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How to move on from someone you never dated?


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Hi guys,

 

I know you read a lot of this stuff. But I guess this is what this website is for.

 

Back in October 2016 I met this guy on Tinder. I was going through some stuff personally, so I could honestly say I was on there to fill a void, to get attention, but not a hook up because I really don't believe in that stuff. Even though Tinder is for hook ups. I just wanted to talk and date, but not put out.

 

Anyways, this guy is a bit of a legend in my city and quite well known & successful in his line of work. He is also from the same cultural background as me, was interested in the same vibe & music and scene as me, and I automatically was intrigued, but I tried to keep it cool thinking this guy probably has no trouble meeting girls. Conversation went well, and one thing lead to another and we exchanged numbers in hopes to meet for a drink that week.

 

I was having my usual freak outs for the week and I completely ignored the fact that we had to meet up and ignored him, because I got nervous. Then I msged him a few days later and he asked if I wanted to meet up for dinner. So I did.

 

When we met it was cool, conversation was alright but the vibe was there. You could tell he was nervous and so was I. We continued to go on 3-4 dates a few weeks apart because he went on tour (he is a sound engineer). But he still kept in contact with me, but very casually. In almost a needy way, he would always say he's sick, or lost his passport, or his head hurts. Stuff like that. He was on tour from November - December. When he came back I thought he was going to ask to spend New Years with me, but he ended up going to LA. He wished me Happy New Years at 12am through text. When he came back from LA we went on a few more dates where he showed me his music studio, we went for dinners. Stuff like that.

 

He would message me sometimes in the morning at 5am when he was going to sleep and I was going to school. There was a shooting near my school and he texted me to make sure I was okay. I lost my car keys at school once and he offered me to come by his studio (which was near my school).

 

He made a lot of the effort, but I made some effort too. I can't really describe what was going on, but I would go to his house and we would make out a little bit and then I would not want to go any further because I wasn't aware of where our relationship was going. So one night I was at his house and we were watching movies, it was around 2am and he answered a call and said he's going out with his friends, while drunkenly inviting me, but I said no.

 

So I left his house upset that he pretty much kicked me out of his house cuz I wasn't putting out.

 

So the next day comes around, and I send him this long text message telling him how I'm looking for something serious, and that it has been 6 months we were casually dating and I really needed to know where everything was going. This mother****er GHOSTS me. No text. No call. Zilch.

 

Now you can imagine 6 months of seeing each other, and then no contact. After I was honest about my emotions. I went in a downwards spiral because I realized I really liked this person. I tried to jump into my work -- but it reminded me of him. I tried to jump into school -- but it reminded me of him. I tried to talk to other guys, every guy seemed like a pu$$y in comparison to him. This was March 2017.

 

I thought to myself.. this is going to pass.. I'm going to stop thinking about him.. he's not worth it.. his lifestyle (he's in the music industry .. urban music.. so clubs, bottles, women..) scares me.. i'm so much better than him..

 

but I couldn't stop thinking about him. So in June 2016 I texted him "dinner?" and he said yeah. So we met for dinner, and we talked about what happened. And even though i wasn't completely happy about it, I decided to keep my resentment about him ghosting me on the downlow. I paid for dinner because I invited him out. We said our goodbyes.

 

Few days go by and no text from him. So I texted him, "want to go see a movie with me?" he said "i was just about to text you, yeah what do you want to go see?" and stupid me says a movie thats releasing in two weeks.

 

Even though I wanted to see him now. ugh.

 

He says ok.. So almost 2 weeks pass, and on the day we were gunna watch a movie he was being very shorts with his texts and just kind of irritable. I told him to come to my house and park his car, and we drove from there. He was so disconnected on the date the whole time, on his phone, just like he was in another world.

 

When it was time to say goodbye, he hugged me, and I said you need to stop ignoring me, and he said i'm not.

 

Then week goes by no text. I message him and ask him to hang out he says he's busy. I ask him to call me, he calls me, we have a conversation, I asked him when we're going to hang out, he said he has to see because his summers are busy (which they are, everyone wants to release music in the summer). Basically he avoids me all summer.

 

Until I go to this concert in August, and I randomly bumped into him. I said hey and he completely blew me off. He hugged me but he was on the phone, and then completely walked away.

 

That was my last straw with him. But then he messaged me 2 days later says how he was sorry and he was so busy with the concert and setting up.

 

I said that nothing was new and that he ignores my calls and texts anyways.

 

No text or contact after that.

