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Another breakup, this time with my fiancťe


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 17th October 2017, 6:51 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by mmiller5373 View Post
WOW! She emailed me at my new work email address! I'm not going to respond to her, but I figured I would post her message to get thoughts from the LoveShack community...

Here it is:

"Where do I even beginÖ Iím honestly so thrilled for your big move to (another state). Everything youíve grown used to for the last 5 years is about to change, in a way consider it a rebirth of who you are as a person Ė who you can be and who you want to be.

Thatís both exciting and scary.

The last few months have not been easy. Theyíve been the most trying moments of my existence. Iíve learned a lot about myself, as I know you have, and our breakup hasnít gotten any easier, itís just gotten more complicated.

I think weíve both recognized our mistakes, youíre just more outspoken about yours than I have been.

I often think back on how I could have changed the outcomeÖ or if I even could have. I resented many things about our relationship, but I fought for it because I love you.

I feel like you believed that I was only happy with materialistic things. While I loved every gift you gave me, I was yearning for the things you couldnít buy. I think thatís where we disconnected.

But this isnít a rant about the things you did wrong, I learned that I canít figure out what it is I want. I know what I donít want, but I canít tell you WHAT IT IS I WANT. Iím so twisted and itís a personality trait Iíve learned to hate about myself.

I WANTED you to know that while we were broken up, I still wanted us. I still wanted you and because I still had our engagement ring, I WANTED to keep trying. But I didnít know if it was going to work, because I felt that you shouldnít have to be apart to know if the person you want to marry is right for you.

So the fear of the unknown made me unsure of WHAT I WANTEDÖ and eventually, when I didnít have the ring anymore, I figured out what I DIDNíT WANT. I didnít want to hurt anymore, I didnít want to cry myself to sleep and I didnít want to be depressedÖ so I gave up.

Every day I cried a little less, until I didnít cry anymore. But the darkness has come back to haunt me all over again.

When I went through waves of pain and depression, I did something that would cheer me up. Anything to distract me from the pain. I made a lot of impulsive decisions too, but it made me happy in that moment, and it was an easy fix to avoid the darkness.

Seeing you every day at work helped ease my pain. Now you're desk at work is cleared out and empty, and the darkness came back. The tears at night came back. The heartbreak and missing you hit me again.

I donít know what I want, but I know itís not this heartbreak.

All I can say is I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you, but I hope the highs were worth the lows. Because they were to me.

All my love,

Stephanie."

Man that has been a real eye opener for me because I been working wth my ex the last year and it has been hell and I believe she also is like ur ex takes comfort in the fact I am still there.
She's onto her second guy at work and it's been hell all over again she destroyed my dream up here. I also moved interstate and she followed a few yrs later but not a peepfrom her it's been over a year now. I feel trapped i

I lierally don't know what to do. Last time I posted on ur thread the tables had turned in my favour her first crush left the co. Where we work and moved overseas. I been thinking about doing what u did and just bite the bullet and move back but for the right reasons not because of her. But if I stay in this place im gonna go insane. Can I ask was ur decision to move to get away from her or for some other reason?
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Old 17th October 2017, 7:26 AM   #32
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Btw her letter; she is full of confusion and doesn't know how she feels. I think she was hoping ud hang around until she figured this out. She sounds still confused and I wouldn't be at all surprised she's trying to wrap u around her little finger till she sorts out what it is she's feeling and wants. I suspect she would pull away if u were back on the scene.

Question is wether u wanna go wth the roller coaster emotions that come wth that. I'd sugest u don't.
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Old 17th October 2017, 9:50 AM   #33
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Man that has been a real eye opener for me because I been working wth my ex the last year and it has been hell and I believe she also is like ur ex takes comfort in the fact I am still there.
She's onto her second guy at work and it's been hell all over again she destroyed my dream up here. I also moved interstate and she followed a few yrs later but not a peepfrom her it's been over a year now. I feel trapped i

I lierally don't know what to do. Last time I posted on ur thread the tables had turned in my favour her first crush left the co. Where we work and moved overseas. I been thinking about doing what u did and just bite the bullet and move back but for the right reasons not because of her. But if I stay in this place im gonna go insane. Can I ask was ur decision to move to get away from her or for some other reason?
Don't make a decision based on your ex! It has to be about you and your career.

