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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

So since last November I was in a relationship and just recently as in ( over the weekend) My ex and I broke up.

 

There are some positives, I gained experience of what a relationship is like, we were friends for a long time before hand and we tried to make it work.

 

But I felt more in-love with him than he with me and I really wanted it to long term as in marriage down the track.

I am surprised of how up and down, verge of tears or like excited about a new possible future with achievable dreams.

 

The crap thing is is that he has just cut me off. There is no recognition of us on social media and all photos of us have been deleted.

 

He broke up with me over the phone, saying that he felt we aren't right with each other. This was after he was not really contacting me for two weeks and when I wanted to talk about the direction of our relationship he would seize up and avoid the conversation.

 

I just forgot how crap break up's feel and I was wondering how people in the past have dealt with break ups and what advice they would give me for someone newly broken up.

 

Thanks

 

D xo

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mortensorchid

I've been dumped so many times I can't even count them anymore. It doesn't get easier.

 

It's not an ending it's a beginning. Nothing is a true ending until you're dead.

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Sorry, OP for what has happened.

 

Before I get into some ideas I just wanted to say a couple of things.

 

First, you say the relationship started in November. That is 9 months ago. I am reading between the lines here a bit, but I wonder if he was feeling pressured about marriage. In your post you mention the big "M" word and something about a talk you wanted to have about "the direction of the relationship". I think it's way to early, in my opinion, to be bringing up marriage in a 9 month relationship, if that is in fact what you did. I wonder if he panicked.

 

But that's woulda, shoulda, coulda talk.

 

Now to your question...

 

I see a break up/heart break as needing a grieving process. To me this is the most important. Sometimes the advice is to "stay busy", do things with friends, go to the gym, etc., which are good, but I think we shouldn't use that as an escape. In the end, let yourself feel and talk about it with good friends. In other words, get it out, express it, feel it....You know what I mean.

 

I'm a musician, so using music as a way to express myself really helped me. I tried to turn it into a positive. Since so much classical music has underlying pain I would use my break up to better connect with music as a performer. It's quite healing.

 

Do you have any creative outlets, OP? You may find this your most creative time.

 

Just some thoughts. Best wishes.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
Sorry, OP for what has happened.

 

Before I get into some ideas I just wanted to say a couple of things.

 

First, you say the relationship started in November. That is 9 months ago. I am reading between the lines here a bit, but I wonder if he was feeling pressured about marriage. In your post you mention the big "M" word and something about a talk you wanted to have about "the direction of the relationship". I think it's way to early, in my opinion, to be bringing up marriage in a 9 month relationship, if that is in fact what you did. I wonder if he panicked.

 

But that's woulda, shoulda, coulda talk.

 

Now to your question...

 

I see a break up/heart break as needing a grieving process. To me this is the most important. Sometimes the advice is to "stay busy", do things with friends, go to the gym, etc., which are good, but I think we shouldn't use that as an escape. In the end, let yourself feel and talk about it with good friends. In other words, get it out, express it, feel it....You know what I mean.

 

I'm a musician, so using music as a way to express myself really helped me. I tried to turn it into a positive. Since so much classical music has underlying pain I would use my break up to better connect with music as a performer. It's quite healing.

 

Do you have any creative outlets, OP? You may find this your most creative time.

 

Just some thoughts. Best wishes.

 

 

He and I are both Christian and so rather quick courtships that lead to engagements that lead to marriage are all so typical. I felt that that was very normal for us, but suddenly he wasn't sure and backed out. I didn't want him to feel pressured I just wanted to know where I stood and I suppose I got my answer.

 

I actually do have a lot of fun as a musician too and I like writing music and things. I guess I am quite busy anyway as I am applying for another job and getting myself out there. So I do have ways to make myself pre-occupied.

 

 

I just felt like I don't know... It was the start of something long lasting and real and I feel a bit flat that's all.

 

I did love him and perhaps I still do

 

Thanks guys x

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The Urbanyst

Want you know the secret to getting over most things? Understand the reality of how life works.

 

The reality is this: You can never bank on existing order. EVERYTHING changes. Everything.

 

So accept this, and life gets a lot easier. Feeling happy? It won't last. Feeling sad? That won't last either. Life is a journey not a destination.

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Daisy OW,

I am sorry that this has happened to you because I know how much it hurts.

 

Sadly there is nothing anyone can really say that will make you feel better.

 

Be very glad that he has "cut you off" as this will make it easier for you to accept the loss and grieve. This needs to be done in your own time and in your own space. Don't let anyone tell you that "you should be over it by now".

 

It is good that you have interests that you can get involved with, even if you don't feel like it.

 

The only cure for a broken heart is time.

 

Stay strong x

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
Daisy OW,

I am sorry that this has happened to you because I know how much it hurts.

 

Sadly there is nothing anyone can really say that will make you feel better.

 

Be very glad that he has "cut you off" as this will make it easier for you to accept the loss and grieve. This needs to be done in your own time and in your own space. Don't let anyone tell you that "you should be over it by now".

