She wants a 2 week break but wants to stay in touch

[holms]

My gf of 5 months and I had a pretty good argument 2 days ago, and initially she had broke it off right there. Within an hour and a half she sent a series of texts saying that she knows she can't do ia breakup and doesn't want to lose me. She said she knows she hurt me and hates that she did but can't see her life without me in it. I did reply to that one to say that though I do love her as well, I was a bit hurt and blindsided and didn't care to talk at that time. The rest of the night she sent a few more texts all about the same, except the last one was simply "You OK?". I didn't respond to any of them that night.

 

The next morning I responded to her last one and just put that I wasn't really doing ok and didn't sleep much. She responded immediately that she didn't either and couldn't function at work. Even mentioned that her daughter kind of yelled at her for the whole incident and that she felt terrible.

 

Later that day she called after work. We again talked about a few of the issues that had been bugging both of us that built up to the other day. She had accused me of sleeping with my ex and that set me off a bit the day before and has been acting distant lately. We both agreed we need to communicate better and she again said that she does love me and doesn't want to lose me as I don't want to lose her either. But she did say that she needs a break for 2 weeks. Now, she does live 60 miles away and we really only see each other about 1-2 times a week as it is. I said if she needs space fine and she again reassured me that it's not a break up, but just stepping back for a few weeks. I did feel I had to ask if there was someone else and without hesitation she said no. Reminded me that I am still always on her mind, just had mixed feelings she can't shake at the moment. We said our good bye and I told her that she can call or text when she is ready but she said the same to me. She said she still wants to be in contact.

 

I didn't text all night and neither did she until this morning while I was on my way to work. All it said was "Have a good day" and I replied with "you too, have a good day"

 

As the real fight was just 2 days ago, neither of us have gone NC truly, but the contact has slowed waaaay down. Don't know if this is salvageable or if I'm just gripping into false hope.

[d0nnivain]

You have only been together for 5 months. This should still be the HM phase.

 

You fix a problem by working on it together not walling yourself off for two weeks.

 

You don't see each other all that much to begin with. What does she need a break from?

 

Sounds like a bad plan to me. If it's over break up. Don't rip the bandaid off slowly. That is just more painful

[marky00]

I got those "have a good day" messages and was dumped a few weeks later.

 

 

That's usually guilt and them wanting to show that they cared on some level. Ironically, its the absolute worst thing they can do.

 

 

I think your only play right now is to not contact at all this next 2 weeks. That way, the picture doesn't get distorted and you'll start to figure out where she is at.

 

 

By not contacting her, you force her to figure out what she wants and to spill the beans one way or another.

 

 

It looks like its more than likely over. But, if there's any chance of reconciliation, it would be if you stick to NC. Only time you should say something is if she asks a question but I doubt she will do that.

 

 

Your brain will be saying the opposite and try to convince you that keeping in contact is what is needed. Don't listen to it. She will respect you more if you just get on with things. Think about it, she's told you she needs time to figure out if your worthy of her. That's a pretty big slap in the face. Now you go NC which helps even the ledger and if things are meant to be, you will hear from her.

 

 

Don't give her the pleasure of being able to check in when she wants so she can ween herself off you.

 

 

Good luck mate.

[holms]

So, we went a full day and a half with no contact, the longest since we have met. Yesterday however I was doing a bit of running around after work and she called me. We talked for about 45 minutes.

 

Now, we did just talk about our day and other things but we did talk about the 2 weeks and the intent. She again said she doesn't want and hopes we don't all out break up, but the conversation was more like 2 friends, not lovers.

 

But, what she said next has been eating away at me now. She said the 2 weeks is just as much for me and that she has a "Theory" that she wants to see if it's true or not. WTF does that mean? What is the "theory"? If I'll run out on dates, or wait it out? Does she want me to give her the "it either is or isn't" speech?

 

Why is this woman just keeping me on the hook and screwing with my head now? Ugh.......

[Buriall]

When a girl asks for a "space" it usually involves a third party. Id say RUN and never look back..Shes messing with you, dont take her B.S

 

she got you on the hook, she is controlling you..pulling and releasing the line. While youre not far deep in the rabbit hole get out dude...

[basil67]

Wait......she accused you of sleeping with your ex. Let's stop focusing on whether or not this is a breakup and look at the issues which brought the two of you to this point. It may well be that the two of you can't work together and are better off apart.

