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Hey guys, I recently wrote on the forums about how I felt like I was having a breakthrough. Apparently I'm not. Because I'm sitting here, thinking about my 7 year relationship that has ended due to a text message from her. I'm 4 months into NC, but I just cannot shake that off for some reason. She said it's not about ME, but for some reason I am taking this personal. Why?

 

She told me we should date other people to find someone "Better" so how do I not take that personal? How isn't it about me if she feels like... rolling the dice on ME and the relationship is the right thing to do?

 

I guess I'm just hitting that wall again. I got some things going for me, but I still feel that emptiness and that dull feeling. I don't cry like I used to THANK GOD, but I miss having somebody to kiss, cuddle with, etc. I come here because you guys offer really good advice and I guess I need some. I rather talk to you guys than to message her, that's for sure!

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You can't not take it personally. She's rejected you and dumped you, and that's extremely personal. What you have to realise is, this is between you and her. Just because this girl doesn't feel you're a match, that doesn't mean you're a bad person or that someone else won't think you're perfect and amazing. Pretty much everyone who is now married to someone who adores them has previously been dumped by someone who rejected them.

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You can't not take it personally. She's rejected you and dumped you, and that's extremely personal. What you have to realise is, this is between you and her. Just because this girl doesn't feel you're a match, that doesn't mean you're a bad person or that someone else won't think you're perfect and amazing. Pretty much everyone who is now married to someone who adores them has previously been dumped by someone who rejected them.

 

That's why I'm so upset man. It took you 7 years to realize that? And then to break it off over a text message. I think that's what getting to me more than anything else, honestly. I have better days, but that still lingers for sure.

 

She claims that she just wants to do some soul searching, but I'm not sure why I don't fully believe that. I think it has EVERYTHING to do with me, and I just got let off easy. Terrible way to think huh?

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You're not necessarily even missing her, you're missing having somebody, which is a big difference. Once you find a new gal, you'll look back and wonder what you were thinking.

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You're not necessarily even missing her, you're missing having somebody, which is a big difference. Once you find a new gal, you'll look back and wonder what you were thinking.

 

I hope you're right.. honestly though, it's been a wild ride. She shows up in my dreams and everything, man. It's horrible. And she dragged me THROUGH THE MUD and then told ME that we should see other people. LOL. Followed up with her breadcrumbs on Facebook, it just makes things tough. Tougher than what I feel like it should be.

 

I have almost gotten to the point where I have to laugh at this in order to stop myself from doing something stupid

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but I miss having somebody to kiss, cuddle with, etc.

 

You said it here yourself dude. :rolleyes:

 

You miss the situation and you miss the idealised version of her in your head. You know (if you're honest) that were bad times. We often hear stories of 'it was perfect...' etc. That cannot be the case if someone wanted out.

 

A text message is a gutless way to end a long relationship. Focus on that. What if you guys had kids/mortgage etc. How would she deal with that when the going got tough?

 

Block the social media and think of yourself for the next six months. Date (casually) when you feel the time is right and I promise you, in a year's time...you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking. But if your persist in the social media breadcrumbing then you are in for a world of pain that no amount of time will fix (until you stop it all).

 

Good luck.

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That's why I'm so upset man. It took you 7 years to realize that? And then to break it off over a text message.

 

It probably didn't take her seven years to realize. She probably realized a lot sooner but for whatever reason she didn't say anything. Maybe because she felt guilty, or because she had no other options at that time, or it was too much effort to leave, or she didn't want to be alone so she stayed until someone else came along. Who knows? But it's unlikely to have been a snap decision - she's probably wanted to end it for a while.

 

Breaking it off by text message was mean, but to me that says she was sure of her decision and didn't want to deal with you wailing and begging her for another chance. She just wanted it to be over, quick and simple.

 

Never believe anyone that tells you "it's not you, it's me." She might mean it's not your FAULT, as in you're a good guy and did nothing wrong, and she just isn't into you. But it is always a personal decision about not wanting to be with you. Nobody leaves someone they adore just so they can "soul search" or whatever. They leave because they don't want to be with you, end of story. It sucks but you just have to move on and find someone who does want to be with you.

