My best friend is dating my ex wife

[NateNathanV]

Firstly id like to apologise for writing so much. I just need to get this off my chest i guess! Thank you for taking the time to read this far, and thank you to everyone that sticks with me throughout

 

I met my best friend "Reggie" in primary school. I was five years old and crying cause I didn't want to go to school and he came over and asked me to play with him, and we've been best friends for 24 years since then!

I couldn't of had a better friend, he's free spirited, adventurous, ridiculously laid back and his fashion sense is a littler wacky but he has been my biggest supporter my whole life, he came to my football games though he was more of a surf or mountain bike guy, he helped me study even though he was never inclined to do so himself, he supported me through dating and then wedding planning, and he supported me when my marriage started to fall apart - whole heartedly.

He is my best friend.

 

I met my ex wife 'Lauren' at school too, we started dating briefly when we were 16, and then again when we were 20, we got married at 24 and for most of that time we were very happy! I believed I'd met my soul mate.

 

Things started to go down hill I'd say about 2 years ago... she wanted a family but she had found that she couldn't have kids so she wanted us to go down the adoption route but truthfully I really didn't want to do that, and I thought of it couldn't happen naturally then it just wasn't meant to be.

I think maybe that hurt our relationship, but I'm not going to transfer any of the blame, I checked out on her, I fell out of love with her. I met another girl as well, I never cheated, but you could definitely call it an emotional affair. In the end she found out, and she was mad, I thought we were over, but she said she wanted to try and work it out so I did, which was stupid because - I wanted us to be over, I was done, I shouldn't of dragged it out but I went through the motions of 'trying' and failing for 6 months before I finally ended it! She was devastated and I felt awful.

 

Reggie was a massive support to me through all of this (although he told me I was an idiot for ending it).

He used to have dinner with us every Wednesday so he knew her really well too, and on the night I ended it he went over to make sure she was okay and at the time i thanked him!

 

6 weeks later he came to me and tells me that he likes her, more than likes her, and how would i feel about him pursuing her now?

Me "since when?"

Him "since always! I've been sweet on Lauren since me and you were 9 years old and used to sit up in my tree house fire water pistols at her and Daisy and that lot when they walked home from school"

Me "but you never said"

Him "because she was your girl man, and i would never of got in the way of that! And besides she liked you not me, but we're not kids anymore and if she really is out of your life then ive got no excuse not to try now! But if its weird for you bro then just tell me and I wont go there"

I was thrown, and i couldnt think of a single good reason to tell him not to, so what else could i do, i love him like a brother - i gave him the green light.

 

And now, they are 8 months together, and its killing me.

I know thats crazy hypocritical, i finished with her, i havent got the right to be annoyed but, that logic doesnt seem to make it any better.

 

For a long time we didnt really talk about his relationship with her, but now he starts to mention her more and more and so i start to want to be around him less and less. Me and the ex are still on decent terms (we kinda have to be my sister is married to Reggie's step brother, so we are kinda family, and will see each other at big family events). I had the first of these events a couple of weeks ago and seeing her so happy with him, she looked like the girl she was when we first started dating, i felt... i cant even think how to put it into words...

I don't want her back, I don't think I do at least. Her relationship with him is good, but our relationship wasnt good anymore, i still feel like i needed to end it but i dunno, my lifes a mess, im 29 and living with my parents with a failed marriage and i guess i feel like a failure!

Their relationship makes me question if i ever even knew the girl, he's is nothing like what she always said she wanted, she said she doesnt like tattoos but he's got them, she cares about long term planning but when i went to uni he went kayaking around the world, she used to care about stability and what kind of wood flooring we got in the lounge and he's like Mr Freespirit, he used his life savings to by a house boat which didnt have a roof when he bought it. I see photos of them camping in Scotland or Norway, I cant help but feel like, i virtually begged her to go camping with me and she never did, I know it was my fault the relationship ended but it still feels like shes trying harder with him than she ever tried with me and i just dont get that!! And then I see her fb profile picture is them cosied up in bed with him still asleep, and shes tagged it like "Absolute love of my life", and that really hurts because i know it all went south but she is still the absolute love of my life and i cant imagine anyone taking that place, and yet she seems to have replaced me so quickly.

