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ex gf destroyed my life


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Hello... so i dated my ex for 7 months figured out she was cheating on me , treated me like doormat , made fun of me after break up and i lost respect from eveyone

 

She destroyed me mentally i have never been hurt in my life the way she did to me everyone thinks im a loser and have no self respect because of the way she treated me and for begging her to take me back ( it was my life mistake)

 

I turned into a weak man who is losing his future because of the disrespect in the eyes of people i see in college i hurt my family feelings because they see me suffering ( i have no life anymore )

 

Im thinking about quiting college so i can avoid this self hurt unfortunately i can never change university because i should start from the beginning im at my last year in medicine school

 

tl:dr: i totally understand im a weak person now and i should go to therapy ( i can't afford it ) is there karma in relationships? i swear i never hurt anyone in mylife and i don't seek revenge but she totally destroyed me ... is there anyway to stand up after being the joke of college ? :) .... i wish you all the best people out there and i hope you never get hurt

 

Thank you for your time

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Hi, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. When something like this happens it's really hard to see past it into the future and believe you WILL feel better again.

 

What did you do that hurt your family and made your friends think you're a loser? If it's the things you said in your post, I am sure it was more concern for you and frustration at your situation...when we're down we project our own feelings on to others about how we feel about ourselves.

 

It's natural to mentally beat ourselves up when things go wrong. We all feel guilt or regret at what we have done whether we should or not.

 

If someone gets burgled and has all of their nice possessions stolen are they losers for having something of value to steal or is the burglar the loser for taking it?

 

The same applies here, you are not a loser for having someone cheat on you and wanting to make it work.

 

But, it sounds like it is now time to show you're not weak and work on moving on and feeling better. It's a long drawn out process and will not be easy, but it will happen.

 

Don't feel bad about yourself for the choices someone else made about how they treated you but show you can make good choices and start to treat yourself better.

 

Don't quit college. You're going to hurt wherever you are right now unfortunately. How long you hurt for actually depends on you, you have everything you need to start to feel better within you.

 

Keep coming here to let it all out. Take care

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You are your own worst enemy in this situation. Don't let her be the catalyst to destroy your future... no one should have that much power over you

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First, this has happened to most of us at some point or other. Since it has happened to most of us, then most of us understand it on some level, even if they give you crap about it.

 

Second, NO one is paying as much attention to you and your situation as they are to their own situation. Everyone is self-centered. They aren't huddled around going, Johnny over there is a weak loser. Ain't nobody got time for that. Too centered on themselves. So forget about the reputation part of it. If you get back up and carry on as normal, you will actually garner respect. Someone may think, He did better than me getting over it.

 

Hold your head up and move on with life. Do NOT let this sideline your education.

 

As for counseling, if you are at university, there should be counseling available to you, so start making phone calls to the university asking if there is a psychological counselor on campus. There usually is. Shouldn't cost much if anything.

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thank you everyone for replying you guys did make me feel better about myself atleast

first im not the joke of university because of her cheating me although she said she cheated on me because im aloser and im just akid who need to toughen up

 

the reason im in this position is because she treated me really bad and i was really afraid to lose her so i accepted it

 

plus i begged her for almost a month and she treated me worse at that time

 

second my uni therapy is closed for rebuilding for 7 months and their temporary location is only for those who started treatment

 

third i really appreciate ur help guys i know i really ****ed up but everyone do mistakes

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Hi, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. When something like this happens it's really hard to see past it into the future and believe you WILL feel better again.

 

What did you do that hurt your family and made your friends think you're a loser? If it's the things you said in your post, I am sure it was more concern for you and frustration at your situation...when we're down we project our own feelings on to others about how we feel about ourselves.

 

It's natural to mentally beat ourselves up when things go wrong. We all feel guilt or regret at what we have done whether we should or not.

 

If someone gets burgled and has all of their nice possessions stolen are they losers for having something of value to steal or is the burglar the loser for taking it?

 

The same applies here, you are not a loser for having someone cheat on you and wanting to make it work.

 

But, it sounds like it is now time to show you're not weak and work on moving on and feeling better. It's a long drawn out process and will not be easy, but it will happen.

 

Don't feel bad about yourself for the choices someone else made about how they treated you but show you can make good choices and start to treat yourself better.