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Hey guys, I recently wrote on the forums about how I felt like I was having a breakthrough. Apparently I'm not. Because I'm sitting here, thinking about my 7 year relationship that has ended due to a text message from her. I'm 4 months into NC, but I just cannot shake that off for some reason. She said it's not about ME, but for some reason I am taking this personal. Why?

 

She told me we should date other people to find someone "Better" so how do I not take that personal? How isn't it about me if she feels like... rolling the dice on ME and the relationship is the right thing to do?

 

I guess I'm just hitting that wall again. I got some things going for me, but I still feel that emptiness and that dull feeling. I don't cry like I used to THANK GOD, but I miss having somebody to kiss, cuddle with, etc. I come here because you guys offer really good advice and I guess I need some. I rather talk to you guys than to message her, that's for sure!

 

 

I absolutely understand what you are going through. Trying to understand what's going through someone else's mind is crazy making. My ex-H left me after 17 1/2 years of marriage, children and buying a home. For a very long time I tried to understand the whys, and of course he did give me some if you would have this, that, and the others, petty stuff, reasons.

 

This may sound too simple for you, but in the end, it was him,(my husband). It wasn't me, and after 16 years apart, he's still the same person, doing all the things he was when we were together, and hasn't even moved on with another partner in life, actually I have.

 

I'm trying to say in a rather drawn out post, that it's quite possible that it's her, and not you. Obviously we here don't know you, and that would help considerably, but I learned that some people are seekers if you will. They aren't satisfied with what they have, often looking for what they deem better.

 

I say this because, I walked on egg shells trying to be this person my ex-H wanted for our years together, and with my boyfriend now, he's often told me, I love you just the way you are. So, try not to be hard on yourself.

 

In fact, look at it this way, maybe you will be able to find the person that will actually appreciate you just the way you are, and when you do, you'll see the difference, and know that she did what you might never have done for yourself.

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That's why I'm so upset man. It took you 7 years to realize that? And then to break it off over a text message. I think that's what getting to me more than anything else, honestly. I have better days, but that still lingers for sure.

 

She claims that she just wants to do some soul searching, but I'm not sure why I don't fully believe that. I think it has EVERYTHING to do with me, and I just got let off easy. Terrible way to think huh?

 

Hi MadMax20,

 

I am really sorry you are going through these feelings - and I totally understand it.

 

I was with the same person for 11 years - going out for 5 of those, married for 6. All our friends thought we were the ideal couple - I did too, everything seemed perfect. One day he decided to leave - didn't talk about anything, just cleared the house out totally while I was out at work .... and I never saw him or heard from him ever again - not so much as a text message.

 

Yes, it was a killer, and all sorts of things go through your mind .... but - as I did - you have to be strong, not overthink (easier said than done) and move on (it is the only advice I can give) .... to this day (25 years later) I still have never received any reason why one day when I got home from work ready to cook the dinner for the both of us, as usual, he had upped and disappeared. It was so cruel.

 

I just wish, at the time, he had been a man and told me - to my face - why he was going. The way he did things, with no explanation, has made me insecure.

 

All the very best x

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You said it here yourself dude. :rolleyes:

 

You miss the situation and you miss the idealised version of her in your head. You know (if you're honest) that were bad times. We often hear stories of 'it was perfect...' etc. That cannot be the case if someone wanted out.

 

A text message is a gutless way to end a long relationship. Focus on that. What if you guys had kids/mortgage etc. How would she deal with that when the going got tough?

 

Block the social media and think of yourself for the next six months. Date (casually) when you feel the time is right and I promise you, in a year's time...you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking. But if your persist in the social media breadcrumbing then you are in for a world of pain that no amount of time will fix (until you stop it all).

 

Good luck.