 

She asked text me about finalising the divorce and selling the house the other day, and he voiced that he's thinking about an engagement around Christmas. I thought that was crazy quick, but he told me "Well we're not getting any younger and if we want to go down the adoption route..." and that made my stomach flip. I dont know why, i think maybe seeing him with her i relise ive lost more that i thought i had, i dunno. He already has a 6 year old little boy, that he has shared custody of, so he kinda gives her that 'instant family' already.

 

I know that loads of people will probably think i deserve this but, i guess i just need to get it all out! I feel really really low. I feel like my marriage fell apart and now im losing my best friend my brother too! :/

[Goodguy05]

This is kinda messy and I don't blame u for feeling the way u do. I know his ur best friend but dating ur ex is kinda like overstepping boundaries. It's because u shared a bond wth this person both actually so it would hurt. His I guess inadvertently risked his friendship wth u. I think your gonna find it very painful being friends now not sure how that will play into the future.

[NateNathanV]

It's because u shared a bond wth this person both actually so it would hurt.

Every low moment in my life or difficult thing ive gone through they are the two people on the planet that i would most want to talk to about it, and now its about them, thats hard.

Plus this will sound childish but like she was my wife and he was my friend, i was their link, and now obviously they've got this whole new relationship and i just feel, lonely i guess.

 

I miss her, but i knew i'd miss her. I fell out of love with her, i think ending it was probably the right thing to do. I was at peace with her not being in my life anymore, but i didnt want or expect to lose my best friend too!

 

I know i havent lost him, but sometimes it feels like it. I cant pretend this hasnt changed things.

[Blanco]

What a tough spot to be in. I know some will say that you were the one who pushed to end the relationship, but man, it's sort of the unwritten guy rule that you don't pursue a friend's ex.

 

I do think there are exceptions to this, but when it comes to your best friend, I just think you gotta consider that person's ex off limits. I cannot imagine dating a close friend's ex. If I did, I could pretty much count on that friend cutting ties with me, and I don't think he'd be in the wrong.

[NateNathanV]

What a tough spot to be in. I know some will say that you were the one who pushed to end the relationship, but man, it's sort of the unwritten guy rule that you don't pursue a friend's ex.

 

I do think there are exceptions to this, but when it comes to your best friend, I just think you gotta consider that person's ex off limits. I cannot imagine dating a close friend's ex. If I did, I could pretty much count on that friend cutting ties with me, and I don't think he'd be in the wrong.

 

Its so hard though man.

I play it over and over, like i could have said "no - it'd be too weird for me" and i know he wouldnt have gone there he'd of been cool. He'd of put our friendship first.

Would I have been happier? I don't know. Maybe. At least I'd of had him. But I am glad he's happy, I am glad that maybe hes found someone he can actually settle with - it just had to be her didn't it!

 

I am also glad shes found someone, i never wanted to break her heart, she deserved better. Its just hard that she seems to be flourishing post split where i'm stalling

 

I've been thinking it over a lot recently as well, because i was so left footed when he told me he'd always had a thing for her, because i had no idea! Now when i play stuff over i think maybe there were signs, not in the years we were married but back when we were kids/teenagers, I can see it now, that he liked her, i just didn't see it at the time.

And you know, he never made any fuss about me dating her, he helped me, he gave me advice, he stood by my side as my best man, he was the one who pulled me up on my EA, who told me to focus on Lauren, to give my marriage a chance to work. He never tried to destroy us, he supported us. And I think now that that cant have always been easy for him, but he sure made it look easy, he did it all with a smile, proper classy, and part of me feels like, i owe him the same - but its not the same is it, he has some school boy crush where I had a whole marriage.

[preraph]

I don't necessarily think you deserve it. I mean, kids and what you want to do about them is a personal and individual very important choice. Puzzled how her wanting to adopt made you fall out of love with her, but I'll assume it wasn't just that so I can get past it. You fell out of love and moved on.

