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Short Term Relationship Break Up


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 18th August 2017, 2:26 PM   #1
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Short Term Relationship Break Up

Howdy everyone. New hear. Just wanted to share my story and see if any could offer any advice on where I should go from here.

I was introduced to a girl through friends at a get together about 7 weeks Ago. A friend of mine had talked with her and told her a bit about me and it seemed she was interested so they arranged a get together with mutual friends. She even added me as a friend on facebook which I accepted. We didnt talk or anything until the get together. I was informed through friends that she has been separated from her husband for about a year and is in the process of getting a divorce. She also has two kids. Neither of those two things deterred me from at least meeting her. The get together was just fine, Her kids were there along with our mutual friends kids and it was a pleasant even. We met, chatted a little bit between playing outside with kids and dogs etc. I decided I would at least ask her out and go from there. I messaged her on facebook a few days later and after some friendly chit chat asked her out on date to which she said she would love too. This was on a thrusday and we agreed to hang out on sunday. Saturday morning she messaged and said she decided she was going to go to the cabin with her brother and his wife but would be back late sunday. No worries on my end its not a big deal and away she went and I did my thing. On monday I messaged her and we chatted a bit and then I asked if she wanted to go out Tuesday. It took a her a bit reply that yes she would like to. This is where it first came out that she has some anxiety issues with dating most likely due to her marriage and divorce. Tuesday comes along and we go out and have an absolute wonderful time together at dinner with great coversation. We grab ice cream and walk around the lake afterwards. She didnt seem to want the evening to end so we headed over to my cabin about 20 mins away and ended watching a movie and talking the night away. We ended up starting to see eachother every day following that. We seemed to connect on a good level. we come from the same type of back ground, have the same experience and views on the church we were raised in and things like that. I learned she had got married very young at 19. I wont get into the issues of her marriage but by the sounds of it the guy was a real piece of work and they basically stayed together for 6 years for the kids before she had enough. A useless guy that could never get his act together to provide for his family. We talked about how she was nervous to date again and how i felt about kids in the equation. I assured her I understand her concerns and let her know that bringing the kids into the relationship would have to be on her terms and her time line as to when she was comfortable with it. We continued to hang out almost every day, We started doing things with the kids, she would bring them to my work, we would go to the cabin for an afternoon with them and our friends kids. The kids responded very well to me. They are 4 and 2. Yes we started having sex about a week and a half in. During our first time she stopped to say that she had never experienced it like this. Her husband seemed to be mostly about just him getting off. She introduced me to her parents and a few other family members and talked to them about me alot. Everything just seemed fantastic for the whole six weeks we were together. We decided to go away for the weekend and had a great time. Stayed in a cabin, visitied the local night life, ate out, stopped by the lake for part of the day. When we got home I dropped her off and headed home. An hour later she texted to say thanks for the fun weekend to which I replied your welcome it was a lot of fun! I also said that on the drive from her house to mine I was thinking about how happy i was at how our relationship was progressing..... No reply from her. Not a big deal it was later in the evening and I know she sometimes falls asleep next to her kids when she getting them to bed. The next morning she texted to say her phone had died. Seemed a bit odd she didnt acknowledge my text from the night before. No big deal. I went about my busy day at the office and we ended up having an accident on the job site that required me to get to the hospital with an employee. I ended up leaving my phone at the office in my rush. I finally got home about 1AM and grabbed my phone from the office on my way. i see that she texted me earlier saying she was going to watch a tv show with her mom and then go out with some friends but could she stop by on her way into town. I messaged back and let her know what happend at work and that everything was ok and hoped she had a good night with her friends. The next morning she text me to ask what happend at work and then didnt say anything for the rest of the day. I could sense the last couple of days something was off. After work she asked if she could stop by to which I said sure. I had bad feeling from the vibe I got and almost could tell what was coming. An hour later she came and I was outside tinkering on some stuff. I could tell it wasnt good news. It was rather quick and left me wondering WTF happend. She said she wasnt feeling it, wasnt ready, didnt want to be tied down with a relationship and that when I said I was happy with how are relationship was progressing it set her anxiety off to the point she wanted to throw up. She kept saying she doesnt know how to say what shes thinking and she didnt know what she was thinking. I wasnt really sure how to respond. I think I was in shock maybe. Ill admit I was a bit mad and angry but didnt let it come through. She wanted to give me a hug because she said I was a super nice guy and fun to hang out with. I gave her a quick hug and she left. I quite liked this girl and iv sat here wondering what the hell happend and how I can fix this. This happend 3 days ago and I havnt tried contacting her. Kinda just wanted to reflect on the last 6 weeks and see if I can figure it out. The only solution I can think of is that we just hung out to much and didnt give ourselves any time to miss eachother or live our separate lives. I will admitt I did put a few of my hobbies and interests on hold over the last 6 weeks to see this girl and Im sure she did the same. Aside from a couple times she went away for a few days with her family we saw eachother almost every day. We live fairly close together. All the signs were pointing to how much she liked spending time with me and the fun things we would do. Anyways i know its a short term relationship and most if has been based off Attraction and initial sparks you have getting to know someone but it seems almost to hurt more than longer relationships that iv had. I have been single for awhile prior to this and found out who I was and was perfectly fine and happy with my life and career etc. Perhaps she is just feeling over whelmed with having to re start her life after separating. Shes starting school in a few weeks and moving into her own place. (currently with her parents). Just wondering if anyone has any advice on this if I should just step back completely and write off? I do think she needs some space so I havnt tried contacting her or anything. Anyone been through this before? I certainly like her a lot and she kept saying how much she liked me etc. I know shes not ready for super serious and settling down again and I am certainly not looking to settle down right away but I guess I could have come off that way based on the way I read her. Anyways sorry for the long rant. Any hope or should I just move on?
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Old 18th August 2017, 3:45 PM   #2
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The wall of text is impenetrable.
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Old 18th August 2017, 3:58 PM   #3
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I tried & here's what I came up with: you have to just write her off.