 

Don't quit college. You're going to hurt wherever you are right now unfortunately. How long you hurt for actually depends on you, you have everything you need to start to feel better within you.

 

Keep coming here to let it all out. Take care

what do you mean by you are going to hurt whereever you are ? so there is no solution to stop it ? thank you

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First, this has happened to most of us at some point or other. Since it has happened to most of us, then most of us understand it on some level, even if they give you crap about it.

 

Second, NO one is paying as much attention to you and your situation as they are to their own situation. Everyone is self-centered. They aren't huddled around going, Johnny over there is a weak loser. Ain't nobody got time for that. Too centered on themselves. So forget about the reputation part of it. If you get back up and carry on as normal, you will actually garner respect. Someone may think, He did better than me getting over it.

 

Hold your head up and move on with life. Do NOT let this sideline your education.

 

As for counseling, if you are at university, there should be counseling available to you, so start making phone calls to the university asking if there is a psychological counselor on campus. There usually is. Shouldn't cost much if anything.

thank you you really made me feel better

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Dude you're not weak. You're trusting and hurt.

 

Unfortunately we all go through this or similar. In time, its character building. That won't help you now, I know. I'm still grieving from a breakup and it's hard to be objective but in time this will strengthen you.

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You are your own worst enemy in this situation. Don't let her be the catalyst to destroy your future... no one should have that much power over you

i wouldn't care if it was one or two almost my whole colleagues disrespect me

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John,

Her cheating, being disrespectful with you and behind you .... is a reflection on her NOT YOU !

She might have a personality disorder, being a narcissist and you might be experiencing the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. It might not be the case, but worth look into it, please do.

 

Narcissists are master manipulators and users ... a breakup with them can feel even more devastating because of their mind games.

This girl ain't a catch by any means ! It is a blessing for you that it is over.

If I were you, I would focus on school ( DO NOT QUIT!) act like nothing happened, walk up to people, smile and chat about school and neutral topics.

Prioritize your life what's important. School is important, your health is imprtant ... etc. HER, NOT important :) If you think you need counseling, go for it. Have plenty of rest, sleep as much as you can, eat well :) This stuff will pass, don't worry, it will take some time.

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Why do you think that your friends and colleagues disrespect you? I suspect that it's your low self esteem telling you that. The person that did the cheating is likely the one to lose respect from others. You are not a loser at all. At final year of medicine I think things will be looking up. You are just starting your new chapter in life. Your ex has ruined NOTHING! You will get past the bad feelings you are having. You are NOT weak. It is normal to feel fragile and wounded after a bad relationship. Your ex did not value you. That is a reflection on her, not you. Does not matter what a lousy, cheating ex thinks of you. She probably want to justify doing the terrible thing she did, trying to justify cheating. By putting blame on you. Stay away from her and the topic if others ask about it, none of their business. Just talk to your family and those you trust.

 

Hold your head high and focus on other areas of your life. Your family, studies, career. Things seem bad now and you feel trapped but there is a big wide world out there are your fingertips so hang in there.

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John,

Her cheating, being disrespectful with you and behind you .... is a reflection on her NOT YOU !

She might have a personality disorder, being a narcissist and you might be experiencing the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. It might not be the case, but worth look into it, please do.

 

Narcissists are master manipulators and users ... a breakup with them can feel even more devastating because of their mind games.

This girl ain't a catch by any means ! It is a blessing for you that it is over.

If I were you, I would focus on school ( DO NOT QUIT!) act like nothing happened, walk up to people, smile and chat about school and neutral topics.

Prioritize your life what's important. School is important, your health is imprtant ... etc. HER, NOT important :) If you think you need counseling, go for it. Have plenty of rest, sleep as much as you can, eat well :) This stuff will pass, don't worry, it will take some time.

thank you for support

but its not about cheating its about being weak to her and aceptting the way she treated me

of course she doesn't admit cheating and no one believes me because she had messages of me begging her back so people are thinking im spreading rumors

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thank you for support

but its not about cheating its about being weak to her and aceptting the way she treated me

of course she doesn't admit cheating and no one believes me because she had messages of me begging her back so people are thinking im spreading rumors

 

John,

You are NOT weak. EVERYBODY begs and pleads at first because we feel REJECTED when someone breaks up with us. Our basic need of feeling secure, accepted, loved is compromised. Rejection is the main culprit that is so devastating for us. We all go through several breakups throughout our lives, it is also a learning experience. We learn many things: what we do/don't look for in a relationship, relationship dynamics, setting standards/ boundaries, also about ourselves.