When my ex and I were still together, we were in the process of finding new jobs to move to a bigger city. We had some difficulty finding jobs though.

After the breakup, I decided I needed to focus on my career and this opportunity, which is 900 miles away, came up.

It's tough as I don't know a soul here and am feeling lonely, but it's good because I don't have to see her anymore.
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Old 17th October 2017, 9:52 AM   #34
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Btw her letter; she is full of confusion and doesn't know how she feels. I think she was hoping ud hang around until she figured this out. She sounds still confused and I wouldn't be at all surprised she's trying to wrap u around her little finger till she sorts out what it is she's feeling and wants. I suspect she would pull away if u were back on the scene.

Question is wether u wanna go wth the roller coaster emotions that come wth that. I'd sugest u don't.
I agree. Totally confused. Her mother told me the same thing several times.

And no I don't want to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions.
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Old 17th October 2017, 2:24 PM   #35
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Man I'm sooo sorry you have to go through with this.
Read it. Its BS.
So she doesn't know what she wants but knows what she doesn't want- that's push-pull. Somehow she's the "victiim". Things are " beyond" her control.
I wanted you to know while we were broken up I still wanted us???
Last time I checked she dumped you so it was her choice but yet she still wants you?
I wanted things you couldn't buy??? And yet she can't list them.
Cry myself to sleep- why do dumpers always say that???

I resented many things about the relationship but fought for it because she loved you??? Again the victim.

She wants to relieve her guilt and this is her outlet to do it. Do yourself a favor and Block her from ALL forms of media/contact.

She's a DRAMA queen that nothing is ever her fault and things just "happen" beyond her control.

I once dated a woman for a couple of years. I broke it off due to her lying and cheating.
She contacted me a couple of days latter about how she has to cry herself to sleep.
A week latter I ran into her at a bar with her new boyfriend who it turns out she was cheating on me with while she was with me.
Point I'm making is don't believe a word of that letter esp when someone has already proven to you that they don't tell the truth.
You were her security blanket when she would see you at work. When youvleft it did mess her up but only because her little world was changing without her doing the changing.
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Old 17th October 2017, 2:36 PM   #36
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Man I'm sooo sorry you have to go through with this.
Read it. Its BS.
So she doesn't know what she wants but knows what she doesn't want- that's push-pull. Somehow she's the "victiim". Things are " beyond" her control.
I wanted you to know while we were broken up I still wanted us???
Last time I checked she dumped you so it was her choice but yet she still wants you?
I wanted things you couldn't buy??? And yet she can't list them.
Cry myself to sleep- why do dumpers always say that???

I resented many things about the relationship but fought for it because she loved you??? Again the victim.

She wants to relieve her guilt and this is her outlet to do it. Do yourself a favor and Block her from ALL forms of media/contact.

She's a DRAMA queen that nothing is ever her fault and things just "happen" beyond her control.

I once dated a woman for a couple of years. I broke it off due to her lying and cheating.
She contacted me a couple of days latter about how she has to cry herself to sleep.
A week latter I ran into her at a bar with her new boyfriend who it turns out she was cheating on me with while she was with me.
Point I'm making is don't believe a word of that letter esp when someone has already proven to you that they don't tell the truth.
You were her security blanket when she would see you at work. When youvleft it did mess her up but only because her little world was changing without her doing the changing.
Spot on. You're absolutely right. The entire last year, everything has been my fault! And that's why I asked for a break. She just used the break as an excuse to get away from something she wasn't sure about to begin with.

The last few months, she has said things like, "we are not broken up because of me or because of the new guy. We're broken up because you asked for a break."

REALLY??? I asked for a break out of love so we could work things out. And you blame me for the fact you found someone else? Someone else who was clearly around for a few weeks without me even knowing about it?
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Old 17th October 2017, 6:42 PM   #37
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Don't make a decision based on your ex! It has to be about you and your career.

When my ex and I were still together, we were in the process of finding new jobs to move to a bigger city. We had some difficulty finding jobs though.

After the breakup, I decided I needed to focus on my career and this opportunity, which is 900 miles away, came up.

It's tough as I don't know a soul here and am feeling lonely, but it's good because I don't have to see her anymore.