This lady makes a LOT of bad decisions. She married young. She took up with you too fast, got too intense, overshared. Since this whole thing was only 6 weeks in total, you two moved too fast on multiple levels.


There is no reason you two should have been having daily contact.


There is no reasons that you should have interacted so much with her kids.


There is no reason that you met her parents (although since she lives with them that may have been inevitable).


There is no reason she should have been leaving her kids with her parents for weekends away with you. I'm not saying that the grandparents were poor guardians just that weekend trips are too much so early with kids in the picture (but it was a better choice then having sex with the kids in the house)


She does have a lot on her plate -- the divorce, moving out of mom & dad's house; going back to school.


I do sense she got overwhelmed but she doesn't appear to have great coping skills, good boundaries or much sense. She rushes into relationships without considering the consequences: an early marriage; having kids young in an unstable situation; taking up with you so intensely so quickly.


I'm sorry you got caught up in this because it just sounds like you were a guy enjoying the fruits of a new romance but seriously, back off this one.
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Old 18th August 2017, 4:01 PM   #4
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I apologize for the wall of text.

Howdy everyone. New hear. Just wanted to share my story and see if any could offer any advice on where I should go from here.

I was introduced to a girl through friends at a get together about 7 weeks Ago. A friend of mine had talked with her and told her a bit about me and it seemed she was interested so they arranged a get together with mutual friends. She even added me as a friend on facebook which I accepted. We didnt talk or anything until the get together. I was informed through friends that she has been separated from her husband for about a year and is in the process of getting a divorce. She also has two kids. Neither of those two things deterred me from at least meeting her.

The get together was just fine, Her kids were there along with our mutual friends kids and it was a pleasant evening. We met, chatted a little bit between playing outside with kids and dogs etc. I decided I would at least ask her out and go from there.

I messaged her on facebook a few days later and after some friendly chit chat asked her out on date to which she said she would love too. This was on a thrusday and we agreed to hang out on sunday. Saturday morning she messaged and said she decided she was going to go to the cabin with her brother and his wife but would be back late sunday. No worries on my end its not a big deal and away she went and I did my thing. On monday I messaged her and we chatted a bit and then I asked if she wanted to go out Tuesday. It took a her a bit reply that yes she would like to. This is where it first came out that she has some anxiety issues with dating most likely due to her marriage and divorce.

Tuesday comes along and we go out and have an absolute wonderful time together at dinner with great conversation. We grab ice cream and walk around the lake afterwards. She didnt seem to want the evening to end so we headed over to my cabin about 20 mins away and ended watching a movie and talking the night away.

We ended up starting to see each other every day following that. We seemed to connect on a good level. we come from the same type of back ground, have the same experience and views on the church we were raised in and things like that. I learned she had got married very young at 19. I wont get into the issues of her marriage but by the sounds of it the guy was a real piece of work and they basically stayed together for 6 years for the kids before she had enough. A useless guy that could never get his act together to provide for his family. We talked about how she was nervous to date again and how she and I felt about kids in the equation. I assured her I understand her concerns and let her know that bringing the kids into the relationship would have to be on her terms and her time line as to when she was comfortable with it.

We continued to hang out almost every day, We started doing things with the kids, she would bring them to my work, we would go to the cabin for an afternoon with them and our friends kids. The kids responded very well to me. They are 4 and 2.

