Justanotherguy123 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) I am a 41 year old man, fiance was 36 year old woman. I wasn't as emotionally there for her as I should have been for a long time I suppose but things seemed ok to me. She was having a lot of anxiety for months, told me about it, but never said why. Finally, one night she asked me if this was even going to work and I said what are you talking about? She said I hated her and I told her I loved her that wasn't true etc. Next day she didn't come home from work. Looking back I am surprised she stayed as long as she did. Probably sounds familiar to many. Anyway she has been gone for 5 weeks now. First couple weeks she was very mean to me, I suppose I deserved a lot of it. She has been warming up to me more and more. Whole time she's been gone she keeps telling me shes coming back but she has to lose her anxiety and learn how to not be afraid of making me angry before she can come back home. She says that the only reason she is coming back is because she thought id tell her "good leave" and instead I asked her to work it out, which shocked her. To me the things she says to me make me believe she is, in fact going to come home at some point. She has been living out of a backpack the whole time, all her stuff is still in our home. I tried to buy her out of the house but she refuses, says she wants to come back just give her the time she needs. We are supposed to have a few dates this weekend but I am very close to going full on NC as well. Each time I try NC for even a few hours she flips out and begs me not to leave her please please just give her a little more time. Advice? Edited August 23, 2017 by Justanotherguy123 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I am a 41 year old man, fiance was 36 year old woman. I wasn't as emotionally there for her as I should have been for a long time I suppose but things seemed ok to me. She was having a lot of anxiety for months, told me about it, but never said why. Finally, one night she asked me if this was even going to work and I said what are you talking about? She said I hated her and I told her I loved her that wasn't true etc. Next day she didn't come home from work. Looking back I am surprised she stayed as long as she did. Probably sounds familiar to many. Anyway she has been gone for 5 weeks now. First couple weeks she was very mean to me, I suppose I deserved a lot of it. She has been warming up to me more and more. Whole time she's been gone she keeps telling me shes coming back but she has to lose her anxiety and learn how to not be afraid of making me angry before she can come back home. She says that the only reason she is coming back is because she thought id tell her "good leave" and instead I asked her to work it out, which shocked her. To me the things she says to me make me believe she is, in fact going to come home at some point. She has been living out of a backpack the whole time, all her stuff is still in our home. I tried to buy her out of the house but she refuses, says she wants to come back just give her the time she needs. We are supposed to have a few dates this weekend but I am very close to going full on NC as well. Each time I try NC for even a few hours she flips out and begs me not to leave her please please just give her a little more time. Advice? Until you find out what the deal is... what are you supposed to do? You have 2 basic choices. 1) She has a guy on the side and she is testing him out. In that case dump her. 2) Dump her in general. One thing you don't want is for a woman that does not love you to stay with you. It is miserable. It really is that simple. And basically you have no idea what she is doing or what is going on with her. Do you have a problem with anger? If you do that is your issue and it has to be fixed. Also, is she getting help from a doctor with the anxiety? She should be. In general, either we need more information or you yourself are not sure what is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Blake101 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 This is a very weird situation. She wants space but once you stop contacting her she then wants your attention? The only explanation I can find is what she's been telling you...her anxiety. 5 weeks is a long time and I say handle only as much as you can. But if you have to contact her again, then reassure her that you love her, that you respect her wishes of wanting space but more importantly you hope that she is safe. I'm sure she's not playing games with you but rather she is actually going through anxiety. I have lots of family members who go through this as well, and let me tell You, it's not something you can fake. Do you know where she's residing at? Or has she not been clear with you about any of that? Again, take as much as you can handle. Worrying about someone day in and day out has to be a lot. I know it would affect me immensely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justanotherguy123 Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Looking back at the situation I can see she was having anxiety real bad because she not only told me but was having the symptoms as well. I can also see she was starved for my attention and I wish to god she would have said something I just never saw it. She isn't perfect and I'm not a total ******* I just wasn't showing her the affection I should have. The issue is do I just go NC and basically force her to make a decision? If she is really doing what she says and I do that I'll hurt her further which I don't want. But after this long I have to wonder if she's lying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justanotherguy123 Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 If she is with another guy he must be gross because she only has like 2 pairs of shorts and maybe 5 shirts with her and like 1 pair of shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts