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Is she gone or not

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 6th October 2017, 12:46 PM   #1
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Is she gone or not

So, guys, my ex broke up our one year relationship a month ago, for some reasons out of her insecurity and never wrote or initiated contact with me. I contacted and she was on her decision. After 3 weeks of no contact, I sent her a msg and she ignored it and called to inform her something, didnít pick the call.

Yesterday, I called her and asked if we can meet up, she agreed and we met and we talked other things and smiling, making fun. Then the break up matter jumped in our conversation and we talked about it, what were the mistakes and how we could handle them, but we couldnít. It was very emotional conversation, we both cried and talked and she said, she doesnít wanna have that stress we had at the end of the relationship. But, we both were comforting each other, holding hands, walking keeping hand on her shoulder like before, told her how we can make it better, then we hugged and left. We were exchanging message afterwards too.

Today I called her what is she up to and asked if she wanna grab a beer in the evening, she was asking me, why I want to keep meeting her, since we are not on the same feet. I just said why not, lets grab a beer and talk on it. She agreed, so we gonna meet later today.

Though I didnít wanna break up, and she said she didnít feel comfortable in the relationship we had (jealousy of my friends, doubting me, though i was 100% honest with her). But she is unique and caring about me. I still love her the same and want her back.

Guys, please give me your valuable advice how to talk to her today and carry on with her. I appreciate any advice/suggestion.

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Old 6th October 2017, 3:03 PM   #2
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She doesn't want a relationship of that type with you again. You've talked about it. If you keep asking her out, you're agreeing to just being friends and nothing more. A woman is often willing to just be friends, where a lot of men are not happy with that. I really don't see the point of continuing to see each other since you've both agreed nothing is going to resolve.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:44 PM   #3
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So you are okay with just being friends? If not then cease all contact and move forward. The longer you remain in contact without the romance, the further you put yourself in the permanent friend zone.
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Old 7th October 2017, 12:07 AM   #4
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She's checked out of the relationship but will still be a casual friend to her. But is this friendship worth the pain it will cause?
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Old 7th October 2017, 6:47 AM   #5
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The friendship will NOT be worth the pain it will cause you.

Because right now you two are not friends and can't be friends. If she were to be with someone else, it would hurt you. Not only that, you are now an ex and when she finds someone new, he will not be cool with you hanging around no matter what. She will cut you out and believe me, you don't want to learn this lesson the hard way.

I encourage you to remember this.

You two broke up for a reason so remember that reason and stay strong. Because as the days go by, reality is going to sink in, and that's when this breakup will become very real to the both of you.

Breaking up is like facing the aftermath of breaking an addiction from Heroin or some other drug. But instead of Heroin, it's love. You two programmed your brains into a pattern of being with eachother. You talked, laughed, fought, were intimate and built a life together. You're both going to feel the absence of it. She will contact you in the coming few months (Because of self serving reasons like weakness, guilt, wanting to see if she still has you) and you will want to respond. For both of you, these feelings will only be because of the addiction to one another. Nothing else. You will try to look for reasons to talk to her or convince yourself why it's "imperative" that you respond should she contact you. Your mind will attempt to deceive you. Be strong.

Disappear. Block her off of everything. Her number, email, social media. Take a full year for yourself. And don't do it to try and win her back, do it for yourself.

When you eventually reach the day where the thought of her being with someone else doesn't bother you at all, you've moved on. That's when you'll be ready to talk to her again. But right now, things are fresh and you both need to heal, grieve and reprogram your brains to live without eachother.

In this way, your break up will mean something. In the short-run, she may be upset with your absence but in the long-run, she will forgive and come to respect you for it. Should you ever see her again a year or two from now, she will speak to you with this respect.

Good luck

Last edited by Beachead; 7th October 2017 at 7:16 AM..
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Old 7th October 2017, 9:14 AM   #6
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Thanks everyone for your valuable words, they mean a lot to me. Yeah, after meeting last night, I decided to let her go. Would stop contacting her from today. Need to give myself time, she actually doesnít care about me, she broke up because she didnít feel comfortable, she thought itís not working, now we meet and its hard for her, she gets emotional, so everything is about her, no me there.

Wish me luck guys, to heal and be patient.
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