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The farmer who broke my heart... again


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I guess I have to explain this all out and hopefully it will make me feel better in the long run but.... I got together with this guy who lived in my home town after my junior year of high school. We stayed together for 2 years and then he broke up with me last summer (right before; like literally 2-4 days before our anniversary) cause we had been having a lot of issues. He was my first boyfriend and i truly loved him. It broke my heart. Jump ahead two months later after I had been raped and we started contact again is that we got back together. He said he would be the man I deserved and he was at first but there was a lot of issues I had to work out of.

He was kind and caring about everything at first and he fell so far back in love with me he proposed without a ring saying it was the real deal. I said yes but on the account that he had to ask for real later on in the future. Jump ahead to spring semester. Still fighting a little bit cause he and I are both hard heads. He stopped losing feelings for me along with didn't have any sympathy for when I cried. Would actually get mad if I cried no matter what the reason was. Then school was about to end and he had asked me to come back home for the summer. Wanted time to live with him. Said I would move in even though I didn't really believe in moving in before marriage/proposal. Lived half way in his house / half way in my car. Was find the first month till it got to my birthday and he got drink and said he didn't wanna get married for a long time. Made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Then started complaining that I was a slob even though he wouldn't hardly help clean. Nagged him/ he nagged me. Had a lot of hurt full words towards each other. Was arguing. Move me back to college ( but was still living with him back home cause I was still working). Kept asking when I officially was gonna go back. Was acting weird and took all his stuff that was packed in my belongings cause I would keep some of his shirts at my house last year so he wouldn't have to pack every time he came. Got into little fights still. Said was tired of fighting and then we were doing fine for two days before I moved back officially. Had arguments before hand though of him going on vacation to see his bro even though I had said I wanted a small vacation with Holz coma in the day after I moved saying he was bringing me some of my clothes I left. Was acting fine. Had been kissing me and hugged me when I left day before but I felt something was odd cause he wouldn't send me pics of them like i asked cause I wanted to keep some of my stuff at his house.

Comes to my college with all my stuff that was at his house (even a small bag of pads) and I knew something was up. He then proceeded to bring in all my stuff and said we need to talk. He said he has decided to break up with me a couple weeks ago and that this was the easiest way he though to do it. He got to say good bye to my dog but I didn't his which made me upset a bit. Cried a little. Asked h why he wasn't just giving us this time apart sorta like a break. Said no cause I didn't allow a break last time he broke up with me. Said sorry and I said you wouldn't be doing this if you were sorry. Said he cared about me and stuff but I didn't asked if he loved me. Asked why he was doing this and said that he was tired of the fighting/ had to focus on his farming. I asked how I was interfering with his farming counting that I would come up there a lot to help him with it. He said had to focus on it 100% everyday. That farming was first. Said that us living together would have went the same way had we done anything different. He wouldn't listen when I said that it would have been different had we moved into a new place together instead of me feeling like I was invading his house. Said that he had to go and asked for a hug. I said no I won't be giving you a hug. He left not explaining himself more. Said that he guess we just aren't right for each other but lead me on like this just really upset me. A 3 year relationship and he didn't care to tell me his feelings. I'm really hurt now. I haven't contacted him but I contacted his mom cause he forgot one thing that was mine at his house.

What do y'all think? I felt like through this relationship that I wasn't even 2nd in his life. I felt like I was 4th or 5th which sucked. How he broke up with me felt awful and far worse. Why didn't he just break up with me the day before. I feel like he was being a coward by not telling me this before. I'm just really hurt ?

If I could talk on the phone this would have been explained a whole lot better but please tell me what y'all think. I just more so feel like a failer.

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