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I know it was the right thing to do but I still feel sad...

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 14th August 2017, 9:07 PM   #1
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I know it was the right thing to do but I still feel sad...

My ex boyfriend and I were together for four years. He is an alcoholic. I think I did not see the red flags at the start of your relationship because I was still broken from my divorce. I also think I am co dependent. There may be some issues there that I need to fix for myself as well.

I know I made the right decision. I gave him four years of my life to change and he never did. He tried detox twice. Over that four years, he got an extreme DUI, lost his children down to supervised visitation, and told me for four years he would change.

It has been two months since I moved out and 1 month no contact. He did manage to get two texts through to me until I told him it hurts me for him to text me and then he stopped.

Why do I feel a smal urge to try a dating website? Obviously, I am still sad. It just sounds fun to talk to other people. My sister told me that if I am still crying once in a while and thinking about him a lot that I am not ready. I think it's the fear that I could be alone for one or two years before I find anybody else.

Does anyone else feel this way?
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Old 14th August 2017, 9:30 PM   #2
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I can only speak for myself and whilst I miss the company and sharing and sex etc being single for the 1st time in a long time I don't miss so the issues and people's baggage and pain that come wth being in a relationship and love.
It's been a yr no dates nothing relationships now kinda scare me been too burnt from the past.
What I would suggest is to look at it a different way. Being single means u don't have to compromise u can go wherever whenever u want. For now try and live in the moment of being single.
Serious relationships and finding someone u connect wth sometimes doesn't happen that quickly. Btw online dating is **** tried it hasn't worked for me.
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Old 14th August 2017, 9:34 PM   #3
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Thanks goodguy05 for the response. You are right. I need to just be happy now and yes I have heard online dating is crap!!
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Old 15th August 2017, 12:34 PM   #4
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2 months after a 4 year relationship is not a whole lot of time to heal. You should try to go out and socialize and be with friends as soon as possible. I would not advise looking for a new relationship, however, going on dates eventually can be refreshing. Have fun, don't be pressured, heal up.
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Old 15th August 2017, 7:16 PM   #5
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I don't think there's anything wrong with dating or talking to others. I know we should all be happy with ourselves and not need to 'rely' on anyone else, but we're human beings and we kind of need others. Family and friends can be great for venting, or confirming of feelings, they certainly know the history of your issues and can give a lasting comfort. Still, there's something else you get from people that are available to date. You get confirmation that you're still attractive, still desirable, and that can be a serious ego boost. It can be the boost you need to be happy again and ready to start a new life.

Also, if you read relationship books by psychologist and psychiatrist in the last 5~ years or so you'll see that the mindset is changing about what it means to be co dependent. It isn't considered 'bad' to rely on a healthy relationship. Healthy being the key word.
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Old 16th August 2017, 3:19 PM   #6
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I am sorry that you are feeling this way- and congratulate, be good to yourself for knowing and learning from the past. Fear is a powerful motivator to all of humanity- you are not alone. Get busy doing something for you- classes- community groups- interests/ a cat (dog/fish/ lizard keep learning about yourself. It takes practise and patience but the stronger you get the happier you will be. Many Blessings
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Old 16th August 2017, 8:40 PM   #7
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I'm not surprised you feel sad. 4 years is a long time! It's the grieving process. I'm sure there is a bit of guilt and uncertainty judging from your message. You just have to move on with your life. Forget about him and focus on yourself. He has a lot of stuff going on that he needs serious support with. His drinking will most likely get worse with all that stuff going on. By the sounds of it you won't be able to help him so I wouldn't contact him at all. He has to help himself.

Online dating is not for everyone. I despise it but depends what you are into. You might find the man of your dreams on it!
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