 

You're right there were some bad times. It wasn't all candy and rainbows. That's for sure. The six month mark for me will be in December. Just trying to survive the storm dude. It hits hard some days, but at least it's not everyday like it was previously. I never gave into her breadcrumbs. I saw them but I never acted on any of them. And for that, I give myself a pat on the back.

 

It's just amazing how you can go from a long term couple of 7 years to STRANGERS..In the blink of an eye. It was a blindsided hit, and that abrupt shift is horrible. It's like she died or something, you know?

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It probably didn't take her seven years to realize. She probably realized a lot sooner but for whatever reason she didn't say anything. Maybe because she felt guilty, or because she had no other options at that time, or it was too much effort to leave, or she didn't want to be alone so she stayed until someone else came along. Who knows? But it's unlikely to have been a snap decision - she's probably wanted to end it for a while.

 

Breaking it off by text message was mean, but to me that says she was sure of her decision and didn't want to deal with you wailing and begging her for another chance. She just wanted it to be over, quick and simple.

 

Never believe anyone that tells you "it's not you, it's me." She might mean it's not your FAULT, as in you're a good guy and did nothing wrong, and she just isn't into you. But it is always a personal decision about not wanting to be with you. Nobody leaves someone they adore just so they can "soul search" or whatever. They leave because they don't want to be with you, end of story. It sucks but you just have to move on and find someone who does want to be with you.

 

Wow, this sucked to read. But it makes sense. It's crazy trying to wrap your head around the fact that they weren't into you when you've been together for 7 years LOL. She said in the text message that she's realizing that we need space for a "considerable" amount of time. I don't even know what that means lol. This is the biggest emotional blow I've ever taken. I have no idea how I've even come THIS far

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I absolutely understand what you are going through. Trying to understand what's going through someone else's mind is crazy making. My ex-H left me after 17 1/2 years of marriage, children and buying a home. For a very long time I tried to understand the whys, and of course he did give me some if you would have this, that, and the others, petty stuff, reasons.

 

This may sound too simple for you, but in the end, it was him,(my husband). It wasn't me, and after 16 years apart, he's still the same person, doing all the things he was when we were together, and hasn't even moved on with another partner in life, actually I have.

 

I'm trying to say in a rather drawn out post, that it's quite possible that it's her, and not you. Obviously we here don't know you, and that would help considerably, but I learned that some people are seekers if you will. They aren't satisfied with what they have, often looking for what they deem better.

 

Well I'm glad you moved on. That's awesome. I'm trying to do the same thing it's just hard lol. I have awesome days, then I have days that aren't exactly good ones, but at least I'm not sitting around crying uncontrollably like I was once was. That's gotta count for SOMETHING!

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Wow, this sucked to read.

 

Sorry. It does suck. I just don't think someone decides overnight that they want to end a seven year relationship. It must have been brewing for a while. And she totally took the easy way out and avoided having to talk to you. She knew you'd be upset and didn't want the hassle of dealing with it. Wanting space for a "considerable" amount of time is just a way of softening the blow and making her life easier by avoiding telling you it's over.

 

You just have to remember that this is only one girl who decided you weren't right for her. It doesn't mean you're not a good guy or not lovable and attractive. You loved her and it sucks that she didn't feel the same. Now you have to get on with your life and find someone who does feel the same!

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It's just amazing how you can go from a long term couple of 7 years to STRANGERS..In the blink of an eye. It was a blindsided hit, and that abrupt shift is horrible. It's like she died or something, you know?

 

It really is as if someone has died. It's inexplicable. I was with my ex for 8 years. Lived together. Talk of kids. I had an engagement ring in my drawer ready to pop to the question on Christmas day. On November 5th 2014, she upped and left. Never responded to my texts/calls. Sent her mum to pick up her stuff (half the house). Never spoke a word again to this day. Turned out she had been seeing someone else (her sister showed me all the 'public' Blackberry Messenger chat things that confirmed it). The new guy was living at her mum's within a few weeks and the bedroom had been 'prepared' (so her mum was 'in on it' too). I'm an intuitive person, but I never had any idea.

