Dumpee regrets?

[Downanddown]

Hey guys.

 

Long time reader first time writer.

 

Im 6 weeks into a 6.5 year breakup. My ex broke it off after a fight we go into, left the house and went to her exs place. They slept together and poof...6.5 years down the drain.

 

Little back story. She has 2 beautiful kids that i helped raise for those years. Her ex has always been in the picture since they have split custody. I wouldnt say we were friends but were always polite to each other. Anyways...just a little bummed out right now. I understand if your not happy not to stay i just felt the move she pulled was a real kick in the teeth. She moved all of her stuff back into his place the next day.

 

I totally get it. Its the father of her children. I figured i just deserved a little more respect as to how things ended. I rasied those kids like they were my own and she kicked me aside like i didnt even exist. I had to reach out to her 1 month post break up just so i could get some closure with the kids. Its like she didnt even think i cared.

 

I put her through school. Roof over her head. Family trips..i mean you name it..and dont get me wrong im not saying shes entitled to stay becuase of grand gestures..but betrayal is one ugly emotional scar as obviosuly she was talking to him behind my back about who knows what.

 

I blame myself BUT i do know one thing. I did not push her there. That was a choice she made. Thats what helps me through the day.

 

Just looking for some support is all.

[FML_101]

Dang man I'm really sorry to hear that. Sounds like you're a great guy and that you didn't deserve an ounce of that. I legitimately got angry just reading that story.

 

Listen you are clearly a great person. You probably thought she was too. But she showed her true colors to you. She is very clearly not a good person with her careless approach to ending your relationship. It may have taken you 6 years to realize it, but better late than never.

 

From my point of view, knowing what you said about her and how she treated you, you are very clearly better off single than in a relationship with that person.

[Downanddown]

Thanks for the reply fml 101.

 

I mean our relationship was pretty toxic to begin with. She had 0 trust in me always accusing me of cheating which i never did..i guess projection had alot to do with it.

 

It sucks cause its a triple whammy her and the 2 kids so it makes it that much harder.

 

And some back story on her ex. They were married and he kicked her to the curb after 8 months and wanted full custody of the kids... but i guess since he saw she was happy with me he began to weasle his way back in. Pathetic

[FilterCoffee]

I can't believe she did that you! After everything you've done for her and her kids the least she should have done was go to her friend's place and give you some time. Very insensitive on her part and you have every right to be upset.

[Downanddown]

Thanks filter coffee

 

 

And the really messed part is she is wearing her old wedding ring 2 days after we split

 

I told her i was gona prepose in about a month...i think i might of dodged a bullet there.

[FML_101]

I think dodging a bullet is an understatement. The fact that you are saying these things shows you are acepting your circumstances, which is a ginormous step in the right direction. It may not feel like much or provide you any relief at the moment but trust me, you are on the right track. I promise when you do get over this, the only thing you are going to regret is the amount of time you wasted getting over this heart break. Not that there is anything wrong with needing time. It really is the only cure. Keep your head up, it can only get better from here.

[FilterCoffee]

I told her i was gona prepose in about a month

 

It's scary how we think we know someone and then be completely wrong. But It's great that you're sure that you don't want to be with her. Lot's of people are so unsure whether they want to move on or not which makes it a lot harder on them.

[Downanddown]

Yeah. Ive certainly accepted it but sometimes i crosses my my on how someone you care so much for can do such a cruel thing.

 

I certainly would never take her back but it would be nice if she came crawling back just for a ego boost.

 

But again. I cant control her actions. Only mine and sometimes i do wish her happiness. Other times i want her to know she made a mistake.

 

Il eventually get the point of indifference...eventually

[ExpatInItaly]

Wow, sorry to hear this OP.

 

Sounds they'd been having an affair for a while. What was the final fight between you two about? I have to wonder if she manufactured it because she and her ex had been planning their reconciliation and she needed an "out".

[Downanddown]

Something pretty stupid. She lit the bbq and it caught fire and then started blaming me how it was my fault i didnt clean it. She was pretty mean and i had just returned from a 2 dah fishing trip. When we were ttying to put it out i said" turn the propane off" she goes "me!" Be a man!! And it kinda escalted from there. I told her stop blaming me. You blame me for everything.

 

She jumped in the shower came out and said this is not working we argue to.much and i accepted that. She gave me a hug and she left. Next day i found out she stayed there

[Downanddown]

There were a TON of red flags i ignored now that i look back. When your in the thick of it love is blind i guess.

 

Either way it was a lose lose situation for me. If it woudlnt of happened then i would of happened eventually given the fact i had no idea she was gaining feelings for him.

 

He told her he still had feelings for her a little while back but she only decided to mention this to me 2 weeks after the breakup. She lied about a lot of things

[frigginlost]

Hey guys.

 

Long time reader first time writer.

 

Im 6 weeks into a 6.5 year breakup. My ex broke it off after a fight we go into, left the house and went to her exs place. They slept together and poof...6.5 years down the drain.

 

Little back story. She has 2 beautiful kids that i helped raise for those years. Her ex has always been in the picture since they have split custody. I wouldnt say we were friends but were always polite to each other. Anyways...just a little bummed out right now. I understand if your not happy not to stay i just felt the move she pulled was a real kick in the teeth. She moved all of her stuff back into his place the next day.

 

I totally get it. Its the father of her children. I figured i just deserved a little more respect as to how things ended. I rasied those kids like they were my own and she kicked me aside like i didnt even exist. I had to reach out to her 1 month post break up just so i could get some closure with the kids. Its like she didnt even think i cared.

 

I put her through school. Roof over her head. Family trips..i mean you name it..and dont get me wrong im not saying shes entitled to stay becuase of grand gestures..but betrayal is one ugly emotional scar as obviosuly she was talking to him behind my back about who knows what.

