On the verge of a breakup

[what_should_i_do]

I met him online April 2013 and it's been a whirlwind ever since. He knew I was a virgin and we hit it off with hours long on the webcam talking, etc. In January of 2014 I found out that he was not quite responsive anymore because he was seeing someone else. This after almost a year of promising me the world (even though we never really talked about relationship status or anything). I felt broken and completely alone.

 

He was still seeing her and we had minimal contact but always flirting until April when I decided to use a dating app to meet other people. It was just for fun, nothing serious. I'm quite ashamed off and l lost the V card. I moved to the guy's city in June for studies but he influenced a big part of the decision because he was worth taking the chance. He knew I was coming and broke it off with the girl he started seeing in January. He asked me about being a V as the last time it was mentioned, I still was and I was to ashamed to admit that I wasn't so I just lied about it. He was suspicious and I guess I also wanted to convince myself that I was so I just repeatedly and continuously lied about it. It got so bad that he went through my phone but I never admitted and actually told him til June of this year. It's been over three into the relationship, flawed only by fights about my past because he now has trust issues.

 

Now the problem is randomly, when he is in a bad mood or I irritate him, he gets himself worked up and brings it back up, saying he resents me. When we're happy, he tells me that I'm the best girl ever but when he's angry about the lies I told him, he's very resentful.

 

At the moment I have been on holiday with my family and visiting home. He's supposed to meet me in the US next week. At the start of my holiday, he was semi-distant but still always replying and facetiming me. However, when i got to my childhood home and wanted to cam, i apparently said something annoying that triggered him. 30 mins later, he messages me "I just resent you so much more when you're away" which I found really weird because he is the type of guy who loves his space (we are together a lot) and also really was excited for me to go and see my family.

 

I figured he just needed space so I waited a bit over 24 hours to reply then said to him "I'm sorry that you feel that way, I love you. I think that this time apart is important for our relationship jsut as much as our time together. You were even saying how you were looking forward to me going away both for my family time as well as your alone time. I didn't reply sooner because I thought you needed space and I respect that". I thought this was sweet enough but still objective.

 

However, he replied with "I don't want to go to AMerica" which worries me because this is a trip we planned together and although I have to go because of a cousin's wedding, we were going for 2 weeks before that to explore because he has never been.

 

I replied asking him to at least call me so we could talk.

 

Thoughts???

Edited October 10, 2017 by what_should_i_do
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[ExpatInItaly]

It's over, OP.

 

This isn't normal, healthy behaviour in a relationship. Him holding this over your head and using it against you is plain immature and appalling. No, you shouldn't have lied about being a virgin, but I am skeptical of anyone who pressures that information out of you - and then proceeds to snoop. He chose to stay with you, so he doesn't get to leverage this against you.

 

I would dump him. It's not a relationship worth fighting for. Get rid of him so you can find someone who actually respects you, and to whom you don't feel the need to lie about your sexual history.