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Am I reading too much into things?


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My ex and I split 3 weeks ago because he lied to me and had double standards.

I came close to contacting him today after 22 days no contact. So instead of contacting him I gave myself permission to look at his social media without contacting him.

I noticed he has posted a new photo of himself a few days ago and he's still wearing a necklace I gave him that has both our names on it and a message that says "I'll love you forever" on the other side of the necklace.

Does it mean anything that he hasn't stopped wearing the necklace?

I wouldn't think he'd throw it away but I thought he would stop wearing it.

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It doesn't mean anything. If he wanted you back, he would have reached out. He didn't. Actions are what is important here.

 

While it's good that you didn't call him, looking at his social media is breaking NC. Seeing pictures like this which mess with your head are why you need to stay off social media.

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Thanks but I'm at the point where I want to break no contact so I figured it was better to break it with watching his social media rather than sending a message directly.

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You may need closure for yourself before you actually begin no contact, like I did. But if you are going to speak to him, know what you want out of the interaction and be prepared for a world of hurt if they respond.

 

I've broken NC for the same reasons you are about to. I did it because I wanted peace of mind. I had suffered for 5 long months. Every night thinking about her and what she was up to. Wondering if I would see her again. If we would get back together. I had so many questions that needed answering. I'd sleep until 2am and wake up and be awake for a few hours and fall asleep again because of it. I knew NC was the way to go but I was conflicted inside. I needed answers and wanted to hear my ex speak to me in that cold, distant way exes do when they don't care.

 

Why?

 

The hope needed to die. Because it had been 5 months, and it was breaking me and I knew it wasn't going to get any better. Because I wanted peace of mind. Because I wanted to live again and meet new people and have new experiences and I couldn't because of this. It was a personal choice. When I reached out. I didn't fight, I didn't yell. I knew what I wanted out of it, I got it, and I left. She told me she didn't love me anymore. It was over. She was cold, and distant and it hurt and I cried. But again, I was prepared or it. And after that interaction, it was like a weight was lifted off of me. I started to get a full nights rest. I started to feel clarity. I began talking again with my friends and family. Eventually, I moved on.

 

Yes, we never ended up together which can be thought of as a loss..but, I did move on and I did fall in love with someone new which was a win.

 

Goodluck

Edited by Beachead
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Cocoa...

 

I'm following your posts because you remind me so much of myself (and I'm guessing so many others can relate).

 

When my ex unblocked me from social media, she had posted a video of herself singing a song that meant 'a lot' to both of us. Round her neck was the necklace I bought her for Valentines Day. That led me into a world of torture that last another nine months.

 

I never ended up asking her if that video/necklace 'meant' anything. You know your ex best. In my case, it may well have been a 'mind game'. But the fact remains that if I hadn't looked, I wouldn't have noticed...

 

If you're honest with yourself, you want to reach out because you want him to say he loves you and that he made a mistake. If he felt that way, make no mistake, he would've contacted you directly to tell you this.

 

There is no way of guaranteeing what response you'll receive. If you break contact, he may be stuck in a traffic jam or had some terrible news that day. As each hour ticks by, you will feel worse and worse and when your response comes...I can almost guarantee it won't contain the words you want to hear (in the 'tone' you want to hear them). You'll spend countless hours dissecting and analysing every word of his response/s. The rush of his name popping up will disappear within an hour and, after that, you're in a fresh corner of hell.

 

If you wait for him to message you (and decide whether it's breadcrumbs [which 99% of the time it is]) then at least you'll know he wants to talk.

 

Have you ever 'dumped' anyone? If not, imagine you did. Would them contacting you after you've 'dumped' them increase or decrease your attraction towards them? I've only done it once, and when the girl kept messaging me after...it might sound harsh but it kind of devalued her in my eyes. It's human nature. We want what we can't have and when we can have it, the 'chase' has gone, and we're not that interested.

