Technoir Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Hi Im going through a tough separation with my wife and I really need some advice. I've been with my wife for 10 years in total over two stints 3 years and most recently 7 years. We have two small toddlers together and she had a son who is 17 next month. I've been pretty difficult to live with for a while and the pressures of work lately have been massive coupled with my own issues about getting overweight etc have led to a poor home life where I have neglected everyone and retreated to my world on the pc , I've been very snappy and moody often saying hurtful things I never meant. 10 days ago we had a blazing argument over something silly but it escalated quickly into insults back and forth, amidst this her son came barging in and started shouting I though he was about to hit me and grabbed him to push him back my wife went mad and jumped on top of me and within seconds I'd been pushed out the front door. My wife says she doesn't love me anymore and has been unhappy for ages and tried to tell me I had been loosing her. We have chatted and she wants me to move out get help but still visiti the kids everyday and we all still do things together on the weekend etc, she even said she will stay over at my new place. I've told her I'm sorry and I love u her much I want my life back on track, I've sought medical help and we are booked for couples counciling. I've asked her if we stand any chance of getting back together she says she's at a crossroads and can't answer it feels like too much has happened now to go back. I'm devastated but it's become so complicated , since this incident we have spent the week together really closely, we went out with kids had a great time and she showed loads of affection, cuddles kisses holding hands resting head on shoulders etc we still sleep in same bed often close but no sex and we shared a bath together. I woke up Monday with a glimmer of hope in my heart but when I talk to her she still says there is no love and suggested the affection was pity as I was so sad. I am not sure this is true as on several occasions I wasn't upset she showed affection, she's also inviting me out to do things with her without the kids so it can't all be for their benefit. I know her son made and me or him ultimatum and I have tried to make up with him but he won't talk to me yet as he says it's too soon. She keeps telling me there is no rush to move out but still insists I do. I'm just so confused it's messing me up even more I don't know where I stand I want to be with her and change my entire life to put her and the kids first, she keeps saying it a mr nice guy act and she heard it all before but the actions and words just don't match up. Advice is much needed Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 If she still loves you & is willing to do things as a family then will she agree to marriage counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurtingguy Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 Man I feel for ya a lot... my ex has been doing the same Thing to me. Just move out and if she's willing to go to counselling with you I'd say you have a real good chance of working this out. Buts gonna take time and a lot of patience from your end. Stop talking to her sleep in another bed no more kisses and cuddles especially if she's saying it's out of pity. Your only shot here is to give her space and time I wouldn't say go nc but keep it very limited and no more affection it's just gonna piss her off trust me. If she's still letting you stay there and still going out with you then she does still love you Link to post Share on other sites
breadbin Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 Jesus that's rough! Sorry for how you are feeling now. When it comes down to it a mother will pick her son over you any day so get that ultimatum out of the equation and sort things with him. I'd suggest a new job too! Stress is not worth it to be honest - I wish I could take my own advice. I'm in a stressful job and have piled on the pounds, neglected my last relationship and also escape through my PC. Sound familiar? I am still in it and still giving out but I'm not married. It's a huge regret I have but you don't have to have the same outcome. There is still time for you to get the help you need. I second marriage counselling but I guarantee you will see quick results if you get out of that job. What do you work at? Link to post Share on other sites
breadbin Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 edit: Ok so maybe quitting the job and getting another might not be that easy. sorry if I am giving you advice that I should take myself! I tried counselling to get on top of the stress. It didn't work because I never gave it a chance. Maybe it would help you? Have you tried exercise? Making time for things like exercise, meditation and reflection would be good. Even as a couple. I know how you feel though, it's easier to escape to a different world. She will need to see changes and you are the only one who can make them changes. 10 years is a lot to give up on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Technoir Posted August 22, 2017 Author Share Posted August 22, 2017 Thanks for the advice I'm willing to do whatever to change to have a chance with my family. It's easy to leave work at the door as I've found over the last week. The issue that I'm struggling with is she says she doesn't love me but her actions contradict that sleeping in the same bed showing affection asking me to do things with her. Im running round supporting her and showing her what a man I can be then in the other breath it's how's he flat hunting going Link to post Share on other sites
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