My boyfriend of nearly 2 years broke up with me. I still have hope.

[hopefulperson]

Long story...sorry.

 

My boyfriend of nearly 2 years broke up with me 1 and half weeks ago. He is 22 and I am 21 and we are both in our senior year of college. A lot of stressful events has happened in the last month or so. I suffer from depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts sometimes. 1 and half months ago, there was an incident where I ran into the streets because of that. I don't know what I was thinking and why. But once I got into the streets and I was so confused. My mental illnesses is a lot and I always tried my best to conceal it in front of him. I never wanted to burden him with it.

 

Our biggest issue in the relationship? He recharges by having space and time and I recharge by being with him. He felt that I depended on him for emotional support, which was true. I was stubborn for not retrying other outlets that I have been mentally scared from. But in reality, I was looking for support everyday. There was never I time where I never fulfilled his request for time and space.

 

The night we broke up, I had initiated the question "did you want to break up?" because he had asked me for more time and space to himself that night and was being cold to me the week prior and day of. Something was wrong and I was wrong to initiate the conversation like that. My intentions were to talk about what was wrong and how we could fix it. But we never got to the part of how to fix it. Instead, he wanted to end it. I cried and was baffled. I felt my heart drop. I was desperate and begged him to keep trying and apologized for everything I did. The day after, I found him after class and asked to still be together and to fix our problems. He then called that night confirming his decision to say the relationship was over. I was heartbroken. I've been crying every single day.

 

The problem is...I love him and he still loves me. He still cares for me. He said he's doing this for the best of both of us. I've already been growing and changing as an individual and fixing my problems. I've looked out for other support resources and people and friends. I have already fixed a large part of our issues. I believe that any issues can be fixed. It may take a longer time, but it can be fixed.

 

We worked and paired with each other so well. The way we cooked, cleaned, shopped. Our values and our family loves us. They thought we were going to get married to each other. That's what I thought too. He's talked about the ring and our future plans together.

 

It seems that he had broken up that night because he has been overwhelmed with the amount of events happening in our lives at the moment with the addition of me reentering another depression cycle. I was his perfect girl and even after our separation, he had told his friend that I would be perfect for him...if it was only in the future.

 

I'm so hurt right now and he is too...From what I hear, he is having such a hard time and is trying to cope with the fact that I am not next to him anymore. He's heartbroken. And I want to try again because we both still love and care for each other very much. I understand if the time is not now, but I'm hopeful for the future. I'm scared that he may not want to be with me in the future or consider it. He is thinking with his mind and not his heart.

 

Please help.

[Buriall]

There is nothing here you can do to convince him to change his mind. Let him have his space and figure out what it is. In the mean time, try not to bombard him with calls or texts. Find hobbies you enjoy and do them for a while. If it's meant to be he will let you know. Don't be clingy, that might make him run. Good luck

[dancingintherain12]

Hi love. Coming from a girl who is also 21 years old and suffers from mental illness as well, I get you. Firstly I wanna tell you you are not alone. You have every right to feel the way you do. My mom is diagnosed with mental illness and I suffer from depression and anxiety from that a lot. But what I wanna bring to your attention is YOU right now. Its so easy to get out of a relationship and think of them. I still have hope. We dated for two years and what happened to you guys happened to me (see my post) its normal to have hope. I said I lost feelings to work on things and he took it the wrong way and we broke up and he doesn't want me back. All I wanted to do was work on things and I'm guilty for bringing it until the way I did as you do. But I think there's a burden in the relationship. That's not a bad thing it's a normal thing. But you say you tried to commit suicide and that is something you need to address before ever wanting to be back with him again; whether he wants you or not. You need to address the feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts. You can't be happy with someone else if you're not happy with yourself. This breakup is meant to teach you something. Lean on god, family and friends. By grace through faith.

[hopefulperson]

I have been trying so hard to do other things and doing a lot of self care in the mean time. One of his friends has been in contact with him and continuing to challenge his thoughts every day. As of right now, he is not surrounding himself with the right people that can challenge his thoughts and guide him.

 

I've gone through a very tough childhood and have grown a lot from that. I've always had to fight for love. But he has always had love handed to him. Which I see is the difference. We travelled abroad spring 2017 and went to so many countries together. We had so much fun. I have invested so much in this relationship, both financially and mentally. That's why I want to keep trying. I just don't know how long it'll take for him to realize that he is slowly losing his perfect girl.

[hopefulperson]

I've also not been clingy or have talked, seen or message him whatsoever since that day he called me over the phone. He's been avoiding the problem and been trying to distract himself.

 

I just still feel like it's not over. His friend agrees that he's making a rash decision and sticking with it.

[preraph]

It sounds like he was relieved you brought up the breaking up subject and jumped at it as if he'd been wanting to break up for some time. I'm sorry, but you're not the perfect woman for him. And he's not the perfect guy for you. You're both too young to be even trying to settle down. Go explore the world.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm afraid I disagree that he made a rash decision. He didn't. It sounds like this break-up was coming but he didn't know how to tell you and was worried how you would react.

 

Right now, you need to focus on getting better. It is good that you recognize your role in the breakdown of the relationship, but true growth takes much longer than 1.5 weeks. He is right that you cannot depend on him for your emotional well-being and it sounds that he tried several times to take some space because it was becoming too dysfunctional. He sees that you're not in a good place and need help, and unfortunately, I think he is right that you need to do that on your own. This relationship had become unhealthy, though it sounds like he does care for you. It was not a tenable situation anymore, for either of you.

 

Is there a chance in the future? Perhaps. But please do take this opportunity to get real help for your mental health struggles. Becoming emotionally healthy should be your utmost priority now. A relationship under these circumstances isn't a good idea and you are both too young to be involved in something that is draining the proverbial life out of you.