve is a mistake...

 

dont be too hard on yourself, you can ONLY be you and there is nothing wrong with that.

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Stay with what you wrote. Have some patience but ask yourself this..Do you want to be with someone who is going to break up with you to **** around and come back when she finds out that other guys arent really what YOU have been giving her?? If you were to get back with her, can you trust her again that she wont break up with you again and leave you all by yourself??

 

Theres too many factors here to take into consideration. Dont jump into anything yet, sit with this forawhile and let things play itself out.

 

Thanks for all your feedback. It's good to hear from a non-biased perspective. Yes, I would take her back and I want her back which is why I am reaching out for opinions on the best way to respond to "sorry to txt you I can see you want to move on, bye". Honestly, it's hard to respond to that. The options I see are:

 

1. I dont want to move on but I have no choice

2. Yes I am moving on

3. Say nothing!

 

I have a feeling she's regretting her decision and found out the grass wasnt greener but I dont want to give the crutch back only to enable her to continue. At the same time whilst being at risk of repeating myself, I dont want her to think I no longer care.

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Thanks for all your feedback. It's good to hear from a non-biased perspective. Yes, I would take her back and I want her back which is why I am reaching out for opinions on the best way to respond to "sorry to txt you I can see you want to move on, bye". Honestly, it's hard to respond to that. The options I see are:

 

1. I dont want to move on but I have no choice

2. Yes I am moving on

3. Say nothing!

 

I have a feeling she's regretting her decision and found out the grass wasnt greener but I dont want to give the crutch back only to enable her to continue. At the same time whilst being at risk of repeating myself, I dont want her to think I no longer care.

 

She's already shown you who she is - a flake who will cast you aside the moment she feels like she can do better. She doesn't have your heart or interests in mind, she's a selfish b word given what you've shared here. Do you really want somebody back who's not going to offer you unconditional love, and will most certainly dump you again? I think it's time to find somebody more deserving of you and your time. Even her text is packed with passive aggressive overtones.

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We broker up for no big reason, she just put all her stress onto me and made it seem like I was the cause. Now shes left and is probably realising I did everything for her....

 

The first sentence translates to "she was unhappy with your behaviour the relationship". It IS a big reason. You may not see yourself as a cause, but she obviously didn't share your view. Truth be told, failed relationships fail on both ends, so I'd find it surprising if you were truly blameless.

 

Unless you can see how you contributed to her unhappiness in the relationship, you've got no hope at any start over. And if you truly believe you were blameless, why would you want to get back together with someone who blames you when the fault is all hers?

 

Regarding you not wanting her to think that you've stopped caring.....Your cool reply text sent the message that you're moving on and don't care. She got the message loud and clear. If you want her to know that you care, don't send replies like that!

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She's already shown you who she is - a flake who will cast you aside the moment she feels like she can do better. She doesn't have your heart or interests in mind, she's a selfish b word given what you've shared here. Do you really want somebody back who's not going to offer you unconditional love, and will most certainly dump you again? I think it's time to find somebody more deserving of you and your time. Even her text is packed with passive aggressive overtones.

 

Agreed. The only positive I can take from it is that being so nice to her from start to finish, is that if now is maybe the first time she is going to really realise it is over she might get her act together. That perhaps is the main reason it may be best to see if she tries to reconcile rather than me forcing the issue. The "passive aggressive" way she is with me is because she is so used to getting away with it. Responding to it may just enable it to continue. It is a risk to ignore as she will take great offence to that but I guess if I did want her back for real, it is the only way to know.

Edited by outlandish
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The first sentence translates to "she was unhappy with your behaviour the relationship". It IS a big reason. You may not see yourself as a cause, but she obviously didn't share your view. Truth be told, failed relationships fail on both ends, so I'd find it surprising if you were truly blameless.

 

Unless you can see how you contributed to her unhappiness in the relationship, you've got no hope at any start over. And if you truly believe you were blameless, why would you want to get back together with someone who blames you when the fault is all hers?

 

Regarding you not wanting her to think that you've stopped caring.....Your cool reply text sent the message that you're moving on and don't care. She got the message loud and clear. If you want her to know that you care, don't send replies like that!

