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Closing the Door on 6 yrs


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Hi everyone,

 

If you check out threads started by me, I've been here a while, posted about various issues for years. Despite majority opinions of posters here, I've been choosing over and over again to stay despite everything, telling myself I need to keep trying to fix things.

 

Last night the sadness and frustration over the distance was too much, and I went to bed crying again. I've had episodes like this before, and cried myself to sleep and just kind of rode it out. But I couldn't stomach it last night, not again. Something snapped. I left and spent the night somewhere else.

 

Now I'm back, bf's at work, and I can't think of all the reasons I've been telling myself over the years to stay. I mean I remember all the good things and what I wanted, but it seems so silly and pointless to keep hoping for those things now. I don't have it in me to hope for change anymore.

 

And that hurts more than anything, realizing I have no hope of faith left to put into this. So I'm here, just trying to unload some of that grief before bf gets home. Because I don't want to talk and I don't want to fight. I just want to end it and make plans for me to move out. And I don't want to get overly emotional and get pulled into a conversation about anything other than me leaving.

 

This is the first relationship where I've met the family and there was talk of marriage, where we had a network of mutual friends. All that has to come undone. Our lives have to become untangled. We built a life and now have to break it apart, you know? And I hate thinking about that too.

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Sound like you're afraid to regret, that's why you want to talk only about your leaving. If that's the case, than you cna leave a note, saying "I'm leaving" and to promise to talk to him in a few days when your calmed down.

 

It's of course not the most polite thing to do, but consider it as the surviving mode that you're at now.

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