 

I couldn't stop thinking about him. Again. Ugh. I hate being manipulated. So I messaged him 2 weeks ago saying that I'm really attracted to him, and I really look up to him.

 

Which is true. He said he was free on Friday or Saturday and that he wanted to see me but Saturday he was going to his brothers birthday..

 

I wasn't free on Friday so I said Saturday. I wasn't aware what time the party was or anything. He;s usually a night owl, and so am I, so late night really is not a big deal to us.

 

I message him in the morning, he doesn't say anything about not wanting to see me, but he says he's not feeling well. I said okay, message me when you want to meet up. He doesn't message me the entire night.

 

No message. No call. Nothing.

 

I was really hurt. But I kept my cool. I texted him the next morning "that was a great time last night" (being sarcastic). and then I don't know what got into him but he started texting me his whereabouts, and he called me, but I didn't answer, and he kept texting me but i wasn't replying cause i was hurt.

 

long story short, the next week rolls around and he texts me what i'm up to. I tell him i;m going to be downtown at this bar and he should come by.

 

He was kinda iffy on coming, but I convinced him to come. There, he met my cousins and my brother and everyone got along well (but i just introduced as a friend).

 

i think he came because he thought i was going to go home with him that night. and i wanted it. after all the months the tension builds up, but i was with my family so i couldn't. after he left he was texting me about the night and how he liked my brother and we were having a heart to heart about how i treated him like crap in the beginning.

 

next day rolls around and it;s also the night of the big fight (mcgregor vs mayweather). i'm out drinking, he's out drinking. and then he texts me at 3am if i'm at home drunk and awake. i ignored it. i wasn't down at that time, but i was still down.

 

i text him the next morning, telling him i passed out, which i did. but he was being indifferent again. so i said, you want to hang out today? he's like "yeah might as well.". so the thing is we are always out and never get to chill one on one, so i agreed to go to his house. the tension was building and whatever it was i wanted it. fellatio. blowjob. oral. full on s3x. whatever. the tension was too much and i wanted to grope him after months and months of tension.

 

i made the decision that night to give him the best blow job he ever had in his life. he has sleeping problems, and he told me i made him want to crawl in a fetal position and go to sleep.

 

i felt empowered to be honest.

 

but. it's now been over a week, no call or text. i asked him to call me the day after, and he said he was at the studio working. (obviously he has time to call, but maybe doesn't wanna deal with my emotional reaction or something)

 

so is he gone for good, or he might hit me up? is something here or should I let it go?

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You really need to let this go. He is not interested, and you're not taking the hint. He didn't manipulate you, because he never indicated he wanted anything serious from you. You kept initiating and looking for him, but he wasn't exactly knocking on your door.

 

Sure, he's up for oral if you're offering. But dating? No, he's not into it.

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nothingsintheflowerz

He doesn't want a relationship with you, and you suddenly having sex with him will not change that. He made it clear from the 6-month mark that he wasn't interested. You can't change someone into what you want them to be. Please move on.

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This guy and you seem to have different ideas of what you want from all this.

From all you have written I don't get a feeling he wants much more than sex unfortunately.

 

You are young and there are lots of men out there looking for the same type of thing as you. I personally would move on if I were you.

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i made the decision that night to give him the best blow job he ever had in his life.

 

but. it's now been over a week, no call or text.

 

I'm half jealous and half sad for you.

 

He played a fantastic long game and it finally paid off. Now he get's to feather you along with confusion and desire at his leisure.

 

However, a week is a long time unless this man has unstoppable magnetic attractive forces he can call up at a whim for the extremely long game, should he wish to play of course. If not, he's probably satisfied and done.

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It's time to let go Sis !!!This dude was all about wanting to get laid. Both of you had different intentions on joining Tinder, he just wanted to see how long before you give it up and when he noticed you ain't budging, he started thinking of ways to take off.

 

I gotta give it to him though, he's very smooth. He didn't take the easy way out like most folks do e.g provoking you, pissing you off or being pleasantly disrespectful, you get my drift? That way you'll be so mad at him and you'll quickly come to your senses and terminate the friendship or breakup with him.

 

This will feel like a break up to you because it feels like you were actually dating, 6 months of seeing each other on and off means you two bonded in your own way.

Say goodbye and do some fun stuff you like.....I'm going through a breakup myself right now, (4 weeks) and I gotta say it sucks, it gets rough but take it one day at a time. Hugs xxx

Edited by Freesia120
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