Unplanned pregnancy and breakup..

[Jellybeanxo]

Hi everyone. I am really hoping for some insight on my current situation. To add to background details me and my ex were together for 3 years. I am early 20s he is mid 20s. Our relationship was never the picture perfect romance but it suited both of us and was very passionate. He was also never the overly romantic type and we moved very slow due, he is not an emotional guy or good at expression emotions at all.

 

The current situation: About two months ago I discovered I was pregnant. We were not using condoms because I had been on BC. I admitted there were times I was not always diligent in taking them, especially because I have a busy schedule and we were living an hour apart so did not have sex always regularly. I told him this, and he became very mad. He said he cannot trust me and was not supportive at all. Told me if he could make it to my abortion appointment he would. I was very mad and cut off contact with him, keeping my pregnancy.

 

We did not talk for a whole month after this fight, longer even. He reached out to me once asking vague questions. The next week he sent me a long message of how he was sorry , he still missed and cared about me, wanted to start over etc. I knew there was no way he had accepted my pregnancy, and said to be friends but reminded him nothing had changed. We talked on and off and had plans to meet up.

 

A few nights before we were going to meet we were on the phone and he began asking me about the baby. This was the first time he brought it up truly. We got into a lot of stuff and he was angry I was keeping it private, and not inviting him to doc appointments etc. He was also stressing me out about how I plan on handelling this with us living in diff cities etc. I told him I would be more open and sent him recent ultrasound pics etc.

 

The next day I wake up to paragraphs on pretty much the same thing in the begginning: how could I forget my pills, why did I keep the baby, this is what I wanted etc etc. He said he doesn't know if he can ever forgive me and that he isn't ready to see me and that its his child too , not just mine. I know he was having a freak out because reality was hitting him. We had a seperate discussion two days later and he admitted he doesn't think I got preggo on purpose but he is still very upset with me. He said he hopes we can be cool evantually but now he needs space, and he is sorry I am going through it without him. He also told me to update him whenever I have an appt and that he will check up on me.

 

I am so distraught. I felt more at peace when we weren't talking at all. First he comes back and I am so happy, than he withdraws and is saying he needs space but will be there for me I guess it's just making me sad because I am very much still in love with him but things are so complicated. I know I need to set my feelings aside but it is soooo hard. I don't know how he can feel sorry for me but at the same time not be there for me really. Does anyone have any advice as to going foward? Seriously that month of N/C was somewhat beneficial but now I am back to being obsessed and having a heavy feeling in my heart from those weeks we talked. And he is being nice so it is hard.

[basil67]

Have you ever conceded that your pre-conception actions were foolish and apologised for your part in not being diligent with your contraception? Have you said that you understand his feelings of being deceived by you not telling him that a condom would be required because you'd missed a pill or three?

 

This guy has some very legitimate complaints. If you haven't already done so, the first part of the way forward is to acknowledge his feelings without trying to defend or minimise your own actions.

 

If you've already done this, then I'd say that his trust in you has been far too broken to be repaired.