 

True! I just didnt want to say again to her that I am having a meltdown, mimssing her like mad, want her back, etc, etc. Why? Because I have done this for months after she dumped me and it got me nowhere. Only now I have tried NC she is reaching out. I am scared that the minute I tell her how I feel she will have her emotional crutch back and continue stringing me along.

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The options I see are:

 

1. I dont want to move on but I have no choice

2. Yes I am moving on

3. Say nothing!

 

She is the one who broke up with you so if she wants to come back then she's going to have to try harder than that. You're not some pet she can dispose of then whistle and expect you to come running back to her. If she isn't willing to fight harder to get your back then that tells you how much energy she will put into your relationship... not much.

 

In the meantime... focus on yourself and keep getting better, then who knows someone better may come along. She's not your only option...

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What Basil67 said has got me confused as if to I said the right thing now! I really did not want to send the impression I dont care! I am worried now that I should have just been honest and straight up and told her how I really feel! Perhaps I will respond to her "I can see you want to move on" txt that I dont want to I want her and maybe as her what she wants?

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What Basil67 said has got me confused as if to I said the right thing now! I really did not want to send the impression I dont care! I am worried now that I should have just been honest and straight up and told her how I really feel! Perhaps I will respond to her "I can see you want to move on" txt that I dont want to I want her and maybe as her what she wants?

 

You could do this, but it's no good trying to rekindle if the relationship issues can't be solved. While both of you are blaming the other, there is no solution in sight.

Edited by basil67
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OK so I responded just being open and honest as I dont want to regret it later. Told her I dont want to move on, I want to be with her and asked her what she wants. An answer either way would help.

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There's nothing here to indicate that she misses you and wants you back. More likely, she was wondering how you're doing. Your cool reply reminded her that you want NC in order to heal, so she backed off.

 

 

A little more than that. She actually told him that she realizes he wants to move on.

 

She not pushing for a reconciliation but she was definitely fishing for an ego boost or to relieve guilt. At the very least, at a sub-conscious level

 

You make it sound like a dumper 2 months out of a 6 year relationship just messaged the dumpee to say "hi" like an old friend would do. Sure that might happen on rare occasions but that would be a dumper who is very sick or has zero awareness.

Edited by marky00
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Agreed although my fear is that in not replying she will think that I have moved on and have no interest.

 

Don't think that way. I do get you but, I thought the same myself.

 

I have been ignoring my Ex for a whole year. It's about setting boundaries and teaching people how you want to be treated.

 

Even if u still have feelings (and I still have some 2 years later), it's ok to ignore on the premise that your trying to create healthy boundaries.

 

I think ignoring only backfires if your doing it to deliberately spite the dumper. But if you are doing it because you feel its too risky to say anything unless she was walking over hot coals to reach you, then in that case it is ok in my opinion.

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A little more than that. She actually told him that she realizes he wants to move on.

 

She not pushing for a reconciliation but she was definitely fishing for an ego boost or to relieve guilt. At the very least, at a sub-conscious level

 

You make it sound like a dumper 2 months out of a 6 year relationship just messaged the dumpee to say "hi" like an old friend would do. Sure that might happen on rare occasions but that would be a dumper who is very sick or has zero awareness.

 

Thanks for the feedback! I dont think it was a general "hi" to be honest, it is only since I started (tried) NC she has been the one reaching out to me. It is so confusing because I dont know if she wants me or not. I want her that's clear and when I asked her a few weeks back how she feels and if she wants to get back together etc etc she just dodged the question - it didnt even get a response.

 

I sent her a response to her saying I am moving on stating that I dont want to and want her and asking her what she wants. I wont hold my breathe for an answer but it is pure torture not knowing either way and Id rather just ask her staright up than regret it later.

 

I wish she would just say there is no chance or she wants to get back together rather than just ignoring it!

 

I feel like an idiot considering she blocked my number the day after she asked for holiday photos of us together a few weeks back. She even unblocks me when she feels like calling me then blocks me again. It's a messed up situation. Even more so considering I helped bring her daughter here from abroad and put her in school, gave them everything. She would rather be in a spare room in another city with no job, no school for her daughter, nothing, than to be with me. She just pulled her daughter out of school, didnt even say bye to my family or anything. 6 years together, 2 with her daughter here and being treated like this. Cant believe I am here waiting for her email!

Edited by outlandish
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