 

The flip-side of that is last year I had a six month relationship with a girl and it really wasn't great. But eighteen months (!!!) of breadcrumbs/trying to 'friends' led me back to this forum.

 

Out of the two situations, splitting up with my ex of 8-years was obviously way worse (like you say, I had to mourn as if she was dead and I had a million unanswered questions). BUT the constant back and forth with this recent ex has been way more painful than the end 'closure' of the longer relationship.

 

I said to my friends earlier, I don't wish any harm on ex of 8-years (I couldn't give a monkeys about her)...but if we ever spoke again I may well thank her for disappearing that way. Because the constant chats/talking/questions after a break up are enough to leave you in a padded cell. So yes, I'd probably thank my ex (and then poke her square in the eyes to even out the score, Haha).

 

I didn't feel that way until I knew what the flip-side is like. It's like hell on earth mate. Maybe in time you'll be thankful for it. Being left in the dark is better than being blinded by sunlight...

 

I say you're doing okay under the circumstances. You're heading to a good place.

Edited by A_New_Earth
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Well I'm glad you moved on. That's awesome. I'm trying to do the same thing it's just hard lol. I have awesome days, then I have days that aren't exactly good ones, but at least I'm not sitting around crying uncontrollably like I was once was. That's gotta count for SOMETHING!

 

I relate to the good days and bad days too. I used to tell our mutual friends , (which were dumbfounded by my exH leaving as well) but, I told them I was a walking dead person, just faking it through life for the sake of our children.

 

I'll be quite honest with you, I did some really stupid things before I moved on. I call it self inflicted nonsense, and I won't go into the details, but I will say this I was single for twelve years before I got with my boyfriend.

 

I'm probably much older than you and I had two children at home as well. I guess my point is maybe this is a journey for you to learn from, painful as it is. Take the good from it, and learn from the bad, so in the future, hopefully you won't have to repeat the bad and the good will be even better.

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Hey Max, I remember speaking to you in previous threads and i know we have a pretty similar situation, very similar infact.

 

Im a week off being 5 months and i believe things are getting way easier for me. the last month has been tough though, nearly as tough as the first 2 months as i was longing that companionship with someone just as you are now. It is not her you miss, it is the comforts from someone caring for you.

 

i personally found that going the gym helped me tremendously, i never once thought about anything other than working out when i was there.

 

I still have bad days now but im slowly getting to a point now where i feel like im ready to see what else is out there for me, im not actively searching but if things happen i will open up and see what is there!

 

Keep up the good work and keep busy. Know that things get easier and she left you for a reason, block her on everything and stay NC. Good luck

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Hey Max, I remember speaking to you in previous threads and i know we have a pretty similar situation, very similar infact.

 

Im a week off being 5 months and i believe things are getting way easier for me. the last month has been tough though, nearly as tough as the first 2 months as i was longing that companionship with someone just as you are now. It is not her you miss, it is the comforts from someone caring for you.

 

i personally found that going the gym helped me tremendously, i never once thought about anything other than working out when i was there.

 

I still have bad days now but im slowly getting to a point now where i feel like im ready to see what else is out there for me, im not actively searching but if things happen i will open up and see what is there!

 

Keep up the good work and keep busy. Know that things get easier and she left you for a reason, block her on everything and stay NC. Good luck

 

I'm doing the best I can man. This is tough! Hopefully one day I will FINALLY hop off of this "Hamster Wheel" that I feel like I am on. Just thinking about the same things over and over. It's torture at its finest.

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Sorry. It does suck. I just don't think someone decides overnight that they want to end a seven year relationship. It must have been brewing for a while. And she totally took the easy way out and avoided having to talk to you. She knew you'd be upset and didn't want the hassle of dealing with it. Wanting space for a "considerable" amount of time is just a way of softening the blow and making her life easier by avoiding telling you it's over.

