Can this relationship be saved?

[Will98]

So, me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years now. We started dating in high school and we are currently in our second year of college. Up until recently everything has been great. We took two big vacations together this summer and had a blast on both of them. Of course, all relationships have their problems. Our problems tend to be on my part. I have some issues with jealousy which stems from my own self confidence that I have struggled with since way before we got together. I have taken those negative emotions out on her passive aggressively before. About two weeks ago I noticed she was acting a lot different. She didn't want to be touched by me or anyone. She says that the thought of physical affection from anyone (even loved ones/family) bothers her. We spoke about this issue and she told me that she just got hit by this wave of depression like she has never felt before. We both have depression issues that we confide in each other about and have since we got together. Actually, that understanding of each other is one of the reasons we got together. Anyway, she didn't break up with me and neither of us want to break up. Although we have talked about the possibility in the future. And by "future" I mean within the next 2 or 3 months if things don't change.

One contributing factor is the fact that she is really involved with other things. She is an actress and works in the community theatres. She has recently taken on a role that she has never done before and it has been really stressful for her, so maybe the stress from that has something to do with it. Also, she moved out of the college dormitories and got her own apartment which comes with new sets of responsibilities and have also been stressful to her. Her feelings have changed some, but she is not sure if it has something to do with me or the fact that she is just stressed about responsibilities.

At one point we spent every night together and did everything together. Now we have been sleeping at our own places to give each other space. We still tell each other that we love one another and we still call each other by our "pet names."

Is this something that can be fixed by us taking some time to ourselves or is this just going to end in a breakup? The thought of not being with her scares the hell out of me. Also, is there any advice that anyone can give on how to move forward?

 

Side note: she keeps saying that if we break up, she isn't opposed to getting back together at some point. She also really wants to stay friends because our relationship was built on that. Which that is the mature thing to do, but it will still hurt for some time.

Edited September 13, 2017 by Will98

[cope ascetic]

You will eventually adjust to being alone again, but it takes a while. You are both very young and my opinion is give each other space to grow for now.

[ExpatInItaly]

Side note: she keeps saying that if we break up, she isn't opposed to getting back together at some point. She also really wants to stay friends because our relationship was built on that. Which that is the mature thing to do, but it will still hurt for some time.

 

This strongly suggests that she is learning towards ending this relationship, unfortunately. She wouldn't even be floating these ideas if she had a stronger desire to stay together, simply because they would be too painful to consider much less repeat, out loud, to you.

 

Whether its depressive issues, increased stress or something else, she is obviously not very convinced that this is right anymore. Without knowing exactly what is behind her change of heart, it's quite difficult to fix it. She might not even understand it completely herself, unless there's more she hasn't told you.

 

I would continue to give her space for a couple of weeks, and then have an honest talk.

[d0nnivain]

Like thousands before you, your HS romance is about to crash on the rocks of adulthood. It happens.

 

 

It seems unfathomable because this relationship is all you have known. But it may be time to explore other options & grow as individuals.

 

 

The idea that you might get back together some time in the future is something she's saying to soften the blow. She doesn't relish the idea of hurting you or causing you pain but she still wants out of this relationship.

 

 

So no, I don't think it can be saved. Best case scenario is you manage to split up in a dignified way without yelling, screaming or name calling so you can be civil when you do see each other in the future, say at your 10th HS reunion.