 

With the ex thing, are you still friends with the ex? Close friends? If so, you may need to choose. But if your ex is out of your life - or someone you simply run into at parties - then perhaps it's your ex who has the issues. In which case, you're better off with someone who's more secure.

 

What other issues have plagued the two of you?

[spiderowl]

I can understand this is messing with your head. On the surface, it doesn't make much sense. What is coming through is that she wants a break but does not want to call it a break-up at this stage. I don't know what the argument was about but my guess is that you both said things that hurt each other. While you might be prepared to forgive her for whatever was said then, she may not feel she can forgive. Sometimes hurtful things are said and both people know fundamentally that they love each other and would never deliberately hurt each other. Sometimes hurtful things are said and one or the other feels they were over the top or that they are not sure they can trust the other person again.

 

Why do you think she was so convinced you were seeing your ex? I am not suggesting she was right; I am wondering what triggered doubts in her mind. How did you react? Did you explain or just reiterate you were not seeing your ex or did you get angry with her? Anger can be very destructive.

 

I am not getting the impression that you are an angry kind of person so there could be other things going on. She could be unconsciously triggering a break-up because she needs it. I feel your instinct is right that it is not usual to want a break like this. She may not know herself why she 'needs' this break but nevertheless, it is like drawing a line in the sand.

 

I would give her a couple of days to see how she feels and if nothing has changed, give up on this relationship. I cannot see why anyone would want a two-week break if they knew they loved you and wanted to be with you. At the very least, she is expressing serious doubts by this move.

[holms]

To answer a few of the questions. Me and my ex have kids together and live only a mile apart. Me and my current gf (I guess) live far apart. So she has expressed it's always been a worry of hers. Even though my ex lives in my house with another man and I want nothing to do with her. I did flip out on my ex this weekend over issues of never getting to see my kids and stood my ground. I guess my current gf was starting to see me as a pushover when it came to her.

 

I did talk to my current gf today after work and our date for next weekend is still on. I guess I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worst. But we did air some stuff out over this last week and I have started to stand my ground with her as well. I'm also starting to realize that there are other issues festering that need to be resolved now or it's not going to continue long. She has a kid with her own ex and I've had to deal with it so she has to learn to suck it up and trust me as well.

[d0nnivain]

I didn't realize this woman & you were grown adults. This break business is even sillier now. She's testing you. She thinks there is something going on with your EX & this is her cockamamie way of proving to herself whether she can trust you.

 

Personally I'd end it & date a more mature woman with her act together & her head on straight but you are free to play along if you like.

 

 

It also sounds like she doesn't know her own mind. She's wants a 2 week break then calls you to talk for 45 minutes & you have date next week. The fact that you think not taking to a new GF of 5 whole weeks for 1.5 days is significant worries me. At 5 months I don't want daily contact with a romantic interest. Both of you could stand to be more independent.

[lolablue17]

Well, what you experience is not a "break". If you see her anyway not more than 1-2 per week, and during the break you talk all the time, this break is ridiculous.

 

She probably wants to test you, a stupid test (no matter what to hell is this test). If you can wait for your next date, do it, and if this "break" is finished, and you're back together (What i think is the most probable thing to happen), you must have a serious talk with her.

 

Tell her that jeopardizing your R for experiments, is something that she can ever never do again. Tell her that you think she is immature, and she plays with no responsiblity with your feelings. Tell her that the next time she even consider going that path, you'll be gone in a second. You forgive her this time only!

[holms]

That's what I planned on doing in the first place, but I did NOT want to do it over texts or on the phone but face to face. I need to put her on the spot and get to to open up, for good or bad. If it's the fact that she is pissed off over pety issues and can't get past them then I'm done. She isn't perfect either but the little issues don't get to me most of the time, unless it's a bunch that add up all at once.

 

She has called me pretty much everyday this last week but talks to me more like a friend. I told her I am not interested in being just friends only. Anyway, a few days ago we did air more stuff out and I pretty much told her what I'm planning and what I want her to do next weekend and she said ok. She again said she wants to get past this and not break up but again brought up this "theory" of hers. I had to bite my lip and not speak because THAT is really beginning to piss me off.

 

I'm seriously thinking she has some issues going on that she isn't telling me and depending on what they are I'd still like to know where I stand. If it's worth walking away or trying to offer help. Yes I know it's only been slightly less than 6 months but up until 2 weeks ago it's been great and we both talked about the future and how we were so happy. It just flipped over night. What we had going for a bit is worth it to me to at least make an attempt to salvage.