Break up, ex and OCD

[Timpye]

Note: This may not be fully understood unless you have an understanding of obsessive compulsive disorder.

 

I had a break up 6 months ago in which my ex who i thought was going to be the one broke up with me not because falling out of love but because she is young and wanted time to focus on her studies and discover herself. Even recently still claiming she would like to reconcile but not sure when.

 

I am a professional gambler and make my from betting. She is against horse racing ethically so much so it makes her sick. I used to make money betting on horses but gave it away when we were together, as I value her so much. Once she broke up with me I started betting on racing again. My initial thinking was she did break up with me, I can do what I want and if we get back together in the future I would of course give it up. Recently I think because she was warming to me a little I started feeling extreme guilt and anxiety for what I had done. To the point where it was too unbearable I messaged her and told her. She has read my messages and not replied. Have I ruined all chances of reconciliation? did i do anything wrong? has my obsessions and compulsions put the final nail in the coffin? The entire situation makes me sick. I just want her to message me and tell me everything is ok, but its not happening and I would just like to put my mind to rest.

[basil67]

I'm sorry you're in this situation.

 

From your ex's POV: She would have wanted you to stop gambling on horses not for her but because it's unethical. When you went back to doing it, it showed her that in this area, your ethics aren't compatible.

[ExpatInItaly]

There are a couple of separate issues here:

 

1) She is ethically opposed to gambling

 

2) She is young and wanted to focus on her schooling and discover herself.

 

You can do something about the former, but not the latter. So while it probably didn't help that you went back to gambling, I also doubt that giving it up entirely would have changed your current situation very much. Try not to beat yourself up too much; you're dealing with a pretty significant incompatibility and she cited different reasons for breaking up that you have no control over, anyway.

 

As an aside, what are you going to do for work now if gambling was your source of income?

[Timpye]

There are a couple of separate issues here:

 

1) She is ethically opposed to gambling

 

2) She is young and wanted to focus on her schooling and discover herself.

 

You can do something about the former, but not the latter. So while it probably didn't help that you went back to gambling, I also doubt that giving it up entirely would have changed your current situation very much. Try not to beat yourself up too much; you're dealing with a pretty significant incompatibility and she cited different reasons for breaking up that you have no control over, anyway.

 

As an aside, what are you going to do for work now if gambling was your source of income?

 

Hey thanks for your replies. She is not opposed to gambling, in fact she used to find it cool and would help me with my work a lot. She was just opposed to gambling on horses and greyhounds (not the other forms).

 

I have other gambling methods on sports to make money, so I can do that, it was just in a lull season for sport so turned to horse racing. She replied. And said I didn't ruin anything. Said i shouldn't feel guilty, and maybe I shouldn't base my decisions off her values as we may need some space (what you are referring too). My anxiety just spiked and I feared the absolute worst, which turned out to be not true at all. And yes I understand point 2 is out of my control and I get that, I know I need to focus on myself, and move on as if she may never come back. I just value her so much, and would hate to hurt her, and living with this anxiety disorder seams to have its way of making everything difficult.