 

Normally, i have nothing but ire for "best friends" who get in the middle of someone's ex or girlfriend because it has happened to me and there's no way to comingle with them once this happens, so you end up losing two people in the end. As you say, you are stuck with him as a sort of relative even if you wanted to get away, which you really don't. So since you would like to keep being friends with him, I would sit him down and at least tell him, "Look you are with my ex, which greatly complicates social gatherings, so although I still love you as a friend and good riddance to her, I would ask that you respect my feelings by NOT talking about her or bringing her to anyplace I'm going to be. If it is a holiday gathering, then let's at least coordinate and maybe come and go different times. I hope you understand this is always going to be awkward, so let's work to keep that to a minimum."

 

And if he gets mad about that, he really isn't your friend.

[Methodical]

The first thought that comes to mind is, Wow, what a tangled web this has become. I see your plight. I don't know that I have any words of wisdom.

 

It isn't often that divorced couples can be friends post split, BUT, there are instances where the couple learns they are better off as friends than they were as lovers. I'm not sure if that is something you (or your ex) can handle.

 

I can see why you want to take the high road after learning your friend has had a thing for her all these years but never acted on it out of respect for you. That said, I hope you can come to some sort of reconciliation so that you don't lose the two ppl you've cared for most in life. Good luck!

[Jagged100]

Wow.. . That's possibly the worst scenario to have happen. I'm not sure how you can continue having a friendship with him. You don't date for friend's ex's... It's just not right. Most of us here know that NC is the best way to heal after a relationship. I appreciate that in your case it's very difficult but maybe you should try to seperate yourself as best you can. Delete their social media profiles, it's never healthy to go checking up on them. You might have to end your friendship while you take time to heal. You can still love him as your best friend but him being in your life right now, is clearly causing you pain.

 

I used to believe in soul mates but now I think we're always changing and evolving. Certain people come into our lives at the right time and might change us for the better. Your ex and Reggie are right for each now, but it didn't take away from what you had as a couple. You both deserve a chance to be happy, so try to move forward as best you can.

[NateNathanV]

Puzzled how her wanting to adopt made you fall out of love with her, but I'll assume it wasn't just that so I can get past it. You fell out of love and moved on.

This is me proof reading!

I did want kids, she got pregnant and misscarried which was when we found out she would be able to have kids (or that it was super unlikely at least). She wanted to go down the adoption route and I didn't, I guess I would have ultimately, but it wasn't a point of friction.

It wasn't why I fell out of love with her! I don't know why I did. She's attractive and more than that she's a beautiful person, kind and funny and loyal, I just didn't feel it anymore - I know it changes over time but I felt trapped. And I met someone else I can't pretend that wasn't part of it cause it was, I didn't physically cheat but I could of, I came close! She was obviously mad and yet when she found out but she still wanted to work to save our marriage - and how could I deny her that, but I think maybe I'd already checked out. I don't know why

 

So since you would like to keep being friends with him, I would sit him down and at least tell him, "Look you are with my ex, which greatly complicates social gatherings, so although I still love you as a friend and good riddance to her, I would ask that you respect my feelings by NOT talking about her or bringing her to anyplace I'm going to be. If it is a holiday gathering, then let's at least coordinate and maybe come and go different times. I hope you understand this is always going to be awkward, so let's work to keep that to a minimum."

It's hard because, I don't hate her, I still care about her and I still like her, I still feel like she's a lovely girl (and at least him being with her means I don't feel so guilty anymore).

It's not like good riddance to her as in like I hate her it's just that seeing them together is really really hard, and I'm not sure if it's something I'm going to get used to or not!

 

And if he gets mad about that, he really isn't your friend.

I think your right though, I think maybe I do need to talk to him...

[Poutrew]

Your situation is a good reason why adults should have acquaintances, but not friends... but since you can't help seeing them in the future, you need to let it go. Be happy for your friend, at least on the outside. That's all you can do...

[Marc878]

You need to. I've on. The only way to do that is distance yourself from both.

 

You don't have kids, etc.

 

Get the D over with ASAP and put a lot of distance between he both of them for your own sake and future.