 

You just have to remember that this is only one girl who decided you weren't right for her. It doesn't mean you're not a good guy or not lovable and attractive. You loved her and it sucks that she didn't feel the same. Now you have to get on with your life and find someone who does feel the same!

 

See, things like "Making her life easier" by avoiding things, and taking the easy way out, makes me believe that she doesn't really have any peace within herself. I understand you can't make anybody have integrity, but when you do something that shows poor character, and you KNOW it showed poor character, doesn't that bother you at all?

 

I definitely understand what you're saying. I'm just in a mental space right now where I am trying to make sense of this blindsided abandonment. The way my mind works, things have to make sense. And when they dont, I think about it over and over and analyze things until I feel like I understand. Not exactly the most amazing quality, I know, :lmao: but that's just where my head is at this moment.

 

If I could figure out how to shut off the noise in my head, and give her less mental space, I could make room for something a lot healthier, and I get that. I just know how I FEEL when I do something "low" and I know it was low.. I'm just not content with myself until I do something more respectable. You know?

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Maybe in time you'll be thankful for it. Being left in the dark is better than being blinded by sunlight...

 

I say you're doing okay under the circumstances. You're heading to a good place.

 

This is interesting to read. I've never heard that before! Only bad thing about being in the dark is not being able to see anything at all LOL and that is scary stuff man.

 

I'm glad that SOMEBODY thinks I'm doing okay. Now if I could just get myself to get into that mental place, and STAY there, I just might be alright. I know people say things take time, but sometimes I feel like time doesn't fix everything. I think it just feels good for people to put their hope into "time" but I do think life changes can be an active process. what do you think?

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Just know you're not alone, that all of us are dealing with that same pain. Everything feels different all of a sudden. Something's missing, and you immediately want to grab it and pull it back, because you don't like the feeling of not having it. It was security, comfort, warmth, familiarity, and it was once love. But it left, and it doesn't feel good at all, it feels really, really bad.

 

In my case I am faced with the reality that the person I fell in love with was actually a lie, and was incapable of loving anybody. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but we will get through.

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Just know you're not alone, that all of us are dealing with that same pain. Everything feels different all of a sudden. Something's missing, and you immediately want to grab it and pull it back, because you don't like the feeling of not having it. It was security, comfort, warmth, familiarity, and it was once love. But it left, and it doesn't feel good at all, it feels really, really bad.

 

In my case I am faced with the reality that the person I fell in love with was actually a lie, and was incapable of loving anybody. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but we will get through.

 

WOW SAME HERE! Totally incapable of loving anybody. It's like we fell for the ideal version of who we wanted them to be without actually stopping to look at who they are IN REAL LIFE. I really hope you find a way to deal with your situation. It amazes me how people who never met each other, can come on here and find legitimate comfort and advice.

 

This is like an extended, virtual family! LOL :lmao:

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WOW SAME HERE! Totally incapable of loving anybody. It's like we fell for the ideal version of who we wanted them to be without actually stopping to look at who they are IN REAL LIFE. I really hope you find a way to deal with your situation. It amazes me how people who never met each other, can come on here and find legitimate comfort and advice.

 

This is like an extended, virtual family! LOL :lmao:

 

Yeah, it helps reading and knowing that others are going through the same thing.

 

I know I will get through because I always do, it just hurts for a while. I also know there are great women out there because I've had them before - that whole "don't know what you've got until it's gone" thing that I did when I was younger. If I only knew then what I know now, this past relationship wouldn't even have happened, I'd be with an awesome gal who was my longest relationship. Live and learn.

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This is interesting to read. I've never heard that before! Only bad thing about being in the dark is not being able to see anything at all LOL and that is scary stuff man.

 

I'm glad that SOMEBODY thinks I'm doing okay. Now if I could just get myself to get into that mental place, and STAY there, I just might be alright. I know people say things take time, but sometimes I feel like time doesn't fix everything. I think it just feels good for people to put their hope into "time" but I do think life changes can be an active process. what do you think?

