Want to break NC

[Unearthed]

I recently checked my calendar and it's crazy to say we have been broken up for Six months. We have been in no contact for 3 months and it was usually me trying to get her back on and off for those few months we were "speaking".

 

I was finally doing good and feeling less hurt but I reactivated my FB and left it alone for a week without checking for anything or using it. When I finally did use it my curiosity got the best of me and I checked her page. Come to find out she has been posting about me very recently but not good things. I admit I am a bit immature and controlling I realize that now but to say that I was abusive. I literally let this girl stay at my home when she had no place to go. We had a lot of fights and I regret saying things to her but still. When it did end I freaked out and said some things I didn't mean but only cause she rebounded so fast.

 

Anyway! I feel like **** it's been a week since then and I find myself checking her FB everyday now. I want to break NC and just talk to her even though I have been doing well it still hurts. I don't want to deactivate my FB or block her cause that means she wins. I miss my friends and speaking to them but at the same time I know it's getting in the way of my healing. I always wanted us to view the relationship with love but it seems that's not the case. I haven't stopped thinking about her since the day of the break up and wondering do I need to speak to her? Ugh Idk. It just sucks that she's bashing what we had, I know it wasn't perfect and we did have issues but damn... I really do miss her.

[d0nnivain]

Don't break NC. It will only hurt worse. Do unfriend her on all social media so you don't see her postings. blocking her doesn't mean she "wins". It means you were finally smart enough to actually cut her completely out of your life. While you are still hanging on to this little nothing of a window -- FB -- she is winning because you are sitting around making yourself miserable. It's not an endurance test of how much pain you can tolerate. Give yourself a break & a fighting chance at healing.

[dumbass2]

Deactivate your Facebook again and get back to healing. There is nothing for you to gain. Good friends should be on your phone and you shouldn't need Facebook for them. This soon after the break up emotions are still high. Maybe you'll be able to talk with her way down the road but you can't make her feelings change. She is going through the anger stage of a break up. Always happens whether her rants are justified or not. It's her way of dealing with it.

 

There are no winners in a break up. Both hurt. I guess you could say that the one who wins is the one that does best protecting their healing so they can move past it. The one who loses is the one who keeps at it and wants to try and change how the other feels and gets stuck in a continuous cycle that prevents them from getting on with their life.

[Shanty]

I am in a similar boat only I wish I could be as far on as you. I can't manage a few days without contacting me ex. I've deleted him from facebook and try to stop messaging him but I know his number off by heart so keep texting. Thats why I signed up here to try occupy my mind when I want to message him. I'd advise you to keep up with the NC. Contacting her again will just set you back further. There is a browser extension you can get that blocks all traces of your ex from your fb without her knowing you've deleted her or anything.

[d0nnivain]

Shanty & everybody else struggling to maintain NC

 

 

Play a game with yourself: When you want to text your EX, say OK, I'm not going to text for 5 minutes. Hold out. When you get that 5 minutes, say OK, I'm not going to text for another 5 minutes. When you get that congratulate yourself for going 10 minutes, then hold out for another 10. Now you have 20 under your belt . . .do another 20. Small increments are best.

 

 

Do text your BFF; post here; join a chat room; clean your house; go for a run. Just keep busy.

 

 

You CAN do this!

[Shanty]

Shanty & everybody else struggling to maintain NC

 

 

Do text your BFF; post here; join a chat room; clean your house; go for a run. Just keep busy.

 

 

You CAN do this!

 

Thank you, I'm trying. I've even started texting a number I used to have thats now disconnected. I have it saved under his name and send messages like "I love you" and "wish I was with you". Im a sad git!

 

When i do actually text him its just normal friendly stuff but I need to try stop. He is in my thoughts all the time and I dont know why as my brain knows I'm better off without him. Will give the 5 min thing a go... and if I can make it work with chocolate too, thats even better haha.

 

Hopefully my patheticness lets the op see how far on he really is.