[fred123]

They both dicks. Now u know

[BrewCrew25]

On the bright side, I think this whole thing is a lot easier now that you don't have feelings for her anymore. If she ended it with you and moved on to your ex, this would be a very different situation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This whole thing is definitely tough though. And it sounds like your friend is being slightly insensitive when he's mentioning adopting and getting engaged. I think you should talk to him about that. He needs to at least be more sensitive to you if he wants to continue your friendship. You don't deserve to be continually punished for ending things with her.

I also have to wonder what she feels in all of this as well. It doesn't seem like she wanted to end things, it was you that did. So would it be in her nature to jump to your friend in a sort of desperate attempt to get back at you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

When all is said and done here, I think you're feeling worse because you're living back at home with your parents and going through a divorce. Once you get back on your feet and meet someone new, I'm sure this won't be as hard to deal with. Take care of you, and try not to focus so much on this.

[Captivating]

Wow !!! I cannot find words....this is possibly the worst case scenario I could possibly think of. I completely understand that this situation is "killing you".

They could be a little more considerate with the "facebook happy " posts and sharing their plan for the future of adopting etc. with you. I get what you said that she never tried this hard with you and seemingly OK with everything your friends suggests to do ..... WEIRD !

I think this is going way too fast, if you ask me. Your ex posting "the love of my life ".....it seems so fake....for me it seems she wants to hurt you with this crap.

You possibly broke her heart saying that you fell out of love with her and wanting to end the marriage..... (my heart would shatter) .... then another guy comes along at this very vulnerable state and tells her all the things she wants to hear, that she means the world for him etc. Also, there is this newness of any new relationship that is so easy to be awed by.

 

If you think about it, you did not want her or the marriage with her anymore for some reason. There was a reason for this. What was it? Figuring this out would help you move on. You might have realized that you were not compatible.

 

 

Please do not compare the living situations, because it only makes you upset at the moment and this is temporary anyways.

Try to focus on a plan moving out in a couple of months and start dating again maybe when you are ready. I would keep the least contact with them for now.

[CaliBabe]

Just out of curiosity, why didn't you pursue a relationship with the girl you had the emotional affair with? There must have been something there that you wanted to pursue.

[NateNathanV]

Wow.. . That's possibly the worst scenario to have happen. I'm not sure how you can continue having a friendship with him. You don't date for friend's ex's... It's just not right. Most of us here know that NC is the best way to heal after a relationship. I appreciate that in your case it's very difficult but maybe you should try to seperate yourself as best you can. Delete their social media profiles, it's never healthy to go checking up on them. You might have to end your friendship while you take time to heal. You can still love him as your best friend but him being in your life right now, is clearly causing you pain.

Thanks man! Its just tough, i could walk away, relocate, start afresh, and i guess i probably would feel better quicker, because out of sight out of mind! But I kinda want to at least try and see if i can find a way through this that doesnt mean such drastic action! ...I was doing okay with the break up, i was alright with rebuilding my life, but im really struggling with the prospect of losing my best friend!

 

On the bright side, I think this whole thing is a lot easier now that you don't have feelings for her anymore. If she ended it with you and moved on to your ex, this would be a very different situation.

True. I do kind of miss her though, like I dont want to go back to what we had, but i do miss her being in my life, i took the decision to end things but that didnt mean that i had any bad feelings to her or whatever!

 

 

This whole thing is definitely tough though. And it sounds like your friend is being slightly insensitive when he's mentioning adopting and getting engaged. I think you should talk to him about that. He needs to at least be more sensitive to you if he wants to continue your friendship.

Yeah, he didnt used to talk to me about her, initially but its creeping in now.. I think because he's excited - this is the most serious hes been about anyone, ever! And i think also because its been like, i dunno 8 months, he obviously is starting to think that its more normal now, and i must be over it and that he can talk about her.

I will talk to him, i think, but i think i need to get my head straighter before i do.

I saw him today, just for a surf and some breakfast, but he didnt mention her so i didnt bring it up either.

 

I also have to wonder what she feels in all of this as well. It doesn't seem like she wanted to end things, it was you that did. So would it be in her nature to jump to your friend in a sort of desperate attempt to get back at you?