 

I don't think this guy deserves your time and attention...but I know that's not how you see it...so if you must speak with him then either do it in person or wait for him to contact you and then get some kind of closure.

 

Social media puts us in touch with people all over the planet and I genuinely think it's awesome. Where relationships are concerned...I think it's the worst thing that was ever (or could ever) be invented. You see it as a positive sign that he is wearing the necklace because that's what you want to see.

 

If my ex had been snogging someone else whilst wearing a tee-shirt that said: "I love my new boyfriend", I would still have taken her wearing 'my' necklace as a positive sign. Ever seen a car and thought "That's cool, I've never seen one of those before?" and within a week they seem to be everywhere? They were always there. But you 'zoned in' to them and they became visible in your field of awareness. We literally see what we 'want' to see. Please quit the social media snooping because it will end in disaster...

 

I hope I'm wrong...but you're heading for more pain. Sometimes we need a fresh dose of hurt (and sometimes three, four or five) before we say "Okay, enough is enough."

 

 

 

My ex and I split 3 weeks ago because he lied to me and had double standards.

I came close to contacting him today after 22 days no contact. So instead of contacting him I gave myself permission to look at his social media without contacting him.

I noticed he has posted a new photo of himself a few days ago and he's still wearing a necklace I gave him that has both our names on it and a message that says "I'll love you forever" on the other side of the necklace.

Does it mean anything that he hasn't stopped wearing the necklace?

I wouldn't think he'd throw it away but I thought he would stop wearing it.

Edited by A_New_Earth
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You may need closure for yourself before you actually begin no contact, like I did. But if you are going to speak to him, know what you want out of the interaction and be prepared for a world of hurt if they respond.

 

I've broken NC for the same reasons you are about to. I did it because I wanted peace of mind. I had suffered for 5 long months. Every night thinking about her and what she was up to. Wondering if I would see her again. If we would get back together. I had so many questions that needed answering. I'd sleep until 2am and wake up and be awake for a few hours and fall asleep again because of it. I knew NC was the way to go but I was conflicted inside. I needed answers and wanted to hear my ex speak to me in that cold, distant way exes do when they don't care.

 

Why?

 

The hope needed to die. Because it had been 5 months, and it was breaking me and I knew it wasn't going to get any better. Because I wanted peace of mind. Because I wanted to live again and meet new people and have new experiences and I couldn't because of this. It was a personal choice. When I reached out. I didn't fight, I didn't yell. I knew what I wanted out of it, I got it, and I left. She told me she didn't love me anymore. It was over. She was cold, and distant and it hurt and I cried. But again, I was prepared or it. And after that interaction, it was like a weight was lifted off of me. I started to get a full nights rest. I started to feel clarity. I began talking again with my friends and family. Eventually, I moved on.

 

Yes, we never ended up together which can be thought of as a loss..but, I did move on and I did fall in love with someone new which was a win.

 

Goodluck

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I am in the same boat thinking about if we are likely to get back together but then it's crazy as I don't think I would ever take him back, even if he wanted to come back after all the lies he told and the hell he put me through. There would no longer be trust. I guess I am looking for closure.

Just like you I am having trouble sleeping and moving on - the constant wonder if ALWAYS on my mind and wondering when/if he will get in contact.

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Cocoa...

 

I'm following your posts because you remind me so much of myself (and I'm guessing so many others can relate).

 

When my ex unblocked me from social media, she had posted a video of herself singing a song that meant 'a lot' to both of us. Round her neck was the necklace I bought her for Valentines Day. That led me into a world of torture that last another nine months.

 

I never ended up asking her if that video/necklace 'meant' anything. You know your ex best. In my case, it may well have been a 'mind game'. But the fact remains that if I hadn't looked, I wouldn't have noticed...

 

If you're honest with yourself, you want to reach out because you want him to say he loves you and that he made a mistake. If he felt that way, make no mistake, he would've contacted you directly to tell you this.

