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Another breakup, this time with my fiancťe


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 13th August 2017, 1:51 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by mmiller5373 View Post
I agree. I also think this new group of friends has changed her way of thinking. She wants to go out and be single and have a good time instead of being married. I think all of this comes from being young and immature. She has never lived on her own. Still lives with her parents because she can save money.

As for the cheating part, I wouldn't consider it cheating as we weren't together but we were working back toward that. I wouldn't have any trust issues.

However, it's clear she's all over the place emotionally and I don't need to be tugged with her. She needs to figure it out for herself. And I'm sure she will at some point.

Time to go no contact, which is difficult considering she sits right across from me.
I agree with your Viewpoint except don't make the mistake of blaming it on Friends. She has her own brain and as you know she's just still developing and in the process of still growing up. Don't get it all with her friends like. They said that this is her and don't try to turn her against friends or penalize them for it. She really just committed too soon and not because of Any deficit in you but because she just isn't mature enough.
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Old 13th August 2017, 1:58 PM   #17
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I agree with your Viewpoint except don't make the mistake of blaming it on Friends. She has her own brain and as you know she's just still developing and in the process of still growing up. Don't get it all with her friends like. They said that this is her and don't try to turn her against friends or penalize them for it. She really just committed too soon and not because of Any deficit in you but because she just isn't mature enough.
Thanks for your insightful replies. I appreciate it. I'm not blaming anyone except her and myself. But I agree. I honestly believe as the engagement continued, she realized she wasn't ready for it and her actions (going out partying and drinking with friends) show that.

This is all very sad. I'm extremely bothered by it. The last few days have been rough.
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Old 13th August 2017, 4:05 PM   #18
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Appreciate the reply. I really don't think the attraction has been lost. She kissed me and we made out, at work, 3 weeks ago. She told me she loves me and misses me. There was even a moment when we talked about going to my house to have sex, but she changed her mind. There is something else going on here.

Regardless, I need to move on as she is all over the place emotionally and I don't need to be strung along.

Attraction has been lost.... she has new attractions now. She simply was living a double life. One with you the perfect life and the new found life with her friends living a dual life. She strung you along because typically what women do is take two scenarios and see how they "feel" instead of doing what is right and cutting "the other scenario" or not expressing how they feel and building resentment.

Its very possible if the friends did not show up the marriage would have continued. Why do you think guys go out and try to get girls to drink? It opens them up and increases sexual promiscuity. It taps into their emotions and it taps into parts of the mind that is blocked by morality (this is for both men and women). A new "high" has been created and she cannot resist and she also must block the pain of the break-up and what better way to do that is get a new guy.

BTW I look thru your previous threads.. I have a lot of respect for you. I know pretty much why your having problems. You are too nice and I suggest you date older women. The new generation of younger women don't even know what to do with a nice guy like your self. If you can I suggest you read "No more Mr. nice guy"

Last edited by Sweetfish; 13th August 2017 at 4:13 PM..
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Old 16th August 2017, 11:40 AM   #19
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Attraction has been lost.... she has new attractions now. She simply was living a double life. One with you the perfect life and the new found life with her friends living a dual life. She strung you along because typically what women do is take two scenarios and see how they "feel" instead of doing what is right and cutting "the other scenario" or not expressing how they feel and building resentment.

Its very possible if the friends did not show up the marriage would have continued. Why do you think guys go out and try to get girls to drink? It opens them up and increases sexual promiscuity. It taps into their emotions and it taps into parts of the mind that is blocked by morality (this is for both men and women). A new "high" has been created and she cannot resist and she also must block the pain of the break-up and what better way to do that is get a new guy.

BTW I look thru your previous threads.. I have a lot of respect for you. I know pretty much why your having problems. You are too nice and I suggest you date older women. The new generation of younger women don't even know what to do with a nice guy like your self. If you can I suggest you read "No more Mr. nice guy"
Appreciate the opinion.

I don't think I'm too nice though. And not going to change who I am either.
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Old 23rd August 2017, 4:08 PM   #20
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Feeling down this week. I've been no contact (to the best of my ability since I work with her) for more than a week and I'm beginning to miss her. Still can't believe this happened.