I know! Because they have moved quick! And he is like the opposite of her "type on paper" me and him are like chalk and cheese in so many ways! BUT I've known the girl since we were kids and i just don't believe shes got any degree of spitefulness in her at all!! She just isn't that way, she wouldnt deliberately hurt anyone or lead them on - even when maybe she should - sometime she can be a little too passive.

 

When all is said and done here, I think you're feeling worse because you're living back at home with your parents and going through a divorce. Once you get back on your feet and meet someone new, I'm sure this won't be as hard to deal with. Take care of you, and try not to focus so much on this.

True true. Once the house sells i should be able to get my own place, which will be good! And ive been thinking about online dating but, i just dont think im in the right headspace, i dont know what i want, and thats a terrible time to start dating, i dont want to make more mistakes!

[NateNathanV]

Wow !!! I cannot find words....this is possibly the worst case scenario I could possibly think of. I completely understand that this situation is "killing you".

If you'd asked me like a year ago, i would never have seen this coming, it has totally blindsided me!

 

They could be a little more considerate with the "facebook happy " posts and sharing their plan for the future of adopting etc. with you.

Yeah, i think the whole world seems misguided by the fact that I ended it, that i must just be fine about the whole situation. Sometimes i think maybe i should be just fine with it! But im just, not!

 

I get what you said that she never tried this hard with you and seemingly OK with everything your friends suggests to do ..... WEIRD !

I think this is going way too fast, if you ask me. Your ex posting "the love of my life ".....it seems so fake....for me it seems she wants to hurt you with this crap.

You possibly broke her heart saying that you fell out of love with her and wanting to end the marriage..... (my heart would shatter) .... then another guy comes along at this very vulnerable state and tells her all the things she wants to hear, that she means the world for him etc. Also, there is this newness of any new relationship that is so easy to be awed by.

Right, I know that i made a lot of mistakes in our marriage and i only have myself to blame for those but equally the girl hes dating doesn't bare much resemblance to the girl i was married too.

I know that stuff hasnt been easier for her either, i know i hurt her, and i probably hurt her more than i had to my making the ending so messy and dragging it out. And objectively I always thought he needed to find himself a stable girl, someone that would make him settle down and build a home, and objectively she deserves a sweet guy, and he is, under all the peter-pan-13-year-old-surfer-kid-who-never-grew-up a very sweet guy. Objectively maybe they do have a chance of working out BUT hes just so not her 'type' and his lifestyle is so opposite to everything she built with me, everything she wanted our lives to be, i just dont get it.

 

If you think about it, you did not want her or the marriage with her anymore for some reason. There was a reason for this. What was it? Figuring this out would help you move on. You might have realized that you were not compatible.

I just felt... trapped. I felt stuck in a rut. I felt like everything i did was going towards building this life with her and yet behind closed doors I wasnt happy. I cared about her, i still do, but i wasnt in love with her. And we were so young when we got together, i felt like i hadnt ever had a chance to be me without her,. I know its all cliche BS! I think the kids thing was hard on us too, i didnt want to adopt but i knew i would of in the end because it was all she wanted. And i think meeting someone else made me check out on her a bit, emotionally.. in the end there was just such a distance between us, we didnt argue or anything - i think it would have been better if we had and least there would of been something there instead of just.. nothing! i couldnt reach her in the end, i couldnt find the girl i married - the girl i see now, dating him! I think maybe i was having the same effect on her but she wouldnt have walked away (or maybe thats just what i tell myself to make it right in my own head)

 

Please do not compare the living situations, because it only makes you upset at the moment and this is temporary anyways.

Try to focus on a plan moving out in a couple of months and start dating again maybe when you are ready. I would keep the least contact with them for now.

I definitely need a plan, i jut feel like i have nothing to aim for at the moment, so life just feels pointless!

[NateNathanV]

Just out of curiosity, why didn't you pursue a relationship with the girl you had the emotional affair with? There must have been something there that you wanted to pursue.

It was never serious, i shouldnt of done it!

 

She was too young for me! And i did like her but Lauren found out and wanted to try again and work on the marriage, and i didnt feel like i could deny her that! I cut strings with the other girl and i played at 'working on our marriage' counselling and all that. It was all one bloody big waste of time! Whatever we had had once, we just couldnt reach it anymore!

