Why do women go after men that aren't "good" for them?

[LB2016]

I've read many, many articles about this answer. Some of them are very psychological, some are basic about the women's self-worth, and some are about the men themselves.

 

So out of curiosity, I thought to pose this question to all of you to get your input. My friend and I are ironically enough going through the same thing: trying to pursue men that we know damn well aren't good for us, are NOT what we want or need, and basically are a**holes in their own way in the way they treat us. But yet, we're still "hooked" on them! I know sooo many women do this too, so I thought it would be a good post to start!

 

So what do you think? This is for women AND men on this forum. Perhaps some of you can speak from experience too...

[Woggle]

A lot of men these days are sort of doormats because that is how they have been raised. We have spent so much effort trying to erase what we call toxic masculinity that we forgot to replace it with a positive masculinity so we are releasing a lot of men into the world who have no idea how to display masculinity and are almost scared of their own shadow. This is completely unattractive to women even if it is what men have told women want and what women have been told to want.

 

The bad boys that you and your friends go for display the masculine qualities that many women are attracted to but do so in a very unhealthy way but it hits the subconscious. It's a misguided and twisted form of masculinity but masculinity nonetheless which is why women are drawn to these men.

[Mumbles]

At its base I don't think we can ignore the question of biological programming in questions like this. We can faff around, and its fun to talk about late at night with a glass of chardy in your hand, but the prevalence of this response can't really be ignored - there has to be something deep seated about it.

 

Its said that all civilisations are three days without bread away from anarchy.

 

My take on what this means is that we've built a shell of unreality around our existence and we like to live in there, talk about the nuance of this thin exterior layer ... but ultimately, in an anarchic world, if the 'safety' of modern life were to collapse, then women (and men!) would find themselves in a very different place to most of our experiences today.

 

Good looks, money (of the paper type), sharp dressing, etc, etc, all become superfluous when you're fighting each day not to be raped, beaten, killed and eaten

 

I'm not saying that our modern day 'bad boys' would be better in a survival situation, not at all, but theres something about the 'rawness' of a lot of these characters that appeals to the primitive brain I think.

 

Its a massive subject and well worth exploring - but not easy in short posts.

[d0nnivain]

I can only speak from experience:

 

In my bad boy phase, I dated them because I liked a challenge. I wanted to see if I could tame / domesticate the guy who couldn't / wouldn't settle down. More often then not, I succeeded & then I quickly grew bored.

 

You & your friend need to analyze what draws you to these men who aren't good for you & figure out if you can find similar qualities in the nice guys. The cocky rebel who doesn't have a job actually translates nicely into the confident entrepreneur who's building his own company. Once you identify the traits you admire, go find guys who express those traits in a more positive & productive way.