tnt41 Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I went no contact for about 3 weeks before my ex (who is in an exclusive relationship) reached out. Prior to no contact I had a week & a half of space. We ended up having a fight at a mutual friend's... happenstance that we were both there. It was a major setback in my healing, an uncomfortable situation for mutual loved ones, & a conversation that was rather disrespectful towards his girlfriend & me. It leaves me no doubt that he is still healing, too. What followed was a week of infrequent contact: - me sending an apology for my part/that wasn't appropriate for either of us/I'll call soon to work out some boundaries text - a voicemail left by me as my expected call was ignored - him texting a few days later to set a day & time he'd call followed by him not calling - me calling & the call being ignored followed by him explaining via text that he didn't end up working that day therefore was home & with his girlfriend but that he'd try to call soon... - ...followed by a few texts exchanged that made it clear that we are both still incapable of having any successful conversation After our exchange today, I officially blocked him on my phone. Previously, I had just muted or hidden him so that I wasn't caught off guard but still had the option to know what he sent... I guess I wasn't true NC anyway. Now, though, I'm committing fully. He likely won't contact me at this point, but if he ever does... I'll never ever know it. I'm angry at him for setting me back, & I'm angry that I feel that I need to do this. I'm mad at a mutual friend for cancelling our plans today because the ex & his girlfriend were there since he was not at work. Said friend lied about the reasons she cancelled... I worked out why & talked to her about it after my ex explained why he ignored my call. My friend & I will be fine, but it still stings. I feel punished for having been trying to do the right thing going NC in the first place. I was trying to move on & prevent drama. I failed on both accounts last week. Most of all, though, I'm pissed at myself. In our initial argument, my ex was the disrespectful one. Nothing just hugely wrong but definitely not appropriate given where he is in his relationship & where I was in my healing. That was on him. This week of contact, however, is on me. It was only happening in an attempt to have a conversation on boundaries, but ultimately, I should have just disengaged. I stirred up contact that was pretty much pointless, & that wasn't fair to his girlfriend. I feel that somewhere along the line, I became disrespectful towards his girlfriend & myself, too. Heartbreak blows. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lostinanotherplace Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I can see that you're hurting a lot. And you seem to be yearning for some kind of acknowledgement from your ex. Unfortunately while he is still in the other relationship this is something he can't give you. His loyalties lay aswell now... Give yourself more time and space and go NC until you're ready to move on 100% from the past Link to post Share on other sites
Author tnt41 Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 I can see that you're hurting a lot. And you seem to be yearning for some kind of acknowledgement from your ex. Unfortunately while he is still in the other relationship this is something he can't give you. His loyalties lay aswell now... Give yourself more time and space and go NC until you're ready to move on 100% from the past Of course I'm yearning for acknowledgement. He came out of nowhere, crossed some lines, & left me in a mess. I want him to take responsibility for his actions & actively take steps to ensure that it never happens again. Really, though, if he hadn't been respecting my feelings up to this point, the odds aren't good that he would respect the boundaries we agree upon, anyway. So I'm going to continue my NC, restart my healing, & disengage the next time he forgets where his loyalties lie... because he did not show them when he contacted me. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Good for you for blocking him. There is no need to discuss the boundaries you are setting. You just do it. Prioritize your self-preservation and your healing. To heck with what he thinks. Stay strong, OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tnt41 Posted September 16, 2017 Author Share Posted September 16, 2017 Having a bit of a day today. I'm not sure exactly what triggered it, but I could use some encouragement. I unblocked him on social media (but not my phone at least) for a few minutes tonight, lurked. Discovered that I can't reblock him for 48 hours, so that lesson's been learned. Yes, my NC counter is reset. I know that I'll get past this, & I know that I'm better off. It just doesn't change how much I'm frustrated right now. I was in such a better place before our recent fight, & I'm starting to wonder now if I wasn't actually healing at all. Perhaps I was just suppressing it? I just don't understand how one ridiculous thing can turn me on my head. I have some wonderful friends that aren't mutual to him, & they've been great to me. I'm just tired of going to them with what's on my mind. It feels old now, & I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling sad & lonely, but I'm not ready to meet anyone new. I think I'm hitting the worst part of healing, & I don't feel strong enough tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Buriall Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Having a bit of a day today. I'm not sure exactly what triggered it, but I could use some encouragement. I unblocked him on social media (but not my phone at least) for a few minutes tonight, lurked. Discovered that I can't reblock him for 48 hours, so that lesson's been learned. Yes, my NC counter is reset. I know that I'll get past this, & I know that I'm better off. It just doesn't change how much I'm frustrated right now. I was in such a better place before our recent fight, & I'm starting to wonder now if I wasn't actually healing at all. Perhaps I was just suppressing it? I just don't understand how one ridiculous thing can turn me on my head. I have some wonderful friends that aren't mutual to him, & they've been great to me. I'm just tired of going to them with what's on my mind. It feels old now, & I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling sad & lonely, but I'm not ready to meet anyone new. I think I'm hitting the worst part of healing, & I don't feel strong enough tonight. I quit facebook 1.5 months ago almost, i cant begin to tell you how amazing i feel not seeing people pretending to be something they are not. If you can id suggest stay off it. What you are feeling is hitting rock bottom, dont be afraid of that because once you hit bottom you can only go up from there. So hang in there, these lonely and low days/nights will end. Patience and time. Hope this helps a bit Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 It's best to completely cut contact because people are too emotional after breakups. You learned through experience, which is the best teacher. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) Having a bit of a day today. I'm not sure exactly what triggered it, but I could use some encouragement. I unblocked him on social media (but not my phone at least) for a few minutes tonight, lurked. Discovered that I can't reblock him for 48 hours, so that lesson's been learned. Yes, my NC counter is reset. I know that I'll get past this, & I know that I'm better off. It just doesn't change how much I'm frustrated right now. I was in such a better place before our recent fight, & I'm starting to wonder now if I wasn't actually healing at all. Perhaps I was just suppressing it? I just don't understand how one ridiculous thing can turn me on my head. I have some wonderful friends that aren't mutual to him, & they've been great to me. I'm just tired of going to them with what's on my mind. It feels old now, & I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling sad & lonely, but I'm not ready to meet anyone new. I think I'm hitting the worst part of healing, & I don't feel strong enough tonight. I can relate to this. My ex wife contacted me and reached out and I had just reached a really good place in my head started a new relationship I was happy and then I went right back to the beginning took me yrs to finally move on all from that one contact Edited September 16, 2017 by Goodguy05 Link to post Share on other sites
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