hgriffin17 Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 My situation is a bit different, so I'll be brief. I was with my ex for half a year. We're in college. It was both our first serious relationship. Though short, it was very intense. We were each other's first love. I took her virginity. We're both 20. We took a break because long distance was too much for her. We spoke on the phone once every week. It was nice, it felt like we were gonna be back together. Wrong. She was confused. Didn't know what she's wanted. Said she loved and missed me, but wasn't sure whether she wanted a relationship or not. She ended up dating someone else by the end of summer (August) . She's dating a girl now. Apparently she's not bisexual. That's another story. Anyways we hung out once before school started and it was horrible. Tears were shed. We both knew it was out lour time together since I refused to be her friend since I didn't want a platonic relationship. It has been a month since then. I still miss her, not as much obviously but it still bugs me that she's now with someone else. I truly do think we could have went all the way, but it is what it is. Not sure when I'll hear from her. If so, how should I respond? Should i forgive her by stringing me along and not actually breaking up with me? How long will this last? I really just wanna move on with my life. I know she has. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hgriffin17 Posted September 19, 2017 Author Share Posted September 19, 2017 Apparently she is bisexual *** Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I am not sure about this .... but she might have broken up with you, in a whoosy way. She seemed to be confused about her feelings, whether or not she wants to be in a relationship , whether she is bisexual or lesbian ... she is currently trying to figure herself out. I would move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hgriffin17 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 In the most elongated way possible. Still, I had every right to walk away but I personally chose to wait. But I have been moving on, I just wanted to know more stories similar to mine. How long did it take you to "move on". Do you ever move on from your first love? When did you start dating afterwards? Etc etc 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) I "moved on " several times in my life The first was the hardest, 4 year relationship, it took me over a year, I just could not let go, I dated someone else a year after that breakup... it got much easier after that (relationships) , it takes time to find a person that you are really compatible with. It's a trial /error thing, a learning process. So it might take you a couple of more relationships before you settle down, but it is actually completely normal. Each of them teaches you things, even about yourself. Rejection is the hurtful part really, if you know and aware of your worth ... then this will help you in the long run. There is a great video, I would like you to watch ... it's about how a breakup affect our brain... very interesting and helpful for understanding things why our brain is obsessed with what happened trying to keep us safe. So it is not necessarily HER , it's your brain It will take time to let go, but you will, don't worry ! Focus on yourself, occupy yourself with things to do, meet up with family and friends etc. It is great to face the pain but do not do it all day sitting at home. Edited September 20, 2017 by Captivating 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hgriffin17 Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 I ask this question because I'm still not entirely sure what to do. I still have my ex and her friends on Instagram. Her friends still like my stuff but obviously she doesn't. One of her friends and my ex both posted today and I want to like her friends post (since it's a really cool picture) but I'm not trying to seem petty or be 'that' ex. I know this all seems silly because it's just Instagram but I dont want her thinking I hate her, because i don't. I just can't ever be friends with her. She's with someone right now and I am not trying to get in the middle of that. I don't want to unfollow her either. I know it would make situations like this easier but I had a special bond with this person. I know a few years down the road we might talk again but if I unfollow, I'm basically burning bridges. Anyone else went through This? What did you do? Did you ever end up talking again? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 After a break up you don't need a window into your EX's life & they shouldn't be given one into yours. You will better off if you unfollow all of these people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 Why would you block her friends? They're individuals independent of her. I still have all the family members of my ex from years ago in one of my social media networks, not him, but I really think of his family as individuals that I'd be happy to stay in touch (usually just formal on birthdays etc but still). Your ex: maybe unfollow her. If you decide to reconcile you can do it via other means. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 And what is your next GF going to think of this??? It's going to cause a riff. I can see it if you share custody of yer kids, were married and close with the inlaws, but she was just a GF. Just move the f on. They have no value in your life now. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 well i see the dilemma. Here's the thing, in order to move on you don't need to be expending energy on this and staying stuck in the past--even if you have very little animosity toward her. Unfortunately with social media, you can pretty much just as easily track and see almost everything she is doing as well even if you only unfollowed her and did not unfollow her friends. What I would suggest is if you are on friendly enough terms, tell her that you are just going to take some space on social media from her (better worded than that!). If you are not on friendly enough terms, then just do it. When enough time has passed and you are really open for a friendship with her, you can re-evaluate. It's just too fresh at the moment. As far as her friends, put yourself on hiatus. Don't unfollow--they don't deserve that but no need to "like" their stuff at the moment. Just wait until time has passed. They will survive if it's a few months before you start liking their stuff again! If you can mute their posts coming through your feed so you don't inadvertently see what your ex is up to, then do that for a few months. You will feel better at the very least if you address it actively with a plan that you take action on rather than passively let the posts invade your life and consciousness. At the time that you are trying to rebuild your life and move on, it's the smart thing to do so that a little silly post doesn't cause you pain and setbacks and loss of focus but that's what will happen if you don't manage your exposure to seeing and feeling the need to respond to them. