long distance break up.. still no contact

[OutKast100]

Ok so I thought i'd try out this forum and see if i can get any advice on my current situation. I was in a long distance relationship for over a year and a half. She visited me 4 times for about a month long each time.

 

Back in april I wanted to give her money for her to come and visit me since she always needs money for the bus and hotel before her flight. She comes from a poor country and she does not work yet so I have to pay for everything. Normally I would go to western union and send her money through that but in april I wanted to give her the money in advance for when she would come and visit me in August of this year. This way I would not have to pay that percentage fee to use western union. She was reluctant to accept it and I should have realized that something was off. She eventually took it.

Back in June I was checking out her profile and I noticed that she deleted every single picture of me from her facebook. After I mentioned it to her she just said she only wanted to make a change and did not think that it would be such a big deal. I got mad and said things like "what you don't want other guys to know you're with me? Or you prefer I just didn't exist and were dead?" and other questions like that which got her mad and annoyed with me. Since I mentioned it, she started to get cold with me and it got worse every week. I was still annoyed with the deletion of my pictures so I would occasionally say things which would annoy her such as mention the fact that she is taking a long time to respond to me, or I would ask her what shes doing and she felt annoyed. Eventually she got so annoyed that she said ok this relationship is over and she blocked me from facebook. The next day she unblocked me and I messaged her to calm her down and she apologized and we were still together. However, again she was still cold the following days until one day I just asked "is everything ok with us?”. She was just so mad and said I don't want to do this anymore, and she deleted me and blocked me.

 

So the next day after she blocks me, she messages me and asks me how she can send me the money back which I gave her. I asked her if she could just hold on to it for a bit because I felt she was being angry and not thinking rationally. She refused to hold on to it and told me that she would spend it if I did not tell her how to give it back. I tried to save the relationship one last time but it just wouldn't work. She said "ok are you going to leave the money with me then?" and I replied "i love you" so she wrote "bye then" and that was the last thing I ever heard from her.

 

I thought to give her some space so I did not message her for a few days, after about 5 days I noticed that she blocked me again but this time it was on every single form of communication with her. I panicked and messaged her sister and asked her if she could tell her that I'd like to speak with her. Her sister then told me that she delivered the message but it was for nothing. So I just thought about one last email which I sent her telling her how I felt and left it at that.

 

I have not tried contacting her for over 2 and a half months already and I have not heard anything from her either. I do miss her and cant believe that someone who would talk to me every day for over 1.5 years could just be so cold and heartless and not even ask me how I am doing. Other than those last weeks when I got anxious and a little needy, I was always good to her and have not treated her poorly.

 

I dont think that there is another guy in the picture, maybe she just could not handle the long distance relationship anymore. She said that her feelings for me have dried up since I mentioned the deletion of the pictures and that she just did not feel the same when she visited me in april. I do have regrets because I feel that I stopped putting in as much effort into the relationship, sometimes if she did not message me first then I would not message her at all and maybe she felt like I lost interest.

 

Before those last few stressful weeks, everything was great and it seemed like we both really loved each other. At one point during those last weeks she asked me if maybe we should take a small break until we both felt better, but I said that we do not need a break. At this point all I can do is continue with no contact. I feel as though that if she really cared about me then she would have reached out to me already but she didn’t. Maybe not enough time has passed yet. I have already accepted that the relationship is over but I don’t want to be strangers forever. Any advice would be appreciated.

[hippychick3]

OP, of course there is another guy. I'm sorry this happened to you, but you can't be this naive. There is only one reason to delete the pics of you. She had already found someone else at that point. She initiallly offered you back the money out of guilt for cheating on you.

 

At this point, you need to just move on. If you treated her as well as you say you did, then you deserve someone better.

[d0nnivain]

She was done with this relationship long before you ended it. Taking your pictures down was a strong indicator that she no longer wanted to be presented as part of a couple to the world. Her asking for a "small break" is further evidence that she wanted out.

 

 

The big mistake you made was failing to give her instructions on how to return your money. Now you have lost her plus a pile of cash.

 

 

She is doing the right thing by not contacting you. (Although she should send your money back). You are the type of guy that if she reached out to be polite & concerned you would see that as reconciliation & then she'd never get the clean break she wanted.

 

 

You think you want her to be kind & ask how you are doing. In this instance it would be more cruel for her to be kind.

 

 

Stop bothering about her & focus on your healing. Best wishes.

[OutKast100]

thanks guys

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree with hippychick3 that she almost definitely had met someone else. Deleting your pictures while you were still together absolutely indicates she didn't want him finding out about you, and/or vice versa.

 

Out of curiosity, why did she always want you to send money through Western Union and not just to her bank account?

[OutKast100]

I sent it through Western Union because that was the only way. I tried looking at sending money through my bank account but I was only able to send it to specific countries and her country was not included.