Why is this so difficult for me but not for her? It's not fair.
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Old 11th October 2017, 11:27 PM   #21
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Let me update you about the rollercoaster I've been on since early September. And yes, I know I'm a damn fool.

The ex-fiance found out that I was moving several states away. She called, texted and begged for me to meet with her to talk. We did and the conversation went well. During my last few weeks there, she showed up at my house a few times randomly. I felt like she was really trying to make things work.

When I moved, she insisted she wanted to try to make things work. And stupidly, I believed her. You see, she just wanted me there for comfort. Because guess what? The other guy was still in the picture. When I found out she was still talking to him, we argued and I ended it. I went no contact for three weeks.

Then, I had to return home to move the rest of my stuff. She found out I was back in town through co workers and called, texted me dozens of times. I told her to stop. Then... I kid you not, she called my Mom!!! My Mom gave it to her good and told her to leave me alone and to let me live my life. My Mother, who LOVED this girl, told her how disappointed she was in her. Clearly wasn't the response she was expecting.

Stupid me... She texted me today and I responded... After several weeks of NC. Guess what??? Another argument. And she's still with this other guy!!! Saying she's happy.

What gives???

Why do I enjoy torturing myself?
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Old 12th October 2017, 12:34 AM   #22
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If you get married you are going to join all the other spouses who complain about their marriage because they thought they could change their spouse or they would magically change themselves. You two do not seem suited for each other and no more amount of time is going to change that. I will never understand men and women who settle because they do not want to be single again or call off an engagement.

Consider this, you already have a 50% chance of getting a divorce simply by getting married. Your odds will change dramatically if you are not married to a person who is all that you want and loves you unconditionally. I called off my engagement and as a result I met my wonderful wife of 45 years who has spent most of our marriage taking care of me and our home. Plus she is bi and shares her girlfriends with me. That is good too. The point is do not settle for someone you are always fighting with. I do not even know why some as for advice when it is obvious what the problem is. Your life to ruin or not.
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Old 12th October 2017, 1:19 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Sweetfish View Post
Attraction has been lost.... she has new attractions now. She simply was living a double life. One with you the perfect life and the new found life with her friends living a dual life. She strung you along because typically what women do is take two scenarios and see how they "feel" instead of doing what is right and cutting "the other scenario" or not expressing how they feel and building resentment.

Its very possible if the friends did not show up the marriage would have continued. Why do you think guys go out and try to get girls to drink? It opens them up and increases sexual promiscuity. It taps into their emotions and it taps into parts of the mind that is blocked by morality (this is for both men and women). A new "high" has been created and she cannot resist and she also must block the pain of the break-up and what better way to do that is get a new guy.

BTW I look thru your previous threads.. I have a lot of respect for you. I know pretty much why your having problems. You are too nice and I suggest you date older women. The new generation of younger women don't even know what to do with a nice guy like your self. If you can I suggest you read "No more Mr. nice guy"
Iím a younger woman and would appreciate a nice man, as would some of my peers. I feel most men are ****bois. If Op is nice as you say, he is certainly not common. He just hasnít found the right woman to appreciate him yet.
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Old 12th October 2017, 1:24 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by mmiller5373 View Post
Let me update you about the rollercoaster I've been on since early September. And yes, I know I'm a damn fool.

The ex-fiance found out that I was moving several states away. She called, texted and begged for me to meet with her to talk. We did and the conversation went well. During my last few weeks there, she showed up at my house a few times randomly. I felt like she was really trying to make things work.

When I moved, she insisted she wanted to try to make things work. And stupidly, I believed her. You see, she just wanted me there for comfort. Because guess what? The other guy was still in the picture. When I found out she was still talking to him, we argued and I ended it. I went no contact for three weeks.

Then, I had to return home to move the rest of my stuff. She found out I was back in town through co workers and called, texted me dozens of times. I told her to stop. Then... I kid you not, she called my Mom!!! My Mom gave it to her good and told her to leave me alone and to let me live my life. My Mother, who LOVED this girl, told her how disappointed she was in her. Clearly wasn't the response she was expecting.

