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Hurt & broken. needed.


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Hi LS,

 

 

Sorry for the long post but I'd like to talk about my break up hoping to hear all the support I need from people who went through it and moved on. Please excuse my grammar as English is my second language and I'm a lesbian.

 

 

My story started after I met a girl who's 8 years younger than me (I'm 29 and she's 21) I was her first serious relationship and it lasted for 2.5 years.

At first I really weren't interested in her or starting a relationship. She got my phone number, my instagram and my snapchat from a friend and started talking and getting advice from me on daily basis regarding everything she's facing. This went on for months and I started having feelings for her, I wanted to ignore but I couldn't until the day came when I confessed my feelings for her. She started to panic and she kept saying she was confused and didn't know what to do and this kept on for two weeks until she told me she had feelings for me too.

 

 

At the beginning of the relationship everything was perfect, we were so in love until seven months when she wanted to break up with me out of the blue and then started crying and changed her mind on the spot. after that everything was until she was starting to change. She started accusing me about things I didn't do but she believed I did. She started to get jealous about my pervious relationships even though they meant nothing and they're the past and I have no contact with any of my exes. Another thing is I wake up everyday at 5 am for work and drive for an hour to work and finish at 4 pm, she has her on driver and doesn't drive. Sometimes I'd like to rest at home and whenever I tell her that she would get so angry at me and start shouting and accusing me of not wanting to go out with her. I would always apologize for things I haven't done and she would treat me like crap. She never apologize for anything and always believe she's right and if I ever try to explain myself she would get angry and accusing me of flipping things on her.

 

 

Before our breakup, she wanted us to meet somewhere which was a 2 hour drive away from me and I told her I'll let her know if I can, she got so angry at me and started shouting and telling me to **** off, she said I was a negative person who hates going out even though she was always dramatic and would complain about everything and all I do is listen to her and try to calm her down, she said I never get excited about anything even though I do and I always tell her how excited I am and show her, she hung up and stopped talking to me. I was hurt and only texted it her that day. next day she called and got all angry at me for not calling and I told her that she hurt me how is she expecting me to be ok with this. all she said that she's not expecting anything from me and stopped talking to me for 4 days and I didn't contact her because I could take her behavior anymore.

 

 

She called me on the fourth day and I was treated like **** and on top of that she clicked and bonded with someone else. I was so hurt then she broke up with me and told me that she feel like she's grown and we both wan different things. I didn't beg but told her I would like to try to fix things instead of breaking up but she refused and said that there is nothing to fix, I told her I was hurt and all she said that she is hurt to and it'll only take time to heal. after that she said she will be "mature" and still be in my life as a friend but I refused.

 

 

It's been two weeks since the break up and I'm so hurt. How can someone say they'll always love you then leave? how can someone promise a lot of things then leave?? I don't under stand.

 

 

I was NC for two weeks but broke it today. I sent her " I love you" " I dream about you everyday" but she ignored me.

 

 

I really feel like **** and would really appreciate all the advice I can get. I don't know why I want her back even though my previous relationships were waaaay better than this. Why am I hurting? Why do I hope that she contacts me. I just want to move on...

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I know how you feel bro, I just got dumped recently because she fell out of love.

 

You should throw your phone away and go strict no contact, it will be hard but things will get easier over time. I'm on week 4 of NC, I still miss her sometimes and still dream about her everynight, but the pain is fading away gradually.

 

You shouldn't believe to promises, promises are made to be broken and never ever love someone more than yourself, if you do that the only person who do the suffering is you alone.

 

The good thing is you didn't beg (lol, I did beg once and regretted it ever since). Put your phone away before emotional wave kicks in and makes you do stupid things.

 

Best regard.

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I know you are right in the **** now for want of a better turn of phrase. All I can say is that you'll be lucky if she keeps ignoring you. Things will get easier, time is a great healer etc etc. We all know this but when we are in torment sense goes out the window. It sounds like you had a lucky escape from what you said in your message. Although you won't know this for a long time.

 

I hope you don't think I'm being flippant. I was told the very same thing when my partner broke up with me. She showed similar behaviours to your exs in fact. Sometimes it comes down to not being compatible. My ex is a decent person but she wanted me to be somebody else and it annoyed her that I wasn't this other person. I tried for so long until I could do no more and she just ended it. I think after 7 months your ex knew she shouldn't carry on and probably should have ended it then. It would have saved you a whole lot of heartache!

 

All any of us can do is wish you luck with it. Spend time with your friends and family and distract yourself.

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Thanks all for the advice.

 

 

Actually after ignoring my texts she texted me today to talk which I didn't respond to and told her that I'm busy. Then she kept calling me and said that she only needed to tell me something quick which again I ignored and told her I'm busy and would call her later.

 

 

I called her later and she asked me about one of my friends that she hated and asked me if I told her about the break up and I responded "not yet" and also asked me if I have been texting my exes while I was with her which I never did and I have no idea why she said that. After that she said I wanted to tell you that I have moved on and I don't want you to text or call me and I told her you didn't need to tell me that because I wouldn't anyway. We had a fight and I told her that her relationship is the worst I have ever had.. I find it funny that she called me just to tell me something stupid like that when she could've just ignored and let me be. I'm not stupid and I know that her ignoring my text means she doesn't want to talk. She didn't have to keep calling me for that because I honestly didn't care and didn't really showed her that I cared when she called.

 

 

I have no idea what she wanted or why she did that and to be honest it didn't bother me at all.

 

 

Any thoughts why would someone do that? I'm curious.. by the way it happened when I talked to that person she hates and during our relationship she made me cut this person off even though she was my friend.

 

 

Appreciate the your thoughts guys. :)

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faithandfood

I'm sorry you're going through as I am recently going through a recent breakup myself (it's been almost two months). I know it hurts, but please please stick to NC, no matter how hard it gets. Broke up with my ex because of his jerkish ways, disrespect, sexual pressure. He already has someone else, which hurt so so bad because it's only been a month for crying out loud. We also dated for 7.5 months and he was my first bf.

But anyways, the fact that she asked your friend that was not even necessary. Just stick to NC and focus on yourself as time goes on. I know it's cliche and hard as I am still struggling, but as they say, time heals. You got this.

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She called you to tell you not to text or call her? She is showing her age I think. Bear in mind she is still very young but trying to save face. She had to have the last word. It probably makes her feel a little better in herself if she tells you 'don't call me, I'm moving on'. Psychology 101!

 

You don't need these mind games.

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Thanks all,

 

 

I really shouldn't waste my time analyzing her actions to be honest. I'll just enjoy my life and focus on my self and people who are there to support me. I won't say I'm over her right now but what I can say is that meeting new people and making friends really does help with the healing process.

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