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a moment of weakness and i managed to get the bottom of it


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 20th August 2017, 5:12 PM   #1
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a moment of weakness and i managed to get the bottom of it

So as many may know, I was your typical rebound guy dating a women coming out of a divorce. We dated strong for 18months and then on/off began.

we never broke clean. Always a fight and NC for a couple of months and then on again.

I saw her in January, we were 6 months off. we dated until Easter and the distance began. Pattern, break. Easter and family was the issue. Cliches where abundant.

So I haven't seen her since and in a moment of weakness, I text her Thursday.
That turned into a 7 hour convo. Our first ever brutally honest talk about the relationship.

What did I learn. She loves me. Why she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me? She doesn't trust I can provide emotional support and be the kind of partner she needs. Stinger for sure. Its a sort of I'm not good enough statement. She listed numerous examples of my pisspoor behavior that led to her lack of trust. Mostly I behave childish, and immature in some social settings. It brings her anxiety. she is not wrong. She always said we are great together but bring in other people and we don't do well.

I do exhibit bad boy(childish) behavior at inappropriate times. been that way my whole life. Ive never thought to deal with it because ive never been in a relationship long enough or with someone who cared enough.

Set back for me? NO. I am going to take this time to go to therapy and see if I can grow a bit. I want to see if I can learn why I have social anxiety, why I couldn't communicate these things, and why I had so much anxiety with her. She wasn't a model girlfriend so she did contribute to my anxiety

I'm dating, which I told her(she was not happy about it), she is dating too. we both agreed that it sucks but it is what it is.

I feel like I finally have a good grasp on what happened.

So I just wanted to get it out of my head and share a bit. Hopefully This will improve my personal life and dating moving forward.

Thanks for listening
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Old 20th August 2017, 6:34 PM   #2
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I have to laugh, you told her you were dating and she was not happy with it, yet she is dating too? or did i read that wrong?

Other than that only do this for your own improvement and not to get back with her. I guarantee if you did focus on your social anxiety and make huge strides with it, she would probably have some other thing for you to change. I'm all for self improvement but just do it for your self!

Sure what do you know? You might meet a girl who loves the way you are with people.
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Old 20th August 2017, 6:45 PM   #3
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Heard loud and clear Breadbin!!! I'm doing this for me. The fact of the matter, is she doesn't like my flaws although I can change a few of them, she would eventually get around to something that doesn't need changing.

Ive always been a little rough around the edges in social situation, ive heard it plenty in my life. I'm the guy that my good friends said they weren't sure they liked me at first but know now I have their back

I'm sure I could brush up on some self awareness
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Old 21st August 2017, 6:58 AM   #4
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Dude, lets not talk about childish, and immature.
Because, I won the Countries highest award for those two categories.
I have the medals pinned to my wall now..


However, that is what makes us, us, and if they don't like it, tough..
We both know, and after some time, they should too, that when push comes to shove, we are there, and we are caring, when we need to be.
But, lets face it, there aren't that many situations like that, and while we get older, and closer to death, one day at a time, we like to have some fun, and live life to its fullest.


My wife, also hates it sometimes (Mostly actually), when I act this way.
My kids however, love it. We also tend to rub it in with the wife, and she gets annoyed at me and the kids..
But, she knows its just short lived, and just us goofing off.


Don't worry about this bird. Look for another that doesn't get her feathers ruffled so easy.




Ted.
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