 

I blame myself BUT i do know one thing. I did not push her there. That was a choice she made. Thats what helps me through the day.

 

Just looking for some support is all.

 

That really resonates with me. I was in the same position. Ex had children that I absolutely adored as if they were my own. She betrayed me with an ex of hers, and to say I was gutted was an understatement. Not only do you lose her, you lose the children as well.

 

I feel for ya man, I really do. It is not an easy thing to go through at all. It's been almost a year and a half for me and I still struggle at times. The best you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. The hardest part for me was the children. I have basically moved past the ex, but those kids are always in my thoughts. Unconditional love from a child is something extremely special, and to have it ripped from you is devastating.

[Downanddown]

Damn frigginlost. Very sorry to hear

 

I mean its nice to know people go through similar siutation just so we ca relate.

 

1.5 years is a scary long time tbh. How are you feeling from the first few months until now?

[Hoosfoos]

It's a waste of time to raise somebody else's kids. Never date a single mother!

[frigginlost]

Damn frigginlost. Very sorry to hear

 

I mean its nice to know people go through similar siutation just so we ca relate.

 

1.5 years is a scary long time tbh. How are you feeling from the first few months until now?

 

A whole lot better. I wish I could say it's not a bad ride, but honestly it was brutal at times. What made it worse is it seems that your ex and my ex share some traits. Toward the end, nothing, and I mean nothing I did was good enough. Everything was my fault, and I was accused of things she pulled out of thin air. It was all a cover for her cheating behind my back with the ex.

 

Friends keep me updated a time or two every couple of months about the kids because they knew how much I loved them, and I can now hear things and be happy about it/them.

[Downanddown]

Glad to hear you get updates about the kids

 

Man. I know. Im only a few weeks in and havent had a good night sleep since. Im just crushed and gut wrenched . That feeling in the pit of stomach just wont go away

[frigginlost]

Glad to hear you get updates about the kids

 

Man. I know. Im only a few weeks in and havent had a good night sleep since. Im just crushed and gut wrenched . That feeling in the pit of stomach just wont go away

 

Yup, it's normal. And sadly, there is not really much you can do to help it. With me, working through the betrayal from the ex was a normal process as she gave me too many reasons to basically discard her from my life. With the kids it was completely different. They did nothing. They loved me like I was their own father. Having that connection snapped was absolutely brutal. Now I can look back on my time with them and smile, because I know they will never forget me. I may not be around, but they know who I was to them. Heck, the oldest is reminded of me every time he watches netflix as he is still using my account.

 

They wont forget you, man. It may feel like it, and it's going to hurt for a while, but it does get better. A whole lot better...

[Downanddown]

Thanks for the support man. Means alot

 

Did your ex go back to the father?

[frigginlost]

Nope. The boyfriend she had before me.

 

The father cannot stand her. I wonder why... :-)

[Downanddown]

Haha no kidding.

 

How long did it cross your mind about them failing. Her coming back etc..

 

Thats kinda the point im at. I know in a million years it wouldnt happen but it crosses my mind alot

[frigginlost]

Haha no kidding.

 

How long did it cross your mind about them failing. Her coming back etc..

 

Thats kinda the point im at. I know in a million years it wouldnt happen but it crosses my mind alot

 

It still crosses my mind. Don't know that it will ever stop. Because kids were involved it's 3 times harder to move on from. When you spend so much time as a "family" doing family things, when it's ripped from you it's a big damn hole that is created.

 

For what it worth, she did try coming back. After 4 months or so, she started sniffing around and sent a mutual friend to get the 411 on where I stood. She asked what would it take to get back together. I told her friend it was impossible, to tell my ex live a happy life, and see ya.

 

It hurt like hell to do it, but trust, loyalty, and everything else was gone. Add to it, I could not put those kids through it again (because chances are if a cheater does it once they'll do it again, and I didn't want to live through it again).

[Downanddown]

Strong man. Good for you.

 

I cant beleive she was willing to uproot the kids again. Unreal. You make a decison like that you better make sure you made the right one

[Downanddown]

Or were you not living together?

 

I lived together with her and the kids for 4 years. Split custody that is. Making lunches. Putting them to bed etc etc etc....crazy how its all gone now. Its surreal

[frigginlost]

Or were you not living together?

 

I lived together with her and the kids for 4 years. Split custody that is. Making lunches. Putting them to bed etc etc etc....crazy how its all gone now. Its surreal

 

Yeah, we were living together.

 

I wish I could tell ya that the surreal feeling will go away rapidly, but in all reality it turns to hurt. You've got a tough hill in front of you, but you can get over it. It's not easy at all. As an example, the youngest used to lay on my chest and sing a song. For months when I heard that song on the radio it crushed me. But now, I just smile when I hear it.

 

I also refocus when I have thoughts of them. They are older now, so they are not the same kids as when we were all together a year and a half ago. Now I think to myself, "I got to be with them when they were young and carefree. I'm lucky I don't have to deal with the teenage years"...

[BluesPower]

Yes the kids... that is almost worst.

 

I just had to breakup with a girl and she had a 2 YO boy and a 12 daughter and I was attached to both.

 

Especially the two YO, he just took to me because he never really had a good father figure, and I had already raised 3 kids so it was just second nature.

 

I may never date a women with young kids again because it is like you are breaking up with the GF and the kids and they did nothing wrong. That stuff just hurts.

 

OP, if it makes you feel any better long term, you dodged a bullet. And you know she has been sleeping with him for a while. That is the reason you could not do anything right, because she was sleeping with him and looking for a reason to leave you, so she just made one up.

 

So to say that you dodged a bullet is a huge understatement. You dodged a freight train. She was not a good woman and basically she played and used you for the last few years at least.

 

It happens to a lot of us because love is blind...