 

It is good that you have interests that you can get involved with, even if you don't feel like it.

 

The only cure for a broken heart is time.

 

Stay strong x

 

 

I keep thinking that perhaps he just needs a bit of time. I really love him/ loved him and the hurting from the break up is really tender. It wasn't a long period of time, but you can fall in love in that time and I did with him. He was a special person and I haven't felt this upset for such a long time. I haven't experienced a break up quite like this since 2004!!

 

 

It's quite a experience

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I had a break up last October. It was from a relationship with someone that was full on the marriage/kids talk and since I'm getting old (32) I though I should just go for it. When we broke up I was initially devastated. I thought my dreams to settle down are down the drain. I got physically sick - it *may* have not been stress related but I ended up in a hospital with life-threatening condition.

 

Then I tried to move on - he never left me alone! He wanted sex, he'd come back for it and dump me again. This was going on and on for months post break up ... I though something is seriously wrong with me because he did show me he has all the power by dumping me over and over again. He eventually start losing interest... which was great! I could finally move on!

 

I was so exhausted from it all that I was bitter for a couple of months avoiding any dating opportunity. My orbiters were an annoying but good distraction.

 

Then I felt ready to date and immediately met a guy i am into! Million times more than my ex haha so break up was for good. Even if it doesn't work with the new person - it showed me how delusional I was to hang on my 'dead' former relationship, where probably the main reason to stay was a fear of being alone forever.

 

So... let past be in the past. November was long time ago. It's time to drop it and move forward with an open heart.

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I am very sorry for your hurt Daisy.

 

Don't jump into dating right away please. You need to let the dust fall down. Soon will be time to assess this relationship and grow from what you've learn from it.

 

Did he break up over marriage pressure? I remember at 4 months dating you were insisting on him telling you if he wanted to marry you.

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Hey daisy, I got dumped last October. We also were in it for the long run, or so I thought. We can't force people to fulfill our own plans. Be glad he didn't lead you on

 

I have been a mostly happy single since BU. If you have lemons, make lemonade.

Good to hear that you have plans and things to do. You will be over him in a few months easily.

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So since last November I was in a relationship and just recently as in ( over the weekend) My ex and I broke up.

 

There are some positives, I gained experience of what a relationship is like, we were friends for a long time before hand and we tried to make it work.

 

But I felt more in-love with him than he with me and I really wanted it to long term as in marriage down the track.

I am surprised of how up and down, verge of tears or like excited about a new possible future with achievable dreams.

 

The crap thing is is that he has just cut me off. There is no recognition of us on social media and all photos of us have been deleted.

 

He broke up with me over the phone, saying that he felt we aren't right with each other. This was after he was not really contacting me for two weeks and when I wanted to talk about the direction of our relationship he would seize up and avoid the conversation.

 

I just forgot how crap break up's feel and I was wondering how people in the past have dealt with break ups and what advice they would give me for someone newly broken up.

 

Thanks

 

D xo

It's painful this is my faith broken up a yr a ago and the thing that still makes mine challenging is we work together. It's prolonged it.

I would strongly recommend nc and no spying of fb or any social media. That s hard I know but really critical in ur healing.

2nd see lots of friends. Friends have an amazing way to heal u.

3rd don't run away from the feelings as they surface rather sit wth them and feel them till they naturally go.

4th is the one that kinda sux....just time and lots of it

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
I am very sorry for your hurt Daisy.

 

Don't jump into dating right away please. You need to let the dust fall down. Soon will be time to assess this relationship and grow from what you've learn from it.

 

Did he break up over marriage pressure? I remember at 4 months dating you were insisting on him telling you if he wanted to marry you.

 

No, although we were going to talk about our future anyway, after all, he was wanting to move to another city- that was on the cards and I just wanted to know what that looked like for 'US'. It turns out it was just about him for him.

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Like another poster said - be glad he is doing this. He is being good to you. You might not think it right now but you will thank him for it. I commend him. I wish my ex would take a leaf out of his book!

 

Always with the quotes - "When one door closes another door opens, but we as humans tend to focus on the closed door instead of all the other doors that have opened!"

 

Turn around and take a look at all them other doors!

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Daisy, lemme weigh in here.

 

Be very glad you got cut off.

 

I got dumped in July. Ghosted after 18 months, and her living with me for 3. After she moved out, the nonsense started. Late night hangups, she broke in (twice), would text and distance, hot / cold games, etc.

 

Seriously, read my thread to see how crazy I got.

 

Drove me absolutely bonkers.

 

Once you finally accept things, and go nc, you feel better much more quickly. It takes time, but seven months nc, and I look back and cringe at the lovesick fool I was, and I'm 38.

 

I'm very glad the pain is gone, and although I miss her, I 100% do not miss feeling out of control.

 

I read to think of your brain like a hard drive. Those painful memories need to be overwritten with new experiences, thoughts, and people. Just take it slow, communicate with trusted friends, and let life seep in at its own pace.

 

Be safe.

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