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 How do you feel about seeing her or her friends updates? Do you have feelings for your ex? Is it stopping you from moving on? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 (edited) If you're asking questions like this you're probably obsessed so I would recommend unfollow and block her and all her friends Edited October 2, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Depends on how you feel when you see the posts. If you're triggered, then unfollow her. I no longer follow my ex-H on Instagram. He's not on FB, but if he were, I wouldn't be friends with him. And we have two kids together. On the other hand, after the last relationship I had ended, we became Facebook friends lol. (He only created an account after we broke up) And I was FB and IG friends with his mother all during our relationship, and we are still friends. But there was no drama and there are no residual feelings on my part, so it's totally fine. He did just message me the other day telling me he missed me, but that's to be expected because I'm pretty awesome lol All kidding aside, it comes down to how it makes YOU feel. You sound pretty mature so it's probably ok to keep the connection, but if it upsets you at all, change it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hgriffin17 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 When I see her friend's posts, they don't faze me. They were really nice people and still treat me well even after the breakup. My ex and I had a weird ending. We went on a break, had some confusion along the way, she started dating someone, I broke things off, they ended being something serious. It's been 6 weeks since I've last spoken to her. It used to hurt a lot, like a lot. But now my feelings are starting to subside. Like it stings a bit, like a little pinch, especially whenever they start flirting with each other in the comments (mainly because we kind of did that) but I'm starting to feel indifferent. I'm dating again, not thinking about her every minute of every day. But again, I just don't want to seem petty by liking her friends and not hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hgriffin17 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 Update: I ended up not liking any of the Instagram posts. I realized how dumb this all was. It really doesn't matter. I won't unfollow though, that's a bit too much for me, but either way thank you all for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 You have chosen to unfollow but that decision will come back to bite you. When you try to date somebody new that person is going to be unhappy that you & your EX are still connected through social media. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hgriffin17 Posted October 13, 2017 Author Share Posted October 13, 2017 So my ex gf recently posted a picture on instagram with her new gf (yes you read that right) Mainly to celebrate "coming out day" I had not spoken to her for about 9 to 10 weeks so it has been a while. Initially when I saw the photo, it kind of hurt (mainly because she never posted anything with me) but after a few minutes I couldn't help but smile. She looked happy, happy without me, and in a weird way I am fine with that. I don't know whether to like the picture or not. I told myself to never reach out to her in any form of contact but I am happy that she is finally comfortable enough to "come out." That's a big step for anyone. She also liked a poetry quote that read along the lines of "they left for a reason so don't look back in heartbreak" but I wasn't the one who left, nor did I ever treat her poorly so that was a bit confusing. Not sure if that adds anything to thr story but it was something interesting I found out about. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 So my ex gf recently posted a picture on instagram with her new gf (yes you read that right) Mainly to celebrate "coming out day" I had not spoken to her for about 9 to 10 weeks so it has been a while. Initially when I saw the photo, it kind of hurt (mainly because she never posted anything with me) but after a few minutes I couldn't help but smile. She looked happy, happy without me, and in a weird way I am fine with that. I don't know whether to like the picture or not. I told myself to never reach out to her in any form of contact but I am happy that she is finally comfortable enough to "come out." That's a big step for anyone. She also liked a poetry quote that read along the lines of "they left for a reason so don't look back in heartbreak" but I wasn't the one who left, nor did I ever treat her poorly so that was a bit confusing. Not sure if that adds anything to thr story but it was something interesting I found out about. Thoughts? No 9-10 weeks isn't that long of a time Keep moving forward with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Weak move 10 char 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 What would you get out of contacting her? Like you said, she has a girlfriend now... That post you saw probably even wasn't about you. Unfollow or unfriend her from social media so you can move on Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Thoughts? My thoughts are that you are WAY over-thinking this. She probably isn't spending any time whatsoever thinking about you, yet you're wasting all this brain-power wondering whether to like her post??? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 You couch this in terms of being proud of her for coming out. That is a lovely sentiment & as you recognize not an easy thing to do. However, you don't really want to celebrate her new found freedom. You want her to see your message & think she was wrong for breaking up with you. That is not going to happen & you will feel worse when it doesn't. You & she need to be disconnected on all social media so you can no longer see her pictures. If you are so happy for her coming out, make a donation to some appropriate charity in that spirit but do not contact her directly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 You probably shouldn't. Not because it's weak...it's only weak if you want her back. You probably shouldn't because you said it hurt when you first saw it because she never did that with you, which means you want her back still. If you saw it and it didn't affect you, you could probably congratulate her. But because you are not over her, I'd stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
kortz Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Don't do it. Be happy for her in silence. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 She also liked a poetry quote that read along the lines of "they left for a reason so don't look back in heartbreak" but I wasn't the one who left, nor did I ever treat her poorly so that was a bit confusing. Are you sure she was referring or alluding to you? Wish her well in your thoughts and move on. No need to still be in touch with her through social media. Link to post Share on other sites
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