How did u find working wth her ? In my case it's been a challenge and I haven't heal2d as a consequence of her going from one work colleague to another. This guy she's seeing did u all work together? That's what is literally pushing mebout great job tho bit going insane working here. U become consumed by what they're doing
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Old 17th October 2017, 6:47 PM   #38
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It was difficult, but even more difficult was the social media aspect. That's why I finally deleted her off there in August. She started uploading pictures of her and the new guy.

And no, this guy lives 2.5 hours from where we worked. She met him at a sporting event while we were still together.

Allegedly, from what she and co workers told me, he added her on FB, asked her out, she said no. Then when we broke up and I got the ring back, she messaged him and said yes because she's single now.

We are two pretty successful people and what doesn't make sense about this is he is a used car salesman, who again, lives 2.5 hours away. Just doesn't seem like her at all.

So weird.
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Old 17th October 2017, 6:56 PM   #39
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It was difficult, but even more difficult was the social media aspect. That's why I finally deleted her off there in August. She started uploading pictures of her and the new guy.

And no, this guy lives 2.5 hours from where we worked. She met him at a sporting event while we were still together.

Allegedly, from what she and co workers told me, he added her on FB, asked her out, she said no. Then when we broke up and I got the ring back, she messaged him and said yes because she's single now.

We are two pretty successful people and what doesn't make sense about this is he is a used car salesman, who again, lives 2.5 hours away. Just doesn't seem like her at all.

So weird.
He sounds like a fill in she's exactly like my ex insecure very insecure. I think in ur case she's gon3 wth him to fill a void. In my case I see her and the guy every single day for instance I can tell wen theyre fighting and patched up it's much to handle I been trying to figure a way out it sux sux because it's where I want to be but it's too much to handle. She's got kids interstate I thought by now she would of gone back but she hasn't says a lot. I've literally hit a wall I donno how to get out of this situation without compromising my position and career but if I stay it's not healthy either. What a terrible woman she turned out to be oddly this guy now is the one I knew she was going to hook up wth very insecure
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Old 17th October 2017, 7:02 PM   #40
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He sounds like a fill in she's exactly like my ex insecure very insecure. I think in ur case she's gon3 wth him to fill a void. In my case I see her and the guy every single day for instance I can tell wen theyre fighting and patched up it's much to handle I been trying to figure a way out it sux sux because it's where I want to be but it's too much to handle. She's got kids interstate I thought by now she would of gone back but she hasn't says a lot. I've literally hit a wall I donno how to get out of this situation without compromising my position and career but if I stay it's not healthy either. What a terrible woman she turned out to be oddly this guy now is the one I knew she was going to hook up wth very insecure
Yes. She is a very insecure person.

What I don't get though, is if he's just a fill-in, why not TRY to make it work with the person she was engaged to?

What do you do for work?

Also, including yourself, how many men at your workplace has she been with? Seems like one too many.
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Old 17th October 2017, 7:25 PM   #41
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Yes. She is a very insecure person.

What I don't get though, is if he's just a fill-in, why not TRY to make it work with the person she was engaged to?

What do you do for work?

Also, including yourself, how many men at your workplace has she been with? Seems like one too many.
2nd guy she lost her kids moving up here in a custody battle had the option to go back be wth them but stayed here. I'm in the telecommunications industry really good job. Any suggestions? It's not easy getting another job I been trying.

I don't know the ins and outs of ur breakup but something similar happened wth us I did the same wanted a break because we weren't moving forward hoping the silence and pain would wake her up but it backfired this time we had a lot of to and fro in our relationship breakups she'd usually cave in or I would and things would just go back to the way they were so wasn't really moving forward to a future.

It was too far gone wen I reached out and she finished and is now on to the 2nd guy at work. Been hell. I'm hanging in but it's no good for me it's not like a multi floor levelled office ur literally smelling each other's hair lol.

