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Can someone explain this message to me?


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This message came 2 weeks after a mutual break-up initiated by me between my ex (29M) and I (22F) due to him needing to sort out "commitment issues" and "grow up" in his own words.

 

"Hey, I have been thinking long and hard about us. If our relationship if solely dependent on me changing for it to be stable then I don't think it will work, and perhaps that is why it hasn't been. If it is meant to be then it ought to work with neither of us having to change. That being said I do love you, and I wish I was naturally fitted for you, you are a brave, beautiful, fantastic person and I have learnt how to love with you, but at the moment I think my love for you is not enough.

I understand the risk and of course you will go on with your life and I won't ever try and stop that, it is painful to think there is someone out there who will suit your needs and make you happy because, *my name*, you are a life-changing catch and you deserve happiness. I am also open to meeting up with you in the future and who knows? Perhaps we will be better suited then...I'm so sorry xxx"

 

I believe his message contains a few contradictions. I replied with this: "You are wrong, in relationships you continuously change and adapt for yourself and the other person, because your partner makes you want to be a better person. That doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be."

 

 

Thank you for any insights.

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I think he's trying to tell you that you need/should accept his non-committal behavior and that it is something he cannot and does not want to change.

 

When it comes to these types, walk away. It will always be a mind ****.

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Ok, thanks for your help. I'm glad I did reply because I wanted to get my views across and I don't like playing games.

 

I plan to stay NC indefinitely.

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It is so confusing because he hints at a future reconciliation without realising that letting me go now means that is highly unlikely. Does he think he can have his cake and eat it?

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It is so confusing because he hints at a future reconciliation without realising that letting me go now means that is highly unlikely. Does he think he can have his cake and eat it?

 

It's called stringing you along, keeping you on the back burner, keeping a foot in the door - dial a cliche.

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It is so confusing because he hints at a future reconciliation without realising that letting me go now means that is highly unlikely. Does he think he can have his cake and eat it?

 

This is exactly what he wants you to think ‘what if?’, he’s keeping you at arms length should he ever need some company.

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So when/if he ever responds to my text, should I just not reply? How do I resist the urge not to?

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BarbedFenceRider

It reads....."Were done and I'm moving on."

 

On that note...Your free for the weekend. Go have some fun and be good to yourself.

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So when/if he ever responds to my text, should I just not reply? How do I resist the urge not to?

 

Make it impossible for him to contact you. Block him on everything.

 

Good luck.

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Ok, thank you!! I don't understand what I ever did wrong, I don't believe I can be as great as he's making out if he decided to give up on us/me anyway.

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Ok, thank you!! I don't understand what I ever did wrong, I don't believe I can be as great as he's making out if he decided to give up on us/me anyway.

 

It's all flowery words. They say these things to keep you on the backburner. Plus it also alleviates their guilt and helps them look like the good guy. When in fact they're too cowardly to just let you go.

 

Block him. You have to move on.

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Nothing wrong with either one of you. At this point in your lives, you are not a match. All the other stuff is just him trying to be nice. Just understand that and don't over analyze. It really can be that simple. Who knows, maybe years down the road when you have both grown and changed, you might be a better fit. My guess is that by that time you both will have found someone else that fit you at that time.

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Nothing wrong with either one of you. At this point in your lives, you are not a match. All the other stuff is just him trying to be nice. Just understand that and don't over analyze. It really can be that simple. Who knows, maybe years down the road when you have both grown and changed, you might be a better fit. My guess is that by that time you both will have found someone else that fit you at that time.

 

 

Ok, thank you all. I've had enough of being messed around by him. This has happened once before a year ago (except he dumped me that time), he appeared at my door 2 months later wanting to get back together. That break-up absolutely ruined me, I was alone and living at uni, feeling distraught everyday and as though I wanted to die. I had to force myself to make it through each day. He's never had to go through what I went through back then.

 

How many weeks of no contact will make him realise that he has lost me for good?

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Ok, thank you all. I've had enough of being messed around by him. This has happened once before a year ago (except he dumped me that time), he appeared at my door 2 months later wanting to get back together. That break-up absolutely ruined me, I was alone and living at uni, feeling distraught everyday and as though I wanted to die. I had to force myself to make it through each day. He's never had to go through what I went through back then.

 

How many weeks of no contact will make him realise that he has lost me for good?

 

You sound like a nice person.

 

No contact isn’t meant for anyone but yourself. Your question should’ve been “how many weeks of no contact until I feel better?”

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You sound like a nice person.

 

No contact isn’t meant for anyone but yourself. Your question should’ve been “how many weeks of no contact until I feel better?”

 

Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words.