 

There is no way of guaranteeing what response you'll receive. If you break contact, he may be stuck in a traffic jam or had some terrible news that day. As each hour ticks by, you will feel worse and worse and when your response comes...I can almost guarantee it won't contain the words you want to hear (in the 'tone' you want to hear them). You'll spend countless hours dissecting and analysing every word of his response/s. The rush of his name popping up will disappear within an hour and, after that, you're in a fresh corner of hell.

 

If you wait for him to message you (and decide whether it's breadcrumbs [which 99% of the time it is]) then at least you'll know he wants to talk.

 

Have you ever 'dumped' anyone? If not, imagine you did. Would them contacting you after you've 'dumped' them increase or decrease your attraction towards them? I've only done it once, and when the girl kept messaging me after...it might sound harsh but it kind of devalued her in my eyes. It's human nature. We want what we can't have and when we can have it, the 'chase' has gone, and we're not that interested.

 

I don't think this guy deserves your time and attention...but I know that's not how you see it...so if you must speak with him then either do it in person or wait for him to contact you and then get some kind of closure.

 

Social media puts us in touch with people all over the planet and I genuinely think it's awesome. Where relationships are concerned...I think it's the worst thing that was ever (or could ever) be invented. You see it as a positive sign that he is wearing the necklace because that's what you want to see.

 

If my ex had been snogging someone else whilst wearing a tee-shirt that said: "I love my new boyfriend", I would still have taken her wearing 'my' necklace as a positive sign. Ever seen a car and thought "That's cool, I've never seen one of those before?" and within a week they seem to be everywhere? They were always there. But you 'zoned in' to them and they became visible in your field of awareness. We literally see what we 'want' to see. Please quit the social media snooping because it will end in disaster...

 

I hope I'm wrong...but you're heading for more pain. Sometimes we need a fresh dose of hurt (and sometimes three, four or five) before we say "Okay, enough is enough."

 

Your advice is always much appreciated, thank you and always so helpful. It's unfortunate but i think you're right, sometimes we need to be hurt repeatedly before we finally get the 'message'.

I blocked him everywhere and yet he has not blocked me but i guess it just shows he doesnt care or doesnt want to go to the extreme of blocking me.

I am seeing a therapist - have started this week. She is supportive for me to maintain no contact at least for another few more weeks before deciding on what to do after that.

She said from experience that a lot of people who go no contact do get their exes to contact them either for final closure or to try to reconnect.

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Glad you're speaking it through with someone in person. Messages/texts/emails (even on here) lack 'tone'. And then we ascribe a tone to the words. When someone texts 'Okay, bye'...depending what mood WE project onto them...WE ascribe a happy tone, an angry tone or an indifferent tone. In reality, there is no way of knowing 'how' the message was intended. That why it's a good idea to respond to a message with 'call me'. :-)

 

Especially in this day and age, people hide behind texts. We've all done it. You're angry inside, fed up etc. and you still 'sign off' with 'I love you' etc. It leaves a confusion when the next time you speak the recipient is angry/upset. You would hear it in their voice if you actually spoke.

 

I understand you're in 'limbo' waiting for him to contact you. Perhaps continue with the therapy for another two weeks and then decide yourself that you'll create your own closure. It has to come from you in the end either way. At some point, you'll have to take your 'power' back. And two months after you've really done this, you'll wonder why you were ever so hung up on this guy in the first place.

 

Best of luck and stay strong. :-)

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Inlovenotinlove

DON'T EVER CONTACT SOMEONE WHO'S DUMPED YOU!!

 

From past experience do not do it. All I can say is if they contact you first it's win win, you know they miss you enough to have reached out. If YOU contsct them first they're simply replying to someone who's needy and in truth even if you do get back together it's because YOU have basically initiated it which then leaves YOU feeling like 'hey we'd not even be together if I'd not reached out' which will again leave you feeling like you care more than they do... bring on the insecurity, the need for reassurance that they would of done and... back to square one

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