Stupid me... She texted me today and I responded... After several weeks of NC. Guess what??? Another argument. And she's still with this other guy!!! Saying she's happy.

What gives???

Why do I enjoy torturing myself?
Itís time to block her number. Itís time to let her go. She clearly doesnít love or respect you to treat you this way. The fact that is she is even with this guy speaks volumes. Sheís not trying to work on **** but playing games. You seem like a nice guy and there are better woman who would cherish and respect you. Just think about it, every time she comes in your life, you get hurt. Meanwhile, months later she is still with this guy. Be fortunate you found out the real her now than being in a miserable marriage.
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Old 12th October 2017, 3:12 AM   #25
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Man come on she was dragging you to counseling and SEEING someone else?!?!?
I tell you she has no morals. I wouldn't trust ANYTHING that comes out of her mouth.
Your second string. She calls you up when she's mad or something isn't working out with the other. That's it. And deep down you know this.
I know where your coming from. I've been there. Your analyze every text from her trying to find the "meaning" behind it. You replay certain events and have a bunch of "what ifs" in the back of your mind.
She doesn't love you- at least in the way you deserve to be loved.
Look how easily she became swayed when she met a new group of people even though you were ENGAGED. Know what that means?
She could call you tomorrow and swear to you her undying love for you.
And lets say you take her back. Somewhere down the line she will repeat past mistakes. She's already shown the ability to you to be with you AND someone else.
You will never trust her FULLY again and why would you?
BLOCK her number. I know its hard but its really your only choice.
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:12 PM   #26
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Iím a younger woman and would appreciate a nice man, as would some of my peers. I feel most men are ****bois. If Op is nice as you say, he is certainly not common. He just hasnít found the right woman to appreciate him yet.
I agree! And thank you for the kind words.
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:15 PM   #27
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Itís time to block her number. Itís time to let her go. She clearly doesnít love or respect you to treat you this way. The fact that is she is even with this guy speaks volumes. Sheís not trying to work on **** but playing games. You seem like a nice guy and there are better woman who would cherish and respect you. Just think about it, every time she comes in your life, you get hurt. Meanwhile, months later she is still with this guy. Be fortunate you found out the real her now than being in a miserable marriage.
I've blocked her number and her social media accounts.
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:21 PM   #28
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I don't know what has happened to the ex, but I can assure you, the person she is now, is not her. She changed for the worse. Even her former friends and our co-workers agree.

But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.

She made her decision to break it off. That means she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. And I should have just gone no contact then.

Everything that has happened post July has just been confusion and her not wanting to be alone, fearing it won't work out with this new guy.
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Old 16th October 2017, 2:46 PM   #29
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Unhappy

WOW! She emailed me at my new work email address! I'm not going to respond to her, but I figured I would post her message to get thoughts from the LoveShack community...

Here it is:

"Where do I even beginÖ Iím honestly so thrilled for your big move to (another state). Everything youíve grown used to for the last 5 years is about to change, in a way consider it a rebirth of who you are as a person Ė who you can be and who you want to be.

Thatís both exciting and scary.

The last few months have not been easy. Theyíve been the most trying moments of my existence. Iíve learned a lot about myself, as I know you have, and our breakup hasnít gotten any easier, itís just gotten more complicated.

I think weíve both recognized our mistakes, youíre just more outspoken about yours than I have been.

I often think back on how I could have changed the outcomeÖ or if I even could have. I resented many things about our relationship, but I fought for it because I love you.

I feel like you believed that I was only happy with materialistic things. While I loved every gift you gave me, I was yearning for the things you couldnít buy. I think thatís where we disconnected.

But this isnít a rant about the things you did wrong, I learned that I canít figure out what it is I want. I know what I donít want, but I canít tell you WHAT IT IS I WANT. Iím so twisted and itís a personality trait Iíve learned to hate about myself.

I WANTED you to know that while we were broken up, I still wanted us. I still wanted you and because I still had our engagement ring, I WANTED to keep trying. But I didnít know if it was going to work, because I felt that you shouldnít have to be apart to know if the person you want to marry is right for you.