 

But that girl wouldnt have wanted a serious relationship anyway! A fling maybe! But i dont think that would help me!

[springy]

I think maybe you could have gotten “the girl you married” back by being the man she married. What you are seeing is a woman who feels wanted and loved which has her feeling alive again. People get in relationship ruts all the time and think they’ve fallen out of love when in reality those endorphins you have when you first met have just dipped significantly. It sounds like this was your first’ish relationship so maybe you didn’t recognize that. Those butterflies do not last forever. Both have to work at keeping the spark alive. But I’m on the outside looking in and could be way off the mark here. Just some thoughts as I read your story.

 

There was a possibility that this could have been saved but you didn’t give reconciliation any real effort nor enough time to get back to a good place. Although I don’t think you deserve what’s happening now between her and your friend I think once you find your own footing your emotions will stabilize.you may very well need to cut both out of your life for a bit so you can just focus on you. I think they are moving awfully fast for someone who’s not even divorced yet to be possibly engaged in a few months but that’s none of our business I suppose. Almost at breakneck rebound speed for her but one can never tell with these things. I hope you find yourself on solid ground soon.

[NateNathanV]

I think maybe you could have gotten “the girl you married” back by being the man she married. What you are seeing is a woman who feels wanted and loved which has her feeling alive again. People get in relationship ruts all the time and think they’ve fallen out of love when in reality those endorphins you have when you first met have just dipped significantly. It sounds like this was your first’ish relationship so maybe you didn’t recognize that. Those butterflies do not last forever. Both have to work at keeping the spark alive. But I’m on the outside looking in and could be way off the mark here. Just some thoughts as I read your story.

There was a possibility that this could have been saved but you didn’t give reconciliation any real effort nor enough time to get back to a good place.

Yeah i hear what you are saying. To be honest - you are probably completely right! I wasn't putting into the relationship what i used to and so how could i expect to get the same out.

The irony is that this is the kind of conversation i used to have with Reggie, he used to tell me all the time that my marriage was saveable, that i needed to commit to it, that i'd be a fool to let it slip away - he used to give me romance tips, and although they were mostly stupid, i always knew that he was trying to help and that he genuinely thought i should stay with her..... and knowing now how he felt about her all that time - i guess it means more that he honestly wanted me to save my marriage!

The thing was, i just didnt want to save it, it seems crazy but like I knew the butterflies and that would go, i knew marriage isnt all about chemistry and sparks, i just i dunno... I was almost looking for excuses to end it. Its mad because she was everything you could want in a wife, i cant even understand now why i felt the way i did, but I felt it at the time.... i think maybe I was too young when we got together, I wanted this adult life, and then i hit my mid 20's and suddenly i just felt like i hadn't lived, Id barely dated anyone else. When Reggie used to give me marital advice i used to think, its easy for him to say, his relationships had all been short and sweet and he'd spent most of his adult life a bachelor - he had his son of course, but apart from that he still lived like a 19 year old! Ironically i realise now that he must have really believed that my marriage to her was something special - because he jumped right in, didn't he!

 

Although I don’t think you deserve what’s happening now between her and your friend I think once you find your own footing your emotions will stabilize

Yeah, its not that im still in love with her or anything, im not jealous in that sense (I do feel a bit hurt she seems to be more in love with him than she ever was with me but i guess thats hurt ego), im more jealous that they both know what they want, and i just dont have a clue! I feel so unsettled, and i hate that. Im a plan man, i need to have a step by step action plan laid out, but i feel like im drifting at the moment.

 

I think they are moving awfully fast for someone who’s not even divorced yet to be possibly engaged in a few months but that’s none of our business I suppose. Almost at breakneck rebound speed for her but one can never tell with these things.

