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Girl made U-Turn after U-Turn...


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Hey guys. So, where on earth to begin...

 

I met a girl in a bar some weeks ago, we started dating, things were going remarkably well. She seemed unbelievably sweet, and it's killing me how attractive I still find her. She'd insist on buying me food and everything, really seemed into me. Would seem genuinely worried if she showed up late.

 

After a couple of weeks, she departed on a pre planned trip to Paris to visit a friend. The day she went, she suddenly stopped replying to my texts, ignoring the final one I sent. It seemed odd, but I decided she's just busy on holiday and put it to the back of my mind.

 

I didn't text her again until when she was almost due to return home. I sent her a simple message telling her I had something cool to show her, no biggie. No reply. Two days later, I noticed she had blocked me on WhatsApp.

 

I messaged her directly enquiring what the deal was, she eventually replied some half assed message as if all was good. I then replied, but was again ignored. I waited a couple of days, slowly realising that I was clearly dealing with a head case.

 

Curiosity then got the best of me and I proceeded to message her again, asking what the deuce was issue, and why the sudden massive U-Turn. She replied, telling me that her ex boyfriend had contacted her and she now feels too guilty to talk and be with me. She said she likes me, but the memories with him are too painful to ignore.

 

I then told her how I felt about her and that I thought she was making a mistake by just ditching me so suddenly. She didn't go for it, in a nutshell. She said she was so sorry for blocking me and hurting me etc and told me she was too weak to resist. She also insisted I wasn't just a rebound for her. I reiterated how I felt etc and said there's nothing much more I can do then.

 

I thought that would have been that, but she messaged my the next day then saying that she'd decided not to see the ex again now, as she is afraid of a new relationship. She also said she now needs time to think and be alone. So I replied saying I understood that, also reiterating my feelings, in a non pushy way.

 

There seemed to be a glimmer of hope and I planned to message her in due course to rekindle things, only to discover that she has now blocked me suddenly on Instagram too, which is basically game over for me.

 

I feel hard done by, I know it's not her fault to still be hung up on her ex, but I think the way she handled it, ignoring me and blocking me when I wasn't even pestering her, was appalling. Leaving me to ponder what was going on was so selfish.

 

And to not even give me a chance, even though she had been telling me she liked me all along, is very disappointing.

 

So she basically was with me, did a big U-Turn, told me it's because she couldn't resist the ex she missed so much, then seemed to do another U-Turn on him, then blocked me once again. Pretty indecisive stuff.

 

With the exception of the bitter end of this situation, I went out of my way not to come across as needy or desperate, whilst actively conveying my desire for her in an appropriate manner.

 

So I feel pretty hard done by here. I really really liked her and the past few weeks have been hell on earth for me psychologically, truly. I think I preferred it when I believed she was deliberately playing games with me, now that I know what's gone on I find it excruciatingly painful to accept, it could have been so different.

 

She's due to fly home to South Korea in a couple of months, but that didn't seem to be an issue when she was dating me. Wether the ex is there waiting for her, or here in Ireland like me, I will never know.

 

Having said that, I wonder if this other guy even exists...

 

I suppose some one this unpredictable and indecisive isn't much use to me anyway?

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She’s clearly not ready to be with you so why pressurise her? Just move on you’ll only be setting yourself up for a major let down once ex pops back up.

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My advice is to stay away from her. Write that one off. She's in love with someone else and clearly not that into you. She may have been super into you at the beginning because you were new and a guy she could use to get her mind off this ex. Women, like men, know how to really butter you up in the beginning to hook you because the want something from you. It doesn't mean it's true love for her and that she is thinking about plans for the future with you. It just means she's into you ENOUGH for now but may make it seem you are the most amazing guy in the world to hook you. Her actions and behavior is what you need to go on, NOT her words. Move on to someone who really likes you for you and it feels right. This one will never be right. No matter how many times she comes back and makes you feel good for a day or week or month she will be back to the same antics, trust me.

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There is positively another guy in the picture, the likes of whom you'll never know. Do your best to forget you ever knew her and move on.

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She's in love with someone who for whatever reason always ends up failing her and then she leaves him.

Then they remain in contact and he "changes" the things that led her to leave. She runs back and he hasn't changed. In the mean time she talks to men like you to occupy the void in her life all the while hoping the man she's hung up on changes.

I did that for a couple of years with a woman and just walk away.No matter what you do or how great it seems shell drop u in a moment if she thinks he fixes the things she wants fixed.

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Go full NC and try and think of it in a positive light. It was short, and she was honest. I've dated women for years who were less honest in the end, and feel I wasted years with some of them.

 

The whole other guy thing sucks can frustrate you, I get all those feelings but better short, honest and done in my experience.

 

Sometimes we want what we can not have, and in your case, if she is like this now and you don't know her too well....you dodged a bullet.

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Whether he exists or not, does it really matter? You sound like a strong person, mature, take the good that was your relationship and keep it as a fond memory; the remaining garbage, put it out on the curb. I can speculate as to why she’s behaving this way, but it won’t do any good, she’s made up her mind and from the sounds of it you’re better off. Yes, it was crappy and she didn’t handle it well at all, resist temptation and block her from all of your accounts, unfriend her etc., and move on! If she needs time, give it to her and occupy yourself with other things, more constructive relationships with friends or a new romantic pursuit!

 

Get involved in your church, the youth group, become a deacon, consult with your pastor/priest about the situation and get a spiritual reference. Like a friend or relative who has died, remember her fondly but do what you need to do in order to move past this roadblock! I will include your plight in my prayers! God bless and prosper you!

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Cookiesandough

she;s still into her ex...you're rebound distraction. if these boards are any indication of what is happening, she is being used sort of a as a bootty call by her ex and come back to you when she needs supplementation because things are't going the way she wishes with him etc. And she'll lie about it. She's emotionally tied up with her ex. Sucks but true

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Sorry this happened, OP.

 

I would bet any money she and her ex are thinking about trying again, and she doesn't want him knowing about you at all. Hence the blocking. She doesn't want messages or notifications from you coming through, raising suspicion.

 

I agree that could have handled this much better. She doesn't sound like the most mature individual, and in this case, it really isn't you. She is tied up with someone else.

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Hey guys,

 

I'll try and be brief here. I'm trying to get over a girl I was seeing for a bit. Without going into detail, her conduct has undeniably shown that she is selfish, inconsiderate, dishonest, callous and plays games.

 

The problem is I still can't stop seeing her angelic face in my head all the time, she looks and seemed so sweet and harmless at the start, but the way she has treated me has been a joke.

 

How do I take her off that pedestal and consistently see her for who she evidently is, rather than who I hoped and assumed she was?

 

Thanks in advance

Edited by Joe439
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Just learn to not get so attached so easily so early on and never put someone on a pedestal like you have. That never ends well. By the way, you should have stopped the very first time she started ignoring you. That is always a sign of things to come and you should have more self respect, regardless of how angelica like she is. Don't tolerate rude behavior because when someone shows you who they are by actions, believe it, not the words.

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