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Breadcrumbs...a year post break-up.


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So long story short, my ex of 4 years(38) broke it off with me(27) a year ago because I was going through a difficult portion of my life and instead of working with me through it, she choose to let it stew and build up until she ultimately told me she wasn't happy and she was leaving. 2 weeks later she was dating a new guy and they've been together ever since.

 

Now since the break-up, we've had limited contact with one another. She messages to check in, see how I'm doing, etc. Still says "I love you." or "I miss you." occasionally in a conversation. Usually this was about once a month until around February or so when she was initiating contact a little too often and it had me getting emotional, because she was being ultra sweet but still not leaving her bf and coming back. She saw that it was hurting me so she backed off.

 

Fast forward to the end of July, she ends up calling me on my birthday. She was being super sweet, talking about the past, mentioning she sees I'm doing a lot better and she's proud of my progress and such, being a little flirty. I got a little hopeful and emotional, telling her how much I've missed her and stuff and she said she had missed me too and she thinks about me pretty much every day. I asked if we could try again and she admitted that she is still with [guy], but apparently he had asked her "IF I ever leave, you're going straight back to him, aren't you?" and she said that she would and didn't bother lying about it. (And I know, that just makes me the back-up plan.)

 

Anyways, 2 days later she sends me a risque picture because I had asked for it and we start flirting, talking about our old sex life and how it was amazing, blah blah. I asked if there was any chance we could meet up and she said that "She would think about it, but she was hesitant to make it hard on us again." Whilst beforehand, any time I asked her to meet up she automatically said no.

 

We talked for a few more days. I ended up getting a little brave and going to her facebook page where I saw a picture of her and her bf at a waterpark that her and I use to frequent every summer, so I got a little emotional and texted her to kind of calm the storm. At first she got a little defensive and said "IF you need to unfriend me, it is what it is." I talked with her about how I was feeling and stuff and she told me, "Just so you know, it's hard not to think of you while I'm there and you're still the only person that's cuddled me on the lazy river. He doesn't do that, he is aloof. I've tried my best to keep anything with him in it hidden from you so you wouldn't have to see it" I told her that I probably should just stay away from her facebook to void things like that and she said "If we can't see each other's lives, how can we be friends? If you only focus on my relationship and avoid me because of it, everyone loses. There's so much more going on in my life other than my relationship. My kids, my business, my own personal thoughts and feelings. Don't think I haven't noticed you don't like anything I post, it's not a big deal but you don't know anything that's going on in my life either." I told her it would just be better to probably talk to me about things instead of me seeing it on facebook and such.

 

She sent me a love song the next saying it reminded her of me every time she heard it. She also sent me a song the day after by a band I'd never heard of before. I told her it sounded "Dark and Raw, I like it!" and she replied "Just like you, ergo just how I like it." and then asked me if she could call since she was on her break and she was thinking about me and wanted to talk. We talked about the things going on in her life and how her kids were doing and everything. I tried to rehash some of the things I said in the past about wanting to be there for her and her girls and stuff and kind of shut it down saying "I know, let's not drag up everything from a year ago. All I can say is we'll see." The conversation ended with her saying "I miss you, it's good to hear your voice."

 

I texted her the next day and asked if we could at least just meet for lunch soon. She said perhaps and she would look at her calendar and let me know if she was free. A couple days later I texted her about it, seeing if she had found a day we could go to lunch and she said "No not yet hon, I'm not ready for that." So I felt hurt, a year later and she still hadn't left her bf and she still wouldn't see me, but she'd call and text and say all these sweet nothings.

 

So by now my healing had done a huge back-peddling. I was crying again, thinking about the past...asking people for advice and such. Things I hadn't done for almost 6 months. I posted something on facebook about being in pain emotionally and she noticed it and messaged me, "Maybe being friends with me is too much for you. I shouldn't have opened the door back up. It's obviously only hurting you." I told her how I was feeling and how it was dragging up my old feelings pretty heavily as of late. She replied with "If [guy] and I break up, I will be in contact. But for now I will keep my distance. No mixed messages that way." I said I knew it was for the best since I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions, but I was afraid I would lose her forever if I did disappear again, she replied with. "Nope. You didn't last time. It doesn't have to be all or nothing between us. We can be platonic friends." We talked for another couple minutes about it and agreed that maybe it's best if she lets me heal up. She said that she was "Saddened. This wasn't the way I was hoping this would go."

 

So here I am, a year later, back on this website looking for some form of advice or help. I know the general answer is going to be "Cut off all contact, delete her,"etc. IF anybody can give me any insight to why she's doing this, I'm all ears.

Edited by BenDamage
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IF anybody can give me any insight to why she's doing this

 

Because it feels good to have a backup plan.

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Oh please grow yourself a little self esteem and just go dark on this beeyatch!

 

Unfriend and block her on Farcebook and all other anti-social media and then change your phone number. Be a man!

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Jeeze you have some growing up to do. She dumped you feeds you a few breadcrumbs and you keeping hanging on.