They are moving awfully quick! She could be rebounding i guess, she didn't want the split, and she wanted to be married, to have a family! But then again its just so trademark Reggie, he's been like that since he was a kid, its 100 miles an hour or its nothing! He decides to go on a little kayaking trip and next thing you know he's off kayaking around the world for 2 years! He'll either throw everything at it or not do it at all. And I bet she's just loving doing family things with him and Fox, she's like a born ready mum, kids just adore her, and she wants a family so maybe its not that weird that they are moving fast! Honestly i do hope its genuine because id hate for him to get hurt

[springy]

Well you sound like a good friend, as does he, but the whole situation is a bit strange! I certainly have ex's that I could care less if one of my friends wanted to give it a go - but so soon after the breakup I'd probably be experiencing similar feelings as you. What if he asks you to be his best man at their wedding? Was he yours? Even though you wanted it to end it can still take some time to process your emotions.

 

I'm sure you will figure out a solution (regarding those two relationships) that works best for you. Use this time to figure out what you want out of life and rebuild yourself (and don't beat yourself up because you aren't there yet). It will likely take some time

[NateNathanV]

Well you sound like a good friend, as does he, but the whole situation is a bit strange!

Yeah you can say that again, its like the elephant in the room

 

What if he asks you to be his best man at their wedding? Was he yours? Even though you wanted it to end it can still take some time to process your emotions.

I've thought about this exact scenario - he absolutely was my best man, we've been each others designated best men in waiting since we were kids, i know he'd ask me and how the hell could i do that!? I mean it would be like the exact same wedding party only me and him would have switched places!!

He made me and my ex god parents of his son, can you imagine if i had a kid and did the same... id be making my ex wife and her new fella the god parents of my child! Weird weird weird!

 

I'm sure you will figure out a solution (regarding those two relationships) that works best for you. Use this time to figure out what you want out of life and rebuild yourself (and don't beat yourself up because you aren't there yet). It will likely take some time

Thank you! I know time sorts everything in the end, i guess its just my nature to stress about the unknown, I just want to be settled, but settled in a life that feels right, but i guess i'll get there in the end!

[kgcolonel]

Nate, buddy....if he is truly your best friend and as close as you say....you need to tell him you're hurting over this...not to break them up but to let him know that it is painful for you and that descretion would be a good idea on their relationship. Best friends can talk through about everything...all be it, this would be the hardest discussion i can think of other than one of infidelity...

[Shepp]

Maybe you're not the only one to learn lessons from your last relationship - maybe she did too! You can't blame her for behaving differently in a new relationship when her last marriage failed, it doesn't mean the relationship you had with her was any less sincere - just that this time around she's doing things differently! Which also might explain why she's going for a very different kind of guy!

 

I think your problem is a question of time more than anything! You don't seem to want her back so I'm sure that once your life is where you want it to be wether that's a career or new relationship or whatever you want, their relationship won't be such a big deal to you!

 

Also it does kinda read a little like you were used to being in the power seat, definitely with her (and maybe with him?), maybe the problem is seeing them both branching out on their own, seeing her taking back the reigns and moving forward without you?

[NateNathanV]

Nate, buddy....if he is truly your best friend and as close as you say....you need to tell him you're hurting over this...not to break them up but to let him know that it is painful for you and that descretion would be a good idea on their relationship. Best friends can talk through about everything...all be it, this would be the hardest discussion i can think of other than one of infidelity...

 

Yeah you're right, you are! If theres anyone on the planet i could have that conversation with it would be him so i've just gotta do it i guess!

 

Maybe you're not the only one to learn lessons from your last relationship - maybe she did too! You can't blame her for behaving differently in a new relationship when her last marriage failed, it doesn't mean the relationship you had with her was any less sincere - just that this time around she's doing things differently! Which also might explain why she's going for a very different kind of guy!

True true.

 

I think your problem is a question of time more than anything! You don't seem to want her back so I'm sure that once your life is where you want it to be wether that's a career or new relationship or whatever you want, their relationship won't be such a big deal to you!

Maybe, but I just dont know where to start working out what it is i want!

 

Also it does kinda read a little like you were used to being in the power seat, definitely with her (and maybe with him?), maybe the problem is seeing them both branching out on their own, seeing her taking back the reigns and moving forward without you?

Im not controlling or anything! Its not my way or the high way! But they probably were the two most important people in my life, so yeah, seeing them move forward together makes me feel a bit, irrelevant!