Struggling to move on.

[Bigchi]

Hi all, new member here.

 

I'm really struggling to accept my relationship is over and move on. M

 

We were together in s long distance relationship fir 2 1/2 years. Engaged for 1.

 

It transpired early on that her marriage had been a horrible one. She had been the victim of domestic violence for some 17 years. Mostly coercive control. They had 6 kids together and she only escaped with 3. The other 3 were poisoned against her- and obviously me.

 

We were childhood- though unrequited- sweethearts and she initiated contact through social media. We actually had an affair and I helped her leave her marriage and helped her through some of her healing.

 

Because of the kids though, she was being abused and manipulated throughout our relationship.

 

Add to this deaths of two beloved pets and me losing my job and becoming depressed it's no surprise we split up.

 

But we both still love each other. We split because I was due to go down and see her and couldn't, because I'd become so frustrated and angry and hurt and felt utterly helpless about her situation.

 

I'd like to stay I went into NC, but I did email her ( I'd removed all other means if contact) several times.

 

Then I hear from friends - she'd kept several friends online- that she's straight into another relationship, 3 weeks after we split.

 

However- she's still posting angry breakup memes on her social media and a friend- trying to be helpful- contacted her and she said she couldn't ever see us back as I hurt her so much.

 

I've been NC for about 3 weeks now and am doing all the right things- gym, spending time with friends, rebuilding my life. But I can't shake this deep, deep gut feeling it's not over. She likes every photo I'm in on social media- I've asked all my friends to delete her- and while she was unblocked stupidly took a look at her page. She's still posting angry memes. Hurtful ones. She was emailing my mum and told her she's happy. But the impression I get is she's struggling. And given her toxic, evil ex I'm not surprised.

 

In most ways, I want to move on- though there is part of me still loves bed her but I'm struggling to accept it's truly over and still ruminating.

 

And all and advice would be helpful. Thanks.

[d0nnivain]

It is over. She is rebounding.

 

 

As part of NC ask friends not to discuss her with you.

 

 

Purge her from your life & focus on your own healing.

 

 

Hang in there.

[Bigchi]

Thankyou. There's several things still confusing me-

 

Why won't she return my clothes, etc. Why is she still paying Netflix? Why does she still like my posts?

 

It's these things that are mucking my head up. Am I being kept as a back up?

 

Why is she still angry if she's rebounding?

 

I have purged her. But these points still make me wonder.

[guest569]

After breakups we can think of thousands of questions to ponder and agitate over. Most of them we cannot answer. The sooner you can accept the unknowns , the sooner you can move on. Partly we ask these questions because we don't want to accept the breakup or to let go and move forward.

[Bigchi]

Thanks guys.

 

Think what's so different about this is the kids too. I loved her kids with all my heart. Feels like I've lost 4 people not just 1.

 

I do need to accept it's over I agree.

 

I'm really struggling with obsessive thoughts and continually starting conversations with her. Trying my best to stop these intrusive thoughts but they're so persistent.