 

I made that little saying up...just for you. :p

 

Do you know, MadMax that there are 15 million 'self-help' books designed for the 'perfect body'. There's so much advice out there to heal the body, eat right, nutrient information, 'how to attract the perfect partner' etc. etc.

 

But only a tiny tiny fraction of books are dedicated to 'the mind'. As wonderful as it is, as much it defines us as a superior species...it sure as hell causes a lot of pain.

 

You've been going to the gym etc. Kudos to you! It's much needed (in good times and in bad) but do you really want to feel better? (From the tone of your posts, I believe you do). In that case...it's time to invest some time into your mental practices. Even half an hour's meditation per day can change your entire outlook on life. I'm not talking chanting "Hhmmmm" with your legs crossed like a Buddha. :p Just simple mindfulness techniques can be so beneficial to growth. If you're interested, I'll point you in the right direction... :rolleyes:

 

And I 100% agree that 'time' (on it's own) does very little. Aside from 'time' being an illusion (don't get me started, haha)...it's what we 'do' with that 'time' that matters most. If a guy and a girl have a tragic car accident and the girl suffers fatal injuries, the guy would be in state of grief for an incalculable amount of 'time'. But let's say, twenty years later, the pain of the accident would still be 'there' but he wouldn't wake up thinking about it every day. He may now have a wife, family, children and live in a different city (stay with me, :p). Now let's say the same things happens, on the same day, with another guy and gal. Only this time, the guy ends up in a coma for twenty years. When he wakes, even though twenty years have passed by, the pain of the crash would seem like yesterday. The same amount of time has passed for guy A and guy B and so if 'time' did 'fix' everything...they would both be in the same 'place'. But they're not. Far from it.

 

I know it's an extreme example but it highlights the real truth. My auntie lost her son twelve years ago. She has left his bedroom in the same state it was in the night he died. She has captured his memory and still lives in that 'place'. My uncle divorced her because it was just too much.

 

I've seen it with relationships too. I have a friend I went to uni with and, four years after splitting with his ex, he still cries into his beer when a certain song comes on the radio. I would give him a lobotomy if I could but he's become so 'comfortable' with that pain, he can't let it go.

 

I do think you're on the right track. Now it's 'time' to access the mind to speed up the process. There are some great links on YouTube. Let me know if you want some pointers...

 

I know you think you can't see any light... But it's better than finding out that it's a train heading your way :-)

 

Strength to you. ;)

Edited by A_New_Earth
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I made that little saying up...just for you. :p

 

Do you know, MadMax that there are 15 million 'self-help' books designed for the 'perfect body'. There's so much advice out there to heal the body, eat right, nutrient information, 'how to attract the perfect partner' etc. etc.

 

But only a tiny tiny fraction of books are dedicated to 'the mind'. As wonderful as it is, as much it defines us as a superior species...it sure as hell causes a lot of pain.

 

You've been going to the gym etc. Kudos to you! It's much needed (in good times and in bad) but do you really want to feel better? (From the tone of your posts, I believe you do). In that case...it's time to invest some time into your mental practices. Even half an hour's meditation per day can change your entire outlook on life. I'm not talking chanting "Hhmmmm" with your legs crossed like a Buddha. :p Just simple mindfulness techniques can be so beneficial to growth. If you're interested, I'll point you in the right direction... :rolleyes:

 

And I 100% agree that 'time' (on it's own) does very little. Aside from 'time' being an illusion (don't get me started, haha)...it's what we 'do' with that 'time' that matters most. If a guy and a girl have a tragic car accident and the girl suffers fatal injuries, the guy would be in state of grief for an incalculable amount of 'time'. But let's say, twenty years later, the pain of the accident would still be 'there' but he wouldn't wake up thinking about it every day. He may now have a wife, family, children and live in a different city (stay with me, :p). Now let's say the same things happens, on the same day, with another guy and gal. Only this time, the guy ends up in a coma for twenty years. When he wakes, even though twenty years have passed by, the pain of the crash would seem like yesterday. The same amount of time has passed for guy A and guy B and so if 'time' did 'fix' everything...they would both be in the same 'place'. But they're not. Far from it.