[d0nnivain]

I used the 5 minute technique to make myself stop crying after a particularly bad break up. Cell phones / texting weren't widespread then.

 

 

Sometimes I slipped but I remember getting all the way up to a week . . .then I just stopped having to do it.

[Alamo657]

You have a disease, and the only medecine is BLOCKING !

 

Your disease is the compulsive need to access her in any way possible. Checking on someone on facebook is stalking, do you stalk people in the streets in real life ? No, because it's creepy.

 

Facebook gives you the illusion that no one sees you, and thus you can get away with doing something creepy.

 

Block her on facebook, delete her phone number, remove her off whatsapp, instagram or whatever.

 

Until you sever all the ties that may link you to her, that's when she wins.

[Unearthed]

You guys are right I went ahead and deactivated my FB as I cant seem to control myself enough to have it and not look at her profile. It just sucks not only is she hanging out with some of my friends, but she's also making me deactivate FB which I enjoy being on. Its like I have to give up parts of my life and stop doing things cause of her. For her to bash me and our relationship opens my eyes and really made me realize we are never getting back together again. Hopefully shes just at the anger stage and her mind clears up a bit and is able to reflect peacefully at what we had. I know its not none of my business anymore but since the break up I am more clear headed now and I am grateful and wish her nothing but peace. It just sucks that it had to end with us fighting but then again that was our relationship I guess.

 

Hopefully one day we are able to speak to each other as clear headed individuals and be able to laugh at the past. Oh well its not about us anymore, its about me. I'll be taking my healing more seriously from now on.

 

@Shanty- Allow yourself to feel the pain and don't run from it by going back to him. Every time you talk to him your just putting yourself lower in his mind and subconsciously yours. Be good to yourself. Thank you for your comments.

[springy]

Deactivating FB is a temporary measure you are taking for your own peace of mind. I deactivated for a year after my last breakup and blocked my ex's new gf. Didn't care what they thought about it, I only had myself in mind. You should too.

[clist8511]

Don't break NC.

 

(Also, I like that 5 minute technique; did you come up with that, @donnivain?)

[cocoa342]

If you break contact what is it that you want to achieve from it?

Do you want to call her out on posting negative things about you, a friendship, get back together?

If you have an expectation from contacting her be prepared to set yourself up for failure.

[Romantic_Antics]

I admit I am a bit immature and controlling I realize that now but to say that I was abusive.

 

Sometimes people have to lie to themselves or to others to make themselves feel better. I had a girlfriend one time whom I thought was going to be my future wife. We talked about it and we certainly loved each other enough, but we met at a bad time in each other's lives and eventually our individual stresses and shared ones that had been festering inside of us manifested themselves in one colossal fight that ended everything.

 

In the immediate aftermath of that she said I was the worst person she'd ever met in her life even though she once said I was the most loving, attentive, caring, and affectionate man she'd ever met. We never reconciled and never even talked again. I poured my heart and soul into that relationship and into loving that woman so I struggled for a very long time to get over her and especially being "the worst person she'd ever met". I had to make peace with that within myself because I never got it from her. I knew I was more than that and that's the only thing that mattered in the end. The same thing applies to you. If you weren't abusive and you know it, nobody can change that fact.

[Unearthed]

@cocoa342 I didn't want it to end with us mad/ hating each other. In the end I did invest a lot into her but I should of acted more maturely about the break up instead of yelling and fighting. I don't want to be friends as it would be too painful but idk just to make things right and give it the ending the relationship deserved?

 

@Romantic_Antics That sounds so sad. I admire you for not needing validation from her but still don't you wish it could have ended differently?

 

It's like a tug of war with myself. One side of me knows it's better off this way because even if I break NC, it's like what happens next? Did I really achieve anything? I get a simple "thanks" and continue moving on? The other side of me doesn't like the fact it ended so bad. That I'm going to be wrote into her history book as that immature guy. Maybe I'm hoping doing this act will at least crack the door into the future? Ugh Thank you guys for listening and responding it helps to get my thoughts out instead of stewing over them.