 

Women are attracted to strength. You've show the complete opposite.

 

Do you like letting yourself be strung along at the whim of someone else?

 

You're the problem here. If you want a good life you'd better fix yourself.

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So long story short, my ex of 4 years(38) broke it off with me(27) a year ago because I was going through a difficult portion of my life and instead of working with me through it, she choose to let it stew and build up until she ultimately told me she wasn't happy and she was leaving. 2 weeks later she was dating a new guy and they've been together ever since.

 

Probably had him lined up well before she dumped you.

 

Now since the break-up, we've had limited contact with one another. She messages to check in, see how I'm doing, etc. Still says "I love you." or "I miss you." occasionally in a conversation. Usually this was about once a month until around February or so when she was initiating contact a little too often and it had me getting emotional, because she was being ultra sweet but still not leaving her bf and coming back. She saw that it was hurting me so she backed off.

 

You didn't have the cajoles to block her so you linger in limbo

 

Fast forward to the end of July, she ends up calling me on my birthday. She was being super sweet, talking about the past, mentioning she sees I'm doing a lot better and she's proud of my progress and such, being a little flirty. I got a little hopeful and emotional, telling her how much I've missed her and stuff and she said she had missed me too and she thinks about me pretty much every day. I asked if we could try again and she admitted that she is still with [guy], but apparently he had asked her "IF I ever leave, you're going straight back to him, aren't you?" and she said that she would and didn't bother lying about it. (And I know, that just makes me the back-up plan.)

 

Why feed on bresdcrumbs? You must have zero self respect and I'd bet she doesn't have any for you either the way you're acting.

Anyways, 2 days later she sends me a risque picture because I had asked for it and we start flirting, talking about our old sex life and how it was amazing, blah blah. I asked if there was any chance we could meet up and she said that "She would think about it, but she was hesitant to make it hard on us again." Whilst beforehand, any time I asked her to meet up she automatically said no.

 

Aww how sweet more breadcrumbs

 

We talked for a few more days. I ended up getting a little brave and going to her facebook page where I saw a picture of her and her bf at a waterpark that her and I use to frequent every summer, so I got a little emotional and texted her to kind of calm the storm. At first she got a little defensive and said "IF you need to unfriend me, it is what it is." I talked with her about how I was feeling and stuff and she told me, "Just so you know, it's hard not to think of you while I'm there and you're still the only person that's cuddled me on the lazy river. He doesn't do that, he is aloof. I've tried my best to keep anything with him in it hidden from you so you wouldn't have to see it" I told her that I probably should just stay away from her facebook to void things like that and she said "If we can't see each other's lives, how can we be friends? If you only focus on my relationship and avoid me because of it, everyone loses. There's so much more going on in my life other than my relationship. My kids, my business, my own personal thoughts and feelings. Don't think I haven't noticed you don't like anything I post, it's not a big deal but you don't know anything that's going on in my life either." I told her it would just be better to probably talk to me about things instead of me seeing it on facebook and such.

 

What she does is none of your business. Yet you keep the needy, clingy handing on. Why?

 

She sent me a love song the next saying it reminded her of me every time she heard it. She also sent me a song the day after by a band I'd never heard of before. I told her it sounded "Dark and Raw, I like it!" and she replied "Just like you, ergo just how I like it." and then asked me if she could call since she was on her break and she was thinking about me and wanted to talk. We talked about the things going on in her life and how her kids were doing and everything. I tried to rehash some of the things I said in the past about wanting to be there for her and her girls and stuff and kind of shut it down saying "I know, let's not drag up everything from a year ago. All I can say is we'll see." The conversation ended with her saying "I miss you, it's good to hear your voice."

 

More breadcrumbs that you happily lap up. What's this getting you?

I texted her the next day and asked if we could at least just meet for lunch soon. She said perhaps and she would look at her calendar and let me know if she was free. A couple days later I texted her about it, seeing if she had found a day we could go to lunch and she said "No not yet hon, I'm not ready for that." So I felt hurt, a year later and she still hadn't left her bf and she still wouldn't see me, but she'd call and text and say all these sweet nothings.

 

Playing with you like a cat with a mouse

So by now my healing had done a huge back-peddling. I was crying again, thinking about the past...asking people for advice and such. Things I hadn't done for almost 6 months. I posted something on facebook about being in pain emotionally and she noticed it and messaged me, "Maybe being friends with me is too much for you. I shouldn't have opened the door back up. It's obviously only hurting you." I told her how I was feeling and how it was dragging up my old feelings pretty heavily as of late. She replied with "If [guy] and I break up, I will be in contact. But for now I will keep my distance. No mixed messages that way." I said I knew it was for the best since I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions, but I was afraid I would lose her forever if I did disappear again, she replied with. "Nope. You didn't last time. It doesn't have to be all or nothing between us. We can be platonic friends." We talked for another couple minutes about it and agreed that maybe it's best if she lets me heal up. She said that she was "Saddened. This wasn't the way I was hoping this would go."