 

It is completely normal to feel the way you feel ! Be kind to yourself :)

Try to sleep a lot and and eat well :)

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I know it sucks from experience. I've been where you are at. If I could have I would have run away from everything.

Here's the thing. Yes she hurt and used you but you wanna know why your also feeling horrible? Because you LET her do it and that drives you crazy. Makes you feel foolish and worse now more then likely you doubt yourself.

You can't changed what happened. You can drop out of school and let her to continue to impact your life. Or you can climb back up and use this for a learning experience. Those are your only two options.

I think when I thought back on my situation if I'm being honest I was more mad at MYSELF for LETTING someone treat me like a doormat.

Sure she manipulated certain things but I could also FEEL that she was full of it but I ignored it to be with her. And I paid for it. Same as you.

Wanna get back at he-and don't shake your head no because almost every single person whose been wronged by someone does-LIVE your life to the fullest. Simple as that. Become successful in everything you do. Try new things. FINISH school.

It took me awhile to figure that out. I was always worried what SHE was doing instead of accomplishing things.

You'll come out stronger from this if you use it to your advantage. Or you can sulk and get nothing done and let her define who you are. YOU define who you are and where your going.

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John,

You are NOT weak. EVERYBODY begs and pleads at first because we feel REJECTED when someone breaks up with us. Our basic need of feeling secure, accepted, loved is compromised. Rejection is the main culprit that is so devastating for us. We all go through several breakups throughout our lives, it is also a learning experience. We learn many things: what we do/don't look for in a relationship, relationship dynamics, setting standards/ boundaries, also about ourselves.

 

It is completely normal to feel the way you feel ! Be kind to yourself :)

Try to sleep a lot and and eat well :)

you are agreat person thank you <3

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I know it sucks from experience. I've been where you are at. If I could have I would have run away from everything.

Here's the thing. Yes she hurt and used you but you wanna know why your also feeling horrible? Because you LET her do it and that drives you crazy. Makes you feel foolish and worse now more then likely you doubt yourself.

You can't changed what happened. You can drop out of school and let her to continue to impact your life. Or you can climb back up and use this for a learning experience. Those are your only two options.

I think when I thought back on my situation if I'm being honest I was more mad at MYSELF for LETTING someone treat me like a doormat.

Sure she manipulated certain things but I could also FEEL that she was full of it but I ignored it to be with her. And I paid for it. Same as you.

Wanna get back at he-and don't shake your head no because almost every single person whose been wronged by someone does-LIVE your life to the fullest. Simple as that. Become successful in everything you do. Try new things. FINISH school.

It took me awhile to figure that out. I was always worried what SHE was doing instead of accomplishing things.

You'll come out stronger from this if you use it to your advantage. Or you can sulk and get nothing done and let her define who you are. YOU define who you are and where your going.

so it gets better ?man you just described everything! its like you are reading my thoughts

how can i forgive myself dude ? i have beating myself up for been treated like a doormat for months

and the best revenge is living well right ?

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You learn from it. You take this horrible experience and yo turn it into a positive.

And you don't let anyone EVER treat you like that again. You get a set of values that you believe in and if someone doesn't meet them so be it. You don't adjust them to fit someone. Your values are set in stone.

Hell yes live your life to the fullest. You more then likely think she's setting the world on for without you-she isn't. She's doing the same old routine she did before you came along.

People like her will attempt to talk to you at some point. DONT let her. She will manipulate the story that she will tell you to her needs. And you'll think about jumping back in. Don't. She is who she is and she ain't changing. Everything will happen again as did the first time.

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what do you mean by you are going to hurt whereever you are ? so there is no solution to stop it ? thank you

 

I mean how you're feeling right now will not change because you left college/uni. You're hurting because you're hurting.

 

You will get through this and when you do your own strength will amaze you.

 

This process is so changable, you will feel differently every day, some days will be good then others will be bad, but the feelings you have on any given day do not last forever, or change with your surroundings. Tough it out, you won't regret it :)

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