Going back to urea because I feel she's insecure because of the way she monkey branched wth this guy she did it because she's insecure I wouldn't think it's because she's in love more so security for her. In doing so tho she sabotaged what u had.
I donno ur history and how often u broke up and so but I truly dont think it's deep wth this other guy . U can't just replace yrs wth someone wth a few mths wth this other guy. What i learnt tho from my own break up is if u can it's better to try and talk and work it out then take a break. Sometimes wen u do that i take a break it can make u realise things but usually the time apart is not long enough for either of u to learn the lessons u need to learn or change. People rarely change if u haven't noticed already like that old saying a leopard doesn't change it's spot.
Why she's reached out it to u is because ur not there anymore that's obvious. Sometimes things are beyond repair I don't know about urea but if u can't get beyond her seeing someone else so quickly which is not easy and fair enough it can't work. Someone once told me as soon as u make the other guy and issue in ur union it becomes an obstacle. I think she kept staying wth him as a security blanket in case u walked away again. Again I don't know the ins and outs of ur union it's just from what I read. She's definatley coming from a place of insecurity.
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Old 17th October 2017, 7:29 PM   #42
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2nd guy she lost her kids moving up here in a custody battle had the option to go back be wth them but stayed here. I'm in the telecommunications industry really good job. Any suggestions? It's not easy getting another job I been trying.

I don't know the ins and outs of ur breakup but something similar happened wth us I did the same wanted a break because we weren't moving forward hoping the silence and pain would wake her up but it backfired this time we had a lot of to and fro in our relationship breakups she'd usually cave in or I would and things would just go back to the way they were so wasn't really moving forward to a future.

It was too far gone wen I reached out and she finished and is now on to the 2nd guy at work. Been hell. I'm hanging in but it's no good for me it's not like a multi floor levelled office ur literally smelling each other's hair lol.

Going back to urea because I feel she's insecure because of the way she monkey branched wth this guy she did it because she's insecure I wouldn't think it's because she's in love more so security for her. In doing so tho she sabotaged what u had.
I donno ur history and how often u broke up and so but I truly dont think it's deep wth this other guy . U can't just replace yrs wth someone wth a few mths wth this other guy. What i learnt tho from my own break up is if u can it's better to try and talk and work it out then take a break. Sometimes wen u do that i take a break it can make u realise things but usually the time apart is not long enough for either of u to learn the lessons u need to learn or change. People rarely change if u haven't noticed already like that old saying a leopard doesn't change it's spot.
Why she's reached out it to u is because ur not there anymore that's obvious. Sometimes things are beyond repair I don't know about urea but if u can't get beyond her seeing someone else so quickly which is not easy and fair enough it can't work. Someone once told me as soon as u make the other guy and issue in ur union it becomes an obstacle. I think she kept staying wth him as a security blanket in case u walked away again. Again I don't know the ins and outs of ur union it's just from what I read. She's definatley coming from a place of insecurity.
We had a good relationship up until about January or February, which was about three months after we got engaged. That's when she started questioning things, fighting with me a lot and spending lots of times with her new girlfriends.

I finally got tired of the fighting in May and asked for a break. I also said we should go to counseling. A week or two later, she broke up with me. We stayed friends, tried to make it work and even tried counseling, but once she broke up with me, her mind was set.
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Old 17th October 2017, 7:43 PM   #43
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We had a good relationship up until about January or February, which was about three months after we got engaged. That's when she started questioning things, fighting with me a lot and spending lots of times with her new girlfriends.

I finally got tired of the fighting in May and asked for a break. I also said we should go to counseling. A week or two later, she broke up with me. We stayed friends, tried to make it work and even tried counseling, but once she broke up with me, her mind was set.
Oh I see now well that changes things I think she doesn't know what she wants is she youngish?
Definatley I stick to my guns on the other guy a fill in
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Old 17th October 2017, 7:54 PM   #44
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Yes. 25 years old. Still lives with her parents. The job we had together was her first job after college. The only time she lived away from her family was when she went to college, but that was only an hour away, so not really that far away from home.
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Old 17th October 2017, 7:59 PM   #45
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Yes. 25 years old. Still lives with her parents. The job we had together was her first job after college. The only time she lived away from her family was when she went to college, but that was only an hour away, so not really that far away from home.
Ok that makes sense. Because of her age I would take a guess and say she got cold feet. This new group probably influenced that. Now she's confused because ur really not there it's like now she knows she's lost u it's final whereas becorebyr there she has that view of where ur at who ur seeing now she doesn't. It's like my ex this is great for her because she can see where I'm at who I'm seeing or wth. In my case if i moved I wanna do it v3casue it benefits me thanks for the good advice there. If u were in my shoes what would u do?
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