 

I do feel better (obviously not completely), but I am nowhere near as bad as I was a year ago during the first break-up.

 

I asked that question because I wanted to know if there's a chance he'll feel any regret and curiosity after not hearing from me, and how long that will take. It's not essential to know, but I guess it makes me feel a bit more at ease after the pain I've experienced.

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NC is simply for you to heal, if you are wondering how long it is going to take him to realize you are not yet done grieving. The answer is simple, stay NC indefinitely and move on, it's over at least for now.

 

Everyone else is correct he is stringing you along and making sure not to alienate you in case he wants to come running back, and or he is being a coward.

 

I got the same thing in the form of "we will reconnect later down the line" or "you need to forget about AT LEAST FOR THE TIME BEING".

 

The answer to that is NO, make your bed, sleep in it.

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During our relationship he would tell me I was unique and that there was no one like me, even a week ago (after the break-up) he said that again. He used to say during our relationship that I was what he wanted, he had already decided.

 

This was the first relationship he had ever been in (I was the first he had ever kissed or done anything at all with), when we met he was 27. He said he never found anyone he liked enough until he met me, and that he's a picky person.

 

We were together for 3 years.

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The answer to that is NO, make your bed, sleep in it.

 

Did you ever tell that person no when they first said you'll reconnect later down the line?

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I asked that question because I wanted to know if there's a chance he'll feel any regret and curiosity after not hearing from me, and how long that will take. It's not essential to know, but I guess it makes me feel a bit more at ease after the pain I've experienced.

 

Understand that the feelings of loss that you feel do not compare to what he feels. He isn't as emotionally invested as you are therefore he may not even feel regret in terms of a deep loss. Curiosity -- I'm sure when he doesn't hear from you and is wondering if you are still an option he can revisit.

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It's not what people say it's their actions.

 

My ex who I knew for 25 years, we dated twice in that period and were awesome friends told me she loved me and initiated crazy deviant sex the day of dumping me, she also was making future plans. She also told me I was her white whale and she loved me days later, then the next day she posted pics of herself and her new boyfriend.

 

Never hold onto words, or the past, never analyze breakup fluff talk....it'll just hold you back. People say dumb ****.

 

People are confusing, and as some have said he is leaving you wondering just in case he needs plan b again.

 

Actions not words, words are easy for some actions are hard to hide or sugar coat.

 

You'll be OK, you're young, do NC learn from this and date when you feel you are ready. I bet in a year you will look back and be thankful you moved on. He sounds stuck and indecisive and these types tend to look to plan b when life kicks them in the teeth.

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Understand that the feelings of loss that you feel do not compare to what he feels. He isn't as emotionally invested as you are therefore he may not even feel regret in terms of a deep loss. Curiosity -- I'm sure when he doesn't hear from you and is wondering if you are still an option he can revisit.

 

Please read my posts above. When I last spoke to him a week ago he said he was feeling miserable since the break-up and that I "was the light of his life". He also said I was his "happy thought" and "the best thing that ever happened to him".

 

I would have reason to believe he is more emotionally invested than me because I was his first ever love, the person he lost his virginity to, his first kiss etc.

 

Also, I initiated this mutual break-up, he at first pleaded and asked me to think about it, said "I love you and want to be with you, I can't ever imagine being with anyone else".

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Did you ever tell that person no when they first said you'll reconnect later down the line?

 

 

We originally broke up at 19 and we reconnected at 43. That breakup was college travels.

 

The most recent dating break up at 43 she said we would reconnect a few times. I told her I had no desire to reconnect on a platonic level, and then when I found out there was another man I told her to go **** herself and to never ever contact me again. Now we hate one another.

 

She betrayed me this last time, there is no reason to ever reconnect. I am no one's plan b or backup....she made a decision and picked another man and had no qualms about my feelings so she is done, no reconnection possible ever.

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Please read my posts above. When I last spoke to him a week ago he said he was feeling miserable since the break-up and that I "was the light of his life". He also said I was his "happy thought" and "the best thing that ever happened to him".

 

I would have reason to believe he is more emotionally invested than me because I was his first ever love, the person he lost his virginity to, his first kiss etc.

 

Also, I initiated this mutual break-up, he at first pleaded and asked me to think about, said "I love you and want to be with you, I can't ever imagine being with anyone else".

 

It's words, you need to pay attention to actions. When someone is their entire world, they don't keep breaking up with them and releasing them knowing that they could possibly lose them.

 

His words do not match his actions. You may have been his first but that doesn't mean he is emotionally mature and available to have a healthy relationship with you.

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It's not what people say it's their actions.

 

I bet in a year you will look back and be thankful you moved on.

 

This is very true, I have thought this before.

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