So the fear of the unknown made me unsure of WHAT I WANTEDÖ and eventually, when I didnít have the ring anymore, I figured out what I DIDNíT WANT. I didnít want to hurt anymore, I didnít want to cry myself to sleep and I didnít want to be depressedÖ so I gave up.

Every day I cried a little less, until I didnít cry anymore. But the darkness has come back to haunt me all over again.

When I went through waves of pain and depression, I did something that would cheer me up. Anything to distract me from the pain. I made a lot of impulsive decisions too, but it made me happy in that moment, and it was an easy fix to avoid the darkness.

Seeing you every day at work helped ease my pain. Now you're desk at work is cleared out and empty, and the darkness came back. The tears at night came back. The heartbreak and missing you hit me again.

I donít know what I want, but I know itís not this heartbreak.

All I can say is I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you, but I hope the highs were worth the lows. Because they were to me.

All my love,

Stephanie."
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Old 17th October 2017, 6:44 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by mmiller5373 View Post
WOW! She emailed me at my new work email address! I'm not going to respond to her, but I figured I would post her message to get thoughts from the LoveShack community...

Here it is:

"Where do I even beginÖ Iím honestly so thrilled for your big move to (another state). Everything youíve grown used to for the last 5 years is about to change, in a way consider it a rebirth of who you are as a person Ė who you can be and who you want to be.

Thatís both exciting and scary.

The last few months have not been easy. Theyíve been the most trying moments of my existence. Iíve learned a lot about myself, as I know you have, and our breakup hasnít gotten any easier, itís just gotten more complicated.

I think weíve both recognized our mistakes, youíre just more outspoken about yours than I have been.

I often think back on how I could have changed the outcomeÖ or if I even could have. I resented many things about our relationship, but I fought for it because I love you.

I feel like you believed that I was only happy with materialistic things. While I loved every gift you gave me, I was yearning for the things you couldnít buy. I think thatís where we disconnected.

But this isnít a rant about the things you did wrong, I learned that I canít figure out what it is I want. I know what I donít want, but I canít tell you WHAT IT IS I WANT. Iím so twisted and itís a personality trait Iíve learned to hate about myself.

I WANTED you to know that while we were broken up, I still wanted us. I still wanted you and because I still had our engagement ring, I WANTED to keep trying. But I didnít know if it was going to work, because I felt that you shouldnít have to be apart to know if the person you want to marry is right for you.

So the fear of the unknown made me unsure of WHAT I WANTEDÖ and eventually, when I didnít have the ring anymore, I figured out what I DIDNíT WANT. I didnít want to hurt anymore, I didnít want to cry myself to sleep and I didnít want to be depressedÖ so I gave up.

Every day I cried a little less, until I didnít cry anymore. But the darkness has come back to haunt me all over again.

When I went through waves of pain and depression, I did something that would cheer me up. Anything to distract me from the pain. I made a lot of impulsive decisions too, but it made me happy in that moment, and it was an easy fix to avoid the darkness.

Seeing you every day at work helped ease my pain. Now you're desk at work is cleared out and empty, and the darkness came back. The tears at night came back. The heartbreak and missing you hit me again.

I donít know what I want, but I know itís not this heartbreak.

All I can say is I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you, but I hope the highs were worth the lows. Because they were to me.

All my love,

Stephanie."

Man that has been a real eye opener for me because I been working wth my ex the last year and it has been hell and I believe she also is like ur ex takes comfort in the fact I am still there.
She's onto her second guy at work and it's been hell all over again she destroyed my dream up here. I also moved interstate and she followed a few yrs later but not a peepfrom her it's been over a year now. I feel trapped i

I lierally don't know what to do. Last time I posted on ur thread the tables had turned in my favour her first crush left the co. Where we work and moved overseas. I been thinking about doing what u did and just bite the bullet and move back but for the right reasons not because of her. But if I stay in this place im gonna go insane. Can I ask was ur decision to move to get away from her or for some other reason?
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