 

I know it's an extreme example but it highlights the real truth. My auntie lost her son twelve years ago. She has left his bedroom in the same state it was in the night he died. She has captured his memory and still lives in that 'place'. My uncle divorced her because it was just too much.

 

I've seen it with relationships too. I have a friend I went to uni with and, four years after splitting with his ex, he still cries into his beer when a certain song comes on the radio. I would give him a lobotomy if I could but he's become so 'comfortable' with that pain, he can't let it go.

 

I do think you're on the right track. Now it's 'time' to access the mind to speed up the process. There are some great links on YouTube. Let me know if you want some pointers...

 

I know you think you can't see any light... But it's better than finding out that it's a train heading your way :-)

 

Strength to you. ;)

 

WOW! Thanks for this reply! I'd like to know more about mindfulness techniques I could use. I'd also like to know more about why you feel time is an illusion. That story you wrote made a lot of sense too. I think people like to sit back and let "nature run its course" and then they realize that it hasn't been doing anything for them!

 

Thanks for thinking I'm on the right track. That means a lot. Because sometimes I feel like I'm going backwards. I am willing to try anything (positive of course haha) to help me get through this. Thanks in advance!!

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Okay, this might be tough to read, but I think that pulling the band-aid off quickly rather than slowly is the best way.

 

In my opinion, there was another guy in the picture. I don't know if she was cheating on you or not (well, to be honest, if there is another guy, she was cheating either emotionally, physically or both). Normally, when a girl says, "I think we should start seeing other people" it usually translates into " I've already been seeing someone else and you have caught me. But, I'm tired of juggling two relationships. So, I'm cutting you loose" OR "There's this guy that's interested in me and I'm going to give him a shot". So, don't bother wasting your time trying to find out if this is true. Because, if it is, then I'll save you some time and tell you what her response to you finding out would be, "He's not the reason why we broke up". So, there you go.

 

What you need to do right now is focus on you and your healing. You need to be in full NO CONTACT (NC) with her. BUT! You also need to be making positive changes to your life. Will NC a heal you? Yes. Will NC and doing positive changes heal you faster? Absolutely! So, here's what I mean by positive changes.

 

Go out and buy new clothes. Get a new wardrobe. Be styling and profiling 24/7. Looking totally GQ. You want people seeing you and having them say to you. "Damn dude! Looking sharp!" Why? Because it feels good and it will help your confidence. Then, get to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmills and push some weight. Work off all the stress and frustrations you're having and leave it in the gym. If you eat clean, you'll be working on that rock hard bod that most girls like. There are four things that MOST girls like to touch and that's puppies, kittens, 6 pack abs and Biceps.

 

Then get new hobbies. Something that you'll enjoy. Normally, there are clubs in your area that have people that have the same interest. Go join them! So, sign up for a men's soccer league, or a cycling Club, or a running club, or scuba diving lessons! Put yourself out there. Meet new people and have fun!

 

Then travel!!!! Think of a place you've always wanted to go to. Save, make a plan and then go! Enjoy it! Take a ton of pics! Travel helps a lot to get you out of your normal environment and away from places that would remind you of her. Even if money is tight, you can certainly save for a train ticket to a neighboring city, get a room on Air B&B and go see a sporting event or a music festival. Make new memories! Go have an adventure!

 

And who knows, maybe one day your Ex will get curious and peek on your Facebook and see pictures of you whitewater rafting, or cattle driving, or you standing next to Big Ben, or on the Great Wall of China, or at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, or the summit of Mount Fuji. Or wouldn't it be cool to have a picture of you having just diving the Great Barrier Reef and you back on the boat with your arm around your dive partner that just happens to be this stunning blonde haired, blue eyed Aussie girl that look fantastic in a wet suit?

 

The best revenge you can have is to lead a damn good and adventurous life. Time to close the last chapter....you have fresh blank pages in front of you. Question is, what do you want to write on those pages?

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