 

Pouring your heart out to the dumper. What's that getting you?

 

So here I am, a year later, back on this website looking for some form of advice or help. I know the general answer is going to be "Cut off all contact, delete her,"etc. IF anybody can give me any insight to why she's doing this, I'm all ears.

 

She's doing this because you let her. You really should wake up to the fact you are nothing but a meaningless someone she likes playing.

 

Wake up!!!! Their is no magic potion. You'll either make your life or continue to let others give you want they want with nothing in return.

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So she's dating someone else and texts you at the same time about how she's still in love with you and misses you.

That in itself is a huge red flag. Bet you didn't happen to think that when she was with you the possibility existed of her doing the exact samething to you.

She has no morals. And yet for some reason you choose to ignore that.

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She won't leave him because some people have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend and at the moment he is reliable and you are not. She gets sex from him and you get to be the emotional tampax. This is called monkey branching and she can't leave this guy because now she will be dealing with two hurt men. Don't you see this is about her.. not you or him.. because she is playing behind his back.

 

 

edit: You reap what you sow. Saw your last thread. You were seeing this chick when she was married. If she wasn't loyal to her husband.. what makes you think she will be loyal to you or the next guy.

Edited by Sweetfish
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Dude the fact she's texting you and sexting behind his back is a huge red flag she will do the same to u or already has.

 

Please dude grow some and fund someone who's into u

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You should have stopped all communication the moment you found out she was seeing someone else. When will you decide to cut her off? You've been munching on breadcrumbs for an entire year now. How much longer will you subject yourself to this torture?

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She's your heroin Ben. Short term pleasure, short term feeling good about life....long term pain, long term suffering.

 

someone once told me....."people will sacrifice the whole of their lives for 5 minutes of pleasure".

 

I hate you're hurting Ben. fwiw...I've been there.

 

 

another fwiw Ben.....

 

this woman flat does not respect you (and you know that...you already feel it's truth) She will completely use up anyone who'll let her. I'm sorry..

Edited by whatnot
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She's your heroin Ben. Short term pleasure, short term feeling good about life....long term pain, long term suffering.

 

someone once told me....."people will sacrifice the whole of their lives for 5 minutes of pleasure".

 

I hate you're hurting Ben. fwiw...I've been there.

 

 

another fwiw Ben.....

 

this woman flat does not respect you (and you know that...you already feel it's truth) She will completely use up anyone who'll let her. I'm sorry..

 

Thanks for your insight. I know I gotta cut her out, but it's really hard. She was my first real love and honestly was one of the best things that ever happened to me. When we first met she was head over heels for me. Chasing after me, always wanting to see me and spend time together. When we met, I didn't have much going for me. No car, no license... In short, I was a loser, but she still loved me. She taught me a lot, because of her I can drive and I bought my first car 5 years ago now. She took me on my first ever vacation. She was just a really good experience in my life and it hurts that it had to end so badly.

 

I have no doubt that she loves me, but apparently not enough to warrant wanting to come back. I guess I hang on cause I just want that feeling back. She made me feel loved and normal when I hadn't felt that my entire life.

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ExpatInItaly

OP, I might be mistaking you and your story for someone else's (and forgive me if so), but:

 

Is this woman married?

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OP, I might be mistaking you and your story for someone else's (and forgive me if so), but:

 

Is this woman married?

She was in an open marriage back when her and I were dating. She separated from her husband around the same time she broke it off with me and started a monogamous relationship with the new guy. You've commented on my old threads from a year ago. I honestly didn't expect to be back here.

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ExpatInItaly
She was in an open marriage back when her and I were dating. She separated from her husband around the same time she broke it off with me and started a monogamous relationship with the new guy. You've commented on my old threads from a year ago. I honestly didn't expect to be back here.

 

Okay, I remember now.

 

Look, she was toying with you then and she's toying with you now too. You need to stop using her a measuring stick of your own self-worth. You're hanging on for all the wrong reasons and you're only going to get hurt. Again. And again. Here you are a year later, and what's changed?

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Okay, I remember now.

 

Look, she was toying with you then and she's toying with you now too. You need to stop using her a measuring stick of your own self-worth. You're hanging on for all the wrong reasons and you're only going to get hurt. Again. And again. Here you are a year later, and what's changed?

Well honestly I had been doing really well. She stayed away for about six months and in that time I started being able to enjoy myself again. Doing my hobbies, hanging out with my friends and such and actually enjoy myself without thinking about her every second of every day. I still thought about her, but not as much and it didn't bum me out to think about her. Still missed her though.

 

This time she was initiating contact almost every day and being really sweet and flirty and I thought maybe something had shifted and maybe she was coming back, but when I realised that wasnt the case I started getting upset again and backpedaling. Like we were talking with each other the way we had back when we were together every day for like a week and a half straight. My head knew better, but my heart didn't get the memo. Saying she wants me around and to be apart of her life and to consider her thoughts and feelings. I thought maybe she was testing the waters.

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