Yes we started having sex about a week and a half in. During our first time she stopped to say that she had never experienced it like this. Her husband seemed to be mostly about just him getting off.

She introduced me to her parents and a few other family members and talked to them about me alot. Everything just seemed fantastic for the whole six weeks we were together.

We decided to go away for the weekend and had a great time. Stayed in a cabin, visitied the local night life, ate out, stopped by the lake for part of the day. When we got home I dropped her off and headed home. An hour later she texted to say thanks for the fun weekend to which I replied your welcome it was a lot of fun! I also said that on the drive from her house to mine I was thinking about how happy i was at how our relationship was progressing..... No reply from her. Not a big deal it was later in the evening and I know she sometimes falls asleep next to her kids when she getting them to bed. The next morning she texted to say her phone had died. Seemed a bit odd she didnt acknowledge my text from the night before. No big deal. I went about my busy day at the office and we ended up having an accident on the job site that required me to get to the hospital with an employee. I ended up leaving my phone at the office in my rush. I finally got home about 1AM and grabbed my phone from the office on my way. i see that she texted me earlier saying she was going to watch a tv show with her mom and then go out with some friends but could she stop by on her way into town. I messaged back and let her know what happend at work and that everything was ok and hoped she had a good night with her friends.

The next morning she text me to ask what happend at work and then didnt say anything for the rest of the day. I could sense the last couple of days something was off. After work she asked if she could stop by to which I said sure. I had bad feeling from the vibe I got and almost could tell what was coming. An hour later she came and I was outside tinkering on some stuff. I could tell it wasnt good news. It was rather quick and left me wondering WTF happend. She said she wasnt feeling it, wasnt ready, didnt want to be tied down with a relationship and that when I said I was happy with how are relationship was progressing it set her anxiety off to the point she wanted to throw up.

She kept saying she doesnt know how to say what shes thinking and she didnt know what she was thinking. I wasnt really sure how to respond. I think I was in shock maybe. Ill admit I was a bit mad and angry but didnt let it come through. She wanted to give me a hug because she said I was a super nice guy and fun to hang out with. I gave her a quick hug and she left. I quite liked this girl and iv sat here wondering what the hell happend and how I can fix this.

This happend 3 days ago and I havnt tried contacting her. Kinda just wanted to reflect on the last 6 weeks and see if I can figure it out. The only solution I can think of is that we just hung out to much and didnt give ourselves any time to miss eachother or live our separate lives. I will admitt I did put a few of my hobbies and interests on hold over the last 6 weeks to see this girl and Im sure she did the same. Aside from a couple times she went away for a few days with her family we saw eachother almost every day. We live fairly close together. All the signs were pointing to how much she liked spending time with me and the fun things we would do.

Anyways i know its a short term relationship and most if has been based off Attraction and initial sparks you have getting to know someone but it seems almost to hurt more than longer relationships that iv had. I have been single for awhile prior to this and found out who I was and was perfectly fine and happy with my life and career etc. Perhaps she is just feeling over whelmed with having to re start her life after separating from her husband. Shes starting school in a few weeks and moving into her own place. (currently with her parents).

Just wondering if anyone has any advice on this if I should just step back completely and write it off? I do think she needs some space so I havnt tried contacting her or anything. Anyone been through this before? I certainly like her a lot and she kept saying how much she liked me etc. I know shes not ready for super serious and settling down again and I am certainly not looking to settle down right away but I guess I could have come off that way based on the way I read her. Anyways sorry for the long rant. Any hope or should I just move on?
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Old 18th August 2017, 4:06 PM   #5
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Thanks for the reply.

A lot of this makes sense.

I kept thinking it was really fast but pushed it aside because she was responding to it so well and so was I.


Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
I tried & here's what I came up with: you have to just write her off.


This lady makes a LOT of bad decisions. She married young. She took up with you too fast, got too intense, overshared. Since this whole thing was only 6 weeks in total, you two moved too fast on multiple levels.


There is no reason you two should have been having daily contact.


There is no reasons that you should have interacted so much with her kids.


There is no reason that you met her parents (although since she lives with them that may have been inevitable).


There is no reason she should have been leaving her kids with her parents for weekends away with you. I'm not saying that the grandparents were poor guardians just that weekend trips are too much so early with kids in the picture (but it was a better choice then having sex with the kids in the house)


She does have a lot on her plate -- the divorce, moving out of mom & dad's house; going back to school.


I do sense she got overwhelmed but she doesn't appear to have great coping skills, good boundaries or much sense. She rushes into relationships without considering the consequences: an early marriage; having kids young in an unstable situation; taking up with you so intensely so quickly.


I'm sorry you got caught up in this because it just sounds like you were a guy enjoying the fruits of a new romance but seriously, back off this one.
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